A/N: This is a little long. I'm kinda sorry for the slow pace of this story and wrote this as a way to thank you for your patience. I'm really into slow burns (but feel free to let me know if I'm taking that to the extreme. ;-) ) Just a quick note: I re-watched some scenes from 5x12 so some of the dialogue here is inspired by that. You all may have noticed I enjoy using lines from the canon quite differently.

5. Observations

They walked the empty school halls in silence. Rick watched the back of Michonne's head in front of him. As the last of the light from the gym refused to follow and the hallways darkened, Rick focussed not on what he was leaving behind but what lay ahead.

Carl.

He had thought himself so careful and smart but as the conflict with Lori escalated, sad, sad secrets kept inside for so long, threatened to spill out into the clear light of day. It was arrogance on both their accounts, to think that a kid at that age wouldn't notice his mother sneaking in and out of the guest room before the crack of dawn. Or that his father pulled every excuse he could out of his hat to avoid family dinners.

And what of himself, Rick wondered, what was it that he was determined not to hear? To see. Tofinally take heed. This woman before him; leading him to her classroom, with the promise of grave news regarding the emotional welfare of his boy. This mysterious woman somehow inserting herself into broken families without waiting for an invitation but because it was the right thing to do. Or the man, the friend he left behind with his son, doing the same thing in his own way – playing the surrogate father no one asked him to.

And possibly more.

Rick felt his head throb, his tired eyes welcoming the darkness but his heart wondering when things would become less so.

Once they arrived in the room, Michonne switched on a small desk lamp before pulling out a sketchbook from her drawer.

"This is Carl's, from last year." She said flicking through the pages for a second. "I asked the kids to bring them in when I first started so we could do a lesson on our art journey and inspirations."

She handed him the book and Rick took a quick look at the pages.

He'd seen this before, several colorful drawings of comic book characters, some Rick recognized as already established icons from popular books and others, original creations from his son's impressive imagination. Carl's favorites were recreated on the larger poster pages decorating his bedroom wall.

"Carl is a big fan of superheroes."

"Aren't we all." Michonne replied smiling but her tone implying there was more in store.

"Here is his book from earlier this year." She continued, handing him a second sketchbook. "Mrs. Randall, their previous teacher, wrote a couple of notes for you and Lori to see."

Sure enough, there it was – in the scratchy writing of the elderly woman – everything Rick had been trying to ignore. Underneath a chilling picture of a wailing woman with bony hands grabbing at her hollowed out cheeks, her eyes empty pits and her stringy hair filling the entire page like a web she couldn't escape.

Utter despair.

This is a still life class Carl you can draw movie monsters in your own time!

There was more, Rick flipped through the book to find many black and white pictures in the same vein. An empty baby stroller. A turned over patrol car. A house with no windows. A silhouette of a woman, hunched over as if crying, sitting in a rocker with her back to the viewer.

Inappropriate imagery. See me at break.

Rick swallowed hard before finally speaking.

"It's grim."

"It is." Michonne agreed in a soft voice.

"Now I'm all for emotional expression, but the way Carl engages with his class mates and then what is reflected in his art – it just doesn't seem very emotionally healthy."

"And you're blaming me for this."

He closed the book slowly, pushing it back into Michonne's hands as if it burned in his.

"No Rick. I'm not." She said gently placing the book on her desk before stepping closer and taking hold of his hands. Rick closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Her comforting tones couldn't reach him.

"I just wanted you to know. You should be made aware when things aren't right." She sounded like she had a story of her own to tell, a warning playing on her lips of something worse.

He felt sick. Imagining his happy little boy in a state of perpetual sadness.

Dark thoughts swirling underneath that beautiful head of dark hair.

Dark enough to do what?

Suddenly shuddering at the unthinkable places his mind had managed to go, Rick withdrew from Michonne.

"I'm sorry but I'm concerned." She said in her teacher voice, reverting to her cool professional and somewhat distant self.

Feeling the immense weight of guilt, Rick reverted to what he knew best – denial.

"We're fine." He said then stubbornly repeating himself a little louder.

"Lori and I are fine. And now I know Carl will be fine."

Michonne looked taken aback, her eyes wide and a hint of disgust forming on her face crushing Rick. Instead of speaking, she grabbed the sketchbook off the table, turned it to a page in the back and shoved it angrily into his chest.

Breathing heavily, Rick took a look.

It was a picture of a hat in a spotlight, his own sheriff's one, on the floor of what was unmistakably a representation of their living room – wrecked.

"I need to go."

It was all Rick managed to whisper before turning to escape a place that felt suffocating. Once in the hall, he stopped for a moment to catch his breath and take in what he'd just seen. A depiction of his failure in his son's eyes.

There was no ounce of doubt, the banshee like woman who kept reappearing on page after page, emanating waves of sorrow and anguish was his Lori, abandoned by a man whose vows amounted to nothing.

Despite his best efforts, his son had a front seat ticket to the breakdown of his marriage and worse, he blamed him for it.

Michonne's approaching footsteps pulled Rick out of his thoughts.

He couldn't bear to look at her. To hear her voice.

Not now. Not after this.

"I'm sorry Ms. Anthony," he said quickly turning to meet her. "I made you uncomfortable with my earlier remarks. It really was just a thoughtless comment. Thank you for showing me Carl's book but if you don't mind, I think I should return to my family."

A face full of regret and pity was staring at him.

Even in the shadowy hall they saw each other. Completely.

"What will it take for you to believe this is real?" She begged him.

Rick rubbed his face. "Stop it. Please, Michonne. Not you too."

He was sick of this, sick of the blame being laid at his feet, sick of being looked to for answers and consistently coming up with a big fat pile of nothingness. Sick of doing, sick of not.

"I'm doing my best." He yelled hoping she would listen. "For Carl's sake."

"Do you know what that's like, feeling like you're the only one trying to hold together the pieces? Grasping at something you're no longer sure exists"

Her eyes hardened. "No one asked you to just get just survive."

"What's that supposed to mean." He demanded, stepping in closer. Undeterred by the visible anger on his face, Michonne met him with a defiant expression of her own.

"Your only commitment should be to Carl and what's best for him." She said flatly and with unblinking eyes. "Everything else is an excuse."

Outraged Rick lashed out to make himself feel better.

"Why are you so interested in the state of my marriage? Why really?"

Michonne shot him the iciest look possible.

Rick stopped for a moment, recognizing how far he had gone. The woman in front of him had done nothing untoward. She attempted to alert him to a deeper issue he'd been ignoring and as thanks he decided to tear into her. Exposing his own weakness and shameless desires as a man. Projecting onto her feelings he had no way of knowing were in anyway reciprocated.

Visibly offended and deeply disappointed, Michonne shook her head before leaving him behind.

"I'm s-."

Rick began, attempting to make amends but she wouldn't hear it.

"No Rick." She said simply, turning around just once to strike him down with her words. "This is yours to deal with. Not mine."

Rick opened his mouth to speak but then decidedly shut it, settling on a remorseful nod instead.

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have other parents I need to greet." Michonne's detached teacher voice was back. "I'll make sure to come say hello to Mrs. Grimes when she arrives."

If Rick ever heard a threat, that was it.

They returned to the gym separately, Rick joining his son and best friend and Michonne disappearing into a crowd of parents and kids.

When he met up with Carl, the boy had Shane Walsh practically eating out his hand, the grown man seemed to be gushing over Carl's work and showering him with praise and attention. The kids around them looked on with envy and Carl delighted with his cool grownup cop friend.

Rick acknowledged his partner with a small nod. The childish innocent smile beaming at him as he approached was the handiwork of Shane and Rick was grateful.

He then embraced his son, kissing him on the head and squeezing a little harder than a teen would've liked to be hugged in front of an audience of peers.

"Dad." Carl whispered blushing at the gesture.

Rick smiled a little, relieved to see he hadn't emerged from that room to an entirely different world.

He was determined, at least for the time being, to leave behind the sketchbook and all the nightmares it contained.

Except reality had other plans.

It took Rick a moment to fully take in what he was seeing in front of him.

It was a charcoal drawing of two dark shadowy figures, hand in hand, with their backs to him, walking down a road. Faceless but not genderless, the figure on the right had feminine curves, the one on the left the frame of a tall, lean man. The road they were on was a clearing in a heavy forest of towering curved trees, boxing them in.

"It's called The Way Back."

"It's about how we can get lost sometimes, like Hansel and Gretel and how when things are scary, all we can do is try and find a way back."

"Ms. Anthony helped me name it." Carl admitted, Rick noticed he had a slightly sad smile on his face. "I didn't really have a name for it. I just started drawing not knowing what it was gonna be until it was finished."

Rick had no words. At least none, that wouldn't end with him shaking the shoulders of the small boy in front of him to stop.

Thankfully Shane stepped in with his own commentary.

"That's sure one hell of a picture buddy." He said clapping Carl on the back. "Deep as a bottomless well. Making the rest of the competition look like a bunch of squiggly line drawing pre-schoolers."

Carl's face turned red.

"Shane." He muttered, signalling with his eyes to the blond boy next to him.

Shane smiled awkwardly before apologizing. "Sorry. You did a great job too Kyle. Really like the use of…red in your one."

"Kevin." Rick said quietly, correcting his friend. But it was too late, the damage had been done and young Kevin was evidently unimpressed by Shane Walsh's lack of respect.

"Yeah. Kevin. That's what I said. Isn't that what I said? Anyway, great job kid."

With a sour look on his face, Kevin left to find his own parents.

"Thanks for that one Shane," Carl groaned. "I'm sure Kev's gonna mad about that for at least a week."

Shane simply shrugged. "Hey not my fault you artistic types are so damn sensitive!" He said playfully chiding Carl until he too was laughing at the incident.

Rick couldn't help but watch his son more carefully throughout the rest of the evening. The boy was doing everything Michonne had warned. Laughing louder than everyone else, talking more than anyone else. Constantly on the move as if standing still weren't an option.

It made Rick uncomfortably and by the time Lori arrived, he was surprisingly glad to see his partner. Finally! Someone he could count on being on his side. At least when it came to all matters related to Carl anyway.

"You didn't tell me it was formal wear Carl." Lori lamented as she walked up to Rick, Carl and Shane. "I would've gotten here earlier had a certain somebody warned me about the type event this was." She said pinching her son's cheek after kissing it.

Rick smiled warmly at his wife. "Yeah we didn't get the memo on that one either." He said offering his wife a warm smile and solidarity in his disapproval of Carl's absentmindedness.

Unflustered by the glares he was receiving from both his parents, the boy simply shrugged. The grin on Carl's face however was short-lived as Lori gently smacked his arm.

"Not funny Carl! I almost showed up in overalls!"

Rick noticed she had gone to great lengths to ensure she hadn't. Lori Grimes was wearing a completely new outfit – a long, flowy, white maxi dress with small red, green, and yellow flowers running up and down it. Her normally wavy hair was perfectly blow-dried straight and swept behind her confidently, revealing pale freckled shoulders as she moved in to hug Shane.

When their brief yet completely chaste embrace ended, Rick couldn't help but notice the way Lori ran her fingers through her hair, tucking the loose strands behind her ear before smiling for the man with dark eyes firmly fixed upon her.

"Still would've been the prettiest girl in the room Lor." Shane said smoothly and to Rick's horror, Lori blushed.

"Yeah mom you look amazing." Carl kindly concurred, giving his mother a confidence boost Rick was ashamed of he couldn't quite muster.

He quickly moved in to hug Lori and her lips, painted a deep red Rick hadn't seen in years, granted him an obligatory kiss on the cheek; but making sure to pull away before his own could touch hers.

With Lori finally standing close to him, Rick noticed how his already tall wife was almost towering over them all. On her feet were brown sandals with the huge chunky, block heels – sandals she once upon a time told Rick she loathed enough to bury.

She must've dug them up just for tonight.

"Prettiest girl in town."

"Maybe at one point." She said answering Shane, acting all unnecessarily coy.

Shane shook his head firmly.

"No. Always."

There was nothing particularly special about Shane's behavior, yet the way his wife was responding to it irked Rick. Thankfully, his son was there to defuse the situation. With the niceties out of the way, Carl was ready to drag Lori away and showcase his work to her.

"Mom, that's my piece!"

The boy didn't need to wait long for Lori's praise.

"It's wonderful baby. Amazing."

"It's called The Way Back." Carl said addressing all three of the adults admiring his work. "It's about finding your way back, because nothing ever changes so much that we can't. You know?"

Sadly, Lori and Shane seemed to not know but politely nodded nonetheless. Rick on the other hand, wished he didn't know as much as he did. He had all the context now, facts regarding how deep his son's unhappiness ran. Well informed, however, did not mean well-equipped to handle any of it.

"If we walked a path once, we can always walk it again. Just need something to jog our memories. You know?"

"That's really insightful of you Carl."

Rick was spared having to answer his son by the sudden arrival of Michonne who caught Carl's last words and responded with the sincere encouragement of a mentor.

She ignored Rick, walking straight past him and Shane to introduce herself to late addition to their party.

"Michonne Anthony." She said warmly extending her hand to his wife.

"Lori Grimes."

The two women meeting should've cracked open the ground under Rick's feet, causing him then to fall deep into that chasm and straight towards the hell that he knew awaited him. A hell he deserved.

But it was a quiet respectful affair. Michonne showing no desire to hurt him for his earlier transgression.

"You have a special boy Mrs. Grimes. You and Rick both."

"Call me Lori. Please." It was supposed to be friendly, but Rick knew Lori's every inflection. She was demanding the similar familiar treatment Rick had gotten from the sophisticated 'city gal' in front of her.

Rick winced a little. If left unchecked, Lori's insecurities would undo the happy family home narrative he'd been hoping to construct for Michonne. Besides, he had let the family unit down enough for the both of them tonight.

Lori deserved to come out of the evening untarnished.

"Whatever Carl does right in school, he got it from my wife. She's the genius in the family." Rick piped in, trying to play the role of the loving husband.

Lori smiled at him appreciatively, happy to play her part in the pretence. Just like a partner.

But just as soon as he commended her, Lori switched on him.

"Always the mothers, picking up that slack!"

Michonne frowned a little, as if she had suddenly become aware of what Rick was up against. Without the others noticing she shot him a sympathetic look. The look should've been comforting but it had the opposite effect.

"You're both extremely lucky to have such an amazing kid." She said diplomatically. "Regardless of who put in the work." Her clear laugh taking the mean-spirited edge right out of Lori's comment.

"Guess I shouldn't be offended." Rick added sarcastically, feeling every bit as petty as Lori in that moment and unable to mask it.

"You shouldn't be." Michonne said, looking him dead in the eye. Her eyes telegraphed an apology for their tense earlier interaction and the sincerity eased Rick's mind. He was feeling fragile, his life an act and now he found out that his son was in on the charade.

Tonight, had been devastating.

Or it should've been.

Michonne's soft eyes connecting with his told him another tale.

The conversation about the joys of parenting continued without him. With Shane now unapologetically acting as a placeholder for him, an overwhelmed Rick checked out.

Then the party moved on, setting up camp by the refreshment table.

Leaving him with his thoughts.

All but Michonne.

Left together Rick took the opportunity to speak his mind and make amends, but she stopped him.

"Don't apologize." She said surprising him.

Rick frowned, and after a moment of contemplation she boldly placed a soothing hand on his shoulder, adding in a low pressing whisper. "Just do something. Whatever it takes to get there. Just as long as you get there."

She was pointing at his son.

"When you first came to town and got to know Carl. What did you hear him say about me?"

"Nothing."

"And Shane?"

There was a pause on her end and Rick filled in the blanks for himself.

"Sometime tomorrow or the day after, I'll be outside my home. And without seeing inside or calling ahead, I'm gonna have to decide to open that door." Rick admitted, his voice hoarse and fraught. He was leaning against a wall for support he hadn't anticipated on needing.

Michonne nodded, her eyes no longer hesitant about meeting his own unblinking ones.

"You asked me before what it would take for me to believe what's happening is real. The truth is, I'm not sure that anything can convince me to go in there. To find out."

Rick took a step forward, bridging the gap between them before speaking once more.

"But I'm gonna see." He promised her and only her. "I'm gonna see."

Michonne simply nodded, relief washing over her face for a moment before being replaced by a more sombre look.

"The struggle. You gotta let it go."

"I know it's hard. After it's kept you warm, your family together. Kept your vows alive. But the struggle – turns on you. Eats away at what was there. What you thought you were fighting for in the first place. You gotta let it go. It's the only way to find your way back to where you need to be. With Carl."

"That's what you were trying to tell me, back in the classroom. What to risk. What's actually important." Pausing to inhale deeply, Rick looked away before continuing. "I thought I knew what it meant. What being a father – a husband meant. But the rules keep changing."

For better or worse…

Or hushed phone calls…

Or hard to explain receipts from never explained solo trips to Atlanta…

Or the tall unmistakable figure of his best friend, not sick in his own bed, but slinking out of Rick's house, in the middle of the day.

Michonne smiled sadly as if suddenly overcome by poignant pain. "They did for me."

He wanted to ask her exactly how, but he never got the chance. They were interrupted by loud yells from Carl, calling them to come join him at the refreshment table.

Carl. Lori.

And Shane.

A pretty enough picture to challenge the ones on any billboard or in any shopping catalogue.

To challenge the one sitting framed on his desk.

Feeling an unexpected wetness in his eyes, Rick turned to Michonne.

"Before we get going. I gotta take a moment."

Understanding, the woman before him nodded. Instead of waiting with him, she made her way to the join the rest of the company first, buying him that moment.

Rick waved his fingers weakly, with the last of his strength forcing one final grin for the sake of his son.

His tired eyes then turned to his beautiful bride, the woman he built a life with these last twenty-two years. The only girl he ever loved; now laughing brightly at a joke told by a man he trusted above anyone else. A good joke, Rick was sure of it, one that would've reduced him to tears too.

Shane loved to tell dumb cop jokes.

Rick sat and waited for a moment longer than he needed to. The strength returned to his body with each breath, his eyes hardened and the salt water turning to steel. The punchline came and went without him needing to hear it.

He knew enough.

When the laughing stopped, he walked over slowly to meet the people who had made a fool out of him for long enough.

"You're here." Lori said her face smug and uglier than he ever remembered it being. "We weren't sure if you'd come back."

Shane placed a careful hand on Lori's shoulder, a small brief action powerful enough to command her attention and relax, suddenly forsaking her planned attack on her no good husband.

There was a pause, a friendly grin on Shane's face clearly waiting to be thanked.

Had Shane known the extent of the hatred in his best friend's heart, he'd know that he was the one who needed to express gratitude; simply for still having the use of the limb with which he made the fateful mistake of latching onto Lori Grimes.

"I was just telling everyone about that time whe –"

"You need to go."

Shane didn't blink for a second at Rick's icy interruption.

Carl however, was openly disturbed by the foreign fury on his father's face.

"Dad?"

"Go."

Shane's smiles were getting difficult to maintain. "Hey buddy, I don't know what's up with you bu –"

"Now and quietly." Rick growled.

He could feel his wife's body tense beside him and when Shane turned to Lori for even the slightest indication of support, Rick had to fight the devil himself not to put his best friend in the ground. Right here. Right now.

In a several torn parts and in front of all these damn kids.

He was pleased to see his wife had at least some sense left not to respond.

Rubbing his head, frustrated and confused Shane rocked uncomfortably. Taking glances at Carl, then Lori and then back to Carl he waited for someone to say something more.

Finally, he straightened his back, staring down Rick directly in hope something more would be said between them.

Turned to stone, Rick remained silent, numb to even Carl who continued to desperately tug at his father's shirt.

Shane let out a sigh signalling defeat.

"Your dad is right kid." He said with a perfectly manufactured smile to comfort the young boy. "I – I got something I need to go do. Work."

Unconvinced but unable to argue with either men, Carl instantly twisted towards his mother, hoping to try the softer of the three.

Rick remained unmoved despite seeing the color drain from Lori Grimes's carefully bronzed cheeks as their son looked for answers.

"What's happening?"

The already small voice was microscopic, unable to reach any ears after being crushed to nothingness under the weight of the tension Rick had created.

Shane didn't stay long. After a rushed, uncharacteristically solemn goodbye the man was gone, leaving behind the Grimeses to pick up the pieces.

Next Michonne, who had been forgotten by everyone but a bewildered Carl who just lost one grownup to turn to, made her own excuses and left.

It was the act of her looking straight past his son that snapped Rick out of his rage induced fugue state. She looked spooked, Rick thought, noticing her face just before she deserted them. At first, he attributed it the ethical dilemma and the uncomfortable burden of realizing some of the details surrounding Carl's family problems but being unable to tell the boy.

However, Rick was wrong.

It was some entirely different family drama that had unnerved her.

The sudden and apparently unexpected arrival of Carol Peletier sans Sophia Peletier. To Michonne, the sunken in eyes staring from across the gym had the weighty pull of a terrible star.

Unable to press time out on his own crisis but unwilling to fully commit to it now – Rick's attention became divided. Sensing his hesitation and choosing to view it as being granted a so-called stay of execution, Lori took her son by the hand and departed, immediately cooking up the latest lies for Carl to swallow.

Rick stayed. The Cop inside him beating out The Husband and Father.

Watching the two women standing deep under shadows of the gym bleachers, he noticed Michonne clutch at that disturbing signature brown bag a little more tightly. Their interaction, lasting a mere minute, was one wholly made up of frantic whispers. It ended in Michonne unclasping the bag and her right hand disappearing inside.

Carol's eyes flashed with fear, her trembling hands shooting up ready to meet Michonne's, only relaxing slightly upon seeing the hand return empty.

In the end, arms linked, as a show of strength against an unknown enemy, they hurriedly exited together – leaving Rick Grimes suddenly with a second decision made for him tonight.

It was finally time to seriously start worrying about what exactly it was that Carol Peletier and Michonne Anthony were intending to get involved in.

A/N: And there you have it...finally making way for some action. Though dont get too excited. Slooooooowbuuuuuuurn!

Thank you for all the overwhelming love! Your reviews mean everything, they're so insightful and I love reading them. Feel free to drop me messages on tumblr gimmetheheadcanons so I can get into it all with you! This story exists because you guys are legitimately the best.