Lovino didn't want to wake up that morning. He felt a growing hatred for the light coming in through his window. He hated that it got light out so early - it was only 6 after all. The sky was mostly cloudy and dull, but it still managed to be so damn bright.
Turning over, Lovino turned his alarm on his phone off. He could hear his brother getting up in the next room, humming to himself cheerfully if a bit sleepily. Feliciano hated getting up early just as much as Lovino, but somehow found a way to always get ready in time for the bus anyway.
Well, not always. Sometimes Lovino would have to drive him to school, which Lovino hated. He did have a driving license, but driving in the morning when he would much rather be fast asleep? Not the best start to the day.
Somehow, Lovino doubted he would even be able to get out on time today, even if he managed to get out of his bed.
'What's the point?' Lovino thought, staring up at his ceiling. 'There's no one expecting me to be there. Hell, if anything, most of my classmates would be relieved not to see me today.'
Skipping school wasn't something he did often. At least, it didn't use to be, but in the last few weeks... let's just say he'd be surprised if he actually passed this year of school.
Somehow, that didn't bother him as much as it should.
"Hey, Lovi? Are you up?" says Feliciano. Lovino hadn't noticed him entering the room. He was already dressed and even had his backpack in hand. How the hell did he get ready so fast?
"Yeah yeah, what do you want?" Lovino grumbled, sitting up just enough to be able to see Feliciano's face better.
"Oh, you are!" He smiled, "I was just about to leave…" Shit. Lovino glanced at his clock again. The bus would be here any minute, and somehow the time just managed to slip by him completely without his notice or his consent.
"...I'll just drive myself to school, go ahead." Feliciano paused, his eyebrows scrunching up. He didn't seem to trust Lovino on that, and he really didn't have too much reason to with the way things have been going as of late.
Still, Feliciano put on a smile, pushing down any worry he felt about Lovino and wished him a good morning. "I'll see you at school!" chirps Feliciano before leaving.
To his credit, Lovino did get up and did get dressed. It was just two hours before school ended. He honestly wasn't even sure what he spent so much time doing.
Lovino's phone buzzed loudly on the table, startling him.
It was a text message from Feliciano. He picks up his phone, quickly unlocking it. Lovino opens the message. "Lovi :( where r u? u coming? ;;"
Lovino looks around. His bag was still packed, so he slung it over his shoulder. After looking around, he manages to find his keys and drops them in his pocket for later. He'll definitely be driving.
"Yeah. Leaving now, don't worry so much"
His eyes stopped on a cliff side on the way to school, just a bit passed his road. His thoughts quickly went to a dark place. Lovino sped up before he could think too much about pulling over. He needed to get to school, make sure he at least got his homework, and make sure Feliciano wasn't too worried about him. There was a painful throb in his chest, and he didn't dare look back at the cliff on the side of the road.
Lovino barely made it in time for his 5th period. He rushed in the door as the bell rung-everyone had already sat down, and their eyes were drawn to Lovino. Fuck. He blushed a bright red and hurried to his seat.
The class passed by in a blur. He made sure to write down the homework in his phone notes - not that he really believed that he was going to do it - before leaving.
"Lovino! You're here!" All of the sudden he was being tackled in a hug. It was a surprise attack, a dirty trick.
It was Feliciano. Lovino shrugged him off after a few seconds, mumbling something about "brothers being too clingy" and perhaps a few choice words to go along with it, but there wasn't any real bite in his voice, so Feliciano's smile never faltered.
"Yeah, I'm here, so don't make me regret it, dammit," said Lovino, not really meaning any of it. His mind constantly berated him for all the things he hadn't done this morning - a list including, but not limited to: getting no homework done, not getting to school on time, not putting much effort into passing, not cleaning up, etc. - so having Feliciano being supportive and at least putting up with him?
That wasn't as awful as he was trying to make it out to be.
"Of course, of course!" Feliciano giggled, agreeing. The two of them walked through the crowded hallway slowly and Feliciano began to recount what had happened that day to Lovino, who was only half paying attention.
They managed to get to the last class before the bell had rung, much to Lovino's relief. It was way out on the other side of the school in a grouping of portables, so they'd been late before. Lovino quickly found his seat and looked up at the board.
Fuck. A substitute.
Just after the start of the year, Lovino changed his name officially in the school system. For some reason, however, the substitutes would occasionally get old class lists with the wrong name on them.
Lovino did not need that today. He sent a glance behind him to the left where Feliciano sat, hoping to signal his distress. His brother was much better at correcting the situation than he was.
However, he was talking to a group of his stupid annoying friends. Damn it…
Lovino closed his eyes as wished himself out of the class room, his eyebrows creasing his forehead in concentration. It didn't work.
The bell rung, signaling the start of class and startling Lovino from his wishful thinking. The substitute introduced herself, but Lovino couldn't remember her name the minute after she said it. He sat as she called the names of his classmates, a mixture of resignation and dread clouding his mind.
She called Feliciano's name first and then paused. When she called the next name, it wasn't his own. Lovino's face went red, and the room suddenly felt way too hot.
"It's, u-uh, it's Lovino," he said. He could feel the stares of his classmates on him.
"Oh?" The substitute checked her list again. "That's not what it says here, are you sure you're listed in this period? Here, would you like me to-"
Feliciano cut her off. "No, he's in the right place, that list just uses an old name!" He smiled, and the teacher nodded. Lovino was still shaking, completely humiliated. They were pretty much the last on the list, so the substitute went on after she finished entering attendance. Lovino couldn't bring himself to pay attention, instead replaying the moment again and again in his head.
Shit, he was nearly on the brink of tears, and he didn't want to make a bigger scene than he already had.
As they were given a bit of free time to do work, some of the students began to move, switching seats or walking around the room to grab something. Feliciano walked over, stopping in front of Lovino's desk.
"Hey, you okay?" He was biting back a long rambling apology - half of it was things he probably had absolutely nothing to do with, Lovino assumed - but he just didn't have the energy to hear it.
He didn't want some stupid apology from his brother, he didn't want a stupid email from his stupid school counselor about how this would "not happen again" and that she "had no idea why it happened". No, Lovino didn't want any of it.
The only thing he wanted to do right now was leave. So that's what he did.
Lovino stood up, ignoring his brother's halfhearted protests, and walked out the door. He didn't hear the confused whispers of the other people in his class. He didn't hear the substitute yelling after him, or the person in the halls asking if he was alright. He didn't hear any of it, and he didn't want to hear any of it.
He shoved the front doors to the school open and walked out. There were bike racks, mostly empty, but a few were chained to it. Lovino noticed a familiar looking red bike; it was his, and it wasn't locked. He didn't even remember that he forgot to pick it up, however many weeks ago it was that he rode it here. He looked towards the parking lot, but his eyes were too blurry to see very well.
Lovino wiped his face, he was crying. He got on the bike, vaguely remembering the warning they were given in driver's ed about not driving when too emotional, as it was considerably more dangerous. Lovino didn't care much about his own safety, but he wasn't enough of an asshole as to want anyone else to get hurt because of him.
Lovino started peddling and the world felt like it was falling apart. He was most definitely panicking. Everything that had been piling up for the last - what, months? Years? - all of it came back to flood his mind.
The sign that marked his street came into view. He recognized it even without being able to read the words clearly. Instead of taking a right onto his street he veered off to the left.
He entered a different neighborhood he only vaguely recognized. He slowed down. The road, though paved, was littered with an occasional pothole. The air smelled like salt. Vaguely he recognized the mint green house on the corner, from the time he went to the beach with his brother and some of his friends.
That hadn't quite gone how he'd wanted. He tried to push the memory to the back of his mind, but it just overflowed with the rest of his tumultuous thoughts.
He stopped and set his bike in the grass. Oceans crashed against the cliffside, and he decided to sit and… think. Maybe watching the water would clear his thoughts or some shit like that.
It turns out, it didn't have that effect. In some ways he did feel calmer - he wasn't crying anymore at least. It wasn't a peaceful calm, but it wasn't quite the numbness that he had felt these last few weeks either.
There was still something inside him that hurt desperately, but the outside of him was still, decided.
Lovino dangled his feet over the edge of the cliff, goose bumps forming on his skin. It wasn't a nice day out, but he was dressed like it could be. But he wasn't convinced it was simply the cold. Thoughts ran through Lovino's head, thoughts that made his stomach flutter anxiously.
You could jump, he thought. You'd drown, or get slammed against the rocks. Feli would never have to see you dead, the ocean would carry you away
A pang of guilt struck him, thinking about Feliciano. But he has so many other people that care about him. You don't. He'd move on easy enough.
Lovino stood, just a few inches from the edge when a voice startled him.
"Um, hi! It's kind of raining a lot, well, at least a bit-I mean you can see that of course-so I was wondering if you wanted to borrow my jacket," said a brown haired stranger. He looked only slightly familiar, and about his age. Was it someone from his school? How long had he been out here anyways? And why the hell did this guy think he needed to talk to him, anyway?
In his surprise, Lovino snapped. "What the fuck? What kinda weirdo comes up and offers their goddamn jacket to a fucking stranger, huh?!"
"Oh, sorry! Just, my house is pretty close and I don't know where you live but if you're going to be standing here, a jacket would probably help you more, yeah?" He paused, looking a bit unsure. Lovino didn't understand what this guy's deal was, who did this sort of thing? Was it some sort of random acts of kindness bullshit? "And uh, I'm Antonio!"
"…it's Lovino," he said, feeling at least a bit obligated to share his name, even if it is a weirdly annoying (nice) stranger.
"Do you want the jacket Lovi," Antonio offers, taking it off. The bastard hadn't even waited for an answer, Lovino thinks.
"Can you not fucking hear? Lovino. And no, I don't need your dumb jacket anyways, it would be-yeah." It would be a waste giving it to him if he was just going to go and jump anyway, and didn't he know better than to give people things who were just going to waste it?
"Oh. So, uh, what are you doing here? I don't think I've seen you before, si?" Lovino fought the urge to roll his eyes. If he was done trying to do some kind deed, couldn't he just leave Lovino alone?
"I've biked passed here before," he shrugged as if it wasn't a very big deal at all. He's not sure how well he pulled it off, but Antonio doesn't seem to see through him yet. "And I felt like watching the ocean, so what?" Lovino knew he was sounded too defensive, but hopefully, Antonio would just chalk it up to his (shitty) personality. That and his presumably red and puffy eyes to the wind.
"During a rainy day like this?" Antonio looked confused, his head tilting a bit to the right. He seemed to shake the confusion off - much to Lovino's relief- and changed the subject. "Do you know Feliciano? You two look a lot alike!"
"He's my brother, so yeah, I know him," said Lovino, tensing up. Of course, Antonio knew Feliciano, of course, he would associate him with his brother. His brother, who actually had things like friends, talents, and passing grades.
"Oh, really? That makes sense then I guess!" Lovino's gaze snapped back to Antonio. He didn't realize that they had wandered back over the cliff. Couldn't this guy just hurry up and leave? He was making this whole thing so much harder as doubt began to infiltrate his mind.
"No shit, idiot. So are you planning on staying out in the rain talking to someone you don't know, or are you going to leave, huh?" Part of Lovino was beginning to hope he would stay, but that wasn't a hope he wanted to have right now.
"Well, you're not too much of stranger anymore, your name is Lovi, I know your brother, and we go to the same school! Besides, talking to you more would make you less of a stranger, si?" Antonio was looking at him fondly like he could be a friend. The thought panicked him. Lovino didn't make friendships, more often he ruined them. He always got hurt, so how dare this bastard imply they were anything less than two strangers who happened to meet by the ocean?
"Look, bastard, I didn't ask for you to come offer me your dumb jacket, I didn't ask for you to try to be my damn friend or talk about my brother!" Lovino's voice came out biting, he wanted this guy to leave, and quickly. He wouldn't convince himself to jump if Antonio kept this up. If this stranger kept this up.
There was a moment of silence, the air seems to crackle with electricity for Lovino - or maybe that was the oncoming storm. But before Antonio could open his mouth to say something that might make him change his mind, Lovino struck.
"You're just being annoying, alright? So just go away, and leave me the hell alone, because I never asked for you to fucking talk to me!" he was getting desperate, breathing heavily. It still felt like he couldn't get enough air.
"Ah, yeah, sorry for bothering you then," said Antonio. His voice was quieter, lacking some of the brightness that it had before. Lovino pretended not to notice the way Antonio's eyes got a little watery as he turned away.
This is what I wanted, he told himself.
Still, he wasn't sure if it was relief or terror that filled him as he turned away to stare at the ocean. Mentally he was preparing himself for it. Antonio bumping into him was too close, he couldn't afford to think about this much longer, and as soon as Antonio was gone he needed to -
He heard footsteps approach, and then stop. Lovino turned around to find Antonio standing there. He wasn't expecting this.
"What more do you want?" Lovino's voice was tired.
There was a tense moment of silence while Antonio seemed to think. Lovino felt like he was about to burst. He recognized the look he had, it was one Lovino had seen on Feliciano several times before.
He knew, but he didn't want to. Shit. This was going to ruin everything -
"Why do I get the feeling you're going to jump as soon as I leave…?"
I actually got this done! It's a little late on Friday, but it's definitely still Friday. This chapter is a bit longer, so hopefully, that makes up for it? Thank you to everyone who stuck around after the first chapter and came back, and welcome to anyone new!
If things go according to plan, there will probably only be one more chapter. Do you guys have a preference of who's perspective it follows? Let me know, and also let me know how I did with writing Lovino! I make him deal with so many of my problems, but I promise, I really do love him.