April 13th, 1912 - 8:30pm
A dark void of depression over Ned's future began to swallow him again as he watched Katherine leave, ignoring his pleas for her to wait and let him explain. He looked helplessly at Claire, the tears in his eyes threatening to fall.
"I'm so sorry, Ned," Claire whispered, looking away from him and to the floor. She'd tried her best to keep Mrs. Banks from the suite for as long as she could, but she'd run out of excuses for where Ned might've been.
"You're sorry?" His mother snapped, slapping the girl's face. "You stupid girl! He is the one who should be sorry..." She turned to him, walking up him and backhanding him. It was sharp as it had been the afternoon he'd gone swimming with Katherine. "I can't believe you just slept with some dirty, lower-class whore when he is engaged to a beautiful woman like Claire! You couldn't wait until you were married in America? You stupid man.. just like your father... to sleep with a whore."
His hands clenched into fists at hearing his own mother call Katherine that. "She is not some whore, Mother!" He screamed, making her jump back in surprise. "I love her and father would have never..."
His mother scoffed. "You do not love that stupid girl. You just had some masculine needs and found some whore who would attend to them for you. Just like your father would have." It took all of his self-control not to hit her. Not get her to shut up somehow. His father would have never done that. "Ugh…even this room smells of sex." She waved her hand before her nose. "Who knows how many men that wretched girl has been with."
He was about to lash out when he heard the door open and a man strolled in. It was Claire's father, he went to stand next to him, her strong hand on his bicep, holding him back. "What's going on in here?" the man asked, as he took in Ned's near nakedness, the messy bed, and his mother's anger.
"What are you doing here, father?" Claire asked.
"I heard shouting, and thought I better make sure everything was alright," he replied casually.
"We don't need your help," his mother hissed.
Mr. Smith ignored her and directed his attention to me. "What's going on, son?" Ned looked at him helplessly, feeling his hopelessness overcoming his fury at his mother.
"That is none of your business!" His mother cried, stepping between them.
"Would you just calm down and let me talk to the boy? Seems like he needs a man to talk to since he has no others in his life!" Mr. Smith hollered. "And if this is so serious, it involves me. He is to marry my daughter, is he not?"
They continued bickering back-and-forth as Ned drifted back to the bed and sat down heavily, putting his head in my hands. What had he done
He couldn't bear the thought of not seeing Katherine again. He felt a lump rise in his throat. Suddenly, the bickering stopped and he realized he was alone with Mr. Smith. He plopped down on the bed next to him and offered Ned his flask.
He took it without hesitating and a quick drink. He felt his mouth twist at the vile taste, but the numbing effect was welcome. "What happened?" Mr. Smith asked, taking the flask back.
He sighed, pushing back the urge to cry. He could not cry in front of him. "My mother caught me in bed with Katherine," he was worried how he might react, but the man nodded.
"I sensed you were being forced into all this mess," Mr. Smith nodded. "That's how most marriages work these days."
"I lost Katherine in the crossfire," he muttered. "I really lost her."
Mr. Smith's brow furrowed. He didn't say anything for a long time. Just when Ned didn't think he could take the silence anymore the man began, "I never planned on telling you this, but I think you ought to know." He paused and took a breath. "Before I married– I was in love with a girl like you were."
He looked at him in surprise. "What?"
"I had grown up with her actually, but one day my father told me I was to be the captain of his ship and I had to pick between the poor farm girl or a better life. It nearly killed me, but I left her." He took another swig. "I met Claire's mother not long after and I say… take the chance on love." He took another swig as Ned continued to stare at him, listening intently. "I felt so guilty for hurting Emily, especially when her sister had just died, but I just kept thinking about the money." Ned put his head in his hands miserably. "Don't give up, kid. That girl has been through hell and worse. She's had everyone looking down on her since birth, and now this happened. You only have to explain yourself to her. Let her know she hasn't lost you."
He scoffed. "But how do I do that when she doesn't want me to talk to her?"
"Make her listen! Do whatever you have to," Mr. Smith exclaimed. "Convince her that you love her, and want to be with her, son, because if you don't want to marry Claire… then you shouldn't. You should marry for love. That's what I've always told my little girl."
He sighed loudly and put his head in his hands again. "But my mother.."
"Right…your Mother." The man muttered.
He nodded miserably. "How do I get away from her?"
Mr. Smith was silent for a moment. "Forget her. You need to be happy, and Katherine needs to be happy. That isn't going to happen if you let your mother control everything you do. I'll talk to my wife, make her understand that Claire will find the right man, you can handle your mother, alright?"
"But how do I get her to understand that she can't control me?" He asked.
"By not letting her! And by telling her that she can't!" Mr. Smith explained. "Wouldn't you do anything for this girl?" He nodded earnestly. "Then do this for her."
"But my mother just…she just knows how to control me," he protested.
"How does she control you?" Mr. Smith asked, locking eyes with Ned.
"She – she uses my father against me," he sighed, looking away from Claire's father's piercing eyes. "She says that I can make the Banks me well known and respected. That Father would want that. I know he would. He would hate me for hurting my mother like this."
Mr. Smith looked at Ned for a moment then responded, "You were close to your father, huh?"
"Yes. I miss him very much." He nodded.
Mr. Smith put his hand on Ned's shoulder, forcing him to look at him. "If your father is anything like you, then I can promise you that what your mother is doing to you would not make him happy."
He was silent for a moment as he considered this. Would his father really be that concerned with his family name being in the upper-class realms of the business world? Or would he want him to be happy?
He knew the answer. And he cursed himself for not realizing it before. Of course, his father would want me to be happy. He would want me to make a name for himself doing something with someone he loved. He could still make the Banks name known and respected, but in a different way than his mother wanted.
That's what his father would want for him. What he would want for all of the Banks boys. Mr. Smith must have seen his eyes light up as he realized all of this. The man smiled gently at him. "Go find your girl. Do what I couldn't," Mr. Smith said as he took another swig from his flask. "My work here is done."
He chuckled as he stood up to finish getting dressed. Once he pulled on his dinner coat, Mr. Smith made his way toward the door. "Hey," the man turned to him as he opened the door. Ned stopped buttoning his coat and looked up at him expectantly. "Get the maids to change the sheets. It smells like sex in here."
Ned blushed furiously as he hollered at him to get out. He left, closing the door behind him. Ned could hear him snickering at himself the whole way. Ned shook his head. After he had finished fixing his hair, he opened the door and walked into the parlor. He strode toward the door to the suite until he was stopped by a voice behind him.
"And where do you think you are going, Ned?" His mother hissed.
He took a deep breath before he turned around and replied, "To find Katherine."
His mother laughed condescendingly as if he had just told a stupid joke. "I don't think so," his mother said lowly, her eyes locking on him.
Ned swallowed and said, "You can't control me anymore, Mother. I'm an adult. I can do as I please."
His mother's eyebrows rose slightly, but she didn't look surprised like he had expected. "I thought you might say that now that I've caught you," she replied in a voice that made him nervous. She was clearly expecting this and had a plan. "You see," his mother began. "I've known for quite some time about your sneaking around with this poor girl. Katherine, right?" She said her name like she was spitting rotten food out of her mouth continued, "I was hoping that you would leave the girl before I had to intervene, but clearly you need some guidance." She took a step toward him and he took a deep breath. He was going to stand his ground. He had to. He loved Katherine. "I have plans for you, Ned. Great plans. And I would hate for all of my meticulous planning to go to waste. So I've installed some precautions to keep you on the right track."
"What do you mean?" He asked, his voice slightly shaky. He cursed himself for it.
She stepped toward him until she was directly in front of Ned. She reached out her hand and he flinched instinctively, expecting her to slap him. But instead, she reached behind him and opened the door to their suite. She spun around to see two crew workers forced their way into the suite.
He narrowed his eyes in confusion. "What's going on?" He asked, looking from the crew workers and back to his mother. "Well, Ned, I was going through my clothes the other day and I noticed my bathing suit was missing." His mother paused as if she were waiting for him to remember.
His eyes widened as he remembered that Ned had never returned her bathing suit after he had given it to Katherine to wear in the pool. And now that she mentioned it, he realized Katherine come out of the locker room without it as she was too eager to get away after Marvel had caught them.
Upon seeing his realization, she continued, "I thought, well where would a bathing suit be used but for the pool? So I asked around until some crew workers informed me of a strange instance." He gulped. What was his mother going to do with this information? Was she going to get Katherine into trouble? "They said that they had seen that a young man with blond hair like you entering the pool alone one day, but that later he had exited with a woman of the lower-class, and they had never seen enter," his mother stated smugly. "As you know, people of the lower-class are not to be in the pool. So they did an inspection of the locker room to see if anything had been stolen and found a bathing suit. They had heard that I was missing one and brought it to me, to see if it was mine. And it was. And I had never worn it." Her eyes stared into his. "As I could only deduce that the blond young man could be you and that the lower-class woman was the whore you've been sneaking around with, I am forced to report that my bathing suit had been stolen. And I have witnesses who will identify the thief."
He drew in a breath. "Mother," he began sharply. "You wouldn't dare do that."
She cut him off. "Now there is no need to require her arrest…that is if you choose to forget her and cooperate with me." She stared at him intensely, and he stared back with equal ferocity.
How could she do this to him? Her own son?
"If you really care about this whore, Ned," his mother warned. "Then I would cooperate if I were you. It would be bad for her to be arrested. She would be doomed a terrible life in America. Is that what you want?"
He was trapped. What could he do? Of course, he could never let Katherine be arrested. She would be treated harshly, being of the lower-class. And she would lose everything.
After all, they had been through, he couldn't bear do that to her. He sank down onto the sofa as his mother triumphed over me, the crew workers from the pool that day standing behind her as if to reinforce her threat to Katherine. "Now forget about this whore, you stupid boy. She is not worth your love, my son," his mother stated. "You're marrying Claire, and nothing you do will change that."
Katherine must have been standing by the railing at the stern of the ship for most of the night by now. The air was freezing but her anger kept her blood hot. Eventually, however, that had begun to give way to the deep sadness and betrayal she was feeling.
How had she been so stupid? Why had she allowed herself to be so open with an upperclassman? Of course, all he wanted was to fulfill his needs. But Ned had to be different, a small voice at the back of her mind said.
She felt tears leak out of her eyes. She really thought she felt something for him. That he had loved her. She thought they had a connection. She had never had that with anyone before…and now it just turned out to be a lie. It was all a lie.
She began to feel sick again. She couldn't believe she'd let herself give in to him. She stayed at the stern until the first streaks of dawn began to appear on the horizon. The sun hits way out of the deep, black waters.
It occurred to her that the last time she saw the sun she was about to give herself to Ned. She cringed, feeling dirty again. She shifted and felt the soreness between her legs, evidence of their actions.
She didn't think she could even think of their time together happily anymore. As she was just deciding that she should leave, she heard soft footsteps behind her. She whirled around, half-expecting to see Ned there. But it was worse. It was Claire.
The rising sun gown shimmer and her hair glow. The young woman looked breathtaking – as much as Katherine loathed to admit it. She opened her mouth to begin spewing curses and insults at her for betraying Daniel the way she had when she put her hands up defensively. "Please," Claire began. "Please, just listen to me."
Katherine could still feel her fury bubbling but clamped her mouth shut.
Claire took this as a sign to continue and took a deep breath before she said, "Ned wasn't lying to you. And I'm not lying to Daniel. I promise." She narrowed her eyes at her, indicating that she didn't believe her. How could she? "I guess…I guess in a way Ned and I are engaged. But not because we want to be. This is only my grandmother's ring. My mother told me to wear it like this until Ned decided if he wanted to marry me." She paused and sighed. "Our mother's are forcing this on us. I like Ned, I do, but I love Daniel. And I know that Ned loves you, Katherine."
Claire's eyes that almost matched the conviction in the same way Ned's bore into hers. The conviction with which she spoke banished the thought from her mind that she was lying. "If that's true," Katherine said through gritted teeth. "Then why didn't just he tell me?" She sighed and looked out to the ocean where the sun had revealed more of itself above the ocean waters.
"He was scared, Katherine," Claire said softly.
"Scared of what?" She asked, incredulous. "Of losing you."
"Why should he be afraid of losing me?" She asked.
"Well, I don't know you very well. But I know that if a man I had fallen in love with told me his parents were forcing him to marry someone else, I might walk away from him." She considered Claire's words. She was right. She was sure she probably would have done the same thing…but probably more angrily than now. "He still should have told me," she mumbled stubbornly.
Claire bobbed her head. "I agree. But look at it from his perspective. He is completely in love with you. Don't walk away from him. It would ruin him. He's already lost enough."
She understood the feeling of losing a lot. She thought about a future without Ned in it and realized she couldn't imagine it. In everything, she pictured, he was there. "What should I do?" She whispered.
Claire smiled gently at her, the bright hues of the sunrise making her eyes shine. "Go find him."
"But what about his mother?" She asked quietly as if his mother was listening to their conversation.
Claire's smile fell. "Ugh…that woman." She paused for a moment, thinking. "It might be tricky to search him out. His mother will surely be watching him very closely now. You go somewhere only he can find you."
She felt a smile tug at her lips. "I know just the place." Claire smiled back at her before she turned back to the sunrise. "So, have you told Daniel? About you and Ned and your mother's plans?"
Claire's eyes fell and she replied, barely above a whisper, "I am going to now."
She nodded. "Good."
"Will…will he leave me?" the woman asked timidly.
She considered a moment. She hardly knew Daniel, but from the times she'd seen him, he seemed genuine. "He might be angry at first, but I don't think he will leave you. He seemed fiery but logical. He'll listen." She could visibly see Claire's shoulders droop with relief as she nodded.
They were silent once more as they gazed out at the sunrise, which was now casting bright colors across the dark waters.
"Well, I should be going," Claire said after several minutes.
She nodded. "Me too." As she began to walk away, Katherine called after her. "Claire!" The girl turned back to him. "Thank you," she said genuinely.
Claire smiled with a warmth that matched the sunrise and said, "Go find Ned."
"I will," she nodded.
That next morning when Ned joined his mother for breakfast, he couldn't even look at her without feeling bile rise in his my throat. The smug smile she wore on her lips didn't help much. He attempted to eat, but everything made him feel nauseated.
He settled on just drinking a few steaming cups of coffee, which helped some of the grogginess he was feeling after his sleepless the night before. He had lain in bed the whole night, tossing and turning. He tried to push away the dark void of my depression, but eventually, Ned let it take him hostage.
The night was consumed with horrible thoughts of the future his mother had planned for me. He could see no hope. He couldn't live with a loveless marriage. He vaguely wondered how Claire was being persuaded to leave Daniel and marry him. Undoubtedly, his mother must have pulled some strings to get her way, and he was hardly sure Mr. Smith would go along with it.
The thought also crossed his mind of how his mother had dealt with the embarrassment of finding her son in bed with a lower-class woman who wasn't his fiancée. But he realized he didn't care. If his mother had anything else to worry about regarding the incident, she didn't let on. She must have pulled some more strings to get everyone to stay quiet. She probably should have been humiliated to be caught finding her son like that. Naked, having just finished making love to Katherine.
But again, he couldn't bring himself to care about all that. The heartbreak he was experiencing was so much worse. The rest of the day dragged on. He accompanied his mother to all of the meals, including tea, and stayed in his room in the suite between the meals.
There had been two crew workers posted at the door of his suite, seemingly to repress any urges he might have had to leave and seek out Katherine. As much as he wanted to find her and at least explain to her that what they had was real, he couldn't bear the thought of her getting arrested and losing everything.
She was on The Titanic to build a new life in America with her family and he wasn't going to take that from her. At supper that evening, Mr. Smith must have noticed that something was wrong.
When they joined the gentlemen for smoking and brandy once again, he approached him. "What's wrong with you, boy? Haven't you smoothed things over with the girl?" He whispered harshly.
He sat in the chair, staring straight ahead but not really seeing. "No," he replied apathetically.
"What's going on, boy?" he demanded.
He finally looked up at him, meeting his eyes. He was staring at me intently with a look of confusion and slight concern on his face. "My mother is forcing me to marry your daughter. I can't see Katherine anymore," he whispered shakily.
"I thought we talked about this," he nearly growled. "You aren't going to let your mother control you anymore."
He quickly told him about the bathing suit and how his mother threatened to have Katherine arrested if he didn't do what she wanted, and all the while Mr. Smith's scowl deepened. "Damn that woman! I supposed I could pull some strings. I am the captain, but I can't get her to drop the charges," he whispered angrily. "So you haven't even talked to Katherine yet?"
Ned shook his head. "I wish I could. I just want to explain everything so that she knows I didn't betray her. But…" he stopped, looking up at the crew workers that his mother had sent to keep an eye on him.
Mr. Smith followed his gaze and he saw the realization dawn on him. "Give me a minute. These are my men," he said vaguely as he rose from his seat and approached the crew workers. She watched him curiously as he talked quietly with the crew workers and saw something pass from Mr. Smith's hands to theirs.
They left without another word or glance at Ned or Mr. Smith, turned around and approached him again as he looked at him in confusion. "What did you do?"
"You've got a couple hours. That's all I can give you for now," he said as he plopped back down in the chair and taking a gulp of his brandy. "Your mother is being awfully serious about this. I'll see what I can do." He raised his eyebrows in surprise and stared at him, rooted to his seat. Mr. Smith looked at him like he was stupid, shooing him away. "Go! Time's ticking!"
Ned jumped to my feet and fled the room, not even bothering to bid the gentlemen goodnight.
He felt like he searched all over the ship. He went to the General Room where the lower-class passengers were dancing but couldn't see Katherine anywhere.
He made his way through the crowd, eventually finding James and Melinda in the crowd drinking among friends.
"Ned!" James cheered. "Where's Katherine?"
"Haven't you seen her?" He asked.
"You look awfully scared, what's happened?" James asked, turning to Melinda. He gave her a quick kiss and suddenly ushered Ned out into the hallway where he could hear him better. "What's happen with Katherine?"
"My mother found out about us," he said quietly.
James seemed to understand and nodded slowly. "I take it she wasn't too happy," he muttered.
"Katherine ran off and I haven't been able to find her since." He said.
They searched through some cabins in steerage and then thoroughly explored the top shared deck, but neither James or Ned could find her. He was sure it had been an hour already. Ned ground his teeth in frustration.
"I must return to Melinda before she worries. Katherine will turn up, she always does." James nodded, smiling at him. "And she'll listen to you. You just have to say the right words, you know?"
Ned nodded and turned to the railing. As the sun rose and illuminated the darkness of the ocean waters, the realization of where she could be dawned on him. Without wasting any more time, Ned made his way there as quickly as possible. And when he opened the door to the small, private top deck where they had first met, she was there.
Katherine was leaning against the railing, facing the ocean. It seemed that he always found her this way. But it never ceased to steal his breath and make his heart race. The light reflected off her dark hair and the chilly wind tugged at the skirts of her dress.
"Katherine..." He breathed, thinking she hadn't heard him. But her body went rigid and she slowly turned toward him. He had expected her to yell at him, be angry with him, or even leave, but the look on her face was the complete opposite. He rushed to her and gathered her in his arms. "Katherine, I am so sorry. So so sorry." Her arms wrapped around his torso and held him tight as he kissed the top of her head. "I should have told you about everything sooner."
"Claire explained everything," she said softly, looking up at him.
His eyes widened. "You talked to Claire?"
She smiled softly and nodded. "I believe you, Ned." Her face fell. "Where's your mother?"
He felt a lump rise in his throat, remembering that he only had a brief time with her. He explained to her about the bathing suit and he saw tears develop in her eyes when he told her that his Mother would require her arrest if he didn't do what she wanted. "I'm sorry," he whispered again, leaning his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. "I don't know what else to do."
She was quiet and unmoving for a moment before suddenly he felt her lips gently brush against his. He returned the kiss with more urgency. All of the desperation that he had felt conveying itself in this kiss. She responded equally until they were lost in each other's mouths and their panting breaths became mingled in the space between them.
He backed her up against the ship wall that partially enclosed the deck and pushed his hips into hers, wanting her to feel his desire for her. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. She began trailing kisses down her neck and gently licked her skin, causing her to shiver and moan softly. He let my hands run across her clothed breasts, feeling her hardened nipples through her dress.
He kneaded her breasts as he continued licking and sucking her neck. But suddenly she surprised him by stroking him through his pants. He gasped, caught off guard and reveled in the pleasure. When she reached her hand down into his pants to continue stroking him, the rest of his restraint fell away. He slowly moved them into a more enclosed space and his arms underneath her buttocks and hoisted her up so she was pinned between him and the wall. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he slipped his hands under her skirt.
"Ned," she said urgently, between kisses. All the blood in his body seemed to rush to his groin as he shifted her dress around her hips and managed to maneuver – or possibly tear away – her undergarments until he had her. Feeling how ready she was for him with his fingers, he quickly unbuttoned my pants and let his arousal spring free.
When he entered her, she wrapped her legs around him tighter and leaned her head back against the wall, and breathed out, "Oh, Ned."
He urgently thrust into her. The idea of making love to her deeply and slowly not crossing his mind, even though it probably should have since this would be the last time he would be able to be with her. But he felt so desperate to have her just one more time, that his passion and urgency overcame his tenderness.
She didn't seem to mind, though, as she met his thrusts and dug nails into his back. This new angle was intoxicating for them both. He felt like a wild animal unleashed. Suddenly, without even touching that spot that brought her such pleasure, she cried out and he felt her constrict around him, pulling him deeper into her. High on her release, his own suddenly overtook him as he moaned loudly and thrust a few more times, shuddering as he emptied himself inside of her.
Ned slowly eased her down from where he held her against the wall, pulling out of her, and laid his forehead against hers as they caught our breath. It suddenly hit him that his time was almost up.
He tucked himself back into his pants and readjusted them as he reluctantly looked into her eyes, which were swimming with tears. His vision went blurry. He didn't want to say goodbye to her.
"I'm so sorry, Katherine. But I have to go. I can't let you get arrested," he whispered as he caressed her cheek.
She nodded, closing her eyes and swallowing as a few tears escaped the corners of her eyes. "I won't forget you," she said, barely above a whisper.
"I could never forget you," he replied, kissing her deeply again. "I never will." When they broke the kiss, he looked into her eyes and whispered, "You showed me what love was."
She smiled gently. "I love you too."
His heart leaped for joy at hearing those words, but a fresh lump formed in his throat with the knowledge that he couldn't even be with this woman whom he loved and who loved him in return. He gave her one last, lingering kiss, hoping that it conveyed every single thing he felt for her. And then he walked toward the door that led back into the ship.
He looked back at her one last time, committing to memory the way she looked in the moonlight with the shimmering ocean waves behind her. Then he opened the door and closed behind him. He couldn't bear to look back again. He just couldn't.