Chapter Three

The following morning, Regina woke up, once again, to bright light shining in through her bedroom window. She groaned softly and rolled over, expecting to find Emma there. To her surprise, the other side of the bed was empty. She placed her hand on the pillow that she was sure Emma had slept on last night, and found it cold to the touch.

Yesterday, she'd hoped to wake up and find this all a dream, but now she could feel herself nearly starting to panic at the thought that maybe it was never real at all.

But how could it have all been a dream? She remembered it in such vivid detail: the smell of Emma's skin while she laid on her chest, the way Emma had stroked her hair...

Suddenly remembering the way her head had hurt the day before, Regina quickly reached for the gauze on her forehead, but when she only touched skin, the true realization that none of it was real actually began to fully set in. There was a lump in her throat and she couldn't stop the tears that seemed to fall of their own volition, even as she told herself it was crazy to be getting this upset over the loss of something that hadn't ever been real in the first place.

Regina wiped her eyes and forced herself to sit up in bed. She knew it was silly to get so attached to a dream, and she should feel grateful that the accident hadn't really happened and she hadn't missed five years of Henry's life. She shook her head for being so ridiculous, but gasped when she looked across the room. The portrait of herself and Emma and the kids still hung proudly on the wall, and Emma's red jacket was still draped over the back of the chair.

It wasn't a dream after all.

Regina pushed the covers off quickly and hurried across the room to look at herself in the bathroom mirror. The gauze was gone, but there was still a prominent - but clearly healing - gash on her forehead. The scrapes on her cheeks were nearly gone and the road rash had faded significantly. She guessed that must have been her magic kicking in to heal her quicker, as Emma had mentioned before.

Oddly relieved that this was all still real - even if she still had amnesia - Regina headed to her closet to change and then set off to find Emma. Sure enough, Emma was still there, sitting on the living room floor, playing with Hailey, and Regina breathed an actual sigh of relief.

Emma heard her and looked up. "Hey."

"Hey. Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Tried," Emma replied, with a shrug. "That Ativan had you out for the count."

"Ativan?" Regina asked, narrowing her eyes in confusion. She didn't remember taking any Ativan. In fact, she didn't remember taking a single pill of any sort since she'd woken up yesterday; not even a pain killer.

"Yeah. You took it last night when you couldn't sleep, remember?" Emma asked, as that all-too-familiar look of concern overtook her face again.

"No, I don't remember," Regina replied, shaking her head and not even attempting to conceal the panic in her voice.

"Hailey," Emma said, turning her attention to the child still playing on the floor, "why don't you go out and see if Henry needs help washing the Jeep?"

Hailey turned and glanced at Regina with sad eyes and not so much as a 'hello Mommy', before nodding and getting up to head outside.

"What's with her?" Regina asked, confused that the child who couldn't get enough of her yesterday seemed to want nothing to do with her today.

"Do you remember last night at all?" Emma asked, finally standing and looking at Regina in utter confusion.

"Last night? I read her Black Beauty and sang to her just like you told me to. I did everything you said to do," Regina insisted.

"That… wasn't last night," Emma said, shaking her head.

"What? Yes it was. I woke up yesterday with amnesia. We went to see Dr. Whale, and you bathed Hailey but I put her to bed," Regina recounted. She knew she only had one day of memories with this new family and new life, there was no way she was confused on what happened when.

"Regina," Emma said, softly, taking a step forward, "that was over a week ago."

Regina shook her head in disbelief, instinctively reaching for her head. If Emma was right, and over a week had passed, then that would explain the disappearance of the gauze and the rapid healing. "I… I can't remember this week. I only remember that day."

Emma nodded, but she didn't look nearly as calm as she had the first time Regina had admitted she couldn't remember. "It's okay," Emma insisted, though even she didn't sound convinced. "It's going to be fine."

Regina resisted the urge to ask how it could ever possibly be fine, and instead drew her attention to the little girl who would barely look at her. "What happened last night? With Hailey."

Emma bit her lip and looked down. "You, um… she was really pestering you. I usually intervene when I think she's overwhelming you, but I thought you were okay. I guess… I couldn't tell how agitated you were, and... you yelled at her. She's so sensitive, and you've never raised your voice to her before."

Regina felt her heart drop to her stomach. "I…" she started, though she had no explanation since she couldn't even remember the incident.

"It's not your fault," Emma insisted. "Dr. Whale said sudden mood swings and irritability are common with head injuries. Hailey just doesn't understand."

"You're right," Regina acknowledged. "She's a little girl who doesn't understand why her Mommy yelled at her. It doesn't matter that I don't remember. I have to fix this."

Emma didn't protest when Regina walked away from her to head outside to find Hailey. She quickly found her holding a bucket of water and looking confused as Henry explained in detail exactly how to wash the Jeep properly. Regina had to smile and how much of her own attention to detail she had instilled on her son, but Hailey looked utterly unimpressed.

"Hailey," Regina called. She sighed when Hailey didn't turn to look at her and instead chose to pout as she continued to stare at the Jeep in front of her.

"Hailey, Mommy's talking to you," Henry said, gently, but the girl still didn't turn, and Regina was growing concerned.

"Hailey, sweetheart," Regina tried again, this time stepping over to the girl and crouching down in front of her to meet her at eye level. "Can you come talk to Mommy, please? I want to talk about last night."

Despite her continued pouting, Hailey nodded, and set the bucket of water down to accept Regina's outstretched hand. Regina led her around the back of the house to the porch swing where they sat together.

"I used to sit out here with Henry when he was your age, you know," Regina said, but Hailey seemed genuinely disinterested in small talk. "Hailey, I'm sorry I yelled at you last night. I shouldn't have done that."

Hailey shrugged and stared at her feet. "I was bad."

Regina wished she'd asked for more details from Emma, since she didn't remember the event at all, but it was too late for that now, so she continued. "Honey, you weren't bad… it's just… you know I hurt my head, right?"

Hailey turned to look at Regina with worried eyes and nodded. "Yeah."

"Well... sometimes it makes me say things I don't mean and it makes me get angry at people when they didn't do anything wrong. And it makes me forget things sometimes. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Regina attempted, not exactly sure how to explain something like this to a child so young.

To her surprise, instead of looking confused, Hailey tilted her head to one side and regarded Regina thoughtfully. "Is that why you get so mad at Momma?"

Again, Regina felt her heart drop into her stomach. "I get mad at Momma?" She repeated, bewildered. Emma hadn't mentioned that, but then again, she'd only spoken to her for a moment that morning.

"Uh huh," Hailey nodded. "She just tries to help and you get so mad and that's not very nice."

Regina bit her lip as the seriousness in her daughter's eyes registered with her. "You're right, Hailey. It's not nice."

"You should say sorry to Momma."

"I will. I promise. But for now, can you forgive me, Little One?" Regina asked, hopefully.

To her relief, Hailey smiled and nodded, and held out her arms to Regina for a hug. Regina didn't waste a second scooping her up onto her lap and holding her tight. She might not remember this little girl, but Hailey remembered her and clearly loved her a lot, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt her.

Or Emma.

Regina sighed as Hailey snuggled closer, and she ran her fingers through her soft strawberry blonde waves. She couldn't even remember getting angry with Emma, but she still felt incredibly guilty, and knowing Emma's penchant for protectiveness, she knew Emma probably wouldn't even bring it up, knowing what Regina was going through. Regina would have to be the one to broach the subject, because now that she knew she couldn't just ignore it.

"Come on, let's go back inside. I need to talk to Momma," Regina suggested, though she didn't give Hailey another option as she hoisted her up on her hip and carried her in through the back door.

Emma was in the kitchen cleaning up from breakfast, and she turned and smiled at the sight of Regina and Hailey together.

"Everything all good now?" She asked, looking between Hailey and Regina.

"Uh huh," Hailey replied with a grin. "But Mommy has to talk to you now."

Emma looked confused as Hailey squirmed loose from Regina's hold and took off into the living room where her toys were still waiting. "You need to talk to me?"

Regina nodded and swallowed hard. "Yes, um… Hailey says I've been getting angry with you, too."

Emma looked away and shrugged, in a way that confirmed it all to Regina without the blonde needing to say a single word.

"Emma, I'm sorry."

Emma met her eyes again and offered a weak smile. "Hey, it's okay. Like I said, not your fault. You don't even remember."

"Even so… I know you're trying to help and I just… I wish…"

"I know. You wish you could remember. Or have a little control. I know it's scary, Regina."

Regina nodded, though she was aware that Emma really had no idea just how scary it was. How could she? Regina had woken up once and lost five years, and woken up again losing another week and a half. What if she could never form any really lasting memories again?

"I, um," Regina started, looking away feeling shy all of a sudden. "I woke up this morning and you weren't there and I thought… I thought maybe this had all been a dream."

Emma sighed and nodded. "That probably would have made everything easier for you, to wake up in your old life like none of this ever happened."

"You would think that," Regina said, meeting Emma's gaze again. "But I wasn't relieved. I was more… afraid that none of this was real. I might not remember, but… it feels real. Terrifying, but real."

Emma smiled, and after a moment of hesitation, she reached out her arms and wrapped Regina in a tight hug. "It is real. And like I keep saying, we'll get through this, too. I'll call the doctor again this morning about the new memory loss. We'll figure this out, Regina. I promise."

Regina nodded against Emma's shoulder, and for the first time, she actually believed her.

Once Henry's Jeep was washed, he headed out to meet with his friends, while Emma entertained Hailey in the backyard. Regina promised to join them shortly, but she had a plan in mind first. She headed into her study and searched through her desk drawers. Nearly everything was in the same place, and she quickly found what she was looking for: a pen, and a blank notebook.

She sat down at her desk, and after quickly booting up her laptop to confirm the current date, she opened the notebook and began jotting things down. She recounted all that she could remember of the day that she'd first woken up with amnesia, and then drew a line and wrote the current date. Under that, she wrote down in detail everything that had happened thus far this morning. She wasn't sure when she might wake up again forgetting everything that had just happened, but she was determined to keep track so that she would not have to face another morning of surprises.

She tapped her pen absently on the desk as she reread what she'd just written, and then flipped ahead to a page near the end of the book. At the top of the page, she simply wrote "Hailey", noting that she didn't even know the child's middle name, and started jotting down what little she knew of the child thus far.

Deciding she probably shouldn't linger too much longer, because Emma would likely become worried and come looking for her, Regina slid the notebook back into a drawer and stood up to head back outside. Outside, she found Emma sitting on the porch swing watching Hailey run around playing in the yard, and she sat down beside her.

"Everything all good?" Emma asked.

Regina nodded. "Good as it can be I suppose, all things considered."

"Yeah…"

"So, I was wondering… will you tell me more about what I've forgotten?"

"Um… well what do you want to know? A lot's happened in five years."

"So I've gathered," Regina said, and paused, thinking about what to ask Emma about. "I'm sure it's not your favourite subject, but can you tell me what happened between Robin and I?"

Emma visibly stiffened, but nodded slowly.

"You don't have to," Regina said, quickly, not wanting to make her uncomfortable. "It's just…"

"It's fresh in your mind," Emma concluded for her.

"Exactly. I know it's over, but I lack… closure."

"Yeah," Emma agreed. "Well, basically, the closer Zelena got to her due date, the more preoccupied Robin became with the new baby. He started visiting her often and lobbying for her to be released from her cell, because he thought the stress of incarceration was bad for the baby. You eventually agreed, since she still had the cuff on, and because I offered to help you keep tabs on her."

Regina smiled. "Of course you did. I would expect no less."

"Yeah." Emma smiled as well. "I've always got your back. Anyway, the baby was born early December, and while the original plan was for you and Robin to just take her and raise her, Robin had a… change of heart, I suppose. He wanted to let Zelena see the baby, so the kid would know her mom."

Regina scoffed. "Zelena shouldn't be allowed within a mile of that child, considering what she did."

"Yeah, that's pretty much how you felt about it at the time, too. It caused tension, I guess, between you and Robin. It got to the point where you two couldn't spend ten minutes together without arguing… not just about Zelena and the baby, it started being about everything. Then… well, he said something so hurtful that I don't know if I should repeat it."

Regina shook her head. "No, I want to know. I need to know, Emma."

"Okay. Well, a few days before New Year's, you two had a massive fight, and at some point, he told you that you were just jealous, because Zelena had his baby and you… couldn't."

It hit Regina like a slap to the face. She'd always feared that, deep down, Robin had been bothered by the fact that she'd never be able to give him more children, but she'd always managed to convince herself that it was only her own insecurities talking.

"You okay?"

Nodding, Regina looked Emma in the eyes. "Yes. I am. It's... it's a lot to take in, but... I'm alright."

Still, Emma reached out to take Regina's hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. "If it makes things any easier, a couple of years ago we figured out how to open a portal to the Enchanted Forest without magic beans. Most people stayed here, but some of the ones who just weren't adjusting so well to life in this realm took the option to return. Robin and Zelena both went. They aren't, like, together or anything, but there was really nothing left for either of them here. So you won't have to worry about awkwardly running into either of them, or anything."

Regina nodded. "That does help."

"So… anything else you want to know about? Happier things, maybe?"

"You said yesterday - well, I remember it as yesterday - 'then New Year's happened.' Care to elaborate on that?"

Emma let out a small laugh as she looked up at the sky. "Yeah, I guess that's a happier memory. Or at least, it lead to happier memories… the night itself is a little hazy."

"Tell me what you remember."

"Well… you were fresh out of your break up, and Hook and I had also had a major blow up, like two days after you and Robin split up, and I had basically told him to get out of my life. I wasn't completely sure then that it was really over, but I still didn't want to see him. Henry was going to a New Year's party with friends from school and you and I decided to ditch the celebration at Granny's and head over to the Rabbit Hole instead. You know, to commiserate. With shots."

"Sounds like we both needed it."

"Oh yeah. So, we were both a little heartbroken and probably a little too intoxicated, and we went back to your house… I think we walked but I don't really remember actually getting there. A lot of the rest is blurry, but we started making out in the front entrance, and I woke up in your bed the next morning."

Regina raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"So that morning," Emma continued, smirking at Regina's intrigued expression, "we nursed our hangovers and talked about whether or not the night before meant anything."

"Clearly, it did."

"Clearly," Emma agreed. "We took it slow at first… well, if you don't count the first night."

Regina let out a small laugh. "Right."

"We were both still getting over relationships and we didn't want to be each other's rebound and end up destroying our friendship in the process. We also kept it a secret for the first few months, but… I don't know, we just clicked. I've never been with someone where it just… worked. Until now."

"And it's working?"

"I mean, yeah. We're still together after five years, so…"

"Emma, what I mean is… together and working are two different things. This life seems… perfect. I just want to make sure it's something I really can cling to."

"You can," Emma assured her, squeezing her hand again. "I mean, it's not sunshine and roses all the time, because we're still us, and we're both stubborn as hell, but we also… I don't know, understand each other on a deeper level, I guess. You know me better than anyone else does. You see all parts of me, even the ones I'm not proud of, and love me anyway. I've never had that before."

Regina couldn't help but smile at that. "And you see all parts of me? Even the ones I'm really not proud of?"

"Yeah. And I love you anyway. Maybe I even love you more for it, because I know you better than anyone else does, and you're more real with me than you are with anyone."

Regina felt a sadness overtake her smile as she looked at Emma seriously. "I wish I could remember."

Emma nodded. "I know."

Over the next few days, Regina maintained her new routine of writing down everything that happened each day, as she got used to this new life. She learned that Hailey's middle name was Marie, and that Henry was studying Literature at NYU, in hopes of becoming a writer. Nothing new was coming back to her, but she found that she was waking up each morning with memories of the day before that lined up perfectly with what she'd written down that night before bed.

It wasn't long, however, before Regina found herself incredibly grateful for keeping the notebook.

On a Friday night, just over a week since she'd started keeping track, she was hearing the beeping noise again. She hadn't heard it in days, but tonight, it was so intense she couldn't focus on anything else.

"How can I be the only one hearing this?" Regina lamented out loud, once Hailey was asleep.

"Babe," Emma said gently, a pet name she'd apparently been using for a while before Regina's amnesia, and had started using again now that things seemed to be smoothing out. It was awkward at first, but Regina had found herself growing used to it, and even fond of it. "It's not a real sound. It's from your head injury. You know that."

Regina shook her head, and immediately regretted it when she felt a sharp pain in her forehead. She reached for her head, and brushed Emma's hand away when Emma attempted to reach out for her. "It sounds like it's coming from someplace else!" Regina insisted.

"I know. But it's not. Regina-"

"I just want to go to bed."

And she did, after quickly scribbling the day down in her notebook before sleep overtook her. The next morning she woke up, feeling refreshed, headache and beeping gone, fully expecting it to be Saturday.

"Thursday," Regina whispered to herself, when she picked up the notebook from her nightstand. Emma was already out of bed, and she could tell by the brightness of the sun that it was already fairly late in the morning.

She flipped back in her notebook until she found the entry from the previous Friday. Sure enough, there was everything from the last day she remembered, and several pages written in after that, that were completely wiped from her memory.

Saturday

Today was a better day than yesterday. My headache was gone and we took Hailey to the park all morning. Henry and Grace came along. We took the kids for ice cream, and went for a walk down by the docks. Emma held my hand and it didn't feel out of place.

The beeping was back in the afternoon, but no headache accompanied it this time, which was a relief. This time, however, I could have sworn I heard voices whispering around me, though I couldn't make out what they were saying. I didn't tell Emma this. I think all of this worries her far more than she's willing to let on.

Sunday

Henry goes back to school in New York tomorrow. Emma swears I knew this, but I don't remember. In any event, we spent the morning helping him pack up, and he spent the afternoon visiting with friends. I'm not quite sure I'm ready for him to go, and to just be here with Emma and Hailey. Despite the fact that he's grown up so much, Henry is still my only constant, and I fear I'll be lost in this new life without him.

Monday

Henry took his Jeep back to New York today. I wish we could have driven him. I'd like to see the place he's living in, though he and Emma both insist I've been there before and approve of it.

It was a tearful goodbye and it hurt so much to see my son go. Emma says it was harder the first time he went, and I almost wish I could remember that moment. Perhaps that would have made it easier this time around.

Hailey didn't leave my side all afternoon. I think she must have known I took it hard.

Tuesday

The house feels empty without Henry.

And I'm starting to worry about Emma.

I know she would insist she was fine if I tried to ask her, but as hard as this is for me, it must be just as hard on her. Up until a few weeks ago she had a life and a partner and now she's lost that, even though I'm right here. I can't imagine how that feels, but…

I don't know what to do.

Wednesday

I had another dream about the hospital last night. It was the first one in weeks, and it, too, felt more like a memory than a dream. Emma was there, sitting by my side and holding my hand, urging me to fight, telling me that my family needs me and she doesn't know what she'd do without me.

I wish I could remember… it's so unfair. To both of us.

Regina reread the last two entries over and over. She didn't remember having these thoughts, but now that it was in her head, she couldn't help but wonder what kind of struggle Emma was going through right now. It reminded her of when Emma had brought Henry back to Storybrooke, and he couldn't remember her. She remember what it felt like to have her son look at her like she was just any other stranger.

This wasn't the same, and yet Regina knew Emma must be struggling just as much. And Regina had to commend the way she held it together, putting on a smile and a brave face and reassuring her that it would all be fine and they'd make it through. Emma was so busy being strong for her, but now with Henry gone, who would be Emma's rock in all of this?

"Hey, you okay?" Emma asked, the moment Regina stepped into the kitchen that morning.

"Do I seem not okay? Or do you ask me that every morning?" Regina asked, wondering if she was already letting off a different air that morning.

"You don't remember if I ask you that or not?"

Regina shook her head. "I lost more time."

"How much?"

"Five days."

"Oh, Regina. It's-"

"Going to be okay, I know," Regina finished Emma sentence with a nod. "I'm not worried about that. Well, not right now. Right now, I'm worried about you."

"Me? Regina, I'm fine. I don't want you to worry about me."

"Are you fine? This really can't be easy for you, Emma. And with Henry gone, there's a lot of pressure falling on your shoulders right now."

Emma shrugged and smiled. "I kinda got used to pressure since coming to Storybrooke, you know? I can handle this. I'm good."

"Emma." Regina took a step closer to her. She might not be able to remember everything that happened, but she knew Emma. And she knew when she was burying something and putting on a brave face. "Talk to me."

Emma looked as though she were about to continue to protest, but Regina didn't miss the tear that escaped from her eye. And she knew Emma knew she saw it. That single display of weakness was all it took.

"I just…" Emma sighed. "I miss you."

This time, it was Regina who held her arms open for Emma, and Emma immediately fell into her embrace, squeezing her tight like she was holding on for dear life.

"I know it doesn't make sense, because you're right here," Emma said softly, into Regina's ear. "But I miss you. I miss our closeness, and holding you. I miss kissing you."

Regina took a deep breath and moved back so she could look at Emma's face. New tears were falling and she could see how much of her struggle Emma had been holding in. "Kiss me, then."

"What?"

"Kiss me."

"But you don't remember… it's not… I don't want to take advantage of you when you're going through all of this."

"You're not, I promise. It's just a kiss, Emma. Maybe it will jog a memory?"

Emma smiled, seemingly taking that as a good enough reason to close the small distance between them. Regina gasped as Emma's lips actually met her own, before relaxing and closing her eyes, relishing the feel of Emma's lips against hers.

Emma kissed her hard, with an urgent need, lacing her fingers through Regina's hair. And it felt good, in a way Regina wasn't really expecting. She hadn't expected Emma to be a bad kisser by any means, but there was something so electric, and it aroused feelings in Regina that she hadn't expected.

She wasn't sure if it was the excitement of experiencing Emma's lips for what felt to her like the very first time, or if the kiss was sparking residual feelings locked someplace inaccessible in Regina's brain, but either way, when she finally broke it off and moved back to look in Emma's eyes again, it was with a whole new appreciation for the woman standing in front of her.

"Did it work?" Emma asked, her hopeful voice barely a whisper.

Regina shook her head. "It didn't jog any memories, but…"

"But?"

"Feelings, maybe? That was… Emma, I can't remember the last time someone has kissed me like that."

Emma smiled, that sort of self-confident smile that Regina always loved seeing on her. "Well, I am a good kisser. And I know what you like."

"Apparently so," Regina agreed.

Emma smirked, and ran her fingers through Regina's hair. "I love you, you know."

"Do you?" Regina asked, immediately, before shaking her head. "Sorry, I mean… why?"

To her surprise, Emma didn't look hurt or confused, she just kept smiling. "Why? Because I fell in love with you, that's why. I know it still probably seems crazy to you, but it's not that crazy, is it? I mean, you can remember up to the October before we got together… that was only a few months before. You had to… have had some sort of feelings then?"

Regina bit her lip and slowly nodded, feeling herself blush. Why was she embarrassed to admit it to Emma? After all, in Emma's world, they'd already been together for years, even if she was stuck someplace five years before.

"I know it's a lot," Emma continued. "And I know it's hard with all that time missing, but babe, if we have to start over again from the beginning, then we will. I want a life with you no matter what. Your heart will remember. Give it time."

Regina nodded. She was becoming more and more confident that maybe Emma was right. Every day felt more familiar and she felt safe here, in spite of everything. Maybe her heart really did know.

"Kiss me again?"

Emma grinned. "Of course. Any time."