Dear readers, From the perspective of TTA Shane was not the one struggling with pretty much anything. She seemed to be at great peace and act with confidence throughout the movie. At the end of the day I think she went home and slept well. However, I think the pressure peaked on Thursday night. Oliver was curt with her at the DLO and distant at the party. It is clear that Oliver is deeply contemplative and whatever the matter seems to be separating them to a certain degree. Then the truth about Annaliese was far from what she expected. With that in mind, I offer you a struggling Shane on Thursday night. Thank you again for reading.

Thursday: Love Rejoices With The Truth

Maybe it's time to come home. It is certainly time for Shane to come home. So much transpired today. She sits on her couch with her legs tucked underneath her absentmindedly playing with the pendant hanging from her necklace. It is almost midnight yet she is lost in thoughts of the day. The glass of wine she poured for herself is now empty.

You never know what some people endure – what forfeiture is made to shield those they love. Shane began the day looking for perhaps an activist or even an undercover agent of some sort. The mysterious absence would have some extraordinary explanation in which the absentee mother sacrificed for some incredible cause – protecting the country or saving the world. And then along comes the true story. Mental illness – homelessness - none were a part of Shane's scenario.

Shane thinks about the heartbreaking anguish and shame that this elegant woman carried much of her adult life – her struggle just to function. She would live on the streets, go hungry, before she would risk being a threat to her daughter – risk destroying an illusion of purpose.

She thinks about a daughter losing all that time with her mother and not knowing the truth of her mother's whereabouts. It is so painful to wait for someone who does not come. The story is sad – tragic.

Shane knows the decision to visit Jessica tomorrow and seek to reconcile the two women is the right one; however, it is a visit she does not relish in making. There is a new question now. Will Jessica's love for Annaliese be strong enough to bear all things that she is about to learn? How much will Jessica believe and hope for in this situation?

Mechanically she stands and walks into her bedroom to begin her nightly routine.

She knows the pain of being too late to reconcile. She also knows the path to reconciliation even when taken in time is not easy. She thinks about the struggles that kept her from her sister and tore at her own family. She is glad that she and Alex are talking again. For the first time she wonders if Alex's problems are more complicated than she has allowed herself to consider. She thinks of her own mother's love for her broken child and the sacrifices that she made. This is love – steadfast and unconditional.

A steadfast love is strong and even imbues the recipient with strength. She drifts to happier thoughts of how Oliver was with her that night she called Alex – how he looked – how he reached for her hand – how he said "tell her you have a boyfriend." Oh how she has felt his love – supportive, forbearing. Receiving love from Oliver is easy.

She wishes she felt as close to him now as she did that night in the DLO when she called Alex. Instead he feels at a far greater distance than that which separates their two houses. Tonight he seems to be unreachable.

Suddenly she realizes those are her tears falling on the glass top of her dressing table. She wipes her cheek with her fingertips of her freshly manicured hand. "Where did that come from?" she asks herself. "Crying? There's no crying in baseball or the week of your dear friend's wedding. Enough already." But it seems she cannot stop the tears from slowly falling.

She takes off her jewelry and places her rings and necklace in the tray on the vanity. That moment in the DLO between them seems so far away from tonight. That night he was fully present, intimate. A few more tears slip from her eyes and she isn't even certain why they fall.

She begins to remove the carefully applied makeup. She wants to call Oliver but it is late. She wants to tell him all that she learned about a woman who has gone to great lengths to maintain an illusion. She wants to tell him about this brave sad woman who watched her own daughter get married – watched her from a hotel kitchen window. She wants to tell him that she and Rita are going to tell Jessica tomorrow. She wants to hear him say "Oh my goodness" then offer some wise word on the subject. She wants to hear him say that he will pray for them tomorrow as they go. She wants to hear him say, "I miss you" or "Sleep well" or "Until tomorrow."

Nevertheless, she is not certain he wants to hear from her again tonight. She calls him as soon as she and Rita arrive at the Brown Palace offering to return – to help clean after the party. He kindly refuses her offer. She is hoping for some other word from him – come back and we might have some time together – just the two of us. He does not utter those words. He really is uncomfortable with the bachelor party in spite of her best efforts. She isn't sure they even make eye contact the entire evening. His unease is on full display complete with snide replies at the DLO this morning. He apologetically said he has a lot on his mind. He does seem to enjoy her gentle flirtation. Tonight there are no flirtatious glances, no smiles just between the two of them. They don't even bump shoulders.

All week she focuses on others – what they need, how they feel. Tonight her own emotions and her own wants seek to overwhelm her. Slipping into bed at the end of a long day, she is tired of everything. Sometimes persevering in love is hard.

She tosses and turns.

The day did not begin this way with tears. She tries to focus on the lighter side of her day. She thinks of how excited she and Rita were as they started their girls adventure this afternoon. It seems a lifetime ago. The two arrive at Mon Amour at four o'clock sharp for a scheduled appointment. Rita is stunned. Georgina has filled a large dressing room with things in various colors and styles all within the range of the gift card. Rita has never been in a store where someone knew your size just by looking at you, gave you their undivided attention, offered you something to drink while you made your decision.

Thinking of Rita's face when they walked into that dressing room causes her to smile through her tears. Rita was somewhere between shock and awe. She chooses something a little simpler, less steamy than Shane had envisioned but at least it isn't flannel nor does it have owls on it. Rita will feel beautiful and Norman will cherish her. That's all that matters.

Shane thinks of how Rita embraced her before they left the store. "You have no idea how much this means to me, especially now."

She thinks of how she could not help herself from looking toward the white alcove. The beautiful ensemble that she coveted is vanished. She didn't realize how badly she wanted that for herself until it wasn't there. Tonight its absence makes fun of her dream and haunts her hopes.

Shane is restless. She sits to fluff her pillows. "There, that is better."

The truth is that she envisioned herself in the gown and robe. She and Oliver would be married. It is their first night together - their honeymoon. She steps out of the bathroom of their suite and he is waiting for her. The lights in the room are low. Then like so many moments this past week she tells herself that she is ridiculous – to forget it. She does not want to forget. She wants to fulfill that dream.

But tonight it is a hope and a longing that goes unsatisfied.

The tears flow freely now and she reaches for a tissue.

"Before too long we'll be coming back to shop for you," said Rita as they make their way to the front of the store.

"Oh I don't know about that," said Shane. But deep inside she has a checklist of items in that very store that she wishes to purchase.

But this night - tonight she questions. Tonight she is painfully aware of how much she wants to be Mrs. Oliver O'Toole. Tonight she wishes that when the news has been as draining as today's events that she could lean on him – spiritually and emotionally and physically. The fulfillment of a dream in which she tries not to linger seems further away.

"I have one word – chemistry," said Rita with a chuckle, as she stops to hold up a very tiny nightie.

This affirmation from a friend – this naughty nod offered with a twinkle hours earlier – helps her smile now.

"Chemistry, I wish." She had hoped for a moment tonight just between the two of them. She hoped for a stolen moment alone. She had not bought those black pants and off the shoulder top for a girls night out. She was going to wear the pink dress to Montaldo's – the one Rita likes and always suggests she wear - something she had worn before. No, the black blouse and slacks were not bought for a girls night, they were bought for a night out with Oliver - something for him – something perhaps a little more alluring – something she was saving for a night alone.

Now that he is going to see her – now that girls night at Montaldo's is cancelled to deliver a surprise appearance at the bachelor party - she pulls this new outfit from the closet and hopes for the best. After all something has been bothering him this week and finding her in a wedding dress did not seem to help. Maybe this new look will grab his attention. It is fun, flirty, and black, it is not formal, serious, and white. Maybe just maybe he will think she is beautiful – a little hot - maybe she will make him smile - lose his worries at the sight of her.

She feels foolish thinking about it now.

There was no "you are amazing, you look beautiful." Certainly no "you are mine." He never even looks at her. Yes, the arrival of Ardis Parker Pennington Payne goes without a technological hitch. Yes, the party is a huge success. Yes, she laughed and talked and smiled her way through the evening. But she noticed – his mood – his distance.

She sits up to straighten the covers that she has already twisted into a knot.

She worries that she pushed him on the bachelor party; she pushed on finding Annaliese. Maybe she pushed too far too many times. Or is this mood related to the wedding? Was he lost somewhere in his painful past? Was it her fault for his seeing her in the dress?

She feels a headache coming and messages her neck. That glass of wine wasn't a good idea.

It is well after midnight now. Her thoughts are going in circles. She is tired and now she has a headache. Frustration builds.

Rita and Norman are taking two weeks of vacation after the wedding for their honeymoon and for relocation to a new apartment. It would be just the two of them at the DLO. Life should return to normal. Until then she would do her best not to be self-seeking or easily angered or keep any record of his ill temper or the fact that she wore a new outfit tonight and he did not notice her – at all. She feels childish giving it a second thought.

He is Oliver. He is wonderful. Everyone is entitled to have rough day – well, a rough week.

She gets out of bed and goes to the kitchen for a glass of water. She walks gingerly now as her head throbs with each step. She takes the glass of water and goes back to the sofa – her head aches too much to lie down. She props herself in the corner of the couch and pulls a throw over her outstretched legs. The only light is the slight glow of the street lamp through the window blind.

"Face it McInerny, you are spoiled. Spoiled by Oliver O'Toole. You like walking out the door in the morning and finding him waiting with your coffee. You like the way he looks at you when you walk into a room. You like the way he helps you with your coat. You like flirting with him and watching him squirm. And this week – this week you miss his doting affection – you miss him."

Sitting with eyes closed she thinks about what Jewell said, "You do the hardest part. Wait patiently, lovingly, prayerfully." Jewell would tell her to hand it over in a heartbeat.

Tomorrow she and Rita will visit Jessica. Who knows where things will go from there? She thinks it would be wonderful if the estranged women could reunite at the Brown Palace over tea – work things out.

They have the rehearsal at the church followed by the rehearsal dinner. That should be nice. Oliver always likes being at church and he is in charge of the dinner. He should be comfortable with those plans.

He has been rather quiet all week. She decides the loving thing to do is to listen to his silence, to trust the timing. Deep in her heart she knows she loves him and she believes that he loves her as well. But if this is a difficult time for him; she will be patient. When he is ready to talk she will listen to his words. Until then she will love him in his silence.

It is right. It is good. Love delights in doing that which is right and good and true. Love rejoices in reconciliation of parent and child. Love rejoices. Love perseveres.

As her headache begins to ease she slides down a little further on the sofa. Day will break far too soon. She drifts to sleep.