a/n: we've gone a long way for this fic. almost three years on the day of christmas, i started this fic, gaining quite a bit of followers - despite many flaws here. i dont even know if the people that have been following me from the start still reads this... but to all of you, i appreciate all the comments and love. it means a lot to me as a writer. a lot has changed since the first day i wrote this, and sure enough, we've almost come to an end of this fic. all the anguish and torture that the girls felt... while, it still continues on, at least they get to have a sense of happiness and peace - as well as you guys.
shout out to my beta, mpsantiago, who's gone through a long way giving me advice and helping me figure out what i want to do with my conclusion. while it may not be the happiest of all conclusions... there will always be a sense of peace and quietness. like a moment to breathe - which, i figured... with this fic, nobody could take a breath with each chapter that went on. im rambling now. anyway, i hope you enjoy this chapter. next chapter will be the last!
She was visibly nervous. Sweating. Shaking. She couldn't utter a damn word… couldn't even look at the three most important people in her life. The clock ticked so painfully slow, and she just wished time could pass faster. She wished… time could just be forever frozen so that she could run away with Elsa, do whatever they wanted to do, say whatever they wanted to say, and go wherever they wanted to go.
But here they were… in the Arendelle household. In the dining room. In silence. This unbearable silence.
She grasped her knees tightly, feeling her biological father's disappointing stare. Hearing the cries of her poor mother in the background with Andrew.
She knew they both wouldn't be able to handle what happened. How could they? Anna… was normal. They raised her right, and they raised her well, but everything went south so fast. So wrong. How could that happen? Even Anna wondered herself, but right now… her mind was totally blanked out.
And Elsa… sat beside her. She was strong, but deep down, Anna knew how scared her big sister was.
They promised to get this over with together. They promised each other that their life would be better after this. Anna wondered.
Agdar ushered a deep breath in and out, sitting just across from the siblings. "Anna… I know I was never ever… there for you for years. And Elsa, I was never… a great to you, as well. I really hoped we could connect again, become the father and daughters we wanted to be. Be the family we all needed. But this?" A newspaper with the front headlines being flashed, "ARENDELLE CEO'S SEDUCTION OF HER LONG LOST LITTLE SISTER", "How? Huh?" Agdar turned to Elsa. "This confuses me. Someone, give me an answer. Please."
Silence. Anna shut her eyes, a single tear squeezed out.
"Elsa?"
All Elsa did was turn and look at her sister… and beneath the table, she reached for Anna's hand and squeezed it. The glimpse of warm blue eyes, worried, was almost calming to Anna. But her heart continued to race.
And even if Anna wanted to say something… she couldn't. She even rehearsed in front of the mirror. But her fear got the best of her -
"I did this."
Anna blinked, turning… and saw determination in Elsa's stone cold face.
Agdar raised an eyebrow. "Did this? Did what?"
Elsa clenched her jaw. And right now… Anna could thoroughly feel her shaking.
"I… seduced her." No, no, no.
Anna was just about to open her mouth to retort, but a deep sigh from Agdar interrupted her.
"How…? How could this happen?" He placed his head in his hands. "What's happening to my daughters…?"
The redhead looked at Elsa… and to her surprise, for the first time since they had gotten here, tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"Elsa…" she whispered, but her voice was barely audible.
The blonde didn't answer her though. "I didn't know at first. She worked… in a strip club - "
"No, Elsa, I do not need to hear this."
" - I was visiting Hans. He told me about the girl. I didn't know who she was. I thought if I seduced her… she would be my -"
"ELSA!" The man slammed the side of his fist on the table. Anna knew… they were already out of line, but… she couldn't control Elsa. Her cheeks burned, knowing Elsa would tell her father all that had happened. "Enough."
Anna thought she heard the woman scoff. "You wanted to hear it, father."
With the same blue eyes shooting daggers at Elsa for even daring to talk back… the younger sister could feel her stomach churn. They were courageous before when they were both by themselves… and now, Anna could see how nerve-wracking, sad, and desperate this situation had become. Her own mother was weeping in the backyard, her step-father was trying to comfort her, her sister… her sister was trying her best to keep everything together. Or to break everything.
But whatever Elsa was willing to do, Anna knew… she would follow.
When Anna looked up, her father was staring right at her too. I'm fucked… I'm so fucked.
"Anna, sweetheart, what do you have to say? What is this? Is this… whatever this is, all true?"
She glimpsed at Elsa for approval, only to see a small smile. That's the least comforting thing I've ever seen… But no matter what, she knew she had to give her father an answer. So she nodded timidly. "Y-Yes… yes, this is all true."
The man sighed with disappointment, leaning himself back against the chair. "You… you worked at a strip club?"
"Mom knows -"
"I don't care if she knows." He pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head. "How? You… Let me get this straight… you slept with your sister, not knowing she was your sister until the first time you two met officially? No, this can't be happening."
"Father -"
"Elsa. How could you let this go on? You're her sister!" He slammed the desk with his fist, but neither girl flinched. "You're supposed to take good care of her…"
Elsa eyed her lap in disappointment, and Anna knew… she knew exactly what she was thinking.
Anna gulped, swallowing her pride. "Elsa… Elsa, it's not your -"
"Yes, it's my fault."
"Please..." She didn't want Elsa to say that, gazing at her with wide eyes, coated with ugly, ugly tears. But how could Elsa say all of this outright… and so calmly? When Anna didn't dare to look at her father in the eye, Elsa challenged him. That courage? Anna could never have that. She would always have to rely on her sister, and right now… just wasn't the time to push all responsibilities to Elsa.
But, perhaps, Papa was right about one thing. Elsa was her older sister. Elsa… was supposed to look after her, tell her what was wrong, what was right. This? What they had… wasn't right, of course, to other people's eyes.
"I did it," she snarled. "I seduced her. Blame me. I made the move on her and I didn't stop."
Agdar stayed silent for a moment, contemplating. And through the silence, they all could hear the man's foot tapping on the floor, how the faucet drip with water with each second that passed. It was aggravating. Something Anna never wanted to experience ever again. "Here's what we are going to do, you two can forget about everything that has happened. You two are sisters -"
Elsa immediately stood up, hands slammed on the table. The fire… oh god, Anna could feel it.
The redhead immediately followed suit, holding onto Elsa's arms. "Elsa -"
"Don't you dare try to decide what Anna and I are going to do." She gritted her teeth, pointing her finger right at him. "You have never been a father to either of us… and you never will, because you will never understand what it is like to have a childhood so cold. A childhood where you will never know when your father would be home for dinner. So don't you ever… decide who I love… and who I don't."
Agdar only shut his eyes. Whatever remorse or… guilt the man had felt before, Anna wasn't feeling it. He sighed, nodding. "I thought I had a daughter too. You will do this, Elsa. You are going to resign. I will take back the company. You've made clear… what you think of our relationship. I thought we could mend it back, Elsa… Anna."
The blonde huffed in a breath, straightening herself up… and she looked at her father with eyes that seemed like she was looking down at a peasant instead. A rat. A… cockroach. "So this is who you truly are," she murmured to herself.
"Elsa, I am your father -"
"Don't you dare tell me that. From the moment you told me about Anna fifteen years ago, you stopped being my father. I will resign… and from now on, you and I will never be family ever again."
Fuck. Oh fuck… Anna didn't want this. For simply… having a relationship like this, only to break another one down? Anna didn't imagine this happening.
"Anna…" Suddenly, the backyard door opened and Martha came rushing to her daughter… weeping. Hugging her. And the moment Anna saw her mother's face… it was one of the most heartbreaking moments of her life. Her mother should never have to face this just for her own happiness and selfishness, no. Her mother should never have to cry because of her. Nobody was supposed to face this, and yet… Anna knew she was selfish for chasing her own happiness. Her own happiness and safe space that was Elsa.
"Oh, Anna…" Martha wept, "What's going on…?"
The redhead looked up over her mother's shoulder to see Andrew sighing, looking away. Even my step-father can't accept me… Of course, who else could?
"I…" Anna started. She had run out of tears. "I'm sorry."
Martha let out a shaky sigh and pulled away, eyeing Elsa… Agdar. She shook her head. "Come on, we need to talk separately, darling."
As much as Anna didn't want to separate herself from her sister, not being able to feel her hand holding her own - when all this time, they had been not three feet away from each other - she couldn't. But the way her father eyed her… with such coldness, with such doubt… Anna was beginning to question whether this was a good idea. But in her heart, she knew who she loved. She knew who she wanted to protect.
She looked at Elsa, who… gazed at her with such love and worry… I'll be okay.
And so they went upstairs to a bedroom, and all Anna could feel was the lingering warmth of Elsa's hand on her right palm. Andrew… stood right behind her, a hand placed on her shoulder. Shouldn't I be disgusting to him?
She didn't dare look at him. Instead… she was worried about her mother - how she sighed, wept, looked at her… shook her head. At this point, Anna realized she wasn't the daughter that Martha imagined she would become.
"Baby…" A hand was placed on her cheek, thumb caressing her prominent freckles. Anna nearly flinched from her touch. "Where did I go wrong…?"
Anna simple gazed down from her wandering eyes. Her fingers clenched together. I have to say something… "I… I'm sorry, Mom."
She bit her lip in contemplation. "Anna, was it because I neglected you? Shielded you away from the truth? I… I'm sorry. I only wanted to protect you. Anna, I'm a bad mother -"
"N-No! No…" She shut her eyes. "You didn't do anything wrong. Y-You two… you two raised me well." There was always a 'but', but right now, Anna couldn't think of anything. She sniffled, placing a hand on Andrew's. The heartbreak in both of their eyes… she didn't want to see it. "I'm an adult -"
"Anna, an adult doesn't fall in love with her sister!" Martha yelled, her voice cracking. Anna could feel it - all the anxiety and fear increasing deep down in her mother's heart. If Anna thought her mother would be understanding for once… she thought wrong. No, nobody could be understanding in a situation like this, and even for Anna… she had to come to accept that she was going against social norms. But for love? She would do anything for love - to keep that love. But she was scared.
"Anna, darling…"
The redhead took a step back, avoiding her touch. She knew her mother wanted to go in for a hug… but if they both saw her as disgusting? Confused? They were both terribly wrong.
"Hold on," Andrew got in between them, hands holding her shoulders, and he bent down, looking directly in her eyes. It was always satisfying to see his soft fatherly smile, but… right now? It was just pitiful. "Anna, is this what you really think? How you really feel?"
Anna timidly nodded. I feel like a child...
Andrew frowned. "Anna, what will you do now?"
"I… I don't know."
He caressed her face, leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I have been your step-father for almost all your life. To see you become an adult… to finally graduate college? You don't understand how much happiness you have brought for the both of us. But neither of us wants to see you like this, Anna - to go down the wrong path. We'd blame ourselves if you do."
And Anna understood that. She stayed quiet, unable to push herself to retort. But she questioned, how could Andrew be this soft? And her own mother? She was being so quiet, unlike Agdar. It was no wonder… Elsa had always had a difficult childhood.
"Anna, won't you come home?"
"Andrew, stop it," Martha hissed.
The man turned around. "Come on, you know this situation needs to be handled -"
"Anna." Timidly, she looked up to her mother, grasping her hand. The shaking wasn't from Anna's grasp, but from Martha, and even Anna realized how fucked up this situation was. The daughter couldn't help but freeze when she yelled, "Please… you have to tell me this isn't true. What were you thinking?"
"Honey," Andrew turned to her, "don't lose your cool -"
"Anna, answer me! She's your sister, for god's sake!"
Enough. Anna squinted her eyes. "You don't think I know that…? You think all this time I was just… fucking some random girl -"
Martha turned, hand on her head. "God, Anna…"
"- I wish I felt different, but I don't!" she screamed. "I don't, and I'm sorry it has to be this way. I'm sorry I have feelings for someone that I'm not supposed to have feelings for. I'm sorry for being such a disappointment of a daughter. And I'm sorry… for being this kind of person that you'd never imagine me being."
"Anna… Anna, baby, look at me -"
"No, d-don't!" Anna pushed her mother away, eyebrows furrowed in heartbreak and disappointment. "I… I don't want this, Mom…" How could she ever think that her own mother would be any different from Agdar? With tears in her eyes, redness painted on her freckled cheeks… she could see the fear in her mother's eyes. The fear… that she had lost her child.
But if it meant that it would not hold back her happiness… Anna was willing to sacrifice it all. Elsa was able to do it, Anna would have to come to terms with it.
She backed herself up against the door, gazing at the two parents that had taken care of her all these years. "I'm sorry…" she mouthed, and before Martha could say anything else, Anna immediately stormed out of the room, hand placed on her mouth. Even then, she was crying so audibly, Elsa could hear it.
The moment she was on the first floor, Elsa was already running towards her, arms open… and Anna just fell right into her embrace. She didn't care if Agdar was watching - didn't care if her own parents were crying for her. At least now, she was in Elsa's arms.
"Shh…" Elsa whispered, her hand caressing Anna's hair and waist, her lips on her forehead. "I've got you… I've got you. Everything's okay, just stay with me, Anna. Stay with me."
The silence between them as Elsa drove around town, not knowing where to go… not knowing what to say, filled the dense air the whole time. Anna couldn't say a single word, wrapping herself in her own arms, gazing down at her legs. She couldn't look at Elsa - but neither did her sister look at her.
The only thing that was going through Anna's mind right now was the question, 'how could I leave them like this?' Right, she had never left her parents. And after knowing that they had witnessed them hug - witnessed their love… Anna could imagine the heartbreak that was going on in the family. How her mother wept even harder, because now… she had just lost her precious daughter.
Was it fine for Anna? Of course not. She had to choose… and if her family wasn't going to be the source of her happiness - if her family was going to be a burden on her path to finding happiness… she was going to choose Elsa. And she did, and with regret… she left.
Leaving everything behind for Elsa? She was more than willing… but it was just something she let go with a heavy heart. She bit her lip when she found a comforting hand on her knee. No words really needed to be said, she realized.
Eventually, after an hour or two driving around in silence, the car stopped beside Elsa's apartment building.
She turned, gazing at Elsa… who looked exactly the same as her. "Let's get some rest," Elsa said, her voice soft and tiring.
Anna simply nodded.
From the moment that they had gotten out of the car, Elsa didn't leave her side. Hands held together, arms around each other… and Anna could feel the warmth of her sister. She hadn't realized how much time had passed since then… but she remembered just laying on the couch, wrapped in a blanket with the television on.
Even then, her mouth did not open to say a single word. What was she supposed to say? That she was so traumatized… so heartbroken, so depressed… she couldn't talk to the woman she loved? Couldn't openly tell her how she felt? Couldn't openly say how much of a mess she was… and that she needed to have her hands held by her sister?
While Anna was having her own moment in her one spot on the couch for hours now, she suddenly realized that Elsa was gone from her side to her room. The bedroom door wasn't closed completely, so Anna took the opportunity to turn down the volume of the television to hear who she was talking to. She didn't even have to guess to know Elsa was speaking to someone she didn't have the heart to forgive.
"How did everything go?"
"Anna hasn't said a word after… this morning. I can't do this without her."
"It'll be hard, Elsa. Let her be with herself for a moment. She'll be fine."
"How are you so sure, Meg?"
"I'm not. I know you two still have a lot to talk about and learn from each other… but I'll tell you, if she needs you… she'll tell you. Right now, even if she doesn't say anything, just be in her presence."
"How do I do this? How can I… love her the way any family would?"
"You don't need me to tell you. You know it. Take care of her. She is a strong, optimistic girl… but every now and then, she has this look in her eye. Like she has seen filth. When she does that, hug her. For you and me. She needs you the most."
That was it.
By the time all the talking stopped, Elsa came out and set two cups of hot tea with a bowl of soup steaming on the table. And until Elsa's fingers started running through Anna's hair, how her soft eyes gazed down at Anna… only then, she opened her eyes, staring at the television.
"You need to eat, beautiful…" Elsa whispered, lips on her ear. Anna buried her face under the blanket, even more, prompting a small chuckle from Elsa. She tugged onto the blanket, another arm trying to hoist Anna's body to sit up. "No, no, don't go back there. Here we go." How could she still smile like that? With arms hugging Anna, hands rubbing on her arms, Anna allowed herself to lean against her lover, head laid lazily on her shoulder.
She felt a kiss on her forehead, a series of sweet soft nothings whispered to her, but for Anna, it all just sounded the same. Almost like… static. Even so… she knew she had to rid herself from this depressing state even if it meant it would take days… or months.
They had plans. Being depressed… wasn't the plan. She was supposed to be strong, if not stronger than Elsa, but all she had done was rely on Elsa to make her feel better. And she should've been better with Elsa by her side, yet…
"Open your mouth, Anna."
Anna shook her head. "I don't wanna eat."
The blonde paused for a moment, sighing, nodding. "When you feel like eating, I'll heat it up again. At least, drink something." She offered Anna a cup of tea, which Anna took but only just to make Elsa feel some satisfaction.
She took a few sips, humming slightly at the sweetness. That prompted Elsa to smile, and earned Anna another kiss on her forehead. Really… she's changed. A lot. Affectionate, gentle, considerate…
If anyone would ask what kind of person Elsa was from the very beginning, Anna would not have said any of those three words.
She noticed Elsa had been staring at her for a while, but she wasn't going to ask why. Elsa cared… and if she didn't care for her, those eyes would not have looked at her the way they were now. How much love inside you have you hidden away from me, Elsa?
"How do you feel, Anna?"
The girl managed to look up for once before gazing down to her blanket. "I don't know… You?"
Elsa took in a deep breath, looking away from Anna. "As long as I am with you, I don't care what happens."
"You just lost your father…" she whispered, and with a shaky breath… no, she couldn't even audibly cry. All she could do was bury her face against Elsa's chest, an arm snaking around her neck. "I'm sorry…"
She couldn't see it, but she knew Elsa was still smiling. "Everything happens for a reason. It's not your fault, Anna. I chose this. We tried to make things right together, but if it doesn't work out… that's how it's going to end."
Anna sniffled and shook her head. "It wasn't supposed to end like this."
"You and I both know the moment we walked in there… they were never going to accept this," she murmured. "It's okay now. We told them how we felt. We said from the start we are in this together right?"
She nodded, pulling away for a moment. "Yeah…"
She wasn't sure what she could do. She knew she hadn't lost her own parents yet… but then she also realized… her parents would never be able to see them together as much as they love their daughter. Her parents… wouldn't see the same beautiful, innocent, dorky Anna again. She let out a shaky breath. This is what it means to sacrifice…
"Anna, look at me." She looked, feeling a hand caress her cheek. "We are going to work hard. Together."
"Yeah, together." She leaned in, kissing her sister on the lips before getting back to hugging Elsa tightly. Don't let go. Don't ever let me go. "Am I ever going to see my parents again…?" she asked timidly.
And she knew she shouldn't have asked Elsa that. A hand came to caress her arm, and all she could feel was the uncertainty of Elsa's nod. "You will. Eventually… we both will. Right now, let's focus on ourselves, alright, baby?"
She was right. Even now, they were still broken… still the same old people that they were when they first saw each other in the club. Anna could barely hold a smile, nodding against her chest. For once, she realized… she needed to focus on making herself happy for the future, for herself… for Elsa.
She sighed, feeling her sister peck her forehead once again. For once, as much as she was feeling regret and desperation… she was content. Content with the life she was going to have. Content… with being with the person she wanted to be with.
In the night where Anna always felt the need to weep, only to be dancing for others just to numb the pain - the pain of being used, body and soul, this night was filled with contentment, warmth… security.
And she was reminded that the same night… if it wasn't for any of this pain, she would not have met the only happiness that led her here.
She looked up to see the same blue eyes that once watched her dance, gazing down at her with a new found love.
"I love you," the redhead mouthed. Despite everything, saying those three words to Elsa… was the only certain thing that would always happen. For both of them.
The blonde leaned in, fingers tilting Anna's chin up, and finally, their lips met for sweet kiss filled with memories. "I love you too."
Anna hummed. "By the way… we never agreed on where we should move."
"That… will have to be discussed in the morning."
Next chapter: epilogue