Pansy lost hundreds of dollars and gained some painkillers and an immobilized middle finger, which at least came in handy when strangers gave her odd looks on the streets. She couldn't use her hand for anything more than feeding or dressing herself which meant that her self defense and kickboxing classes turned into kicking classes with theoretical punching. It wasn't that bad, though, because at least she wasn't thinking about Ginevra as much.
Pansy had tried to talk to her the days following their fight, but she had been busy. She mainly wanted to apologize for always taking fighting so seriously and make sure they were on good terms.
What she did think about was Granger, because it was Saturday night again and she was nowhere to be seen. After the last meeting Pansy had been almost convinced that Granger was there to stay, but now she was doubting what she knew about her. Which was next to nothing, really, other than the fact that she was Ginevra's friend and a big know-it-all with a large mass of hair. Pansy knew more about Granger's sloppy uppercut than about what she did for a living, and maybe that was her problem. She couldn't get to know people just by fighting them.
Ginevra had been a great example of that.
Pansy decided not to fight this Saturday. She couldn't remember the last time she did that, and even thought she knew it was just her imagination, she could feel the stares of disappointment from everybody else. If she wasn't fighting then what the hell was she doing? Is not as if she knew how to do anything else. Her hands itched the whole time while she watched the others go at it. There were some exciting fights like the twins fighting each other, but there was truly nothing like experiencing it yourself.
Ginevra had lost to Daphne, which wasn't surprising seeing as she didn't fight even half as hard as she had done the previous week. Pansy was still confused and wanted some answers, but now she didn't feel the urgency to know in that exact second. There were bigger things to worry about.
Like the fact that she caught a creepy man taking photos of her house yesterday. She managed to scare him off, but that only meant that more were sure to come, and that her bad press nightmare wasn't over yet.
Pansy offered to clean up the basement since she didn't do anything else that night, and she noticed that Ginevra left as soon as she could. It wasn't a big shocker that she would want to avoid her, what was surprising was the fact that Pansy was handling it so well. She picked up everything and moped off the sweaty floors while wondering who had cleaned last week when everything was covered in blood. It was probably Millicent. Pansy should buy her a box of chocolates.
She walked back upstairs to warm up some leftovers before going to bed and found Jessica and Angela coming home.
"Hey," she greeted them. "Had a good night?"
Angela opened her hand to reveal a big dollop of goopy green slime. "I finally got enough tickets in the arcade!"
Pansy smiled. "Well, keep it off the walls or you'll have to clean it with your tongue." The girls giggled. "I'm about to eat something. You hungry?"
"Sorry, Hermione just invited us to McDonald's. I ate too many nuggets."
Pansy frowned. "Granger? You were with her?"
They both nodded. "Yeah she just dropped us off. She's the coolest, did you know she has a PhD on ancient female warriors? That's crazy!"
Pansy nodded even though she most certainly had no idea about any of that. But now she knew something else about Granger.
She was definitely a lesbian.
She bid goodnight to the girls and instead of heading to the kitchen she grabbed the first coat she found hanging next to the door and headed outside. The sudden urgency that had settled inside her was hard to explain, but she didn't think much as she jogged down the street, knowing exactly what she was looking for but not admitting it to herself.
And then the bushy hair appeared in the distance.
"Granger!"
Granger spun around, looking alarmed as her hands curled into fists. If Pansy didn't know any better she'd say she was ready to dock someone in the face.
"Oh, it's you," she exhaled and let her guard down. "You scared me."
Pansy hoped there were no reporters or nosy people around who would accuse her of scaring women at night.
"Sorry, I…" she realized she hadn't thought of anything to say as she came here. The wind blew around them making the silence seem even colder.
"I'm sorry I didn't make it tonight."
"I just ran into Jessica and-"
They spoke at the same time and then laughed.
"That's actually why I didn't come," Granger said. "I was on my way when I saw them getting back to the house way too early, so instead I took them to McDonald's."
Pansy wanted to smile warmly and thank her for protecting both the club and the girls, but instead she smirked and raised an eyebrow. "McDonald's? I didn't know people with doctorates ate at McDonald's."
Granger blushed slightly but narrowed her eyes. "Oh shut it. I didn't eat, I just thought kids liked McDonald's. And I was right, they finished all their food!"
"Yeah because you fed them chicken nuggets at ten at night. I would have loved it too."
Granger rolled her eyes. "Just because I have an useless degree doesn't mean I know what kids should eat."
Pansy was about to answer that anything other than fast food would have been fine, but she didn't want to push Granger's buttons that much. "So why didn't you eat?"
Granger shrugged. "Wasn't hungry then. I still had the pre-fight jitters from when I thought I was going to fight."
Pansy nodded understandingly even though she had long forgotten about pre-fight jitters. "Are you hungry now?"
Granger considered her for a moment. "What do you have in mind?"
"How about chicken nuggets?"
.
They ended up in a diner down the block where Pansy usually bought her coffee before running errands. They didn't have chicken nuggets, but a big plate of chicken and waffles might have been even better.
"So is your degree the reason you decided to join us on Saturdays?" Pansy asked Granger as she tore off a piece of waffle. "You studied female warriors in theory and now wanted to do it in practice?"
Granger licked off the maple syrup off her finger and looked skeptically at Pansy. "You consider yourselves warriors?"
Pansy shrugged one shoulder. "Not really, but if you think about it, isn't that kind of what I am? I mean what's the real difference between a female viking and myself?"
"You mean aside from the fact that shield-maidens fought in actual wars, yielded hand-made weapons, and decapitated men on their horses?" Granger's eyes had lit up more and more as she spoke.
Pansy's heart raced for no apparent reason. "Wow, sorry, I thought you merely studied them, I had no idea you actually dated one. "
Granger raised her left eyebrow and lowered the cup she was about to drink from. "Wouldn't you?"
Yes. Pansy would.
Despite the fact that Granger claimed her degree was useless, it turned out to be great for conversation with someone who loved fighting as much as Pansy did. She wouldn't go as far as saying she would have done a fucking PhD on the subject, but thankfully nerdy girls like Granger do, and they could explain it all to Pansy without her having to pick up a hundred-year old book.
"My mother told me the story when I was young," Pansy said excitedly after Granger had mentioned Xun Guan. "Did she really prevent her city from being invaded at the age of thirteen?"
They had gone through dinner, plus pie and coffee, and they still hadn't left their booth. Pansy was now talking avidly about her experiences with Judo, which her father tried to teach her when she was young but she never really got the hang of, when the waiter arrived with their bill and a stern look which meant he wanted them gone.
Granger reached for the bill but Pansy stopped her. "I got it, you already paid for the girls' dinner." She stuffed her hand into the pocket of her coat that hung on the back of her chair, but immediately realized there was something wrong.
"What the-" Pansy pulled out a wallet that wasn't hers and understood what had happened as soon as she opened it. "This is Ginevra's wallet. Shit, I must have taken the wrong coat."
In effect, the coat she had was maroon and not her usual green. She couldn't believe she hadn't even noticed until now.
"Oh," Granger said, her expression turning inexplicably sad. "How's Ginny, by the way? After last Saturday?"
Pansy had been glad to keep that subject out of her mind for as long as she had, but she guessed it was likely to come up eventually. "She seems better, though I haven't been able to talk to her much."
Granger nodded gravely. "I was so confused that night, and then the next day I remembered and I just hated myself for not realizing sooner."
Pansy blinked several times, trying to understand what Granger could be talking about. "Wait," she said when she couldn't come up with anything. "What do you mean? Remembered what?"
"It's been a year," Granger said, looking a little surprised that Pansy wasn't aware of this information. "A week ago it was the exact same date as when Ginny managed to... escape. A year ago."
Comprehension dawned on Pansy like a pile of bricks, because of fucking course, it all made sense now. Ginny must have been going through a shitstorm of emotions and awful memories and all Pansy did was…
Break her nose.
Pansy was startled out of her thoughts when Granger's hand landed on top of hers. She was way too warm for this weather. "I'm sure she's fine now," she said.
Pansy nodded. "Yeah I'll try to talk to her later. At least she's got Luna always with her."
Granger's expression changed from concern to pity in a second and Pansy's stomach twisted uncomfortably. "It mustn't be easy living with them."
"What do you mean?" Pansy asked, hoping it wasn't what she thought.
"I just meant that...that…" Granger stammered, looking slightly blushed. "Since, you know,"
Pansy stood up abruptly, feeling anger and embarrassment bubbling up inside her. "It's okay, Granger." She dug into Ginny's wallet and pulled out some money. She'd pay her later. "I should go now, it's late."
"Pansy, wait a second," Granger said as Pansy put the money in the table and grabbed the coat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said-"
"I'll see you around." Pansy turned and headed for the door, ignoring Granger's calls as well as the rush of cold wind that hit her when she exited.
She put the coat on as she walked away, feeling ridiculed by the fact that she had to wear Ginevra's coat or she'd freeze. Granger probably thought it was a big irony, since she was so smart and perceptive.
This was the first time someone confronted Pansy about her feelings for Ginevra, and it was also the first time she could honestly say she hadn't thought about her in a good while. It was just her luck, really. If Ginevra's know-it-all friend was the one distracting Pansy with all her nerdy knowledge, it'd make sense she'd also be the only one to realize Pansy was into Ginevra, right?
Pansy was cold and annoyed and kept trying to curl her hands into fists before being reminded by the pain that she couldn't bend all of her fingers. And what's worse, Ginevra didn't keep her keys in her coat, so she couldn't even get to her room unnoticed like she wanted.
She rang the bell and hoped that life was done being a bitch to her today.
No such luck.
Ginevra opened the door and looked curiously at Pansy.
Pansy sighed and walked past her. "I owe you twenty bucks."
.
Any other night, she might have ignored the obvious and gone straight upstairs to listen to The Indigo Girls until she fell asleep, but she supposed the night had given her enough signs about what she ought to do.
Or perhaps she just wanted to get it over with.
"Do you have a second?" She asked Ginevra after putting her coat back on the hanger.
She nodded. "Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you. I was going to make tea, do you want some?"
Pansy shook her head because she'd already had coffee and didn't want to spend the whole night getting up to pee.
They went to the kitchen and Pansy noticed how nervous and twitchy Ginevra was, which, if she had seen her like that before the fight, she would have advised her not to do it. That was something she had learned a long time ago; if you were anxious or paranoid, fighting did not help.
"How are you feeling?" Pansy asked as Ginevra prepared the kettle.
Ginevra shrugged. "Better I suppose. I've had like four chamomiles, though, and I don't seem to be able to calm down enough to sleep."
Pansy nodded understandingly and took a seat behind the small table. "Listen, I'm sorry about the other night, I was being an asshole, and a forgetful one at that."
Ginevra sat down looking at Pansy incredulously. "Are you kidding? I was the asshole! Didn't you see me practically screaming at you sporting a raging nosebleed? I was borderline maniac!"
"But you have a reason to be even worse than maniac," Pansy said, honestly. She couldn't imagine what she'd be like if she had gone through what Ginevra had been through. "I was just an asshole because that's my sport apparently."
Ginevra shook her head softly and stared at her hands on the table, scraping some of her red nail polish off. "I just lost it. The entire day I couldn't stop thinking about how it's been a year. A whole fucking year. And where the hell am I?"
Pansy frowned, shocked that that's where Ginevra's mind was taking her. "You're here. That's the most important thing of all. You're here and not there. Not with him."
"Yes, I'm here." Ginevra nodded rapidly and tapped down on the table a couple of times. Pansy was definitely not helping her relax. "The same exact place I was a year ago. Doing the exact same things every day and with the exact same shitty mindset."
Pansy felt speechless. She couldn't even begin to explain to her how different she was from the girl who knocked on their door a year ago.
"And then I realized that I also had never beaten you since I arrived here. Not even close." Ginevra smiled joylessly and then sighed. "I guess I thought that if I could win I wouldn't feel like I'm the exact same person I was a year ago. But I couldn't even do that and made a fool of myself in the process. "
Pansy felt a rush of sadness that was much greater than what she had been feeling so far, because suddenly she was able to see herself in Ginevra and it wasn't pretty. Fighting was so important to Ginevra now and that was something she had learned from Pansy, just when Pansy was trying to step away from that.
She put her right elbow on the table, practically shoving her hand on Ginevra's face. "You kicked my ass. Even if I had tried to continue the fight like we both foolishly wanted, I probably would have broken two more fingers before you finished knocking me out." She covered Ginevra's hand with her own like Granger had done in the diner. "Not that it matters, Ginevra, but you won that fight."
Ginevra smiled a little more genuinely this time. "Thanks. But you're right, it doesn't matter. I still haven't done anything worth anyone's time in over a year and I should have known winning one fight was not gonna change that."
Pansy squeezed Ginevra's hand and felt a jolt of pain on her finger. "How about single handedly escaping a psychopath who messed with your head for months? How about being free to go whatever you want and be whoever you want? How about getting a cute girlfriend who loves you as much as you love her?" Pansy didn't mean to sound so aggravated, but she needed Ginevra to understand. "How about fucking surviving? Which is a lot more than some people in these situations can say?"
It was all silent for a moment, only the faint whisper of the kettle heating up. Ginevra blinked a few times, her mouth in a thin line but her hands slightly less shaky.
"If they're dead they obviously can't say it," she murmured before holding in her goofy laugh.
"Shut up," Pansy shoved her lightly and rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to be sentimental here."
"Sorry, sorry," Ginevra giggled, but her eyes seemed rather watery. "I understand what you mean. I just think… I should be doing more."
Pansy shrugged. "Welcome to the club. But seriously, you could do anything you want. Including- but not limited to- kicking my ass on Saturdays. Just know that I will take revenge."
"I expect nothing less." Ginevra turned her hand over and carefully laced her fingers with Pansy's.
Generally Pansy tried not to let herself daydream too much. She felt corny doing it and it never lead to anything good, just more and more unrestricted daydreaming. But she knew that if she had let herself daydream more about Ginevra, she would have imagined a moment like this; the two of them holding hands in the kitchen in the middle of the night while they prepared tea. She'd feel warm, happy, and complete as she and Ginevra stared into each other's eyes lovingly.
But none of that was there. She was glad she managed to make Ginevra feel better, and she didn't feel particularly uncomfortable or dissatisfied with her life, but most of the feelings she had imagined didn't match with her actual feelings.
And there was a lingering thought that kept bothering her in the back of her mind, but it was hard to focus on it right now.
"You're my best friend, you know?" Ginevra said and squeezed Pansy's hand carefully.
Pansy felt the warmth make an appearance. "You too. Even though your clavicle broke my hand."
Ginevra frowned and pulled her hand back softly. "My clavicle? I thought it was my nose?"
Pansy shook her head. "Nope. I hit you there with my other hand after I broke this one with your clavicle."
Ginevra faked gasped. "You could have fractured my clavicle!"
Pansy nodded. "Believe me, I was trying," she said sarcastically and stood up to turn off the kettle that was starting to whistle.
They stayed there for a while longer, talking about an art show that Luna had taken Ginevra to, about music, about decorating the house more, and making a visible effort not to talk about fighting or anything similar, because even though they didn't say it, they both knew they had let it consume their lives more than they had meant to.
.
Pansy had another run-in with the press that Monday. She was supposed to do a self-defense workshop at a local Institute so she arrived there early to set up and get ready. Instead she was greeted by a journalist and blogger who claimed she just wanted to ask a few questions for an article she was writing on self-defense.
Pansy wished she could have seen what was coming so she could have self-defended against this woman's metaphorical choke hold.
"So you don't teach self defense to cis men?"
Pansy stretched her triceps overhead and rolled her eyes. "No, Linda, as I told you many times already, I don't."
Linda hummed and typed into her tiny laptop. "And what about gay men?"
"Actually, I can recommend some great organizations who help gay men who are at risk of violence and they do self-defense courses every-"
"But you don't do it."
Pansy sighed and straightened up. "No."
Linda nodded. "And what about-"
"Look Linda," Pansy interrupted. "The class is about to start, so unless you want to learn about what I actually do, I think there's nothing else for you here."
Linda was unsurprisingly offended and closed down her laptop abruptly. "Of course I was going to stay and document the class! What kind of journalist do you take me for?"
Pansy didn't answer but she couldn't help pulling a face.
"Well, if this is how you treat other women then I definitely don't want to be in your class." She begun picking up her things while huffing indignantly.
Pansy smiled the biggest smile she could muster right then and waved as Linda left. "Can't wait to read the the article!"
After that an array of girls and women, mostly college-aged, poured into the small gym. There was a photography student who wanted to take pictures of the class, but Pansy didn't allow that seeing as some women attended the class without their families or abusive partners knowing and who knows where those pictures might end up.
Surprisingly, the girl agreed without arguing and even apologized. Pansy had forgotten what it was like to talk to amicable strangers. This might not be such a bad day after all.
When she was about to begin, Pansy noticed a bushy head of hair at the back of the room and stopped in her tracks. Everyone stared at her for a moment, wondering why she had stopped talking, including Granger who suddenly moved into view from behind another girl and smiled at Pansy.
"Sorry," Pansy continued, trying to concentrate again and not think about why Granger was there. "As I was saying, I recently broke my finger as you can all see." She raised her right hand. "It wasn't self-defending myself thankfully, but it will make my demonstrations a little bit more awkward as I'm right handed, but I think we'll manage. Is everyone ready?"
There were some enthusiastic shouts as well as some unsure nods, and then Pansy began leading the warm up as she asked general questions about self-defense to assess the level of knowledge she was dealing with.
She should have known who would be raising their hand the most.
After that she demonstrated with her left hand the proper way to make a fist as well as other hand positions that come in handy when under assault. People usually think you're not going to remember all the little tips and tricks that will help you when under attack, but the reality was that muscle memory kicks in before any other brain function can even start to remember what you're supposed to do, so as long as you practice the movements at home a few times a week, your body will almost 'defend itself.'
Classes like this were the reason she dedicated herself to teaching. It wasn't the small group of women who had taken many of her classes over the years and where somewhat or very experienced. These girls were after new knowledge and keeping themselves safe, and just by knowing that there was a group of girls out there who was as prepared as you can be because they made the choice to attend her class, it made it all worth it.
"Right," Pansy said after explaining basic attack and defense moves. "Enough theory, let's get into the practice."
There was excited chatter all around the gym and Pansy smiled. This was, of course, her favorite part.
"Get in pairs. If there's an odd number I'll join in as well."
Everyone began to move and pair up, and Pansy remembered Granger and felt inexplicably excited about the thought of pairing up with her. It probably made sense though, as she was the only one she knew there.
It was short lived, however, because someone approached Granger and the two of them began to practice the basic moves Pansy had taught before. As she walked around seeing if there was anyone missing a partner, she felt increasingly angry at herself for being disappointed about Granger. She didn't have time for petty feelings like that, she had a class to teach.
They were an even number, so Pansy instructed them to choose an attacker between them and start executing the proper defensive moves. She supervised and made corrections to each pair when needed. It was great so see a large group of women collaborating together to help each other, and even though the real reason they were all there was certainly not a happy one, they could still find a way to have fun and forget for a while that they might have to use all of this in a real situation.
After a while Pansy told them all to switch so the other person could get a chance to try the defenses as she continued supervising. She had been purposefully leaving it for last because she didn't want to give the impression that she'd give special treatment to anyone just because she knew them, but she could no longer avoid walking by where Granger was.
She also couldn't help but stare for a while because Granger was doing an incredible job. She really excelled when given instructions, because she was doing everything exactly as Pansy had explained, even pinpointing the look Pansy had called 'crazy feminist who'd rip your balls out if you ever touch another girl like this again'.
"Excellent form," she heard herself saying as Granger managed to get the other girl in a headlock. "Yes, and now take her down!"
Pansy said before realizing she was getting weirdly excited about self-defense. "Gently," she added awkwardly.
Granger brought the girl down to the floor and then released her and they helped each other up. Pansy nodded encouragingly at the both of them, her cheeks hot and her eyes mostly focused on the girl she knew.
"Right." She clapped her hands together, bringing everyone's attention back to her. "The last thing we'll work on is escapes. Some self-defense courses focus mostly or firstly on this, but I think is more important to know what to do when escape is not possible. Now that we've covered that, let's show some escaping techniques." She looked around the room, her eyes finally landing on Granger and Pansy gulped.
"Who wants to volunteer?"
Granger's hand shot up before she even finished speaking. And Pansy's stomach did a somersault.
"Alright. Let's go to the front."
Pansy went through some brief explanations about the types of movements that would throw off at attacker, as well as a story about how her friend (Daphne) had escaped a choke-hold by screaming so shrilly the guy actually lost his balance and fell back, giving her the chance to effectively kick her way to freedom.
"Now, we're not gonna do that here," she said because she'd had some students who didn't quite get that. She turned to Granger. "In his situation you can't scream, bite, or gauge my eyes out."
"Bummer." Granger smiled cheekily.
Pansy had difficulty swallowing the retort at the tip of her tongue and addressed the rest of the class. "But if you're ever in a situation like this do scream and bite and scratch everything you can reach."
Pansy walked around Granger placed her hands in her shoulders and held her still. "You need to free yourself from my hold, but really do it. Don't do soft or pretend; I'm really going to use with all my strength."
Granger seemed unusually stiff, but she nodded and took a deep breath before Pansy quickly grabbed her arms and pulled them back to hold them together at Granger's back, taking care not to further hurt her injured hand.
Granger struggled for a moment trying to release her arms and then she threw her head back with force.
"Good," Pansy said as she avoided getting hit. "The back of your head can really hurt their nose. But it didn't work. What's next?"
Granger stepped on Pansy's foot and even though it hurt it wasn't enough. "Harder! That won't work on everybody!"
Granger lifted her foot to try again but Pansy stepped back and twisted Granger's wrists slightly. "The attacker is getting angry at you for trying to get away."
"Fuck," Granger murmured under her breath and Pansy couldn't help but smirk. She must be really frustrated if she was cursing.
Suddenly, Pansy was being shoved back and she hit the wall behind her roughly. Granger had pushed back with all her force and was now trying to crush Pansy against the wall, which wouldn't have been a bad idea in a real situation, the problem for Pansy was that now she found herself thinking of all the ways in which Granger's body was pressed up against hers and even noticed how soft the skin of her arms was and how good her large mass of hair smelled. Pansy felt like the biggest pervert on the planet.
That is, until Granger threw her head back again and this time hit Pansy right on the nose. She loosened her grip from the shock and pain and Granger freed her arms, which she then used to elbow Pansy on the stomach and send her crumbling to the floor.
Granger turned around excitedly. "I did it!" But her face fell when she saw Pansy curled up and checking to see if her nose was bleeding. Thankfully it wasn't.
Pansy looked up at her with a mixture of awe and anger and, in all honestly, still slightly turned on.
It didn't help when the rest of the class began clapping.
"Sorry, sorry!" she kept apologizing. "But you said not to hold back!"
Granger helped Pansy get up and even observed her nose up close, giving Pansy a rare opportunity to look at all the shades of brown of her eyes. Pansy felt out of breath all over again.
She must have suffered a blow to the head too.
"It's okay," Pansy said stepping back. "I'm fine." She addressed the rest of the class because for the past few minutes she had even forgotten they were there. Pansy cleared her throat. "I wish we had time for another demonstration, but at least I think we can agree that surprise is always the best weapon to have under your sleeve." She indicated Granger who blushed slightly. "And just by being here today, you've already got it on your side. An attacker is never expecting women to fight back, and even less to be good at it. So fight. Practice. Be good. And most importantly, take care of each other. Thank you."
The class clapped again and some girls approached Pansy to thank her and ask a few questions, which she gladly answered. It had been a good class overall, despite getting her ass unexpectedly kicked at the end of it.
"Hey," Granger asked Pansy once most of the people had left. "Are you sure you're fine? We could stop and see the nurse before we leave if you'd like."
Pansy shook her head. "No don't worry I'm...wait what do you mean before 'we' leave?"
Granger smiled, picked up her gym bag and brushed Pansy's shoulder as she walked past her. "Oh, I'm taking you out for lunch."
Pansy stared after her with half a mind to tell her to shove it for being so incredibly nosy and controlling, but the other half of her mind was just trying to comprehend since when she enjoyed being bossed around so much.
After a moment of indecision, she followed Granger out of the gym.