*****Holy crap! I never would have imagined something I had sitting in my scraps folder would get this sort of response from you all. I'm glad you all liked it! As requested I'm adding a response from Smokescreen. Personally I don't think it's as good as Ratchet's but lets face it; Ratchet is good...very good. Maybe Smokescreen's pathetic attempt to piss on his parade will elicit an even better Ratchet response. One can only hope.*****

AUTOBOT CENTCOM

1st BATTALION ARK-1 AUTOBOT AIR FORCE

06 February 2009

MEMORANDUM FOR: Chief Medical Officer

FROM: Diversionary Tactician/Psychological Officer

SUBJECT: RE: Go frag yourself Smokescreen

Go frag yourself Smokescreen? This is what I get for trying to help you? It is obvious that you are not taking me or my job seriously; so I am trying a different tactic. Let's see how the doctor likes his own medicine shall we? The numbers next to my responses coincide with the numbers used in your original message.

1. I wouldn't say that the Lamborghini twins are "insane". In my professional opinion I'd say it's more a case of CPU trauma. Like what one might obtain from repeated hits to the head from a blunt object; like a wrench. I can't imagine how that could of happened.

2 and 21. Bumblebee may not be cute or innocent but at least he isn't wearing red underwear.

3 and 15. Jazz knows all huh? I guess that includes the message you sent me. Barrel of high grade says he told Prowl about your spelling errors.

4 and 22. I know you and Wheeljack have made picking on each other a hobby but I don't think that gives you the right to exaggerate his injuries. There is no way Wheeljack has managed to blow his left hand off that many times.

5. Red Alert's personality flaws are due to a glitch. What's your excuse?

6. Excessive bitching? You are now the official Prime of Hypocrisy.

7. I think the Dinobots' wanting to make your med bay "pretty" was very sweet. You must admit, the place did look kind of dull before.

8. Ok so Bluestreak tends to be a little chatty. But at least he doesn't include enough cursing in his conversations to make a human sailor blush like you do. Go frag myself indeed.

9. I'd hardly call duct tape a "marvel".

10. One is trigger happy and the other is blunt object happy; I'd say vans have more sanity issues than Datsuns.

11, 12, and 13. If Wheeljack didn't have access to flammable, explosive, toxic, radioactive, poisonous, or corrosive items you probably wouldn't have half the wonderful medical tools you are so fond of.

14. Oranges can make napalm?

16. You hate whoever gave Sideswipe his jet pack. Correct me if I'm wrong but wasn't it Sideswipe's jetpack that saved your aft last year when a missile sent you over a cliff?

17. Since you chose a human saying as your motto I suppose I should use a human reply. Your motto sucks ass.

18. The incident with Cliffjumper…an anti-gravity unit, half a truckload of ball bearings, three light bulbs, a spool of copper wire, and a kitten.

19. Who cares if Ironhide is ticklish? You still recharge with a turbo fox plushy.

20. Your aerodynamic wrench has nothing on my shoulder missiles.

// SIGNED //

SMOKESCREEN, DIVERSIONARY TACTICIAN/PSYCH OPS, AUTOBOT