"I cannot believe this," Leah hissed. They were all walking through the woods in human form, as they had just started practise and were still in people's view. "I have to fight Lupin? What the hell type of name is that, anyway? Can't I fight Greyback? Why does Jacob get all the fun?"
"Now, now, Leah," said Sam tiredly. It had been a long day. "We must play the cards we're dealt."
Leah glared furiously at him until he hastily mumbled an apology.
Collin and Brady sighed. They had never signed up for this. After knowing that they weren't even real werewolves, they were kind of pissed off. And what, they get mentioned once in the book and have to fight?
"We're all pretty tense," admitted Jacob. "But we have to calm down or we'll never beat them! And you know I'm doing Bella in the forest every Tuesday – so we better finish by the end of the week!"
"But Jacob, I thought you were with Nessie!" stammered Collin in surprise.
"Oh, that, her therapist told her that our relationship was 'unhealthy'. Come on. She's 7, she can handle it...whatever. Like doing a guy you thought as your uncle before is unhealthy. What a quack, right?"
"You've changed, man," said Brady, shaking his head. Jacob phased, his clothes tearing and ripping in anger. Sam Uley glared at him until he settled down.
"Alright. Pair off – er, sorry Leah. Well, pick a partner. The odd one out can run around the forest – and we'll each have a go at that." Sam phased.
You mean, thought Leah furiously after she turned, that I eventually have to partner with YOU?
No! I mean, I...don't think so... Sam sighed. He seriously resented imprinting.
You guys quit being such babies. I have to go...
What, Jacob?! Why??
Bella's free right now, that's why...Edward is practising or something like that...he doesn't seem to care that his wife is cheating on him...as long as it makes her happy, and I assure you it does.
OH MY GOD DID YOU REALLY NEED TO VISUALISE IT?
I'm out

Voldemort stroked the giant snake, deep in his thoughts. These consisted mostly of; God, I have to fight that pansy ass James, why won't that freaking Harry Potter die already and Bellatrix looks hot tonight. The aforementioned hot chick was sitting on the floor, her eyes closed, wand sitting a few feet away from her.
"What," Fenrir Greyback wanted to know, "are you doing?"
"Meditating. I find that it helps me perform magic without my wand...or at least helps me draw my wand to me. Observe." She breathed in deeply and held out her hand – the wand lifted slightly, dragged along the floor and stopped halfway to her hand. Bella sighed. "I'm getting it, anyway. I have discovered that my previous actions were not acceptable, and I would apologise to the families of those killed had I not killed them as well. But it's a start."
Voldemort stifled a groan. Nagini was jumpy – after having his head stuck back on with spello-tape for the sole purpose of this story, he was a little paranoid. It was very annoying, having been taken out of his natural habitat and been made a slave by some bald guy. Then have his head sliced off by that bad ass with a round face? It was quite overwelhming. Plus, his body seemed a little crowded ever since the bald guy decided he needed to be even more immortal...neurotic much?
"Fenrir," sighed Bellatrix. "Stop scratching yourself." For the purpose of this story, Fenrir Greyback had been turned into a werewolf for the time being even though it was not the full moon – the Twilight wolves can do it, why can't he?
"It is so on." He growled.