The meyerpires were congregated up in the mountains, most of them sitting on the floor, all except Benjamin and Zafrina, who were fighting.
"Why are we practising on each other again? Isn't the fight between the magical world and the meyerpire world?" Tia looked up at Zafrina, who looked a little pissed off. Well, why shouldn't she be? Ben, who had gotten all the cool powers, for some reason, did not cringe at all when she showed him pictures of the most horrifying incidents known to man.
"Because," she snapped, whirling around to face Tia's chagrined face. "Who the hell else are we gonna practise on? If we can beat one of our own, we can beat anyone. Whatever..." Peter and Charlotte took one look at the chagrin on Zafrina's face, chuckled, murmuring once more to one another.
"Did you eat?"
"Oh...yeah...I feel bloated...those damn McDonald's kids are too fat for my liking..."
"Let's make out, my love." And so they did.
Benjamin was about to blow Zafrina to the floor with his super-cool control over the elements, when Zafrina suddenly showed him the worst possible thing you could ever show a man – or anyone, for that matter...
"AH!!!" Benjamin clutched his head and fell to the floor. He writhed and screamed in agony. Zafrina flounced away, smirking.
"What did you show him?" asked Tanya, as Kate ran to Ben's side.
"I showed him Bella's birthing scene. In High Def."
They all shuddered ever so slightly. Breaking Dawn was SUCH a fail.

Bathilda Bagshot stumbled clumsily from the kitchen, her eyes glued on a book titled, Ways to destroy insensibly perfect vampires by Eyeh Eight Myer. She pursed her lips when the door rang, mumbling angrily to herself while she stomped to the door, book still in hand.
"What?" she snapped. "I'm a busy woman, keep it short."
"Well, hi!" The sales assistant with unnaturally white teeth beamed at Bathilda. "How are you today? Have I got a great deal for you!"
"I don't want any." Bathilda was prepared to slam the door in the young man's face, but the smile was hypnotising. She could not look away.
"Why, I'm sure I can change your mind! Listen to this; if you buy this beauty pack, not only will you be more beautiful than you already are, which is quite amazing, I might add," he smiled at her again, "But I will also throw in a completely free eyelash curler! Though of course you might not need it, you could give it to a friend who is jealous of your good looks." Bathilda knew that he was paid to say these things, but she could not help but melt slightly when he flashed her an even more brilliant smile.
"And," he went on, noticing Batilda's captivated stare, "5% of the profits go to charity!"
"Which charity?" Bathilda didn't care much, but figured this was something to say while she was getting her cheque book out.
"The RSPCF."
"The what?"
"The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Fish."
"What a noble cause! Put me down for 7."
"Ma'am, this is for the RSPCF, can't you do better than that?"
"Sorry. 15."
"Why thank you, ma'am! You'll be helping salmon and carp all around the globe be killed without hurting too much."
"Call me Bath." Bathilda smiled at him seductively, scribbling her name on her muggle cheque, all the while captivated by his enchanting smile.
"Bath, then," he said, taking the cheque, and putting it into the bag filled with other money he'd managed to con out of old ladies. He walked down the path, while Bathilda leaned on her doorway and waved.
"Such is life." He grinned when she was out of an earshot.

NOTE: I'm getting the feeling not many people are getting this – just tell me what you don't get in the reviews and I'll explain. Also I'm getting the feeling not many people like it – chill the best and worst are yet to come