I know, I know. It's been ages since I posted the last chapter. That's the funny thing about college, time just seems to fade away. So, sorry that I'm just now posting chapter 14. I'm not going to quit on this story, but don't expect new chapters to come out that fast. I'm a sophomore biology major in college and I'm very involved in campus life, so it's hard to find time to write. But I'm going to continue.

So, last chapter we left off with the arrival of Tessa and a Silent Brother.

I don't really know what happened. One second I was arguing with Maryse, and the next I was trying to attack my brother. Nothing can compare to the shame I am feeling over my actions right now. Nothing. But of course Tessa and the Silent Brother would show up right when I was out of control. Ugh, they probably think I'm some reckless kid that can't control her emotions.

"Clarissa Morgenstern…" Tessa breaks the silence, "I never thought I'd live to meet someone like me."

"Like you?" She's half demon…I guess I am part demon too.

"I know it's hard to grasp. I still remember the day I learned about my blood too. It wasn't an easy road."

I didn't know what to say. I don't even know what to think about myself right now, let alone what to say to some stranger who's supposed to fix me. I break out of my thoughts to find Jace's eyes locked on mine. We were still on the ground in each other's arms. Blue tears on his cheeks. I really need to learn to control this so I can stop dragging him straight into pain.

"You're here to teach me, right?" Jace and I stand up, finally breaking free from our embrace. As soon as he let go of my body, I felt nervous. Like I needed to latch onto him right there.

"Yes. I'm not really sure what we're up against with you, but from what I just saw we're going to have an interesting road ahead of us," said Tessa.

I could sense that Tessa was an old soul. She spoke like she'd lived a thousand lives, and she exuded confidence. Maybe she could teach me how to carry myself like that after she fixes me. I could tell that no one knew what to say as the silence returned to the room. I spoke up suggesting that we all retire for the night due to the crazy events that just happened. Magnus came back and showed the new guests to their rooms.

Jace and I walked up the stairs toward our room, and I wondered if it would still be our room after Magnus revealed that he actually has more rooms available. I know Jace and I haven't known each other for a long time, but I just really enjoy his company. I hope he feels the same. Maybe we can even continue to share our room. I walked in behind him, shutting the door on my way. He turned to look at me, and I noticed the blue tears still falling down his cheeks. My heart hurt knowning I caused this.

"Jace, I'm sorry that I-"

"Clary. Don't."

"But-"

Jace moved closer to me, making me lose my train of thought. Suddenly I began to feel nervous, and looked down at my feet. When I looked back up I met his eyes staring right into mine. He began to walk even closer, leaving only a few inches of space in between us. What's he thinking that head of his?

I looked up at him, feeling small, but confident. Everything seemed to slow down as he began to lean in closer. The only thing that existed was Jace and I. He used his thumb to brush the stray curls out of my face, lingering there for a second before his other hand found it's way to the small of my back. I knew that my heart was racing, and wondered if he could tell.

The space between us completely disappeared as he leaned even further down towards me until there was no space left. At first it was gentle, but then the build up of tension exploded into a passionate kiss as his lips met mine. Jace's hands were exploring my body while mine became entangled in his golden locks. I could get used to this. As the kiss ended, we both stood there breathing heavily with our forheads resting together.

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to do that," said Jace.

I felt my cheeks turn red, and couldn't help but smile at him.

"I don't want you to be sorry for losing control again. This is a new thing for you and me both, but I'm gonna be here while we figure this out okay?" He moved more of my curls behind my ear as he spoke.

"I don't know what to say…I..thank you." My mind was blank and I couldn't think about anything but that kiss. Our first kiss.

"I'm sure we are both a little drained from today. What do you say we get some sleep?"

"Sounds good to me Jace."

He reluctantly removed his hands from my face and linked one of them in my hand, pulling me after him. We didn't bother changing into pajamas, we just got in bed and slept.

The next morning I woke to Jace looking at me. Was he watching me sleep? Kinda creepy…but I like it.

"Jace."

"Clarissa."

"Were you watching me sleep?"

"No." He was talking with a slight smile in his lips. Gosh why is he so goodlooking.

"I don't believe you," said Clary.

"I was listening to you call out my name in your sleep. That's completely different than watching you."

I felt the embarrassment creep up on my face as I wondered if I actually was calling out his name in my sleep. I mean it wouldn't be the first time I talked in my sleep. I looked at Jace, watching as his expression changed from playful serious to full on laughing. I should have known he was just messing with me. "Jace that's not funny."

"If you saw the look on your face, you would have thought it was funny."

I ignored his laughter and tried my best to change the subject. "What are we going to say to Maryse and Robert? Oh gosh and my brother."

"Let me talk to Maryse and Robert and you go talk to Sebastian."

"Think they are awake yet?" Clary asked.

"Why don't we go find out." Jace shot up out of bed, still dressed in his clubbing clothes, and made his way to find the Lightwoods.

"Here goes nothing." I followed Jace out and started searching rooms until I found the one Seb had slept in. I knocked a couple times before he let me in, and I was left there to face him. It started with him staring at me, emotionless, causing an uneasy feeling to pulse in my gut.

"I don't want to hear you tell me you're sorry 500 times, just tell me straight up what in the angel you were thinking." Sebastian sounded more pissed than I'd ever heard him before.

"I wasn't thinking." It was the truth, and after it came out of my mouth it dawned on me that there were probably millions of other ways I could have handled this. "Look Seb, I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me. I was mad at you for assuming that Jace and I had…well you know…and I acted impulsively."

"Did you ever think about what would have happened if you died?" Sebastian looked down at his hands, and I knew he was holding back the tears.

It didn't cross my mind once. He'd be left with a dead mother, a dead sister, and a pyscotic father. The thought makes me gag. My brother was hurting and instead of being there for him I walked to my what was likely my death. I knew I wasn't thinking, but man I really wasn't thinking.

I get on my knees, placing my hands on top of Sebastian's fiddling fingers, and look at him. We sat there for a good minute until I began to explain everything to my brother. He went through cycles of being angry, to being sad, and then to being angry all over again. This was one of the hardest conversations I'd been stuck in in a while. Even though he doesn't want to admit it, I think Seb understands why I did what I did. I mean he's still mad at me, but he knows I didn't have very many options to chose from.

After I finish explaining everything about the past couple of days, I begin to tackle telling Seb about what I am, or what we think I am. Basically, in the simplest ways of saying this, I have a third parent. I mean not literally, but I have my mother and father who were both shadowhunters, and for almost my whole life I was injected with a demon's blood. This very demonic blood became fused with my own, kinda like if I had a third parent's DNA. I guess I could have a fourth parent considering I was also injected with angel blood, but that was already in my system. I wonder what demon my dad got the blood from, and how did he get angel blood? So many questions are running through my mind.

"So this Tessa person is going to help you?" Sebastian was understanding the whole story better than I had expected him to.

"Yeah. I should probably go find her and see what her plan is."

"Alright, well once the Lightwoods get everything figured out we'll probably head back to Idris."

"Don't leave without saying bye, alright?"

"Wouldn't dream of it Clare-bear."

The talk with my brother went much better than I had imagined. He was angry, but he was more understanding after he knew the whole story. I can only hope it went that well for Jace. I need to go find Tessa so we can start my training. The fastest way to find her is probably through Magnus, so I went to his room for help. After a small conversation about last night, Magnus took me to Tessa.

"Tessa. I've brought you your new prodigee," Magnus looked from Tessa to me and then back to Tessa again. "Make sure you two biscuits get to know each other as you train." And with that I was alone with a stranger.

"How are you feeling Clary?"

"About as good as you'd expect after the past couple of days."

"Listen, I know we're complete strangers right now, but you should know that you can come to me with anything." Tessa seemed genuine. It's surprising how much she seems to want to help me considereing this is our first conversation. She must have a good heart.

"I'll keep that in mind. So, what are we going to do in training today?"

"From the small amount of information that I have on your abilities right now, I think we need to have you work on controlling your transition."

"You want me to turn back into that thing?" The thought gave me chills.

"Will that be a problem for you?"

I watched as Tessa crossed her arms, keeping her eyes on me. She's really going to make me turn over and over again until I get control isn't she? I guess there's not really any other way for me to find control, but still. If I want to learn then I have no choice.

"It won't be a problem. Just know that when I'm in that form, I have no control over myself…" I paused for a second thinking of last night. I almost struck my own brother with that sword. "Be prepared to fight me."

"I don't think we'll have too many issues. Let's just get this going and we'll find out." Tessa seems very confident that she can handle me. I wonder what all this chick can really do.

Both times I've turned into this monster, I was experiencing elevated emotions. With my father it was anger and last night it was more stress related. Maybe if I just convince myself that I'm angry than I'll turn. So, I start to think of my father and all of the beatings he'd given me in the past. One in particular came to mind.

I was around the age of 10 at this point in life. It was the middle of the night, my whole family was asleep including myself. I woke up to a couple sounds from the living room, almost like someone had broken into the institute. So, me being the brave shadowhunter I thought I was, I ran out into the living room with nothing to protect myself. I'm not really sure what I was thinking going in there without a blade or even a bat.

Right as I walked into the living room, I knew something was off. It was pitch black, but I could feel someone's presence in the room.

"Who's there?" I called out, hoping it would be Sebastian trying to pull a prank on me.

I was responded with silence. As the fear starting to set in a bag was thrown over my head and I was dragged out of the institute. Whoever it was threw me in the back of a van and drove away. Laying there, my gut ached, and I knew my father was the one who had taken me. Who else would go to all of this trouble to steal some random shadowhunter child.

I laid there thinking about what would have happened if I never left my bed earlier that night. Would he have dragged me out to the van? Or would he have left me in peace?

We reached our destination, and I was pulled out of the van.

"Daddy?"

"No time for talking. The night is young and we have too much to do before the sun comes up."

"Why did it have to be me? Why daddy?"

I couldn't see his facial expressions due to the stupid bag over my head, but I knew he was smiling. My pain had always made him feel good. It was that night that I realized I needed to stop calling him daddy. He was no father, just some sadistic maniac.

Valentine pulled me through a few sets of doors, down some stairs and then he let go of me. I don't know if I mentioned it earlier, but my hands had been cuffed behind my back preventing me from doing much of anything. I knew talking would just anger him, so I stood there waiting for his first move.

Although I couldn't see where I was, I could sense that I was somewhere near water. I could smell the lake, and I could even feel a cool breeze. There must be a window in this room. He either has me in a building right next to the water…or maybe he has me on a boat?

My thought process was blatantly interrupted by the sound of a whip. It didn't hit me, just scared the living shit out of me. Valentine must be building up tension until he actually strikes me with that thing. What kind of man beats up a young child? Scratch that. What kind of coward beats up a restrained young child, completely unable to fend for herself? That right there… That's just cruel.

I heard the whip twice more, each time hitting something that was closer to me. I probably had seconds left until he was actually going to start beating me. I wish he would stop with all of this waiting, and just get to it. His tactic right now is really making me on edge.

I felt all of the muscles in my body tense up as the next whip hit the ground just a few inches from my bare feet. About thirty seconds passed before I felt the whip hit my calves, but it wasn't just the whip that I felt. Right as the whip came into contact with my skin, Valentine pushed something into my side.

I screamed… I screamed, calling on the angels to come and save me. To take me away from this torture… but I knew I was stuck here. No help would be coming my way. I knew exactly what Valentine had pressed into my side when I immediately fell to the ground shaking, convulsing. I knew he was a crazy man, but I didn't think he'd ever taze me.

That night was full of the unknown. Valentine switched between the whip to the tazer randomly, striking me over and over until I could no longer feel anything. I was numb. He never uncuffed my hands or removed the bag from my head, so through the entire beating, I was in the dark. That night was one of the worst nights I'd ever experienced.

All of the pain, the anger and the fear crept out of the back of my mind and into every inch of my body. I felt myself starting to turn, and knew it would only be seconds before I lost control. The transition was complete when everything started to look different. Through my left eye everything was dark and through my right everything was white. My whole body felt light, like I could fly, but I was still grounded.

"Clary. I know you can hear me. I want you to take some deep breaths until you feel like you have control okay?" Tessa didn't even sound scared at all.

I try to take deep breaths, but nothing happens. I really have no control of myself right now. All I can do is just stare at Tessa. I look at her and notice her hand resting on the seraph blade in her belt. She wants to hurt me. She wants to fight me. I have to get rid of her.

I stare at her as the blinding white in my right eye leaves, and everything turns black. In my right hand, I now held the same sword that I struck my father with the other day. I haven't taken the time to look at it before, but it's beautiful. It's glowing white and looks similar to the sword that Raziel was holding the other night in my dream. Could this be his sword?

I come out of my thoughts to see Tessa slowly backing away from me, but there's still no fear anywhere in her expression. Very intresting. I remember hearing my dad's thoughts the other day when everything was black like this…maybe I can hear Tessa's. Then I'll know her plan of attack.

I clentch my sword harder and focus on Tessa's eyes. Maybe if I stare into them hard enough then I'll have access to her head. I wait about thirty seconds before looking away. That wasn't really working. Okay deep breath Clary, just let her thoughts flow into our own thoughts. Become one with the silent brother within.

I thought she was going to strike me, but she looks like she's thinking right now. Maybe she's finding control.. trying to turn back into her normal self. Come on Clary you can do this. Come on.

Ah. There we go. So I can hear peoples thoughts when both of my eyes are black. That's gonna come in handy later. Intrestingly though, she wasn't thinking about her plan of attack. I thought she wanted to hurt me. They always want to hurt me. Maybe she is safe. Maybe she is right. I guess I will try the breathing thing.

In. Out.

In. Out.

In…hey. The white is back in my right eye and my sword is gone. I guess I'm back to how I was before I got angry and everything fizzed black. Does this mean the breathing is working? Huh, let's find out.

In. Out.

In. Out.

In. Out.

Meanwhile, back in Maryse and Robert's room…

"It was a tough situation. We get it Jace, but next time please let us in."

"I know Maryse. It was stupid, but reckless is kind of my thing if you haven't noticed."

I should feel guilt, I know that, but I am empty of that emotion. I love Maryse and Robert, but they must know that no leash is made to hold a Herondale. It's in our blood to fight for others even when the odds aren't our own. Before my father passed, he taught me how to be a Herondale. No matter if it puts me in harms way, I will live the life my father and my ancestors also lived. They were heroes. I came back from my thoughts to find Maryse and Robert both staring at me with worry.

What in the angel…his eyes. What's happening to his eyes..

"What is it?" I swear I just heard Maryse talking to me…but her lips weren't moving.

"Honey, you're eyes…."

"They're gorgeous, I know."

"They're leaking blue, son." As soon as those words left Robert's mouth I knew Clary had gone rogue.

I run out of the room, darting down hallways searching for her.

Back to Clary's point of view.

As I take deep breath after deep breath, I feel myself slowly breaking down. The feeling of gravity coming back, completely grounding me. I no longer feel as light as I did a second ago. My vision is beginning to turn back to normal too, the black and the white falling away until they are both completely gone. I fall to my knees right as the door opens and someone comes running in. I look to my side to find a hand resting there and follow the arm up to his face.

"Jace." I immediately notice the blue falling down his face again. I wonder if that hurts him.

"What happened? What made you turn?"

"Tessa was teaching me to control it."

"You should have told me Clary. I need to be with you."

"I did it Jace. I was about to lose control but…I came back. I did it."

I guess being in that form totally drains my energy. As sleep begins to pull me under, I watch Jace wipe the blue from his worried face. He's the last thing on my mind before I pass out.

Okay. So Clary did pretty well in her first lesson. Tessa is going to show Clary how to accept who she truly is and will teach her how to understand her self through control. What was your favorite part to this chapter? Lol obviously mine was the kiss 3

Anyways, I'm gonna plan on getting chapter 15 out within the next week. I'm also gonna try to get ahead on writing more chapters so I can just post one every once in a while when school starts back up. No promises, but they will come soon.

Thanks for reading! Love to all of you and happy summer you guys!