Sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, been having some problems with this new computer :-/ It's a Dell, what do you expect, right? Anyways, enjoy, and sorry in advance for typos, I will eventually get around to redoing these when they get proof-read
Chapter nine:
The way was silent; Dawn was soaking up the area, noting that it wasn't very far away from her actual 'safe zone'. There were no locks and no doors which lead to the brig, only the hallways and the guards, which Dawn thought was a little odd, seeing as how the Decepticons were supposed to be so dangerous, but didn't voice her thoughts.
When they got to the cell holding the Decepticon in question, Dawn was beaming with excitement. Optimus put Dawn down on the ground and pointed to the wall farthest from the cell, Thundercracker watched with interest. "So . . . from the looks of that one, I'd say that would be Lyn's sister . . . whatshername." He said slowly, a smug look on his face. "Hey, what's happening little one?"
Bumblebee immediately stood between Dawn and the 'Con. "Don't talk to her, deceptiscum!" He snapped at the Seeker.
Thundercracker put his hands up in the air and looked remorseful. "Alright! Alright! Don't get your wires in a knot! I was just bein' friendly!" He said as he looked up at Optimus.
"So you have seen my sister?" Dawn asked, walking between Bumblebee's legs to stand in front of the 'Bot to look at Thundercracker.
"Yeah, I see her a lot. She spends a lot of time with Screamer, Bonecrusher and Lord Megatron. I get a glimpse of her when she's training in the hanger bay." The Seeker replied causally.
Dawn brightened. "Is she doing well? Is she alright?"
Thundercracker smiled. This is gonna be so easy . . . he thought as he leaned forward from where he was sitting and nodded. "Of course she's alright! We've been treating her like a princess! She has some remarkable talents . . . and not just her gift to create more of us either." He let out a low whistle, Dawn was impressed, and she didn't think they could duplicate that sound. "She's a mighty frisky and rambunctious one that's for sure!"
Dawn's smile widened at hearing this news, Bumblebee used his foot to gently drag her back away from the cell as she was slowly creeping closer. He didn't know what this 'Con's plans were, but he wasn't taking any chances. Dawn was relieved to hear that her sister was doing so well; she had been very worried that the Decepticons were treating her very poorly and she wasn't getting the care she needed.
Jazz took the opportunity to step in beside Bumblebee and knelt down to Dawn. "I hate to burst yer bubble . . . but Decepticons are called that for a reason. He might be lying. Don't take wha' he says ta heart, alright?" Dawn's face fell a little, but she nodded her head in understanding. Jazz smiled back at her, resting a reassuring finger on her shoulder. "But he could be tellin' the truth too . . . hard ta tell with 'Cons." Dawn brightened a little again at hearing that. So there was still a chance that Lyn was alright! Dawn clung to that hope.
Optimus turned his attention down on the Seeker. "So, tell me, what do you know of Megatron's plans?"
Thundercracker frowned. "Direct and to the point, have you no tact at all, Optimus?" He jeered the Autobot leader.
Optimus however didn't fall for the bait. He remained cool and calm. "I know you are ever present with your wingmates, there is no doubt in my mind that you know his plans and probably took part in the capture of Krona-Terra."
Thundercracker gave a look of mild confusion. "Krona-Terra? No . . . can't say as how that name sounds familiar, but then again . . . we raid and destroy so many planets and civilizations we stopped keep track of what their names were long ago." He said with a smugness that made Optimus force himself not to clench his fist. It was wise to never let a Decepticon know when they were hitting a nerve. That would only provoke them further.
"You will tell us what you know. Be grateful Dawn is here, or we'd force it out of you!" Jazz said, for once using correct grammar, making the threat that much more viable.
Thundercracker smirked. "Good for me then." He said as he folded his arms across his chest and leaned casually against the wall. "I have nothing to tell you. I know nothing. Lord Megatron doesn't divulge his plans into lowly grunts like myself." He informed them as he let his gaze go back to Dawn. It truly is remarkable how alike they looked. If I didn't know better, I'd think it was Lyn. He said to himself as another smirk crept across his face, he gave a mock yawn and waved the Autobots away. "I'm tired now, go on and go play with yourselves and your squishy friends."
Bumblebee was obviously offended, and Jazz seemed no less agitated by the remark, but Optimus however narrowed his optics and sent to the other: You will tell me what I want to know. I will allow you this for now, but you will tell me everything you know of what Megatron's plans are and what his next move will be. But out loud where Dawn could hear, he simple said: "I will be back." Optimus turned and lowered his hand down for Dawn to climb in.
"As you wish, Prime." Thundercracker replied politely as he leaned back against the wall of his cell, offlining his optics and looking for all appearances of going into recharge.
Dawn cast him one final glance as she climbed into Optimus' hand and settled down quickly as he lifted his hand to his chest and held it there, sheltering her from a potentially long drop. Bumblebee and Jazz were no doubt ranting at each other in Cybertronian, she couldn't understand them, but at this point, she really didn't need to. She already knew it had something to do with the 'Con, Thundercracker. Optimus led the way out of the brig area, and said something to Jazz and Bumblebee in Cybertronian, they saluted and walked off in the other direction, wherever they were going, it had been an order. "What did you tell them?" Dawn asked after a short battle with herself over whether she should stay silent or ask. Her curiosity had won.
"I simply told them they needed to prepare for the Decepticon's interrogation." Optimus told her softly, Dawn thought there had been more, but if he wasn't willing to divulge what it was, she wasn't going to press. She listened to his steady footsteps and was lulled into a slight trance by the humming coming from his internals in his chest.
Dawn snapped back to reality as Optimus gently tapped her with a finger, she looked up at him. "What's up?" She asked.
"We're at your apartment, if you need anything, now would be the time to get it; otherwise, I am going to show you how to get to the holo-room." Optimus told her as he waited for her to decide if she needed anything or not.
Dawn thought about it for a moment, than nodded. "Yeah, I need to go in for a minute, but I'll be right back!" Optimus nodded and lowered his hand down to the ground, letting her climb out, she bolted into her room and the door closed after her.
Optimus stood there, waiting patiently. Dawn was a person of her word, if she said she wouldn't be long, he knew she wouldn't. He hadn't been waiting long when Ironhide came up to him and gave him a curious look. "You're at Dawn's room a little early. Trying to decide whether you want to start her early or not?" Ironhide gave his old friend a smile.
Optimus smiled back and shook his head. "No, I've been with her since early this morning. But yes, when she completes whatever task she must attend to, I was going to take her to the holo-room. You are free to join us if you have the time." Optimus told Ironhide, extending the invitation.
Ironhide thought about it for a moment, than shrugged. "I was just going to go to the firing range, so yeah; I think I'll take you up on that offer. Dawn would feel most comfortable with both of us there with her this first time." He said as he stood on the opposite side of the door, waiting for it to open. "Since you've been with Dawn all day today, have you heard what we captured?"
Optimus nodded. "Yes, the Seeker Thundercracker."
Ironhide smirked. "Quite a catch, wouldn't you say? Slick and sly, that one is! But the twins managed to get him out of the sky and once they grounded him, he was pretty easy to take out. Seekers aren't really built for ground attacks. But he was much tougher than that other wingmate of his . . . uh . . . Skywarp! But then again, at least Thundercracker can't teleport. That gets annoying really fast, especially when you almost have him!" Optimus listened to his friend go on about the three Seekers with half of his attention, the other half getting anxious about what was keep Dawn so long.
Finally, after nearly ten minutes, Dawn came rushing out and looked up at Optimus apologetically. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to take that long! It took longer than I thought it would!" Ironhide shifted his position across from her and she jumped, turning to see what she had saw in the edge of her vision. "Oh! Hi, Ironhide!" She gave him a big smile; he smiled back at her in return.
"That is fine; I was simply speaking with Ironhide." Optimus reassured her, and he honestly meant it. While he had been worried about what had been keeping her so long, it hadn't bothered him any that she had taken longer than she had said it would.
Dawn smiled; feeling reassured that all was still well. "So, what's going on now? Are you still going to show me this holo-room?" She asked, a little unsure about what the addition of Ironhide was going to mean.
Optimus nodded. "We're still going, and Ironhide is going to be going with us. He'll be your support while we show you how to operate everything what everything does, if that's alright with you, of course." He asked as he looked down at Dawn expectantly.
Dawn nodded, honestly relieved that Ironhide was going to be with her and helping her to learn this new way of training. "I'm kinda glad you've devised a new way for me to train, I'm sure you were getting tired of replacing tables and walls after I'd gotten through with a session . . ." Dawn felt her face flush a little from embarrassment. No matter how many times they told her it was alright and fine that she destroyed things while she learned to control her powers, she still felt embarrassed and ashamed. Dawn felt she should be able to control herself better than this, even if she never used her powers, somehow she could have a better hold on them than she did.
Ironhide chuckled softly. "We didn't do this because of your destructiveness. There are many things happening, things that are requiring our attention and we won't be able to help you train as often as we have been. That is why we set up a holo-room for you. So you could train in an environment that would adapt as you gained more control." He explained with a smile as he watched Dawn's expression closely.
Dawn seemed to think about that for a moment, than nodded. "Alright, well, I'm ready to see this room whenever you guys are willing to take me." She said with a relaxed smile, looking at the two of them calmly. But her insides were far from calm, she struggled to contain her sudden nervousness and fought back the strong urge to run back in her room and hide there until they forgot all about the holo-room. But they're super computers . . . they aren't likely to forget, are they? She asked herself as she stepped into Optimus' hand when he lowered it down to her and sat down in his palm.
Dawn paid close attention to where they were going; she knew that if she wanted to find this holo-room on her own that she'd have to pay extra close attention to their path from her apartment. It wasn't really that hard to find, it was a ways away, but it was fairly simple to get there, and it was close to the med bay.
Ironhide walked with them in silence, he was itching to talk to Dawn, but he didn't want to say what he was spark was wanting to say. So he kept his silence. When they stopped in front of Dawn's training room, Optimus lowered his hand and let Dawn climb out. "This is your personal training room. It has been specially made for you, and it is close to the med bay, so if something should go wrong, there is help very close by." Optimus told her as he gestured towards the keypad that was her size and chest level to her, almost exactly like the one that was at the Allspark's room. "The way to open this door is the same for the other one, only more people have access to it." He explained.
Dawn nodded and placed her hand upon the keypad and activated the door. It slid open with a hiss, Dawn noted the sound, it would be important if she were practicing her powers to know when someone entered the room. She looked up at 'Hide and Optimus. Optimus gestured her in, she stepped in and stepped aside in courtesy to let 'Hide and Optimus in the room. Probably didn't need to do that . . . they could have just stepped around and over me. Dawn thought dryly, but shrugged, Optimus was the leader of the Autobots, it was only fitting she show him whatever respect and courtesy she could, even if it didn't add up to much.
Once the two mechs were in the room, the door hissed shut behind them. As Dawn had entered the room, the lights flicker on and she was staring at a humongous room . . . it seemed to be the biggest room she'd ever seen. Or well . . . maybe not, the med bay was bigger, but it was filled with stuff too, it had to be big. This room, however, was empty and . . . well . . . huge! Optimus looked down at Dawn. "So, what do you think? Do you think you have enough room to practice in here?" He asked, a smile playing on his lips as he glanced over at Ironhide.
"Wow! This place is . . . it's huge! This is more than enough room for me to practice, but its bare . . . what am I going to practice on in here?" Dawn asked, looking from 'Hide to Optimus.
Ironhide smirked and Optimus nodded to him. "Well, little Dawn, that's where this over here comes in handy, I've helped program it for a variety of things. It has two control panels, one for us and one for you. You're panel will allow you to choose what you want to have in your room and if you're choosing targets what their aggression level will be. On whether they will be passive and run away from you, or if they'll be super aggressive and try to attack you, and every stage in between." Ironhide explained as he walked over to the control panel, kneeling down so he could explain to her how to work it.
It all sounded simple enough. All she had to do was choose which setting to put it on, and decide whether she wanted objects or opponents. Then designate if she wanted them to be passive or aggressive. Both the objects and the opponents, that was. The objects had the option to be flying across the room towards her, giving her the opportunity to practice evading and destroying them as they came closer. And of course there were the opponents, that was a given on what they would do. After Ironhide explained everything to her, he looked her over. "So, are you ready to give the lowest setting a try? We'll leave off the opponent for now; we'll just practice with the objects." Ironhide told her as he noticed her slightly worried expression.
Dawn nodded. "Sure." She turned her attention back to the control panel and keyed in the correct things to bring what she wanted into the holo-room. At her command, as she pressed the 'complete' button, the objects she requested appeared scattered around the room. She smiled in satisfaction. That was easy! She thought as she looked up at Ironhide. "So . . . these are holograms, right?" Ironhide nodded. "So . . . how do I interact with them if they're just holograms? I mean, won't my powers not be able to react to them because of their lack of substance?" Dawn asked, looking from both Optimus and Ironhide, than back out at the objects scattered around the room.
Ironhide smiled. "They're holomatter." Dawn gave him a blank look. "Er . . . that is, they are holograms that have physical substance. You can touch them, you can interact with them, and your power should be able to touch them the same as you can. In theory, we might have to make adjustments . . . that's why we're here, to test whether this will work or not." He explained to her, hoping she understood easily enough.
Dawn nodded. "Alright, I guess I'd better test that theory than, huh?" The other two nodded and she turned her attention to the closest object, a large table, small of course to the two mechs standing in the room, no larger than a small end table, but to her, it was huge. She concentrated her power on the table, unsure whether or not this was going to work, but than she felt the solidity of it in her mind. It felt exactly like a real table. She gripped it with her mind and lifted, wrapping her mind around it like hands and pulling upwards. The table lifted into the air with little effort.
Ironhide gave a grunt of approval. "Great! It works! Good job!" Dawn beamed at his praise and gently set the table back down onto the floor. "Now, destroy something, you need to see what happens when the objects are destroyed, that way you're not surprised when you do it later."
Dawn nodded and reached out for the table again, letting her mind wrap around the table as it did before, she lifted the table up and held it in the air for a moment, than released a little more of her restraint, her power surged through her like a flood and exploded into the table, the table splintered into thousands of little pieces, than disappeared as the pieces settled on the floor for a moment. Dawn's eyes were wide. She had expected it to simply shimmer away upon being destroyed, she hadn't expected the little pieces, and those could cause collateral damage if they were closer to her before they disappeared. She looked up at Ironhide. "Wow . . . just like a real table, except for the disappearing part there at the end.
"Exactly, so if you're within the range of the debris you're going to get hurt. Just remember that, especially when you start using the aggressive settings." Ironhide cautioned her.
Dawn nodded, than looked up at Optimus with a smiled. "Thank you." Than she looked at Ironhide as well. "Thank you both. This is going to be extremely helpful!" She said with a smile as she looked at everything scattered around the room.
Ironhide smiled down at her, pleased that she had appreciated the effort gone into making the room into her personal practicing area. "You're very welcome." Optimus said for Ironhide when he remained silent. "But I can't take the credit for it. This was mostly Ironhide's idea and much of the effort was done by him as well, with a few exceptions." Optimus told Dawn, she gave Ironhide a broad smile.
"It's too bad you're so big, I'd give you a hug and a kiss for all the effort you went through to make this for me!" Dawn said as she grinned up at him.
Ironhide smiled down at her, but felt a stab of pain in his spark. Yes it is too bad I'm so big. He thought a little sadly, for once in his life, he was sad that he was what he was. But he shook the feeling off. No, he was proud to be what he was, he was only a little sad he couldn't be there for Dawn the way she needed someone to be there for her. While Dawn tested the other small features of the room, Ironhide took a moment to recall all the looks he's seen on her face when she thought no one was looking.
In his memory, he recalled seeing her as she laughed and talked with Zandaros, Elena, Nicolei and Okelani. There was joy and happiness, but when it came to the two married couples affection for each other, he could see the sadness reflected in her eyes, had watched her face falter slightly. There was pain there, in those blue eyes of hers. A pain he wanted desperately to erase, but was powerless to do anything about. Everyone like her on the base had someone, only she was alone. While everyone else came home to a significant other, she went back to an empty apartment. The ache in her heart was echoed in his spark. He knew without a doubt that she felt the emptiness more acutely then ever in the recent past. And now, she felt it more strongly since Okelani had just lost Nicolei. Dawn needed someone to fill her loneliness. Only there was no one for her. If only I could do something to ease that pain . . . he thought, than shook himself from his thoughts as Dawn turned to look at him with a happy smile, her blue eyes dancing with joy.
"Thank you so much! I don't know how to ever repay you for your kindness!" Dawn said as she practically bounced on her heels with her excitement.
You can be this happy always. Ironhide thought, but shook his head and smiled down at Dawn, saying instead: "No repayment is required. I'm just glad I could be of assistance." He told her.
Optimus looked down at Dawn and frowned. "Little one, there is something important I need you to know. . ." He was starting to say when the holo-room door opened and Jazz walked in.
Dawn looked at him expectantly, but was slightly disappointed when he spoke to Optimus in what she took for Cybertronian. She tried hard to hide her disappointment. After all, these were military men, and she was just a young woman, it shouldn't insult her. Some things were best to be beyond her anyways. She sighed and turned her attention back to the room.
After a few minutes of conversation between Optimus, Jazz and Ironhide, Optimus turned to her. "I have to leave; will you be alright on your own?"
Dawn felt a little insulted, but smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be fine." She reassured him as he nodded and the three of them left the room. As soon as they were gone, she let her face sag in disappointment and hurt. She hated being alone. Despised it more than anything in her life, and she had despised quite a few things in her twenty-one years of life. She looked around her and felt the stab of pain lance through her heart. She turned to the control panel and shut everything down like Ironhide had taught her and went to the door, pressing her hand to the panel it slid open.
As it opened she saw Zandar and Mirage walking down the hallway and nearly groaned. She didn't think she could handle the two of them, so she hurried diagonally across the hallway to the med bay where she knew Ratchet would be. "Ratchet?" Dawn called softly, looking around a little. She'd never been to the med bay alone for any reason, she'd always had someone with her or been going to meet someone there.
Silence greeted her and she felt she might have made a mistake by going there alone. She was about to leave and face Zandaros and Mirage when she heard Ratchet's voice. "Dawn? Is everything okay?" He asked as he walked out of his office and knelt down in front of her. He took note that her vitals were elevated, he could clearly tell she was stressed, but he stayed silent.
Dawn looked relieved as she smiled up at Ratchet. "Yeah, I was just trying to find someone to talk to is all. Optimus and Ironhide were with me, but they had to go. I really don't want to be alone right now." Dawn was saying when a voice came from behind her.
"Hey there! I thought I saw you come in here!" Mirage's voice sounded. Ratchet took note of the almost inaudible groan and elevated level of stress that mounted on her at hearing of the other woman.
Dawn turned and put on her best smile. "Hey there guys! What's up?"
Zandaros smiled as he and his wife walked up to Dawn and Ratchet. "Is she bothering you? We could take her off your shoulders for you, if you wanted." He said as he looked up at Ratchet.
Ratchet shook his head and smiled slightly. "She's no burden. I invited her here, in fact." He logged the instant relief in her.
"Oh, alright then, do you mind if we stay for a while and chat then?" Mirage asked as she looked away from Dawn and up at Ratchet.
Ratchet nodded. "Go on ahead; I needed to take a small break anyway." He said, knowing that it was best to just agree rather than have them disappointed and gloomy for the rest of the day.
To Dawn's dismay they all were content to go the back of the med bay where there was a seat for Ratchet and a couch and a few other chairs for fleshlings. Dawn assumed that this room was a waiting room for those who refused to leave the med bay until they knew the condition of their friend/loved one. She knew that there were mechs who were related here, so it made sense. If she had been given the choice, she would never have left Lyn's side each time she'd been seriously hurt.
Zandaros and Mirage sat together on the couch, cuddled together, Zandar lightly caressing Mirage's arm as he draped it over her shoulder, his other hand resting on her thigh. They talked about things Dawn knew absolutely nothing about, but Ratchet seemed to know a lot of. She felt left out and ignored, but what hurt the most, what caused her heart to lance with agony, was watching Zandaros lovingly caress his wife. Occasionally while Ratchet was speaking, they would turn and kiss, making a fresh stab of pain go straight through Dawn.
Ratchet just happened to glance at Dawn during one of these brief kisses and saw her cringe ever so slightly, averting her eyes. He frowned slightly. It hadn't occurred to him that she might be pained by seeing such affections. He sighed softly. "Alright, I must be getting back to work. Dawn? Are you ready to continue helping me?"
Dawn looked up in momentary surprise, than noticed that Zandaros and Mirage were looking at her expectantly. Catching the ploy she smiled a little shakily and nodded. "Yes, of course." She responded.
"Alright, we'll catch you two later then." Zandaros said as he stood and helped Mirage up to her feet. "Take care, Ashadawna." He told Dawn with a slight bow, than smiled and waved at her. "Later!"
Mirage smiled fondly and waved her own goodbye. "See you later, Dawn; we'll have to all hang out sometime."
Dawn gave another shaky smile. "That would be . . . lovely." Dawn said, swallowing hard half way through the sentence at the thought of being alone with the married couple. Mirage smiled and turned to walk out with her husband, his arm snaking around her waist as they walked. As soon as they disappeared, Dawn felt the tears she'd been desperately holding back spring into her eyes; she blinked fiercely to try in vain to keep them from falling.
Ratchet noticed the battle. "Come on. Let's go into my office." He said softly, rising to his feet, motioning Dawn to come with him. Dawn nodded and followed obediently. Ratchet reached his office first, and waited patiently for Dawn to step into it. He closed the door behind her and activated the light on the outside that warned all not to disturb him unless it was an emergency.
Ratchet looked at Dawn with a serious face; her head was down, her face averted from his gaze. "It's alright, Dawn. You can open up with me. It's what I'm here for. What's bothering you?"
Dawn sniffled slightly, her gaze still locked on the floor in front of her. "Nothing." She said softly, he could hear the slight waver of the tears that wanted desperately to be shed.
Ratchet pulled the chair from his side of the desk over to the chair front of the desk and gently picked up Dawn, setting her on the huge chair. She sat down obediently, crossing her legs, putting her hands in her lap as she looked down at her hands. "Please. Open up to me? Let me know what's troubling you. I might be able to help. A medic does more than heal physical injuries; we also heal things from the inside." He told her as he leaned forward, trying to get her to look at him.
When Dawn looked up at him, his spark ached for her. The torment was clearly written on her face. Her eyes were haunted and filled with tears that would spill over at any second. "You can't help me."
Ratchet put a finger gently under her chin, keeping her looking at him, his expression soft as he spoke to her. "What's bothering you?" Dawn swallowed past the lump in her throat, her eyes searching his face as though judging whether or not she could confide into him. "I promise, I won't tell anyone if you don't want me too."
Dawn nodded and he removed his finger from under her chin. "There's a lot wrong. So much wrong, but don't get me wrong. I love it here. It's so much better than where I come from. But . . . at the same time it's so much worse." She took a shaky breath, one of her tears sliding from her eye down her cheek. Ratchet waited patiently for her to continue speaking. "I'm so alone here. I deeply appreciate all the time that Optimus and Ironhide have spent with me. But I know they have duties that they've been ignoring to spend time with me. But that doesn't stop the agonizing ache inside here." She put her fist to her heart. "Everywhere I look, people like me having someone. Zandaros has Mirage and Okelani has Nicolei . . . or well, had Nicolei . . . and I'm deeply sorry for her loss. But still, at least she had a husband. She got to enjoy what it was like to have a mate for a while. I don't have that luxury. All I've ever had was my twin, and now she's lost to me."
Ratchet watched in sorrow as the tears Dawn had been holding back spilled down her face. "You're not alone. We're all here for you if you need us." He told her softly, but she just shook her head.
"But you can't be there for me like I need someone to be." Dawn said softly, looking away from Ratchet and down at her hands.
"And how do you need someone?" Ratchet inquired softly, he figured he already knew the answer, but she needed to say it out loud. He had learned long ago never to assume anything.
Dawn stayed quiet for a while, the tears still falling from her eyes onto her hands in her lap. She made no move to wipe them away or dry her hands. Finally, after nearly two minutes of silence, she spoke so softly Ratchet had to pay close attention to hear the words. "I need love. I need to be loved. I need to feel wanted, needed. I want to be loved."
Ratchet sighed. Yep, it was exactly what he had figured. A female could only last so long without companionship. That was why every fleshling on the base was a family or a mated pair, save a very few. Singles didn't last as long and were prone to giving in to stress a lot quicker. Only a handful on the base was single, and of them they were all male. "We love you. We've all grown very fond of you. Life wouldn't be the same without you here." Dawn looked up at him, her eyes so blue they almost glowed. "Look at the lives you have changed since you've been here! You've broken through to Ironhide's softer side, which in itself is a feat! I haven't seen him so affectionate and caring since . . . well, lets just say its been a long time." Ratchet said with a smile, Dawn gave a small shaky smile of her own.
She gave a shaky, weak little laugh but shook her head. "It's not the same." She said, and then sighed sadly. "I've had this void in my heart since I turned sixteen . . . Lyn doesn't seem to have it, or at least never told me about it . . . so I don't if I should be feeling it or not . . ."
Ratchet did his best not to scowl. Ashalyn doesn't feel that because she has no heart. He thought to himself, but gave Dawn a reassuring smile. "It's perfectly normal to feel such things. It's a part of growing up. The need to find a companion works its way into everyone, no matter what race or species." He told her softly.
Dawn's lower lip quivered. "I just want to know that someone out there loves me . . . I used to take solace in the fact that Lyn loved me. But now . . . I'm not so sure . . . she's got me blocked all the time. If she loved me, she wouldn't be doing that."
Ratchet resisted the urge to rub his hand over his face. There was no easy way to get her out of this slump. With few available men and none interested in Dawn . . . and the only person who loved her joining with the Decepticons and abandoning her . . . it seemed pretty bleak that she'd ever be happy again. "What makes you happy?" Ratchet asked suddenly, trying a different approach.
Dawn frowned, taking one of her hands and wiping her face with it, than wiping her hand on her clothes to dry it off. "Well . . . training with Optimus and Ironhide is really hard, they are constantly making me push myself . . . but . . . no, never mind." She said as she lowered her gaze back to her hands in her lap.
Ratchet leaned forward a little. "No, go on, what were you going to say? I promise it won't leave this room." He encouraged her.
Dawn swallowed hard, looking sheepishly up at Ratchet. "Well . . . training only makes me happy because I'm with Ironhide. He makes me happy."
Ratchet smiled. Maybe there was hope after all. But then Dawn spoke again. "But it makes me really sad because there is no way we could be together . . . not to mention that there is no way he feels anything remotely like that with me." She muttered softly, casting her eyes back into her lap at the very last.
Ratchet sighed. This was going to be very hard. "Don't give up hope. Hope is all we have in dark times of our life." He told her, Dawn nodded, still looking at her hands, wringing them lightly. "Have you ever told Ironhide how he makes you feel?"
Dawn looked up with a horrified expression. "And just how am I supposed to do that to a twenty-some odd foot robot?! And what am I going to do if he laughs at me?! I'm not your kind, there is no possible way he feels anything towards me." Fresh tears swelled up in her eyes.
Ratchet was quick to respond. "How do you know if you do not tell him? Hmm? I know he is very fond of you, his exact feelings I don't know because he hasn't confided into me. But it is worth a try, the worst that can happen is him telling you that he feels nothing more than friendship to you, than you won't have the horrible feelings of apprehension over if he loves you or not."
Dawn gave a small snort. "Yeah, I'll just have the horrible feeling of rejection." She muttered as she looked up at him with a light glare.
Being used to much worse, Ratchet waved her remark off. "Nonsense, you can't look at it like that! No matter what he says, it should be a relief! You just have to realize that while it could possibly be rejection, he isn't going to like you less if you confess your feelings to him." Ratchet told her, her mouth twitched.
"Maybe." She muttered, but cracked a half smile at the thought of Ironhide confessing he felt something for her as well, then her smile faltered as she remember he was a mech and she was a fleshling. "Even if he did love me . . . it wouldn't work." She mumbled, looking away from Ratchet to the walls which were decorated in plaques written in a language she would never understand.
Ratchet used a finger to gently turn her head to face him. "Dawn, don't think about the impossibility of things. Nothing is impossible. Only improbable, remember that. Tell him how you feel, get his answer, if he loves you in return, worry about the 'how' when the time comes to it. For now, just work on telling him how you feel."
Dawn nodded, and then frowned at Ratchet. "Wait . . . I only said that Ironhide makes me happy . . . I didn't say anything about being in love with him!"
Ratchet laughed. "Dear, sweet little Dawn, you might not have said it, but you were definitely thinking it and it would have been impossible not to pick up on it the way you were talking about never being able to be together."
Dawn felt her face flush despite her efforts not to blush. How could I have been so transparent?! She demanded of herself as she heaved a heavy sigh and wiped her eyes with her hands. "I guess your right. After all, the only bad choice is a chance not taken." She said as she smiled weakly at Ratchet.
Ratchet put a finger on her shoulder lightly. "Promise me you won't give up hope? No matter what happens? There is always something new around the corner. To every night there is a dawn, you just have to hang on long enough to see it."
Dawn nodded, feeling a little better by his words. "Yeah, I promise, Ratchet, I won't give up hope. Even if he says he doesn't feel the same as me, I won't give up hope. After all, I can't see the future." Dawn said with a small smile, feeling truth in what she was saying.
Ratchet smiled and leaned back. "So what are you going to do now?" Dawn sighed and shrugged.
"I don't know, I guess I'll just go take a walk. Give myself some time to think about the stuff we talked about." Dawn answered, than looked a little uncomfortable for a moment.
"You know you can come to me whenever you want to talk. I am usually available. And if I am not in the med bay, you can always contact me via my personal communicator." Ratchet told her softly.
Before Dawn could do anything but nod, there was a soft knock on the door. Ratchet scowled his famous scowl and muttered something in Cybertronian that she was certain had been a curse or a promise of pain. She smiled, but managed to suppress the chuckle. He stood and walked to the door, and opening it, he growled. "This had better be important."
Ironhide scowled back from the other side of the door. "You have a patient." He growled in response as he stepped away from the door and out of sight.
Dawn quickly did her best to wash away all signs that she'd been crying. Her eyes felt grainy and dry, and her throat hurt from having that lump in it for so long. I wonder how long I've been in here. She wondered to herself as Ratchet turned to her and helped her off the chair and back onto the floor. "Will you be alright to leave on your own?" Ratchet asked her.
Dawn smiled up at him. "Yes, I know my way out. Just wait until I'm out of this office before you close the door!" She joked; he smiled and gave her a flourish motion to leave the office first. Dawn jogged quickly out the door, Ratchet left after her, closing the door behind him.
Ratchet walked past her to see what patient he had waiting for him. Dawn did her best to see who it was also, not having a good vantage point; she looked around and made a quick judge of distance. Noting that there was plenty of room; she extracted her wings and crouched down to the ground. With a mighty jump straight up, she gave her wings a couple of mighty flaps, lifting her off the ground, with a few more flaps; she was high enough to see who the patient was.
It was Thundercracker. He looked like he was in a lot of pain, but his optics widened when he saw her floating there, gently flapping her wings to keep her aloft. Ratchet stopped examining his wounds and followed his wide eyed track. He dropped the tool he was holding when he saw Dawn floating there with her wings flapping gently. "Like the stories the fleshlings tell about heavenly beings." Thundercracker managed to say, though his voice was cracked with pain.
Ratchet's mouth dropped open in shock. Dawn blushed and folded her wings up slightly, dropping herself delicately to the ground; she folded her wings back behind her, suddenly embarrassed and ashamed. "You . . . you have wings!?" Ratchet's voice expressed the same shock and disbelief that everyone in the room reflected.
"I'm sorry." Dawn said as she dropped her wings even lower to the ground behind her, trying to make them invisible without retracting them.
"There is nothing to be sorry for, it is a part of you. You are a flyer." Thundercracker managed to say from the berth he was laying on, a small smile coming to his face.
The others didn't reply to his remark, they didn't even act as though they heard him speak at all. Dawn blinked; in fact, she hadn't seen his lips move. But she heard his voice as clear as a bell. In fact, it was Ironhide who broke the second silence. "Why did you never tell us you had wings?"
Dawn looked down, ashamed of the secret she had kept. "I was afraid you'd clip my wings . . . like they used to." She said softly, her face burning with shame.
Ratchet snapped out of his shock and walked around to Dawn, kneeling down in front of her. "Dawn . . . I would never clip your wings. If you were born with them, than you were born with the gift of flight, which should never be taken away from you." Ratchet said softly to her.
Dawn looked up at Ratchet with a small smile. "So you're not mad at me?"
Ratchet shook his head. "No, I'm not mad at you. A little disappointed that you felt you couldn't confide into us about your wings, but I think I understand why you kept it so secret." With that, he stood and walked back over to Thundercracker, than looked at Ironhide with a pointed look.
Ironhide took his cue and went over to Dawn. "Come on, little one, let's go somewhere else and let Ratchet get to work on the 'Con."
Dawn nodded, retracted her wings, and allowed him to pick her up and carry her out of the room. Once they were outside the med bay, Ironhide started to take Dawn in the direction of the recreational room. Dawn spoke up quickly. "Umm . . . can we go back to my apartment instead?"
Ironhide looked down at her and smiled. "Of course, where ever you want to go." He told her as he changed his direction accordingly. Inwardly he was happy to be taking her to somewhere more private, for some reason, sharing her with the others always caused him to be jealous. The thoughts of her being around the others caused a wave of jealously to wash over him, he shook it away quickly before it could be detected and continued on his way to her apartment.
Dawn stayed silent the whole way back, her mind focused on what she was going to talk about with Ironhide. She had decided that it was time to tell him how she felt, but she was extremely worried about what his response would be. What if he just laughed at her and told her she was just a silly little girl? After all, she was only twenty-one years old, or well, that was an approximate, no one was certain how old they had been when they had been found. But still, if she was twenty-one, how old was he? Would that be like a newborn being in love with a man in his fifties? She shook herself from those thoughts. It was best she just focus on what she was going to say to him. Yes, if she started planning it out now, by the time they got back to the apartment, she'd have it all figured out!
Ironhide stopped suddenly, and started to lower Dawn down to the ground. She blinked, staring at the door in front of her in disbelief. "You wanted to go to your apartment, didn't you?" Ironhide felt a little confused at her response to seeing her door.
Aw crap! Dawn thought as she realized she's spent all the walking time arguing with herself over the 'what ifs' and not enough time on what she would actually say to him.
Ironhide looked down at her and nodded. "I guess this is where I leave you . . ." He started to say when Dawn suddenly spoke up quickly.
"NO! I mean, no . . . umm . . . please stay for a little while? I like your company. If you're not too busy that is . . ." Dawn stammered out, her face blushing furiously as she tried to act casual.
Ironhide felt a wave of relief flow through him. He hadn't wanted to leave her, but if she didn't want him around, than he would give her the space she needed. He nodded to her. "Very well, I am not needed anywhere for the time being. I will stay with you, if that is your desire . . ." He stopped himself before he could stay anything more. He almost flinched at his choice of words; they nearly reflected what he had been thinking, which, of course, had been doing anything Dawn desired, no matter what their species differences had been.
Dawn felt her heart flutter in her chest at what he had said. Oh if only I could just come out and tell him! Than she stopped herself, what exactly was she going to tell him? She had only just discovered that being around Ironhide eased her feelings of loneliness and made her happy. So . . . what am I going to tell him? That I am overly fond of him? The answer came than, resounding quietly through her mind: tell him that you love him. She stopped in her mental tracks, did she love him? Was that true? I've never been in love before, how would I know what it feels like? She blinked and realized she was still standing there, in front of Ironhide, who was waiting for her response. She blushed an deeper shade of red. "Yes, I want you to stay with me for a while at least, until either you want to leave or you get called elsewhere." Dawn answered, swallowing hard afterwards, wondering if she gave anything away with saying that.
Ironhide smiled, relieved that she wanted him to stay, but worried about her at the same time. She didn't often turn red like that. In fact, only when she was embarrassed, humiliated, or angry. "Are you alright?"
Dawn nodded and quickly opened her door, stepping inside just as quickly. "I'm fine, just a little flustered today. Too much . . . er . . . excitement, that's all." Well, it was the truth. She was very excited, she just wasn't sure if it was in the way she had relayed it to him.
Ironhide wasn't sure he believed her, but her systems didn't reveal she'd been lying, so he guessed he'd have to take it as the truth. Than again, she had seen the Decepticon Thundercracker, than gone into the holo-room and had been with Ratchet, than had the whole ordeal of being seen with her wings, perhaps she has had an exciting day. . . Ironhide thought to himself as he followed her inside her room, shutting the door after him. He stayed silent as he watched Dawn seem to have an inner war with herself. So after he watched her struggle with something for five minutes more, he made a sound to draw her attention to him. When Dawn looked at him, he spoke. "It's been a while since you've eaten last, perhaps you should fix something for yourself to eat."
Dawn blinked in surprise. It had been quite a while since she'd eaten last. Breakfast, actually. And now it was . . . she glanced at the clock across the room and struggled to not show her surprise. It was almost 8pm. Where did the day go? She asked herself, she frowned. If it had been nearly twelve hours since she'd eaten last, shouldn't she be hungry? Her stomach felt fine, it wasn't growling nor was it hurting like it should have for not eating all day. "No. Actually, I'm not even hungry."
It was Ironhide's turn to frown. "I know you haven't had anything to eat since you've been around Optimus. Which from what he tells me was this morning, you really should eat something."
Dawn laughed at his concern. It was really touching, and her laugh wasn't a mocking one. It was one rich with appreciation for his touching show of concern. "I really am not hungry. I guess using all that power has messed my body up a little. It happened occasionally when I was using my power behind everyone's back when I was younger."
Ironhide didn't look convinced, but played along. "So what happened? I thought you said you never used your power, what made you stop if you were doing it behind everyone's back?"
Dawn looked away and got a distant look in her eyes. "I got caught one day. It wasn't worth the punishment." She said softly.
Ironhide decided to get back on topic. "Would you at least eat something? It would make me feel better, if you got sick and had to go to Ratchet and he found out I didn't at least try to make you eat something, he'll have my aft for it!" He grumbled, hoping she'd at least eat something small.
Dawn sighed and nodded, she gestured toward her little kitchenette. "Alright, I'll make something for myself, but I can't promise it'll be anything big, it'll probably be something small. I'm really not hungry, but I'll eat something for you." She said with a smile, making her way into the little kitchenette. Ironhide followed her, sitting down in the living room, between the couch and the entrance to the kitchenette.
"Thank you." Ironhide said simply. He contented himself to watch her fix herself something to eat, brooding over his thoughts and feelings of her.
Dawn was grateful for Ironhide's comforting silence while she fixed herself something to eat. She took her time, giving herself time to think of what she was going to tell him. How do I tell him I think I'm in love with him? I mean, isn't it impossible? He's twenty-some feet tall, and I'm barely five foot two inches!! He's a mech and I'm a fleshling, I don't think it gets any more impossible than that! She growled to herself as she sighed and paused in her task to cast a careful, yet longing look at Ironhide. Yes, there were definitely feelings for him, strong as any she'd ever felt in her life. No, she thought, much stronger, I've never felt anything this strong before.
Dawn quickly looked back down at what she was doing when Ironhide turned his head to look at her fully; she didn't wanna be caught staring. Or do I? It would make telling him how I feel a little easier, wouldn't it? She asked herself, than decided that she first needed to come about a plan to tell him how she felt before she decided what would be helpful or not. She sighed heavily and stopped what she was doing as she gazed at the food she was preparing. She had started to make a sandwich, and so far, she had only gotten two slices of bread and a few very thin slices of meat on the bread. He's going to think I'm incompetent. She groused to herself as she sped up making the sandwich. That's it. I'll just tell him what I told Ratchet, yes, that sounds like a sound plan! She thought in triumph as she took her plate into the living room and sat down on the couch, closest to Ironhide.
Ironhide noted the look of triumph on her face, he knew she'd been fighting something internally the whole time she had been fixing a sandwich; and it didn't take nearly fifteen minutes to make one. He knew that much. He'd also caught her looking at him when she thought he wasn't looking. But he'd stayed silent about it, not wanting to upset her any. "Thank you." He said simply, as she sat down and took a bite of her sandwich.
Dawn swallowed her bite and looked at him, confused. "For what?"
"For eating, Ratchet would have my aft if he found out I let you slide by without eating." Ironhide explained for the second time. Dawn did her best not to roll her eyes. "So, did you enjoy your short training session in the holo-room? Is there anything we need to fix or adjust? Any concerns?" He asked, doing everything in his power not to fidget under her blue gaze.
Dawn swallowed her current bite and nodded. "Yeah, I have one little concern. Now, when I destroy stuff, the pieces fly everywhere and don't disappear until they hit the floor. When I start doing opponents, is it going to be the same way? Because that's gonna be messy and disgusting." Dawn said with a sour look on her face.
Ironhide smiled despite himself. "I have it toned down for now, when you fight opponents, once you kill them they will disappear, but when you get better, we'll have to adjust that to a real life scenario, your opponents aren't going to just disappear and if you aren't prepared for what its gonna look like, you'll be surprised and hesitation on the battle field will lead to your death or capture. And if the 'Cons catch you, you'll wish it had been death." Ironhide told her with a very serious face, hoping she understood the importance behind the training program.
Dawn sobered up and looked down at her half-eaten sandwich. "I understand." She said meekly before taking another small bite.
Ironhide nodded, than eased his face to be less serious and stern. "I don't mean to say things like that to get you down. I just want to be certain you'll be safe if it ever comes down to a battle where you have to fight." He explained gently, his blue optics imploring her to see that.
Dawn looked up at him and smiled. "I understand, don't worry." She told him, her blue eyes nearly sparkling with wetness that broke his spark. She was a breath away from tears, and he put her there.
How can I be so . . . what was it that Zandaros called it? Bullheaded? Urgh . . . I keep making her feel bad, she's never going to love me at this rate. He caught himself. Why would I want her to love me? It would never work between us. It would be heart wrenching to her for us to be together with no way to be together. All femmes rely on physical contact, on love from their partner. I can't do that for her, she's so tiny and I'm so big. He argued with himself. No. There is a way. He thought in determination as Dawn set her plate aside on the couch and looked at Ironhide with sudden wariness. "What? Did I suddenly gain a Decepticon symbol on me somewhere?" He asked, searching for the imaginary symbol.
It had the effect he wanted, Dawn laughed, the tension between them broke. "No!" She giggled. "But . . . I did want to talk to you about something . . ." She turned a little more sober when she said it.
Ironhide picked up on the change immediately. "Oh? What's that?" He asked, trying to calm his spark down, it had started pulsing madly when she said that.
"Well, it's kinda hard for me to say. But I'll do my best." Dawn took a deep breath and looked straight into Ironhide's optics as she started to speak. "When I first met you, I was terrified of you. You were very scary looking and those huge cannons on your arms made you even more frightening. But I learned quickly that you were a friend and not someone who would hurt me. Then you started training me, along side of Optimus, and my views of you started to change." She paused, looking away from Ironhide for a moment.
"Let me explain something. My time here is great and precious. I am grateful for everything everyone has done for me. But I am extremely lonely. Everyone like me around here has someone, and the ones that are single want nothing to do with me. So I have no one. I am all alone now. I don't have my sister to keep me company, and all I have is you . . ." Dawn said, than looked into Ironhide's optics once more. "I am happy when I'm with you. And when we're apart it hurts. I haven't been happy since I lost Lyn. But I find myself happy when I'm with you." She looked away again, down at her hands in her lap. "This is kinda hard to explain, but bare with me here . . ."
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes; Ironhide remained silent and listened intently, monitoring her closely to catch anything she might give away. "I have only felt a strong feeling of contentment and . . . and love once before. That was with my sister, Lyn. But what I feel inside here . . ." She put a hand over her heart, which was beating so fiercely she thought it would burst. "What I feel is so much stronger . . . umm . . . what I'm trying to say is that . . ." She took a deep steadying breath and looked at Ironhide straight in the optics. "I am in love with you." She said smoothly, and softly.
Ironhide had to give her credit, for as wildly as her internals were firing, she managed to say it in a soft, sensual way, and it reflected in her eyes as well, which made it pain him even more. At least she loves me. He thought grimly as he sat back a little from the couch and studied her closely. What am I supposed to say now? I love you too? But no matter how much we love each other we can't be together? Do I let her give herself that kind of a life? To be in love but be unable to properly be with the person she loves? Or do I tell her I don't love her and shatter her hopes? I don't want to see her in pain, but what choice do I have?
Before Ironhide could open his mouth to say something, his communicator beeped, he cursed in Cybertronian and answered the comm. "Ironhide." He growled into the communicator. Dawn stifled a snicker at him.
"Ratchet here. I need to speak with you as soon as possible. Where are you?" Ratchet's voice sounded over the communicator.
"I'm with Dawn. Can this wait until later?" Ironhide asked, casting a glance at Dawn, hoping it couldn't so that he could have time to think about what she said and how he would have to word what he had to say.
"Afraid not, need you to come to my office. ASAP!!" Ratchet nearly screamed into the communicator, Ironhide grimaced.
"I'll be there shortly." Ironhide grumbled as he disconnected and looked down at Dawn with a tender expression. "I'm very sorry; I have so much I need to say in response to what you have just confessed to me. But I must go and see what Ratchet wants." He explained and Dawn nodded.
"No hard feelings. You have work to do, I understand. I can wait." Dawn said as she waved off his concern.
Ironhide nodded and got to his feet, Dawn followed him to her door and watched him leave without another word. Ironhide felt bad when the door shut behind him and he started on his way to the med bay. This had better be damned important. He growled to himself as he quickly walked the distance. For him, it was only a few short minutes away, while for Dawn it took much longer to walk the distance.
When he got to the med bay, he walked immediately to Ratchet's office, taking note that the 'Con was no longer in the med bay. He knocked and opened the door, stepping in he growled at Ratchet. "This had better be important."
Ratchet gave Ironhide a stern look and pointed at the chair across the desk. "Sit." He said sternly.
Knowing better than to argue with the CMO, Ironhide just walked over and sat in the chair without saying anything in protest. "What's this all about? You called in a very inopportune time. But at the same time . . . I couldn't have been happier to hear your voice." He had started with a growl, but ended in a relieved tone.
"Why, what was going on?" Ratchet asked, folding his hands together on top of the desk, looking intently at Ironhide.
Ironhide fidgeted a little. "Dawn just confessed her love for me." He answered, than put his arms on the desk and buried his head in them. "What am I going to say to her? It would never work out! A mechanoid with a fleshling? Talk about a bird trying to love a fish!"
Ratchet gave a small smile. "My dear, sweet Ironhide, I have a wonderfully ingenious idea of how you and Dawn can be together."
Ironhide looked up at Ratchet. "I'm listening . . ."