A/N: To everybody who has left a review - I appreciate every one of them – whether they're long or short, praise or critic – every review has encouraged me, helped me and helped this story become what it is! Thank you!

XXX

January 9th, 2000

Alicia couldn't sleep. She was lying on her back, the covers pulled up to her chin, and staring at the ceiling, wondering how she could feel wide awake suddenly. Only half an hour ago she had hardly been able to keep her eyes open.

George's detailed account of what had happened during the battle had brought back vivid memories for both of them. Unsure what to do they had sat, each on their own chair, not daring to hold or touch or even look at the other, while they cried. Eventually George suggested that they should talk in the morning.

Crying had made them both tired and he had asked whether he could stay for the night.

"You'll have to take the couch," Alicia had said.

He hadn't objected.

Now, through the open door, Alicia could hear his breathing and the occasional rustling of the blanket when he made a movement. She knew that he was awake, too.

Quietly Alicia slipped out of bed and made her way into her tiny living-room. "George?"

"Huh?"

"Can't you sleep, either?"

In the darkness of the room she could only make out his silhouette as he sat up. "Nope. What time is it?"

"About twenty past midnight."

"Really? Feels like I've been lying here for hours –"

"Same here," said Alicia, smiling. She sat on the edge of the couch and he moved his legs to make more room for her. Neither said anything for a couple of minutes. Eventually Alicia was the first to speak.

"I've been thinking – you never told me how you felt after – well, after you nearly used the killing curse."

George gave her a lop-sided smile. "Does that surprise you?"

Alicia smirked, "No, not really. Can you tell me now?"

"I can try."

Alicia nodded encouragingly. "Please."

"Well, it –" he already interrupted himself to say, "I'm not sure if I can explain this properly. It's the sort of thing I would've talk about to Fred, you know? He would've known how it made me feel. It's difficult to describe."

"Just try."

He sighed and then, slowly he started to explain, "It made me feel sort of cold. As if my insides were freezing. It made me numb for a couple of minutes – but then I was scared. Scared that after killing once, it would be far too easy to do it again."

"But you didn't kill."

"No – but that was only because you stopped me. I might have done it if it weren't for you. But all of that sort of became secondary after, you know – when Fred –" George was on the verge of crying again. It had been a while sine Alicia had seen him in such a vulnerable state.

Her own eyes filled with tears, too, and she looked away. After another long silence she asked, "After the reunion – why did you come to say that you wanted me back?"

George didn't answer at once. "Remember that Christmas when we were eighteen? Remember what I told you? That the worst thing that could happen to me was to either lose you or Fred?"

Alicia nodded, holding her breath.

"So there I was – living like a robot. It was bearable but somehow one day I suddenly realised that all of my worst fears had come true. I had lost both of you. And I didn't even fight for you. I just wasn't myself at the time."

"I realised that. But what made you change? Become your old self?"

"Several things. But the most important was really something Ginny said on Christmas Eve. Mind, she said it so Harry, not to me. But I heard her say it."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing special really. Something like 'I never want to lose you again' and I don't know why but it had me thinking. And then it just clicked." His hand found hers, warm and strong it wrapped itself around her cold fingers. "I can't promise you wonders and most certainly I can't say for sure that I won't make mistakes again but I want you to know that I still love you. And I'm sorry for what happened."

Alicia sobbed loudly. It was as if suddenly all the pain she had bottled up inside released itself and for minutes she was unable to say or do anything. Her whole body convulsed, almost painfully, she could hardly breathe and when she finally was able to talk again she whispered, "Why did you treat me the way you did then? If you really loved me."

George, who had been holding her during her breakdown, now let go and moved away from her while avoiding her eyes.

"George?"

"As I said I wasn't myself. I wasn't even going to tell but I, er, I took something –"

"Took what?" she enquired impatiently. Her voice was much calmer now and she could speak properly again.

He was chewing his bottom lip, a sure sign that he was nervous. "It's a long story, actually. It started the night before Fred's funeral," he said slowly, "I went into Knockturn Alley. I wanted to get a drink, something strong – stronger than Firewhisky."

Alicia frowned when she heard that and George saw it. "No need to say anything. I know what you're thinking. And you're right but I just wanted to knock myself out because I was hurting so badly. I met this witch in a bar and she – she said she knew something better, much better than alcohol."

"Something better? What?"

"A Potion. She sold me a potion. It's called Lethe."

Alicia gasped, looking at George disbelievingly. "I have heard of it. But George – how could you take that? It's dangerous –"

He gave a short mirthless laugh. "Tell me about it."

"Was it really worth the risk? The pain it's caused us?"

George shook his head. "It made the pain stop."

"Not for me. Nor your family and your friends."

"I know. And I'm really sorry. But I didn't know how else I could make it through that day. Of course I still missed Fred after I took it. And I would have given anything to talk to him – if only for a couple of minutes. Hell, I still would give almost anything for that. But back then after I drank I wasn't hurting so badly anymore. I know that it was that potion that made me so numb and caused me to be so cold to you and everybody else and I realised it even then. But I couldn't help it."

"Have you been taking this potion all the time during the last one and a half years?"

George nodded guiltily. "Most of the time. Cost me a small fortune but –"

"And when was the last time you took it?"

"Day before the reunion."

"What made you stop?"

"I didn't just stop, actually. Well, I did, but it wasn't as easy as it sounds now. It's highly addictive. But I realised more and more that I missed feeling something. That's why –" he looked away from her, obviously ashamed of himself, "well, the thing with Linda Abbott. I just –"

"– wanted to feel something."

"Yes. But it didn't work the way I wanted it to. At that point I began to realise that I had to stop taking it at all." His eyes found hers and they had a pleading look in them. "Can you forgive me for what I did? I never intended to hurt you."

"I already told you the other day that I can forgive you George. It will take some time, before things can be the way they were, but I can forgive you. But you have to promise me something."

"Whatever it takes."

"Promise me that you're off that stuff."

"I promise."

Alicia smirked. "Okay then – I guess I'll just have to trust you. But there's another thing. Make sure that you will stay away from Linda. Otherwise I'll kill her."

George grinned, "Think about what I told you about using an unforgivable curse."

"George, this is not funny. I saw her today, when she was on the way to –"

"– the shop?"

Alicia nodded.

"She just bought a Pygmy Puff for her niece." He gave her puppy-dog eyes. "So I am forgiven?"

She giggled and ruffled his hair. "Almost. Try to be a good boy for the next couple of months and then we'll see."

"Sooo – you reckon this is not the best moment to ask you to marry me?"

"What?" She would have taken it for a joke but he hadn't sounded like joking.

"I am serious, Licia – you and I should get married. Originally I've been meaning to ask you as soon as the war was over. But then things – happened."

"This is not the right time to get married, George. I'm sure you know that. Sorry, love, but you need to ask me again in couple months time."

"I will. You can bet on it. I didn't expect you to accept now, anyway."

She grinned at him. "And make sure you do it properly next time."

"Properly? You mean like candlelight dinner, you finding a ring in a glas of champaign – all that romantic stuff, right?" He took her into his arms and she leaned into him.

"Right," confirmed Alicia grinning and allowing him to pull her even closer, "and make you sure you don't forget anything."

They were now so close that she could feel when he shook his head against hers. "All that girlish nonsense –"

Alicia laughed. "No nonsense, no wedding."

They both laughed. Then suddenly George broke free from the embrace and jumped off the couch, starting to get dressed.

"What are you doing?"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her up. "Come on, get your clothes. And make sure they are warm clothes. It's still snowing out there."

"George, what are you up to?"

"Get dressed – quickly!"

"Are we going somewhere?"

"Yes. Tonight I'm going to officially move on – and you're going to be a witness to that."

"But how – what –"

"Get your clothes on and then I'm Apparating us."

"You can do Side-Along-Apparition?"

"Very funny," said George.

Alicia giggled, "And where're we supposed to Apparate?"

"Fred's grave," said George seriously, "I need to say good-bye to him. I never really managed to do it but I feel like I owe it to him. And it will make it official that I've moved on."

George had been right with his assumption that it was still snowing outside. When they arrived at the graveyard there was a thin layer of snow, making the muddy path even more slippery than it usually was.

Alicia noticed that George was not as cool about the situation as he had pretended earlier at her apartment. He was holding her hand and his grip was almost painfully tight and at the same time she could feel his body shake next to hers. She looked up at his face; his jaw was set, his expression determined.

She still had a clear memory of the day they had buried his brother. He had stood next to her, like a robot – showing no emotion whatsoever. He had shed not one single tear. But now he was crying. They had cried so much that night Alicia wondered how there could still be any tears left inside of them but the tears just kept coming.

When they arrived at the tombstone George let go of Alicia's hand and she knew that this was going to be a moment between George and Fred – wherever Fred was now. She wanted to step back but George caught hold of her arm.

"Don't go."

"I'm right behind you," she said and carefully loosened his grip on her arm. "I just wanted to give you some privacy. And I don't think Fred would appreciate me taking part in this."

Despite the tears that were still running down his face George chuckled, "bet you're right about that," then he took a deep breath and nodded. He turned towards the grave. "Hey there bro – sorry I'm late. Was a bit of prat during the last months – well, whatever." His voice was shaky when he spoke but he continued, "Well, at least I'm here now – though I'm not quite sure what to say – I miss you, mate. More than you would probably have expected me to."

There was another pause, a sob – and then George's shaky voice could be heard again. "Honestly – leaving me alone like this. You bloody wanker. What am I supposed to do without you? Did you ever think of that?"

He was crying so hard now that he couldn't speak anymore. Alicia saw his shoulders shaking. He covered his face with his hands and after a couple of wobbly steps up and down in front of the stone he sank onto his knees. Alicia couldn't watch it any longer. She went over to him and he accepted her hug eagerly.

It was as though the last one and half years had never happened. Alicia knew that George had never made more of an improvement at dealing with his twin's death than he had made a week after the battle. And he knew it, too.

"It hurts so badly –"

"I know" whispered Alicia, burying her nose in his hair and tightening her arms around him.

"I can't – I won't – I can't do this without him."

"I'll help you. – If you let me."

For several minutes they just remained where they were – in front of the tombstone, George on his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around Alicia who wept silently into his hair. It wasn't until Alicia noticed how cold it was that she finally pulled him up.

"I think it's time to go," she said, shivering, "before we catch our death."

"Just one more minute," said George as he stood up, brushing the snow and the dirt from his knees. He turned to the gravestone once more and said, "Listen Fred, from now on, I promise you I'll be back every week. I would even come every day – but someone will have to mind the shop you left me alone with. And don't you worry about me, okay? I've got everything under control. I'm going to marry the most beautiful girl in the whole world one day." George grinned through the tears. "Don't be jealous, though. I won't forget about you."

Alicia, feeling suddenly very proud of George, grabbed his hand and said, "You did well tonight. I'm sure he appreciates it, where ever he is now. But we have to go now. We'll come back in the morning and bring flowers."

They Apparated back. Once they were inside and warmed up by a cup of tea George caught Alicia's eye. "Honestly, Licia – Flowers?"

"What else?"

"He'd hate flowers."

"Then we'll plant some poisonous plant on his grave."

George grinned. "Sounds more like it. Or how about a couple of Mandrakes?"

They laughed for a long time until they fell asleep, huddled against each other on Alicia's couch.

XXX

A/N: The idea of naming the potion George took after the river of Hades - Lethe - was suggested by Kerichi - so thanks for that!