"I said no," Ben snarled. "Think of something else."
"Like what?" Sam asked, pained. It's not like he wants his brother to die but it's either this or they all die. "Tell me right now, Ben, and I will make it happen."
Ben felt the unfairness of everything slam into him in that moment. He wanted to scream, and cry, and just break everything within reach. He will not become an orphan again. He won't. He's not going through that again.
"You think of something, Mr. Research, or I swear I will never forgive you for sending my dad to the slaughter," Ben snapped. He reached for the soul bomb, intending to launch the crystal against the far wall to break it, but Sam was faster and scooped it up. Ben let out a roar and took a swing at his uncle.
"You took him away from me before. I'm not letting you take him away from me again!" bellowed Ben thickly. Tears are streaming down his face but he doesn't notice. "Give that back!"
"Ben!" Dad shouted and scooped him up like he was 8 again. He swiftly carried Ben away before he'd get away and actually break the only weapon they had against Amara.
"Let me go!" Ben shrieked, struggling to get down. "I'm not letting you leave me behind! You're not dying on me like Mom. I will not be left on my own again. Do you hear me? I won't! You're not leaving me! I'd rather die with you than be without you."
Fuck. Ben could have stabbed then shot him in the heart and it would have hurt less.
Dean had to think. It's the only way but like fuck is his son dying with him.
"Cas!" he shouted, and Ben's struggles picked up in earnest. Dean had to put him down, pinning him on the hallway floor. Castiel showed up, looking equally worried and guilty. "Put him out."
"No! Please!" Ben cried, and tried to get out from the hold his dad had him in. "Castiel, please! Don't do this. Stop!"
"Do it!" ordered Dean, ignoring Ben's cries. Each tear falling ripping Dean apart. It's for the best, he told himself. "Now, Cas."
Castiel reached out and touched two fingers to Ben's forehead and the teen ceased moving, falling into a dreamless slumber. The angel looked down at the boy who resembles Dean so much and felt guilt amplify. He watched Dean gently pick up his son and carry him to Dean's room, and Castiel moved to pull the sheets back, flicking a wrist to take off Ben's shoes and pants before Dean deposited his son into the bed.
With slow movements, Dean covered his son, reaching out to brush hair away from his forehead, resting his palm against it for a second. And if his hand shook slightly pulling away, the only witness was Castiel and Dean knew the angel wouldn't say a thing.
"Maybe we can find some other way to get the soul bomb to the Darkness," Castiel suggested lightly.
Dean shook his head. "No, it has to be me." Powerful emotions clogged his throat, and it took longer than usual to clear it and speak. "You will take care of him."
"Of course."
"Never leave him, Cas. Don't let him blame Sam either. Don't let him blame you. Tell him it was my choice. None of you coerced me into it. I chose it, you hear me?" He couldn't bring himself to look away from his son. This is the last time he'll ever see him again, Dean realized, and his throat clogged up once more.
"And don't you dare let him follow me in death."
Castiel had trouble speaking himself. "I-I," he swallowed thickly, "I p-prom-promise, D-Dean." He swallowed again to keep from crying.
Dean nodded and reached out to clap the angel on the shoulder, but found his hand sliding into Cas' instead. Cas moved his hand so their fingers were laced and they stood there staring at Dean's son sleeping soundly, their hands hanging onto each other tightly. Dean's head slowly lowered so it was resting on Castiel's shoulder. The angel felt the minute tremors wracking the hunter's body, and it hit Castiel that Dean is barely holding it together.
They had to leave now, Castiel realized. He tightened his grip on the hunter and flew them back to the war room. Sam's agonized face greeted him, eyes flickering down to see their clasped hands, surprise briefly widening his eyes before the tall hunter closed them and bit his hand to keep from bawling.
Castiel held his hand and Sam took it without hesitation, and the angel teleported them outside. God and Rowena followed them, the crystal safely secure in the witches' grip. Crowley appeared next to them, looking just as troubled.
Dean disengaged from Castiel and walked to Baby's driver side and dropped into the seat. His hands had a death grip on the steering wheel.
"Lock the Bunker, Cas, and lock Ben's room."
The angel turned to the Bunker and held out his hand but God twisted his wrist and they heard the Bunker lock up.
"Thanks," the hunter said in a hollow voice. "Let's go. There's someplace I need to go before we do this."
Everyone piled into the Impala without a word. Crowley reaching out and briefly placing his hand on Dean's shoulder.
The ride to Lawrence wasn't long enough in their opinion. Dean didn't play any of his cassette tapes, he didn't go over or under the speed limit, and yet, it felt like they flew down there going 90 the entire way. The hunter's destination became apparent when they pulled up to the cemetery. Dean's saying goodbye to his parents.
"Do the spell here," Dean said then took some time in front of his mom's grave.
Sam stayed back with the others, sorrow etched on every line of his face as he watched his brother stare at their mom's grave, just brooding, and it hit Sam right then that'll he'll be bringing Ben back here once Dean save the world to say goodbye to his dad. He'll have to put a marker for Dean's grave. It'll be empty, of course, but it should serve some comfort for Ben to have a place to talk to his dad once he's gone. It'll provide some comfort Sam and Cas, too.
Ben's damning words earlier are still echoing in his head. He's not wrong. Sam did steal Dean away when Ben needed a dad the most. Granted, he was soulless, but after Sam got it back, he didn't send Dean home to Ben and Lisa. He didn't want to. He needed his brother.
His nephew deserves so much better than Sam as his soon-to-be only living relative. Sam's not even sure he could stand to be around Ben after Dena's gone. He looks so much like Dean, acts like him too, and Sam isn't strong enough to handle seeing a carbon copy of his brother every day. The pain would never go away, nor would the guilt. Is this what his dad had to deal with with Dean?
Sam's seen the pictures of their mom. Dean used to look like her before his hair grew dark. How did his dad handle seeing a tiny version of his soulmate day in and day out without going crazy?
"It's why he stayed away so much," Chuck answered tiredly. He grimaced as pain lanced him. "But it's also why John did his damnedest to make sure Dean would never end up like her. You too. John wasn't going to let himself go through that pain again. He raised you to be warriors. The finest I have ever seen since the Knights of the Round Table. You'll do the same for Ben. Just don't take off for weeks on end like him, yeah? Ben deserves more than that."
He can do that, Sam promised himself. He'll be a better father than dad was to him and Dean. But that's not fair, is it? Sam is just starting to realize just how much their father did for him and Dean. They'd be dead ten times over if it wasn't for John Winchester's Boot Camp.
"The pain will recede," Chuck promised, "but you got to be around for it to do so. Ben will be mad, pissed actually, but he will never forgive you if you abandon him. Neither will Dean."
"I won't abandon him." The anger in his tone surprised him. Wasn't he just thinking of doing just that? Of seeing Ben every couple of weeks, letting Jody or his foster parents take care of him while Sam tries to have a life without his brother to fall back on. Even when Dean was in purgatory, Sam felt it in his bones that Dean was still alive and knew he'd come back to Sam one day.
"Good. You and Castiel have a responsibility now. Don't screw it up," Chuck told him, and Sam found himself huffing out a laugh.
Dean finished talking to Mom and Dad and strode back towards them with a determined face.
"So, how do we get that crystal inside me, and no jokes," Dean pointed at Crowley, who had a half-smirk on his face.
Rowena held out the crystal. "This won't be the bomb. You'll be the bomb."
Dean nodded like he expected as much. His thoughts wandered back to his slumbering son, safely tucked in the Bunker. Determination filled him where it waned talking to Mom. This is what Dad felt like when he traded his soul for Dean's life. He gets it now. Truly, he does. He thought he would do anything for Sam but that's not true. Not really. He'd die for Sam, kill for him, but for Ben? He'd take on God's sister and the Devil combined for his son to live and have a happy life. He'd damn himself over a thousands times for Ben. He'd take on any torture and experience every hell known to man in the off-chance he'd save his son from damnation.
Whatever he did for Sam, he'd do it all again for Ben. For eternity, and never once would he regret it.
Rowena waited for Dean's go-ahead then used a spell that transferred the souls from the crystal into Dean, and a bright jet of light soared from the rock and into Dean's chest. Once all the souls were out of the crystal and into Dean, the hunter hunched over in pain as his nerves boiled and his insides shifted and burned from the energy.
No one said anything. They didn't need to. As long as Dean is standing, he's fine, and Dean was after a moment of adjustment. He won't be able to handle this for long, just long enough to get close to Amara and tap his forefinger and thumb together to activate the bomb in his chest.
"Let's do this," Dean said, but Castiel reached out and pulled the hunter into a hug.
"I can go with you," and Dean had to stop himself from crying-laughing, because, of course, Cas wants to join him in Death.
"You can't, Cas. You have a promise to keep," Dean reminded him.
Castiel pulled away, knowing that, but he had to offer. If Dean had said yes, he knew he would have happily walked with Dean and embraced death for the last time. The Winchesters above all the rest, deserve the eternal rest and happiness of Heaven. Castiel himself will make sure Dean ends up in Heaven and not somewhere. He'll find John and Mary Winchester and reunite his hunter with his parents.
Sam hugged Dean next.
"You don't have to do this. We'll find another way," Sam pleaded, almost crying. It was close. "I'll find something else. Ben's right. I am Mr. Research. You don't have to die today, Dean."
Dean huffed a laugh. "I just need to get close, and then you, Cas, and Ben will be safe. You will all live to fight another day. My son will not die, Sam. Not today. Not any time soon. I don't care if I die. I really don't. Neither would you, and you know it. This was always our endgame, Sammy. Don't let it be Ben's."
Then Dean's real performance began. He started joking, wanting an epic funeral, choir, Sabbath cover band, open bar, and of Gary Busey reading his eulogy. Dean sobered briefly, saying he wanted his ashes buried here, with Mom.
Crowley shifted and said, "Done." Dean shot the King of Hell a grateful smile that wavered slightly.
"Ben will never end up anywhere near your kingdom," Dean stated matter-of-fact. "I don't care how many cross-roads demons he conjures: No Deal."
Crowley met Dean's stare head on, and replied simply, "Done. Your whelp will never enter Hell."
Weight lifted off of Dean. That's one worry off the list.
"Okay," Dean said, turning to Chuck. "Let's do this."
Chuck nodded at him and snapped his fingers, and Dean was in a garden somewhere. It's beautiful. Lisa would have loved it here. There were stone walls with windows around him but no roof. A fountain stands in the center of the garden, and Dean reaches into his pocket and flicks a coin into it. Not really making a wish.
Striding away from the fountain down a stone walkway, Dean was almost at the black wooden doors when he heard his name.
"Dean. How did you find me?" Amara asked, appearing in front of the fountain.
"Does it matter," Dean shoots back. "I'm here to give you what you want: me."
Amara's expression turned suspicious. "That's a change."
"Well, I can't just stand by and watch the world, my friends, and my family die. So if becoming a part of you takes me sway from that, then I'm in," he said, slowly moving forward.
"You," Amara said, "and the bomb in your chest?" Dean stopped. No. Nonononono. This has to work. "Do you think I can't taste the power coming off of you. Please. The problem is you've never been able to hurt me. What makes this time any different?"
Dean glared. "I don't have a choice. I won't let my son die because of you. With what you're doing to the sun -"
"That's not me," Amara denied, looking up at the dying star. "With my brother getting weaker, the scales are tipping away from light."
"And into darkness," Dean finished.
"Into nothing," Amara corrected. "When God's gone, the Universe, everything, will cease to exist. Including me." She walked away and sat on one of the benches that were dotted all around the garden. "My brother betrayed me. He locked me away for years. He sent you to kill me."
Dean shook his head. "No. He didn't want this. He doesn't want any of this. He zapped me here, yes, but you're family. He doesn't want you dead. Don't you get that?"
Amara looked away, but Dean can see he might be getting through to her. He pushed.
"Is this what you wanted?"
"No," Amara answered honestly. "I wanted to hurt him."
Ah, there it is. "You wanted revenge," Dean corrected her. "It'll get you out of bed in the morning, and when you get it, it feels great. For about five minutes. I've been there. Me and Sam - we've had our fair share of fights, more than our share, but no matter how bad it got, we always made it right because we're family. I need him. He needs me. And when everything goes to crap, that's all you've got - family. And you might be an all-powerful being, but you're human where it counts. You need your brother."
Amara scoffed. "Stop."
Dean shook his head. "You don't want to be alone. No. Not really. I mean, hell, that's maybe why you wanted me, but deep down you didn't want me. But deep down, you really didn't want me because I'm not him. So maybe I can kill you. Or maybe I can't . Maybe if I pull this trigger we'll all live happily ever after, or maybe we die bloody, or maybe it doesn't matter. Because maybe there might be a better way," Dean said passionately, pleadingly, wanting Amara to hear him.
"So, I'm asking you again, put aside the rage, put aside the pain, and you tell me...what do you want?"
Amara stares at him with red eyes, and Dean's heart goes out to her, and then Chuck appears on the other side of the fountain.
Dean stepped back as Amara and Chuck started talking. Hearing Amara's side, of how it was just her and God for a long time, of how much they loved each other, and then Chuck made all of his creations. Amara told God just how much she hated him for needing something other than her, of how all she wanted to do was make him suffer.
The hunter could relate to some of Amara's feelings. Learning about Adam, of Dad taking him to baseball games and having birthday parties, it made Dean hate his half-brother so much. He wanted Adam hurt, sure, but he didn't want him dead, and to find out a ghoul got him, and that the thing they thought was their half-brother wasn't him, Dean felt robbed of not knowing his youngest brother. That poor kid deserved better than what he got.
"What you made ...it's beautiful. It took me a long time to see that. I know we can't go back to the way things were. I don't want to. But I wish - I wish that we could just be family again," Amara admitted.
"I do too," Chuck replied, voice breaking, and held out his hand for Amara to take; and when she did, a bright light emanated from their hands. It grew until the sun became bright again, bathing the world in its life-giving light once more.
Dean looked up into the sky and smiled. Ben's safe. Sam's safe. Everyone is safe.