VictorianPearl: Here is yet another OneShot? for you all. I hope you enjoy it.
Genre: Humor
Rating: Pg-13 (to be safe)
Warnings: If you don't like random humor a plotless story with OOC-ness, be prepared, because that's exactly what this is!
Summary: You thought you knew the characters of Cardcaptor Sakura, but how well do you know the actors?
Title: Behind the Scenes
A large stage of a talk show becomes alight with bright lights and different colors. The theme song plays and a door behind the stage opens. As the hostess walks onto the stage, the crowd goes wild.
The hostess of the talk show is none other than VictorianPearl! She is a young woman with long dark hair, green eyes, and a height of exactly 5'4, wearing a long dress with thin straps and the same effect as a disco ball.
"Hello everyone, and welcome to Behind the Scenes!" VictorianPearl says.
The crowd screams and puts on their sunglasses. That dress's reflecting properties are sending the editors crazy.
Also, because VictorianPearl is too long a name to use for the entire length of this OneShot?, I will now be referring to her/myself as "Vic".
"Also, here is my co-host, Li!" Vic says, holding her arm out in the general direction of where Li is entering.
Li Showran, the American wannabe version of Syaoran Li, is entering onto the stage.
"Hello everyone," Li says into his own hand held microphone, "today, we have the cast of Cardcaptor Sakura on the show.!"
(input audience screams)
"Here they are!" Vic cues.
The cast of Cardcaptor Sakura walks onto the stage, including, Sakura, Syaoran, Tomoyo, Eriol, Yukito, Touya, Fujitaka, Nadeshiko, Kero, Spinnel, Kaho, Chiharu, Takashi, Rika, Yoshiyuki, Naoko, Nakuru, and Meiling.
The cast takes their seats on the three large couches while Vic and Li sit in two chairs across from them. When the crowd finally calms down, Vic and Li start up again.
"I would first like to state that, unfortunately, Sonomi Daidoji has not been able to attend." Vic says. "Her reason why, when I asked, was because she hated Fujitaka and he was here too."
(nervous coughs)
"Anyway," Vic continues, "our first question for you all is, how do you feel now that the show is over? We'll start with Sakura and Syaoran."
"Excuse me," Chiharu says in an unkind manner, "but Sakura and Syaoran always go first. Can't you have someone else start?"
Vic and Li glance quickly at each other.
"Of course," Li says, "we can start with Nakuru."
"Hoe?" Sakura says, squinting her eyes at Vic due to the luster of her dress.
"It's alright Sakura." Syaoran says, wrapping an arm around Sakura's shoulders while glaring at Chiharu.
"Me, of course I'm going to miss everyone in the cast!" Nakuru starts.
Everyone cringes, waiting for the screeching to begin.
"What I'm going to miss the most though, is TOUYA-KUN!" Nakuru screams.
Touya tenses and glares at Nakuru. "Don't you come near me, woman. One thing I'm not going to miss is that voice of yours. I'll finally be able to go places without having to look over my shoulder."
"Such harsh words Touya-kun," Vic emphasizes, "please tell us what you will miss."
Touya's eyes get dreamy. "I'll miss Kaho."
Kaho nods in agreement. "I'll miss you too. I should have stayed with you in the story. Why they put me with that four eyed perverted kid is beyond me."
"Excuse me," Eriol shoots, "I am right here you know. Besides, it's not my fault they put me with you."
"You know, she's right, master." Spinnel says. "Even I didn't buy the excuse they gave."
(Ahem) "Anyway," Vic interrupts, "why don't we hear from Rika and Yoshiyuki? How do you two feel about your relationship on the set?"
Rika and Yoshiyuki glare at each other.
"They put me with someone eleven years older. How would you feel?" Rika spits.
"Why don't you try eleven years younger?" Yoshiyuki says to Rika. "No ten year old is that mature."
"But Rika," Tomoyo says, "you always looked so cute with Yoshiyuki-sama."
"Yeah, but that's coming from someone who swings both ways." Rika says malevolently to Tomoyo.
"Rika, you know that that was only true for the show." Eriol defends. "She's going out with me after all."
"You-!" Yukito cries. "She's going out with me!"
Tomoyo puts her head in her hands, praying for death.
"We'll be right back!" Li says, cuing the commercials.
(four minutes later)
"Welcome back!" Vic says loudly over the clapping.
"We'll get right back into the show with our questions." Li says. "This one is for Fujitaka and Nadeshiko. Was it hard to make your relationship believable when you hardly got to see each other?"
"We thought it might…" Fujitaka starts.
"…but, we had quite a bit of quality time backstage." Nadeshiko finishes.
"I would say so." Li comments. "You two had small parts, so I'm sure that you got a lot of time to talk to each other."
"That's not what I meant." Nadeshiko says with complete seriousness.
"Uh…next question!" Vic says quickly.
"Tomoyo, how could you not remember our quality time off set?" Yukito bursts.
Eriol stands up. "Tomoyo enjoyed our quality time more than yours."
Li calls security and two men dressed in suits come out and drag Eriol and Yukito off stage.
"We have way too much drama going on in our lives." Takashi comments, shaking his head.
"We'll be showing a video now." Vic says frantically, trying to get everyone to calm down.
The lights dim and a trailor for both Cardcaptor movies plays. When the lights come up, the sunglasses go back on and Vic is ready for more questions.
"This one is for Meiling." Vic says. "How did you like recording both movies?"
"The movies were awesome!" Meiling says. "Meiling is such an underappreciated character, I'm glad I got to kick but!"
Li and Vic sigh in relief for actually getting a normal comment out of someone.
"I want sugar." Kero says randomly.
"I'll give you sugar, you over stuffed ball of fluff!" Syaoran cries, jumping up. "Sugar frosting ofeuda!"
A giant wave of frosting emerges from Syaoran's ofeuda and jumps into Kero's mouth. Kero fills up to the size of a beach ball and rolls off stage.
"I've been waiting years for that to happen." Touya says.
"Hoe?" Sakura squeaks.
"Well I've been waiting years for Sakura to find a new saying." Yoshiyuki says dryly.
"Sakura doesn't need to change, she's fine the way she is." Rika points.
"You two should stop fighting." Chiharu says.
"Look whose talking." Rika says back.
"Stop fighting, children." Fujitaka says.
"We need new jobs." Li whispers into Vic's ear.
Vic nods sadly.
In England, Clow watches Behind the Scenes and laughs.
"They should have known better than to invite that cast onto their show."
Meanwhile, back in California on the set, Vic and Li are having problems again. Kaho and Nakuru are fighting, Meiling and Syaoran are sparring, and everyone else is hectic.
Li dives out from the middle of the storm and grabs a microphone.
"We'll be back after these messages."
(four minutes later)
As the show returns, Kaho and Nakuru have also been dragged backstage. The tension is almost visible. Vic and Li mentally contemplate continuing, but they still have time to kill.
"Because questioning seems to have been…difficult," Li starts, "Suppi will be taking the stage for a solo. He sings in his free time, taught by a private tutor. This is Suppi's premier appearance."
A microphone extends upward, the lights dim, and the techies are cued for spotlight. As Suppi takes the stage, a piano starts to play. At about that time, Kero is having his stomach pumped of frosting.
After Suppi's melodramatic performance, the crowd politely applauds and the guardian takes his seat.
"For our next feature," Vic begins, "we have a promotion clip. Touya and Nadeshiko are starring in yet another soap opera. We have a clip from it now."
The techies go through the drill and the large screen comes alight. Nadeshiko is lying sick in her bed while Touya clutches her hand.
"No mother, you cannot die, you mustn't!" Touya cries.
"Touya," Nadeshiko whispers, feigning pain, "you must be weary of your elder cousin."
"Nakuru..?" Touya asks automatically.
"No," Nadeshiko coughs, "your third cousin, you know, the one that's twice removed."
"You mean the one that dated me and Yuki at the same time?" Touya asks.
"And Eriol," Nadeshiko adds.
"But mother, Tomoyo is younger than I am."
"…"
The lights come back up and Vic and Li cough nervously. Vic side steps closer to Li away from the cast.
"Yeah, so go and see their show, it airs at 2:00am on Thursdays!" Vic comments.
"If you catch this week's show, you'll se Chiharu guest starring as the French maid." Li reads his card.
"You had all better tune in then." Chiharu glares at the audience.
The audience shrinks back. They'll do it! Just pleas, Chiharu, stop glaring so fiercely!
"You know I'm uncomfortable with that, Chiharu dear." Takashi comments.
"I have to make money somehow." Chiharu says.
"Slut," Rika coughs.
"What did you say?" Sakura asks before Chiharu can.
"You're too innocent for it." Terada says pitifully.
"Hoe?"
"Stop confusing Sakura." Syaoran says, glaring at the cast.
"She doesn't need them to be confused." Fujitaka mumbles. "My poor daughter."
"Don't encourage it." Nadeshiko warns.
"Will you all SHUT UP! Vic yells, finally snapping. "All you guys have done is argue this whole time. Why don't you just shut up and leave!"
Silence falls. Crickets chirp. Tumble weeds roll. Suddenly, the audience bursts into applause.
Li hugs Vic. "I knew you had it in you."
"You all have free copies of manga under your seats, take 'em and leave." Vic says. "Come on Li, let's go!"
"Where..?" Li asks suggestively.
Vic glares. "Don't even go there. I need ice cream layered in chocolate and whipped cream after all of that."
The two run away. Somehow yet another fight manages to break out among the cast. The credits roll and the theme song plays. That, children, is why the cast of CCS has never appeared on a real talk show!
OOO
VictorianPearl: Like I said, plotless, and pretty much pointless humor. I hoped you at least got a smile out of it. Please R&R and tell me what you think!