Hello my few, but lovely devoted fans I have whose reviews have made me smile. I am back in the comfort of my own home (thank God). I can only take so much of my Nana. Anyways, I'm pretty sure I left off with Charlie on a date. Weird, I know. And I have to apologize if my last chapter was… bad. I was so tired, but I couldn't fall asleep.

Anyways, continuing on. My iTunes might actually helped me with this chapter.
Note to chocomel26: JACOB SUCKS stick tongue out and goes cross-eyed

Chapter Four: Nobody's Perfect, I've Gotta Work It

Alice and Bella stopped and froze. They didn't expect to see Charlie here with another woman. "Uh, hey Charlie!" Alice said, in quite an excited voice. Bella couldn't tell what she was doing, but she definitely had some form of a lie boiling in that tiny head of hers.

"What are you two doing out this late? Throwing snappers at people that are obviously wanting a bit of alone time, you should be ashamed!" Charlie said. He had helped the female out of the lake, but for some odd reason, he didn't want Bella or Alice to she her face.

"Who is she Dad?" Bella asked suspiciously. She looked familiar, but Bella couldn't place her finger on it. Alice raised an eyebrow and scoffed, she knew who it was. "Charlie" Alice started, "Why are you here with her? She is happily married!"

"We, uh, met up on the trial when I was fishing tonight! And decided to have a chat and talk for a while" Charlie mustered up.

"Right" Alice said, narrowing her eyes. "They was she was straddling your hips, and the way your hand was snaking its way up her shirt was TOTALLY chatting her up. It was more like 'feeling' her up." Alice said, she was now just enjoying picking Charlie piece to piece.

Bella was confused. She was happy that her dad finally found someone other then herself to bore to death, but he was a home wrecker! How could he? But with who was it that he hid from Bella? Then Bella noticed the highlighted blonde hair, the perfectly polished nails, and the strappy high heels. Though her face wasn't facing Bella, she knew who it was.

"KAREN NEWTON?" Bella shouted.

"Present!" Karen said. She wasn't the type to hold very many brains in her head. "Why dad? Why Karen? YOU should be ashamed" Bella said. "Let's go Alice!" Bella pulled Alice's arm and they headed back into the forest. They could hear Charlie shouting after them, but they ignored it. Bella hopped on Alice's back and they ran back to the house.

They came crashing in the door laughing.

"I don't believe that he feel for her! She's the biggest whore in forks, and the only people who don't know this are her own family! Poor Charlie, she was probably out for a quickie!" Bella laughed.

"Why is that funny?" Alice said. She was laughing too.

"Because first of all, you could totally tell Charlie had a sock in pants. And we just sabotaged and threw her into the lake on accident! Did you not see her fake boobs fall out of her bra and start floating away from her?"

"I still don't know why this is funny" Alice said.

"Me either" Bella agreed. Obviously they still had too much adrenaline in them. They calmed down somewhat. It had been an eventful night. Bella ordered pizza for herself, and went to get something to drink. The only reason why the Cullen's had a kitchen installed was because of Bella herself. It was like she had already moved in.

The pizza arrived and Bella ate it in the kitchen while Alice called Jasper. After her phone call, Alice walked in.

"How is your pizza Bella?" Alice asked.

"It's gone" Bella said with a burp. She was sitting on the floor, with her legs crossed and an empty pizza box in front of her.

"Did it run away?"

"No. I ate it. STUPID!"

"Oh. I thought it was going to live with you!"

"No. I got hungry"

"Poor pizza"

"No. It was good pizza"

"But it didn't get any before it died"

"Don't worry; it had an orgy with the other pieces"

"Uhm, Bella. You're just weird"

"You're the one that said the pizza didn't get any!"

"But YOU put it in your mouth!"

"Oh! I guess it did get some! Oral, duh"

"Now that is kinky"

"I try"

After Alice and Bella's pizza sex talk, Bella decided to hit the hay. Still refusing the bed that Edward laid out, she curled up on the couch. The next day, the family came home early. There wasn't much going on anyways. Alice has attacked her with make up, new clothes from Paris, and a bribe into buying her a new car. Bella didn't want anything to do with it. That is when Emmett came blasting through the door.

"That man makes me want to snap my fingers in a Z formation" he sighed, throwing himself onto the couch, making a rather loud thud.

"WHAT? All I wanted to know was why you INSIST on buying me a dress" Jasper exhaled, being the next coming through the door.

"Because" Edward said, he was the next one in, "We would want to see what the people of Forks would do if you started wearing a dress to school. Would the men start wearing dresses? Would the females buy tuxedos?"

"I already have the perfect one picked out!" Rosalie squealed.

"Jasper, hunny, you don't have to do anything they say. However, if you still want to wear the dress, I support you in anything you do" Esme stated, her and Carlizzle (I couldn't help it) walked in the door, hand in hand.

Alice and Bella were confused. Jasper wearing a dress?

"Jasper" Alice asked. "Why are you going to wear a dress to school?" She was as much confused as Bella was. "Well, see, the guys think it would be fun to dress me up in a dress to see how society would act. Edward wouldn't do it, because Tyler would just lust even more over him, and Emmett is being forced by Rose not to do it because she doesn't want to have a drag queen as a boyfriend."

"Yeah" Rosalie agreed "It's bad enough having a boyfriend who is obsessed with Hannah Montana anyways"

The whole room went quite. Hannah Montana? No one knew this, not even Edward. How did he hide it from all of them?

"Hannah… Montana?" Edward spat out. He was now laughing, along with the rest of the room.

"ROSE!" Emmett boomed. "How could you admit that? After all our nights of blocking Edward out and now you just BLURT it out like it's a newly fresh piece of gossip. I wish you would understand my drama queen a little bit better!"

"Oh save it" Edward said. "You like it that people know now. I can read your mind, remember? You're relieved. Not upset. Stop being a drama queen"

"Damn you Edward Cullen"

"Yes, damn me"

"So, Hannah Montana and Jasper in a dress?" Bella asked. "I can't wait for school on Monday"

Ugh. Sorry – another kinda sucky one. I need ideas though! I reaaaally do. And I would love it if you guys would help out, because my iTunes actually didn't help. It will once I post though – and then it will be too late. Oh well.

Again: I own nothing of the kind that had to do with Twilight, Hannah Montana, or fake boobs.