AN: I still don't own anything.
Jagga-Love, thanks so much for all your hard work! You are Fantastica!!
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BPOV
As soon as I said the words, a sense of regret filled me. I realized that I had some explaining to do. I didn't want Edward to feel rejected.
"I don't want my first time to be like this. I don't want it to be a careless reaction to the events of the last couple of days," I said, with my head bowed, shy.
He stood there for a moment in silence. I figured he was probably processing what I just told him.
"So you have never?" he asked.
"No," I replied as I blushed. "I am sorry," I added. I felt so bad for making him feel rejected. I never, ever wanted to hurt Edward in any way.
"Bella, please look at me. I had no idea. I am the one who should apologize. I know that you are in a fragile state and I should have not taken advantage of the situation. Please forgive me," he begged.
"No, really Edward, this is not your fault, I wanted this as much as you did. Please don't blame yourself," I replied.
"I just feel like we need to talk about everything. I need to know why you left Tanya, and I have to explain my relationship with Gage," I continued.
"You're right, we need to talk. I'll give you a moment to get dressed and I'll meet you in the living room. Would that be ok?" he asked.
"Yes, thank you."
I stared at his retreating form as he left my bathroom. I truly regretted not going all the way with him, it felt so right, so perfect. It was as if we had been created out of the same mold, we fit together perfectly.
I slowly lowered myself from the marble counter and I walked out of the bathroom on shaky legs. I was still battling the desire to run after him and jump him. I wanted so badly to feel his soft skin against mine. I wanted to be a hundred percent his. I loved this man. Wait, what? So soon?
Yes.
I hastily threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. It felt nice to be dressed in something other than pajamas. I quickly ran a brush through my hair and after fighting for the mess to calm down, I decided to put it up on a pony tail.
I was suddenly afraid. I had no idea if he was still in love with Tanya and if he was here as a favor to Alice. I was also worried about him blaming me for Gage's death. I knew that I was the one to blame, but I did not think I could handle it coming from Edward.
I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't realize that Edward was standing outside my door until I bumped into him. I felt myself falling backwards when warm, strong hands suddenly grabbed me by my waist.
"You're clumsy." he smirked.
"I have actually improved a lot since high school, but yes, you could say that," I told him as my cheeks got hot, and most likely red.
"It's cute," he explained, a loped sided grin on his face.
I sighed as I made my way to my couch and I made a motion for him to sit down, as well. He sat on the loveseat right across the couch where I was at.
"So, where do you want to start?" I asked.
"I guess we should start with Acapulco. I wanted to apologize to you for my behavior that day," he explained.
I could not help becoming really upset. So he regretted what happened in Acapulco. I suddenly did not want to hear more. I needed him to leave me alone pronto, or I would go into pieces in front of him.
"I'm sorry for throwing myself at you that day. I shouldn't have bothered you," I managed to say. Not entirely able to hide my disappointment.
"Is that what you think? That you bothered me? You are so absurd Bella," he said.
"You don't regret it?" I asked in a whisper.
"The only thing I regret from that day, the one thing that I need to apologize for, is letting you go. I should have stopped your mother from dragging you away from me. I should have at least asked for your number. I felt so impotent and I can't forgive myself because right then, all I really wanted was to protect you," he explained.
"You have nothing to apologize for Edward. It was a terrible situation and although I regretted not being strong enough to stay with you, I know that there was no other way around it. I was married. I needed to fix my life. I wasn't worthy of you," I told him as tears started to stream down my face.
"I never stopped thinking about you Bella, not for a single second. I couldn't help myself from hoping that I would find you again."
"I never stopped thinking about you either, but after a year, I felt ridiculous. What if you didn't feel the connection I felt? What if you had a life with someone else and I was intruding? I guess I was not too far from the truth, you did have someone," I sighed.
"After a year, I started to have the same concerns, I started to think that perhaps you had been a figment of my imagination," he conceded.
"Why did you leave Tanya?" I blurted.
"I met Tanya shortly after my Acapulco vacation. She was friends with Angela and sometimes we would hang out together after work. For a whole year she threw herself at me. She wanted nothing more than for me to take her on a date. Looking back now, I feel stupid for not realizing that she was merely obsessed with me, but I was feeling so desperate to fill the void inside my heart, a void that was created the day I met you and then lost you," he explained.
"But why did you leave her? Alice told me that she was dying. How could you have been so cruel to her?" I asked. I was trying hard not to be judgmental, but I could not help but see that he was trying to make up excuses for the inexcusable.
"She lied. It was all a lie," he told me, a look of exasperation on his face. I could sense that he felt my animosity towards him at the moment.
"What? What do you mean she lied?" I asked.
"Please let me explain everything that happened. I don't want to keep any single detail from you Bella," he begged.
"Alright, please explain," I said.
"After taking Tanya on a couple of dates I realized that I would never have feelings for her. She is a beautiful woman, and I thought she was a nice person, but I could not see myself in a meaningful relationship with her. After meeting you and experiencing what we both experienced I couldn't settle for anything less," he explained.
"I was ready to tell her that. I wanted to be honest with her and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. I went into my apartment one evening after a long shift to find her in there. She had taken the liberty to make copies of my apartment keys and it looked as she intended to make things a lot more serious than what they were," he continued.
"I was furious. I could tell that she was obsessed and I felt extremely disrespected. I tried to break it off and that's when she told me that she was dying."
"So that's when you decided to propose?" I asked, feeling upset about all Tanya had done to him, but also feeling as confused as ever.
"No, I never proposed to her. She made that up as well. I decided not to leave her, but even then I knew that I could be nothing more than a friend to her. I really wanted to be there for her, and from that moment on, I supported her."
"After a while, I realized that I needed to be clear with her and let her know that I was never going to marry her. I wanted her to know that I would be there for her no matter what, but as her friend, but before I told her any of this, I wanted to make sure that she was mentally stable enough to comprehend the situation," he continued.
"At the gala, Angela became suspicious of Tanya's behavior and I expressed to her my own concerns. She decided to do some investigating of her own and it was then, we found out that she had been blackmailing one of the doctors into providing false evidence of her supposed disease. She was never dying. She lied the whole time."
"Why didn't anyone tell me any of this?" I asked. I was very angry. Angela had known about Tanya's lies and she had never bothered to explain. She knew that Edward was the Acapulco man. She knew I was hurting for him. Why would she hide something like that?
"That's my fault. I wanted to be the one to tell you the truth," he answered, seeming to read my confused and angry state.
"But don't you see? If I had known the truth I would have never continued to date Gage, and now he is dead. If I had known the truth, perhaps he could have been spared," I screamed.
"I am sorry Bella. I had no idea you had fallen in love with someone else. I knew you were trying to date, but if I had known that you were falling for somebody, I would have come sooner and explained to you that I loved you," he stated.
"You love me," I stated, making it sound more like a question.
"Yes Bella, I love you with all my heart. I did not want to tell you like this, but I couldn't contain myself. It hurts me to see you in so much pain. I know that I am not worthy of your love, and I am sorry for Gage's death. I wish I would have been brave enough to tell you the truth sooner, but I was scared. I was afraid that you didn't feel the same way as I did, and I had no idea what I was going to do with myself if you crushed my hopes."
"I didn't love him, Gage was just my friend. I tried to fall in love with him, and I am sure he tried to fall in love with me, but it never worked. That night, the night that he died, we were going to talk about our relationship, or lack rather. I knew he felt the same way, and I was looking forward to having him as a friend, but he never showed up," I sobbed.
Edward stood up from his seat and quickly sat by my side. He gently grabbed me by the shoulders and hugged me tightly.
"I'm so sorry Bella. Please don't cry. His death was not your fault, please don't blame yourself," he told me, trying to soothe my sobs.
I let him hold me long after my cries had quieted down. He loved me. How could I deserve such a man after what had happened to Gage?
He separated from our embrace and looked me right in the eye.
"Bella, love, I want to know what you're thinking right now. I need to know how you feel about me," he begged.
"I'm thinking that I don't deserve you. I am thinking that I should make you go before I also put your life in jeopardy. I am thinking how I would like to slap that Tanya bitch for all of the bad things she did to you. But above all, I am thinking about the fact that I don't think I could go on with a single second of my life without telling you how much I love you. I can't even entertain the thought of you not being part of my life. I am thinking about how I am afraid of waking up from a dream and never being able to feel the way you make me feel when you look into my eyes like that," I told him, my sight never braking contact from his.
"Edward, I…" I continued, but was interrupted by Edward's lips. He pressed his lips into mine with a newfound sense of urgency.
"I love you baby, and I am never going to let anything happen to you," he whispered against my lips.
I took his bottom lip into my mouth and I started to suck on it, taking the time to savor his wonderful taste. I felt his tongue run across my upper lip and I let go of his lip to grant him access to my mouth.
I moved my hands to his hair and I started tugging the silky, smooth strands. He pulled away from my mouth and started to give me kisses just below my jaw line and all the way up to my ear. I felt his cool breath on the sensitive spot near my ear and I shivered.
I pulled my hands off his hair and I made my way down his neck and towards the front of his shirt. I was starting to undo the buttons of his shirt when he stopped me.
"Bella, I don't want to pressure into anything love. We can take it slow if you want," he told me.
"Edward, this is not the time to be a perfect gentleman. I want you bad. Please don't stop," I begged.
I felt him growl as he hugged me tightly and grabbed me by my thighs, as he pushed us off the couch, my legs wrapping against his waist. Carefully, he took us into my bedroom and placed me on the bed.
I whimpered at the loss of contact but I was soon joined by Edward. He laid me back and crawled slowly over my body until his mouth met mine.
"I want to pleasure you, Bella. I want this to be really special for you," he whispered against my ear, sending a new wave of shivers up and down my body.
Before I had time to respond he was lifting my t-shirt, his hands caressing every inch of my body that he left exposed as he pulled it off my head. He wrapped his hands around my back and expertly unclasped my bra and gently took it off me, leaving me half naked.
"You are so beautiful," he purred.
He dropped to my side and laid there, right next to me, his head supported by his left hand while the fingers of his right drew patterns all over my navel and up towards my chest.
I turned around so that I was face to face with him and he placed his arm on the small of my back while he drew me impossibly close to him.
I worked my way through the rest of the buttons on his shirt and I helped him take it off. He was so breathtakingly handsome.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, an intense look on his face.
"Yes," I whispered, without hesitation.
Slowly, he pushed my shoulder back so that I was once again laying on my back. He sat and then rolled himself over me, his legs straddling my waist. I was surprised at the fact that I couldn't feel his weight, he was being extremely careful with me.
He rubbed his nose around my belly button and then started to place open mouth kisses all over my stomach until he reached my breasts. Softly, he licked one of my nipples, only stopping to lick the next while he massaged my mounds.
I could feel the juices spilling out of my over heated core. I had never experienced feelings, needs, and wants like these. It was as if my entire body called to his and vice versa.
I moaned as he removed his lips from my nipple and started to kiss my body once again, this time moving towards my heated core. Carefully, he undid the button and the zipper of my jeans and I raised my hips so that he could pull them off me easily.
"You are too sexy for your own good, Bella," he moaned as he caught sight of my black lace panties.
He hooked his fingers on the elastic of my underwear and looked at me as if to ask permission. Once again I buckled my hips, allowing him to pull my panties off without too much struggle.
At that moment, I felt so exposed. I had never been this naked in front of anyone. What if he thought I was unattractive?
"So beautiful," he sighed as if reading my thoughts.
"Bella, I want to taste you love," he told me as he stared into my eyes, dazzling me.
"Yes," I murmured, but it sounded more like a moan.
He moved so that he was sitting straight while still straddling my waist and before I knew it he was once again beside me.
He moved towards my feet and lifted one of my legs so that he could be right in front of my center. He rubbed my legs softly and then moved his face towards the left, leaving a trail of kisses from my ankle to my thigh; he then repeated the same process with my other leg.
I moved my hands towards his head and I started to caress his soft tresses.
He looked at me and smiled before softly rubbing my wet folds and finally placing one of his fingers inside me. He then started to pump it in an out of me, allowing a stifle of moans to escape me.
I gasped as I felt his tongue on my knob, his finger still pumping in and out of me.
"Edward," I moaned as he removed his finger before quickly replacing it with his tongue. He placed his thumb on my clit and started to rub it in synchronization with the licks he was placing everywhere else.
I felt the muscles of my stomach tense as my body neared its release. I moaned Edward's name over and over, like a chant, my hips bucking wildly underneath him. Edward seemed to sense that I was close and he picked up the pace, causing me to scream as my body released the tight coil that had built up within me.
"God Bella, you taste delicious," Edward exclaimed as he moved up my body, his face next to mine.
"I want you so bad Edward, please," I begged as I tried to push myself up.
Edward pulled himself from me and moved me so that we were both kneeling in front of the other. I traced my fingers down his chiseled chest, making my way towards his pants. As if sensing what I wanted to do, Edward pulled back and got off the bed to remove his pants, and then his boxers.
I couldn't help the gasp that escaped my throat as I took in the sight. His body was impossibly sculptured, a deep "V" meeting his groin, his large member evidencing his arousal.
I blushed as I realized that he had caught me gawking at him. Once again, I was starting to feel embarrassed, my own nakedness making me feel awkward, but before I could duel on my conflicting emotions Edward was back on the bed, kneeling in front of me once again.
"Bella, love, are you sure you are ready for this. We could just…"
"Yes Edward, I have never been more ready in my life," I told him, trying hard to convey my determination. I was ready, and I wanted to be his in every sense of the word.
Edward embraced me, causing me to shiver against his warm body. Slowly he moved me so that I was once again lying on my back as he hovered over my body.
He placed soft kisses over my chest, my neck, my jaw, and my forehead, finally meeting my lips. We savored each other's tongues for a while, our desire increasing to the point that it was almost painful.
"I love you Bella, my angel," Edward whispered in my ear before placing himself in front of my entrance.
"I love you too Edward, my Edward," I responded, giving him permission to continue.
He placed his tip inside me and gave me one more look before pushing forward, ever so slowly, as if I would break underneath him. I could feel my walls expanding, trying to accommodate him when he stopped.
"Edward please, I'm ready," I reassured him.
He kissed me once again before slowly pushing himself past my barrier. I gasped in pain as he filled me. We stayed there for a moment, neither one of us daring to move, as the pain subsided.
Once I felt like I was ready I bucked my hips forward, urging him to continue to trust into me. His movements were very slow at first and then increased as I started to urge him to move faster.
I moaned his name continuously, and I smiled every time I heard him moan mine. We fit perfectly together, two puzzle pieces finally completing the picture. I never imagined that making love to someone could be so delicate, so beautiful, yet so passionate.
He was mine, my Edward, and at that moment nothing else in the world mattered. I wanted to stay together like this for the rest of my days. I never wanted him to stop making love to me.
I felt the familiar coil starting to tighten in my stomach. I was so close to my release I could feel it coming. I tried hard to keep it at bay, not wanting this moment to end, but I realized that Edward was grunting, struggling to keep from going over the edge before I did.
I let the magnificent sense of my orgasm take over as my walls tightened around his member, causing him to go reach his climax, with me.
"Wow," I told Edward while I panted, "I have no words to describe how I feel." We were still connected to each other, neither one of us wanting to separate.
"I feel like I just arrived home, you are my home, Isabella," he whispered in my ear, his pants more ragged than mine.
We stayed in the same position for a while, basking in the hum that our bodies produced every time we neared each other.
Edward rolled us over so that I was now cuddled beside him. We stared into each other's eyes for an infinite time, both of us memorizing each aspect of the other. I sighed in my contentment and I felt so safe, nothing could ever touch us, no one could ever break us, we were meant to be with each other.
"Sleep my Bella," he whispered in my ear. "I love you, baby."
I closed my eyes and before I knew it, had succumbed in sleep, the most restful sleep I ever had in my life.
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?POV
I could hear something beeping next to me. I tried my hardest to fight against the darkness that engulfed me, but tried with all my might, I was unable to make sense of where I was.
I had been having nightmares, or rather a nightmare that repeated itself over and over. I was being chased by a shadow, but no matter how hard I tried to run away from it, it would always catch me, sending my body wave after wave of pain.
I was terrified. Everything around me was dark and I was gagged. I couldn't run, there was something keeping me down, forcing me to stay still. Whispering for me to be a good boy and stay quiet. I wanted to wake up so desperately, I wanted to get a grasp on reality and escape this horrible nightmare.
Slowly, I managed to force my eye lids open. Everything was so fuzzy. I couldn't make sense of where I was, or what I was doing here. The annoying noise was intensifying, sending a wave of pain all through my body.
I tried to speak out, but I was still gagged. Was this part of my nightmare? I started to thrash against the bed, trying to release myself from my confines, when I felt a pair of soothing hands holding me back.
"Shh, it's ok," the angel with the beautiful blonde hair whispered.
I wanted to respond. I wanted to ask where I was, but suddenly there was a lot of activity surrounding me and before I knew it, a thick fog was clouding my vision, taking me back to the place I never wanted to go back to, the darkness.
"Help me," I cried over and over in my head. "Don't let the shadow take me, please… help…"
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EPOV
I awoke the next day to butterfly kisses and the events of the night before came crashing on me. I felt my lips pull in a smile as I took sight of Bella. She was sitting next to me, starting intently into my eyes.
Her hair was a sexy mess that screamed sex, and the best part was that she was now wearing the button down shirt I had been wearing the night before.
"Good morning, love," I exhaled as I caressed the side of her face.
"Good morning, sleepy head," she replied, a teasing smile on her lips.
"How long have you been up? Why didn't you wake me?" I asked.
"I've been up for a while, observing you. You look handsome even in your sleep," she said as she winked at me.
"Come here you little sexy devil," I groaned as I started to tickle her sides.
"Stop Edward… please," she begged as I brought tears to her eyes from laughing so hard.
I let out a roar as I tackled her into the bed and starting kissing her sweet little mouth once again. I loved the feel of her soft pouty lips on my skin.
"Ready for round two?" I asked.
"Yes sir," she responded as she crashed her lips against mine.
Round two became round three and then four and we could have kept going except that we were betrayed by our growling stomachs.
"Do you think it's safe to go out of the apartment?" she asked
"Yes, but let's tell Rose and Emmett so that they know where we are," I suggested.
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An hour later, we were both seated inside Austin Grill eating the best chips and salsa I had ever tasted. It was nice to see Bella so relaxed, and we spent the time in easy conversation getting to know more about each other.
After stuffing ourselves with chicken fajitas and carnitas tacos, we decided to head back to her apartment. It was best if we stayed inside as much as possible for now. The detectives had assured us that the killer was most likely hiding, and that, for all they knew, he might be looking for his next victim in some other city.
I wanted to believe that it was safe, but I had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that told me that the nightmare wasn't over.
We were almost at the entrance of her apartment building, when it started to snow. Pretty soon everything would be covered in a blanket of white. It was not usual for snow to fall so early in the season, after all Thanksgiving was still a week away, but everyone was expecting for this winter to be brutal.
I smiled at myself as I thought about all the things I could do with Bella by the chimney, while a warm and toasty fire burned.
"What are you thinking about mister? I can see that devious smile on your face," Bella told me, braking me out of my reverie.
"I was thinking about starting a fire and spending the night staring at your beautiful body while the flames flickered different shades of color all over your beautiful ivory skin," I told her without skipping a bit.
"That does sound enticing," she said with a sly smile on her lips.
We continued our banter as we took the elevator to her apartment. We were almost at her front door when Emmett's booming voice startled us both.
"So did you guys do it yet?" he asked.
I tensed not knowing what to say when I noticed that Bella had turned an impossible shade of red.
"Ha! I knew it! Rose, they did it, they finally got over their stubbornness and are now together," he screamed to the inside of his apartment.
"You guys are together right?" he asked nervously, a little deflated by our lack of response.
"Emmett Cullen, you stop harassing poor Bella and your brother right this second," Rose screamed as she slapped the back of his head.
"Ouch Rose, I was just wondering, that's all," he said sheepishly.
"They'll tell us whatever it is they want to tell us, in their own time. Do you hear me?" she asked as she waved her hands in front of his face.
I coughed trying to get their attention.
"Rose, it's alright, I guess we would have to mention something sooner than later. Although Emmett, there are much better ways to ask than embarrassing Bella like that," I told them curtly.
"So are you together then?" Rose asked, trying very poorly to hide her own curiosity.
"Yes we are," Bella responded, a sudden grin taking over her features.
"I am so excited," Rose squealed as she pulled both of us into a hug.
"About time, little brother," Emmett stated before pulling us both into a bone crushing bear hug.
We all made our way to Bella's apartment and had a bottle of wine while Bella and I told them, without too many details, what had transpired the day before.
I was so happy. It felt so right. I loved this woman, and the fact that my family would prefer her over me, spoke volumes of the type of person she was. I was in awe at her beauty, her smarts, her confidence, and most of all, the fact that she was so unaware of how beautiful she was.
I wanted this to be our ever after, our fairytale, but there were things working against us, things that neither one of us could have foreseen or prevented at the time.