Four

There's one thing he really hates, and that's feeling like waking up with a major hangover although you know that you definitely didn't have the fun part before that. Then at least it would have been worth the pounding headache and the nausea and the lack of memory how exactly he came about feeling this awful. He knows he was on a mission, so this isn't the consequence of having a little too much to drink, but he has no idea how else he could have ended up like this.

Speaking of being on a mission… he really should open his eyes, because whatever happened to him it couldn't have been good and it's quite possible that someone – most probably himself – could be in danger now. So as much as he doesn't want to, he cracks his eyes open and tries to sit up, which is directly answered with a nice bout of dizziness. He groans.

"Easy, boss. You might want to stay down for a little while longer." Ah, at least he's still got his medic.

He tries the thing with opening his eyes again. In the first moment, he's grateful that he must be somewhere with very dim light, because that spares him the usual piercing pain of bright light hitting his eyes after having been knocked out. But then his training takes over and he forces himself to switch to soldier. Trying to sit up again, he's fairly good at ignoring the dizziness and the nausea this time and even manages an annoyed undertone, when he asks his medic, "Where the hell am I?"

Meyers looks at him, and even in the dim light from the torches on the wall he can see that the Sergeant is doing his best to keep his face straight. "In hack, sir."

He groans. Not again. "What… why?"

"Well… seems like you touched something you aren't allowed to touch." Oh, great, at least it's not another hostage situation. Being a convict isn't exactly better, though. And he'd really like to know why he's in prison.

"I… did what?" Mh. He's starting to sound like he really took a hit to his head. Obviously Meyers is thinking the same, because he's having a hard time suppressing a smirk.

"Remember that obelisk in the middle of the square, sir?" Obelisk? Obe… oooh, right! Now the memories are coming back, somewhat dim, but clear enough that he remembers the tall black thing and how he stepped in its direction when he tried to get away from Rodney for some reason.

He groans again. "Aw, no. That took me out?"

Meyers nods. "Pretty much, yeah. And the locals – most of all the local women – really didn't like that. You're lucky they're a peaceful society." Oh goody, so no death penalty probably. Or at least no death penalty without a trial.

"You mean…"

"Yep." Mh. He's really been spending too much time with the Sergeant if he has learned to read him this well.

He sighs. "So… what now?"

But before Meyers can answer, another voice barges in from the doorway. "You've got to marry."

He blinks and turns his head to see Colonel Sheppard sauntering towards the barred door of his cell. Is there a grin just waiting to spread over Sheppard's face? And… did he just hear the word "marry"? "I have to do what?"

"Marry." Yep, a smug grin tugging at the corners of Sheppard's mouth. What's so damn funny about this, huh? He already feels irritation coming up, and not only because of the headache that won't subside.

"Whoa, whoa, wait. You know, I might have hit my head or something. I honestly thought I just heard my CO telling me I have to marry to get out of jail." Mh… good thing Simmons isn't in the same room with them. He probably wouldn't understand the relationship between CO and 2IC and interpret his slightly sarcastic tone as insolence.

But Sheppard knows him very well and isn't fazed by his irritation. He even seems to be amused by it. "Sorry to disappoint you. You might have hit your head, but I still just said that."

Holy… okay, so at least that means that the locals aren't already getting their knives, pitchforks and torches out. But he'd still like to know what this is all about. "Could someone please just explain to me what the hell is going on here?"

Now Teyla comes to stand beside Colonel Sheppard, and he just has this feeling that she'd really like to give the Colonel a slap on his head for his barely contained glee at his own misfortune. He'd really love to see that, but instead Teyla is the first to really take mercy on him and explain what happened. "You had the unfortunate luck to accidentally stumble against the obelisk beside you when you tried to evade Rodney." Ah, finally someone to blame for his bad luck. "The obelisk you touched is the Ancient device Rodney has been searching for. Unfortunately, it is also holy to the population of this planet. Men are forbidden to touch it. We tried to explain that you did not touch it by design, but they… were not really willing to listen. According to their law, you have either to remain here and serve your sentence. Or a woman agrees to marry you, thereby making you her… responsibility and taking it onto herself to compensate the village's council for your trespassing." Uh… huh. Okay…

"Yeah, well, so what? We just ask some local girl to marry him and then we're done with it." Ah, Ronon. Always so wonderfully pragmatic. If Ronon hadn't voiced that suggestion, he would have. Granted, explaining that to Laura would be embarrassing as hell, and he'd have to live with merciless teasing for at least the next five years, but it would still be infinitely better than rotting away in a cell on planet where men aren't exactly seen as respectable beings.

But Teyla has to spoil that perfectly good plan. "Again unfortunately, that will not be possible. They insist that it has to be a woman from his own village." Everyone is suddenly looking at him, and they all have the same idea on their mind, he bets that.

"Oh come on, please don't tell me…"

Sheppard shrugs. "It's our best bet."

It's not fair. That he's practically living with Laura really doesn't mean that he's ready to marry her yet. Or well… not that he hasn't thought about this once or twice already, but he'd really wanted to take his time with it, see how it works when they're officially sharing quarters… they haven't even met each others' families yet. He also has this feeling that he really shouldn't rush things because Laura still has those tendencies to run away when someone tries to pressure her into something, even when she's working on it. And this whole thing – even if it's not a real wedding – feels very much like scaring her off before he even got the chance to propose seriously. And besides, they already have an Atlantis woman here. "But can't I just…"

Before he can even finish his suggestion, Sheppard cuts him short, probably knowing exactly what he was about to propose, but obviously not even wanting to think about it. Mh. "Don't worry, you don't have to come up with an ingenious proposal. I'll just order her to."

Oh great, thanks for suggesting that there's no there's no other way to get Laura to marry him than to order her to, he thinks a little disgruntled. "Yeah, she'll love that."

He's expecting some sarcastic reply, but it never comes. Instead, Sheppard only gives him a somewhat thoughtful look and says: "Maybe she'll surprise us all." What… is that supposed to mean? But he doesn't get to ask Sheppard, since the Colonel is back at his usual CO bearing. "Anyway… Meyers, you give the Major a check-up and I'll take McPherson back to the 'Gate with me to collect Cadman from Atlantis. Until I'm back, Teyla's in command. Behave yourselves, boys; I don't want to have to find a bride for anyone else." Ha, ha, very funny.

With that, Sheppard leaves the prison again, and Ronon follows him outside, hopefully to keep Rodney away from anything that could increase their mess. That leaves Teyla and Meyers. The Sergeant starts to heed Sheppard's order, going through his usual check-up routine. While Meyers is at it, Teyla gives him a mischievous smile and says: "I am sorry to have to leave you as well, but I have to go and tell Morigan of your decision. I expect you will have a wedding according to their traditions, and someone has to go over the details beforehand." Oh no, not Teyla as well. Up to now he'd had the feeling that she was the only one not finding this funny, but the words and the smile tell a different story.

He feels seriously betrayed now, and so his only answer is: "Knock yourself out." Obviously something in his tone or voice was funny again, because Teyla even laughs a little.

With a simple "Gladly, Evan.", she's out of the prison as well. By now, Meyers has finished his quick examination.

"Well… according to my readings, you're perfectly fine, sir. The only effects the blast had on you are those of a hangover that will be gone in a few hours." Ah, thanks for simply doing your job, Sergeant. "Just in time for a bachelor bash and some stuff actually worth a hangover." He gives Meyers a death glare. Traitors, the whole lot of them.

"You're dismissed, Sergeant." he says and if he wasn't still suffering from the aftereffects of the energy blast, that would even have sounded icy.

Meyers pretends to be rueful and replies with a perfect: "As ordered, sir." Then he walks up to the cell's door, calls out for a guard and is let out. For a split second, he'd thought about using that moment to simply fight his way out of here, but then it occurred to him that Rodney would be mighty miffed at him if he spoilt his fun with the Ancient device and that the last thing he wants to deal with is Rodney is a snit and so he just sits back and closes his eyes again. Might as well use the time until Laura arrives with sleeping off the headache.

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A/N: Tada! Poor Lorne. What a terrible fate :D Anyone want to rescue him from that? (mac already offered after beta-reading... anyone else? :D)