Disclaimer: I don't own LWD

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, but life and writers block and a very absent muse have been interfering a lot in the last month…and I really wanted to make this chapter right, so I deleted it at least 3 times before I was more or less happy. Anyway, thanks for all the wonderful reviews and here you go with chapter three, version 4:

These Feelings I Have

I slowly get up from where I have been laying on my stepsisters bed. I get to her door on my tip-toes, like in trance. I finally manage to reach my room. And as soon as I enter and close the door…my head explodes. Not literally, I would look ridiculous. But it certainly feels as if it actually happened. Wanna know why? Because my thoughts are running amok in my head.

I'm excited, shocked, pleased, disgusted and utterly confused, all at the same time. Excited because Derek kissed me, meaning he may have feelings for me! Shocked because I never thought he could even like me. Pleased, well for obvious reasons, and disgusted because I know I should feel that way about it, he's my stepbrother for crying out loud!

Confusion is more of a summary of all the thoughts, and it makes me so exhausted, so absolutely exhausted, I just want to sleep and forget about this for today.

But when have I ever been able to just suppress what I'm feeling? Don't answer that question.

So I toss and turn in my bed, thinking:

How many kids would we have? I hate him! Should I have kissed back? I love him! How are we going to explain this to our parents? Did my breath stink? Should we buy a house with a white or green picket fence? Am I going nuts?

I'm seriously considering waking up Derek and asking him about the kiss immediately, I don't care if it's the middle of the night and that I'm reeeeally tired…

Later…

Slowly I wake up, after having slept for only 10 minutes. It should be a grey melancholic day, it should rain and storm, but in contrast to my gloomy situation, the sun is shining bright, there are no clouds to be seen and I can hear birds singing. Ugh, the weather must have plotted to make me feel like the only sad lovesick teenager in the world. I hide under my pillow and wonder if every morning will be like this…what time is it anyway?

I sneak a quick look from under my pillow at the alarm clock. It's 7.30. Whaaaaat??

I have to be in school in half an hour! I'm sure I did turn on the alarm…

"Ahhhhh"!!

When I opened my wardrobe to pick out my clothes, a huge avalanche of stuffed animals fell on me, this all screams of…

"De-rek!!"

Only when I hear his footsteps approach my bedroom I realize what I just did: I just called my stepbrother, who I have a recently discovered crush on, while I'm still dressed in my pyjamas, not having combed my hair and probably with terrible morning-breath! Why me, o dear lord, why me?

"Morning Case! You know, you remind me of a banshee more and more: same shrill voice, messy hair and weird outfit.", he says, while letting his eyes wander over my body with that cocky grin I'd like to kiss…uhm, wipe from his face. I can't help to blush, though I'm not sure if because of anger, embarrassment or something else. His grin widens when he sees my face become red as a tomato, and I grab the next best thing to throw at him: Marti's purple elephant. He dodges it, and the red snake, the blue teddy and the green bunny I throw at him.

"Wahahaha! Casey, your pointing sucks! You're sooo slow!"

I'm getting really angry, I'm late, Derek is making fun of me and I'm frustrated about the situation I'm in, so before I can help it words I should not say slip from my mouth:

"At least I'm not a childish idiot who enjoys wasting her time playing pranks on her siblings and flirting with worthless bimbos instead of studying to get good grades and therefore be able to attend a good college! If you continue like this you'll never get into college and you'll be flunking this grade! And when you'll come begging to me to lend you money once you become a stinking beggar no one bothers to even look at and let alone go out with, then we'll see who is slow!"

Before I even finish yelling at him I realize that I went too far this time. Derek pales. I see him gritting his teeth and flexing his muscles, and his eyes are cold and filled with something resembling hate. My breath hitches and when he rises his right arm I close my eyes and lift my own arms to protect myself, because for one second, one frightening and silly second, I believe he's actually going to hit me.

"C-Casey? Do you re-really believe I would hit you?!"

I open my eyes and the sight before me nearly breaks my heart: Derek is standing frozen to the spot he's standing on, his eyes are filled with horror and his body is shaking. I instinctively do the first thing that pops into my head: I step forward and hug him, fully knowing about his no-hugging policy.

At first he tenses, but then I feel him relax and slowly put his arms around me. I feel happiness flow through me, my heart pounds wildly in my chest, and, oh my god, is that his breath I can feel on my neck?! I allow myself to linger in the embrace exactly 7 seconds, I counted, and then I finally give in to the panicking feeling that has been growing within me: I push Derek away from me and out of my room, yelling:

"Get out of my room! Don't you realize I still need to get dressed and that we are both already late for school?!"

Before I close my door, I see him grinning at me and I could swear my heart just skipped a beat. Damn, this guy is going to be the death of me!

Later…

I don't know how I was able to get to school in time, but I did it. Derek has been wearing that stupid grin on his face all morning, and though I feel flattered it is also slightly unnerving. And everybody seems to find something about me absolutely hilarious, because every student that looks at begins to grin too.

So when I'm finally heading to Paul's office my nerves are already blank. I yank the door open and storm into his office screaming:

"Paul! I'm so glad to be finally able to talk to you! This is a code blue! You see, I had this dream, and the man in it was Derek, and then Shrek and Fiona impersonated Derek and me and Marti said we weren't real siblings and there was the kiss, the hug and the wardrobe and…!"

Before I could finish listing my problems of the last 24 hours, or so, Paul interrupted me saying:

"Casey, calm down. Take a seat and take a deep breath. Good, now tell me the whole story again, without ranting."

"Well…I …it's complicated, and embarrassing. Look, it all sums up to me, uhm, realizing that I'm, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, in love with Derek."

As soon as I utter the last 3 words, Paul begins coughing, hard. I think he is choking on his own spit, gross.

"Uhm, Paul, would you please concentrate?"

He mumbles something about demanding a raise and then says:

"Okay, I see why you're upset, so what are you going to do?"

"Well, nothing, obviously."

"I'm confused; do you believe your feelings are going to vanish just like that?"

"You're always confused, but I don't blame you, it's me. Paul, these feelings I have, I can't act on them…they are incestuous. I'm a sick person, a weirdo, but at least Derek is one too."

"What do you mean he's one too?"

"Well, last night he kissed me while I was pretending to be asleep, so I guess he must like me in some way too…but maybe he knew I was asleep and just decided to play a prank on me…ugh, you have to tell me what to do!!"

"Casey, listen to me. Have you ever seen Derek in diapers, have you been bathed together, shared a crib, played together with your puppets or his miniature cars? Did you grow up together as siblings or have you ever considered a part of you family like your stepdad and Edwin and your biological relatives? Has he really ever been your brother?"

"Well, I guess not, but what would the others say? Amy, Kendra, Noel, Sam, or even Emily, oh my god Emily!"

"No offense Casey, but teenagers are stupid, at least most of them. Your true friends will understand and the rest, well, it's up to you to decide how much their opinions should influence your life."

"But what about Nora, George, Lizzie, Edwin and Marti?"

"You told me that Marti was actually hoping that you and Derek would hook up. And the rest of your family, if all you have told me about them is true, and I feel I know them better than my own by now, then they will accept it, because they'll want to see you happy."

"But Paul, they will…"

"Casey, is this really about them or more about the fact that you are scared out of your mind about this?"

"You're right. So what shall I do?"

"You should know the deal by now, what you do is up to you and you alone."

"Can't you make an exception?"

Paul chuckles and lets out a sigh.

"It's your life, Casey. I can't give you a perfectly worked out plan. I know that it seems impossible right now, but everything will work out just fine, I promise."

"You do?"

"Yeah, and now go, and don't forget to update me on your relationship with Derek, whatever it will turn out to be."

"I will, thanks Paul."

"No problem."

I leave Paul's office feeling somewhat relieved. As I close the door I think I hear him utter something about needing a vacation, poor Paul; I wonder which student has been loading him with all his problems?

As I walk through the now empty and quiet corridors of the school, I try to decide whether to give a relationship with Derek a shot or not. If it would go wrong the tension in our family would rise to the immeasurable, but does a very famous phrase not say that it is better to have love and lost than not have loved at all?

When I turn around a corner towards the exit, I bump into a person wearing a leather jacket…

"Derek? What are you still doing here?"

"Oh, hi Casey! I was going to go home, but you see, Kendra is waiting at the car for me, and I'm not exactly thrilled about her stalking me. I mean does that girl never give up, or what? On the other hand, who can blame her for wanting me, I mean I'm not only the best looking and coolest guy in school but also the best kisser."

"Yeah, sure. So you big chicken waited for me to finish talking to Paul to hold your hand so the big girl will not harm you while you hide behind me?"

"Actually I was hoping for some hot chick to make out with and so make Kendra believe I already have a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well I guess your plan is not going to work out, I'm the last one still here and this chick is so not going to be kissed by you. I will distract her so you'll be able to slip past her, but no kissing."

"Fine by me, let's go, I'm starving."

We walk out of the school. When Kendra sees us she starts waving and walking towards us. I prepare myself to distract her when Derek suddenly pulls me towards him. I look up to him and see his trade-mark grin appear on his face. It has never been a good sign for me, until now.

Because when Derek leans down and caresses my lips with the most beautiful kiss I've ever experienced and I close my eyes trying not to be overwhelmed by the intensity of it, all I can think of is: God bless reverse psychology.

A/N: Sooooo, what do you think? Hate it? Love it? Please review!