Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!
A/N: Hello everyone! So as you may or may not have noticed, I changed the title of this story. I wasn't quite fond of the old one (These Feelings I Have). A reader pointed out that the name wasn't really good, too. So while watching an old TV-Show (Guess which?), I was inspired and decided to change the name to "I Dream of Derek". Hope you like it, please read and review!
I Dream of Derek
So here I am, standing on my high school's parking lot, being kissed by my stepbrother. There is a soft breeze playing with the red and golden leaves of autumn, Kendra's mouth is gradually dropping open, Derek and I let go of our school bags simultaneously, not that I really notice though. I feel his lips, a tingling in my toes, I…I can feel my heart racing; his right hand caresses my hair, in a soft, hesitant way. And it is beautiful.
But when I start to kiss him back, I can feel his lips forming that little cocky smirk of his. And, yeah, I am in love with him, but I still hate that smirk. The smirk that Derek uses to tell girls he has conquered them because he's just soo irresistible. I'm not going to be like one of his bimbos who would do anything to just get him to look their way, I am Casey MacDonald, and dear Derek needs to know that I can play this game too.
So I push him away and say:
"Come on Derek, there's no need to try to make Kendra jealous by kissing me, I'm sure she'll take you back if you just ask her nicely."
His stupid smirk vanishes at first to make room for a look of surprise, but when I finish talking he looks positively panicked.
"Aw, Derek is that true? You were trying to make me jealous? That's soo sweet! But Casey is right; I'd take you back if you just asked me."
"No, no, no, no! This is a misunderstanding. Casey, tell her!"
"Since when are you too shy to tell a girl you like her? Kendra must be someone special for you. Why don't you let Kendra drive you home? You can talk about your, uhm, feelings on the way."
Before he's able to reply I snatch the car keys away from him and leave him standing with an overjoyed Kendra. By the way he's now glaring at me I guess I would be dead if looks could kill. As it is, I'm dying of laughter about it.
On the ride home, I wonder where this whole situation with Derek is going to lead. We are not exactly a perfect match. There have been rare occasions where we've been nice to each other, but we couldn't be more different people; we constantly fight and mock each other to the point where someone of us gets really hurt.
As I park the car in the garage, I see Emily enter her house. Oh god, Emily. She's had a crush on Derek since forever, how am I going to explain this, whatever this is, to her?! Damn it, she's my best friend, if it hadn't been for her I don't know how I would have survived all the changes my life with Derek brought upon me. I can't loose her! If she freaks out about this I…I won't be able to get through with it. Oh my god she's coming over here! Why me? Okay, Casey, time to calm down and look cool and not like someone in love with Derek. Breathing in and out, nice and deep…who the hell am I kidding?! I'm the worst liar in this whole wide world she'll see right through me, I'm screwed, sooo…
"Hey Casey, just wanted to ask if you know if we have any homework in mathematics, I didn't…"
"Emily, I'm so sorry for this, but I didn't really want it and you'll hate me now, I understand. I just want you to know that…"
"Whoa! Casey, I just asked about homework, there's no need to have a fit about it."
"You don't understand, I, how do I say this, I …uhm, oh god!"
"Okay, before you tell me anything, just calm down. I'm not going to bite your head off about homework."
I try to follow the advice I couldn't take from myself and start to calm down. I even manage to form a weak smile, amused by how naïve my best friend can be at some times. I've been known to freak over homework, but seriously, I'm not that much of a grade grubber.
"Emily, this is obviously not about homework."
"Well, then what is it about?"
"Let's go to your place, this is going to take some time."
"We're just standing in front of your house can't we go to your room?"
"At my house the walls have grown ears, at yours the walls are nothing but walls, let's go!"
Before Emily responds, I grab her hand and pull her towards her house, pass through her living room and stop once we've arrived in her room, in safety from overhearing siblings. Okay, here goes nothing:
"I...uhm…just…like…this is impossible…ok…"
Damn, this is infuriating, when did I regress into a stammering, mumbling coward?
"Oh, come on Casey! It's not like you are going to confess to me that you have fallen in love with your annoying, narcissistic, egocentric stepbrother!"
Really, what were the odds of her using exactly that example? My life is not a TV Show, there aren't any crazy writers ruling our every move and making me go through all this madness. Because if they were…
"You did not, right?"
I guess that the look I gave her said more than any words I could have used. At first she just stares at me, without saying or doing anything. Then she drops her head and her shoulders begin to shake. Horrified, I hear little sighs escape her, oh my god, I was right, she really still has a crush on Derek and now I've ruined our friendship.
"Emily, I'm really sorry, please let's talk about this…"
"Wuahahahahaha! I can't believe it! After all your ranting, your sibling wars, your bickering…hahahaha…this is priceless, this really is irony of fate…WAHAHAHAHAHA… can't.stop.laughing! Hahahaha…"
Ooookay, that was so not the reaction I was expecting, but at least she's not heartbroken about it.
"Hahahahahahahahahaha!"
Watching Emily bend over from laughter and actually fall off her chair, I begin to get just the tiniest bit annoyed. She could really be a little bit more considerate, this whole situation is no piece of cake.
"Emily! This is so not funny! This is like DEFCON 1, I'm glad you're taking it so well, but would you please talk to me instead of laughing yourself into a coma!"
"I'm sorry, Casey, but this is like surreal. Wait a minute, how long have you had this crush?"
"Since yesterday, but I probably just realized it then, I think these feelings have been growing inside of me for a while now."
"So, your "dream" was about him, huh?"
"It was how it all started…"
And so I told her about everything that had happened in the last 2 days, and nights.
"Oh Casey, with you there really is not one boring, non-dramatic day, right? So, what are you going to do now?"
"I don't know… Derek has been sort of flirting with me, but I don't want, under any circumstances, to be another one of his so-called "conquests". If there's going to be something between us, I want it to last, I want to be someone special for him."
"You certainly are someone special to him already!"
"Emily, you're not helping! And there's also the stepsiblings issue, what will people say about it?!"
"I thought Paul had already talked to you about it and managed to relieve you from your doubts about that?"
"Have you met me?! Doubts occupy half of my life!"
"Cool it, Case, your family is like a clan, they won't let you get out of it. And if someone dares to hurt you, they'll eat their heads for breakfast."
"Maybe you're right. Thank you, Emily, this means a lot to me. Now I better get home before Mom bites my own head off for being late for dinner. Bye!"
Having said that, I leave Emily's house and head to my own. I am really relieved that Emily took the whole thing so well. With her help, everything will be a lot… Wait a minute, I didn't ask her how she thought about a relationship between Derek and me. Ugh, when did I turn into an oblivious fool?
Just when I'm about to walk back to my best friend's home, I hear someone yelling my name, and there's no mistaking about who is the voice's owner.
"What is it Derek?"
"Have you gone completely crazy?! What were you thinking when you left me, me, all alone with Kendra?! I had to fake a toothache, a headache and a freaking dizzy spell to let me get home and stop drooling all over me!"
After being able to stop laughing, I respond:
"Come on, Derek! Can't you handle a girl?"
"Kendra is not just a girl; she's the girliest most annoying and clingy girl I ever dated!"
"Hihihi, and so you fled from her? 'Derek, the coward', it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"
"Yeah, Casey, just because you've been dumped yet again you don't have to ruin everyone else's lives too!"
"'Yet again'? You are the one who hasn't been able to stay in a relationship longer than it took me to get my driving license!"
"So little miss perfect…"
And so it goes on from bad to worse. It's always been like that between us, why should it change now? But even though there's no difference in the fight, there's a difference in the way I feel about it. His words cut deeper, and I may be mistaken, but he also seems more affected by it than usual.
"Casey, will you concentrate? Or has this guy you have been dreaming about made you loose your head? Ha, you better forget about him too. 'Cause who would ever want to be with someone like you? You're neurotic, freaky, a keener, a smartass and a very bad cook, even in your dreams there will be no guy who will ever truly love you except…"
"Except who, Derek?"
There's a funny expression on his face, as if he was arguing with himself, but soon enough his ever-evil grin appears on his face and lets me know that I must prepare myself for the usual: the worst.
"Except a blind, dumb and masochistic idiot."
I know I should have seen this coming, I know he would not have let me get away without hurting me, but hearing those words from someone you love? That's just not right. So when I feel my eyes stinging, I can't fight the tears back and flee. I run into the house, slamming the door shut behind me; I run up the stairs and into my room, where I throw myself onto my bed and start crying for real.
This is so not fair, why do I always have to end up crying my eyes out? Why do we always have to fight? It's bad enough that I fell in love with my stepbrother, but why did I fall in love with somebody I cannot talk to without ending up fighting!? This whole situation just makes me soo tired, so damn tired…
Huh, great. I'm here again. Even in my dreams Derek can't stop bugging me.
"Hey, Casey!"
"What do you want Derek? Do you want to humiliate me again, have you followed me into my dreams to not let me forget how much you hate me?"
"Whoa there! It's your own subconscious making you have this dream, don't blame me!"
"I'm surprised you even know what the subconscious is. But that is not the point! How can you be my dream guy when all we do is fight?"
"Your heart determines who you fall in love with and not your head, reason has nothing to do with what you feel."
"Gee, thanks Dr. Phil! That just does so not help me! If you are so wise then tell me what to do."
"You know the reason, it's really simple. Just listen to me the next time we talk, you'll find out what's really bothering me."
After saying that, he disappears and I…
…wake up. This is frustrating to say the least. What I really need now are my two best friends: Ben and Jerry.
So I walk down to the kitchen. When I open the fridge I hear footsteps coming into my direction. Taking the ice cream out, all I can hope is for the person not to be Derek.
I turn around only to have my hopes crushed.
"You know you are going to get fat if you keep eating that every time we fight."
"Not your business, go away."
"Why? This is not your kitchen. Or did you want to dream about your so-called dream-guy again? Well, you'll have to put up with me instead, princess."
If he knew that it's him I was actually dreaming about… I guess he's never going to stop teasing me about that. Although he seems to be rather upset about it, he doesn't smile like always, he actually looks serious. Wait. Could it be that he's really jealous? Every time we fought in the last days he brought up that subject. That's what my subconscious was trying to tell me!
"Oh shut up and grab a spoon, Derek."
He looks surprised when I say that, but not displeased. Grabbing a spoon he says:
"You know, it's not true."
"What?"
"That there's no person in the world who would ever want to be with you, uuuh…I know at least one."
"Apology accepted, now eat."
So we eat in silence. I wonder who he meant, who could b the one person he knows to want to be with me…
"Why did you say that to Kendra anyway?"
"Payback."
"For what?"
"You can't just kiss a girl and expect her to do nothing about it!"
"Oh really?"
He leans into me, but before he reaches me I shove my spoon into his mouth, feeding him with ice cream. Laughing he takes it out of his mouth and starts to tickle me to get me to surrender. I try to tickle him too, but he's too strong for me, so I make a run for it. As we run around in the kitchen, laughing and throwing little bits of ice cream at each other, I suddenly slip and fall. Before I hit the ground though, Derek catches me. One of his hands holds me firmly on my lower back, and the other one is softly holding my head, tangled in my hair.
"I got you."
His strong arms holding me, I can't escape, and I'm not really sure I want to. Inches before our lips meet both of us hear surprised gasps coming from the living room. We turn our heads around and see Edwin with his hands clasped over his mouth and Lizzy with her mouth wide open in shock. They must have seen the whole scene.
Ooops. This is not good.
A/N: Sorry it took so long to upload, I went to Milano for a few weeks and wasn't able to access a computer long enough to write anything...