"Sometimes you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." – Unknown. I've decided I am going to switch viewpoints in this chapter and if you guys like it I might do it more often. I'm recapping the ending of the last chapter in Edward's point of view.

Chapter Five

Edward –

"Carlisle what's wrong?" Alice asked as I headed down the driveway.

"She went to the injection… to show the Mr. Masen some compassion." He whispered. Who was he with?

"Bella, it's okay." Her bell voice was calming. What's going on? Who's injection did she go to? Charlie's? My breath quickened.

"Bella… why did you go?" Jasper asked. He didn't understand her emotions. I was standing on the porch now.

"I wanted Mr. Masen to know that he'd have a friendly face out there… I wanted him to see and know what compassion is… but mostly I wanted him to know… I was his friend even though, he killed those women. That just because he made a mistake doesn't mean I'm going to think of him as a killer. Because in the end, he was just as scared as the rest of us… confused about what's going to happen. And he wanted to know someone would be there… and I was. I was there until the very end." Bella's speech made my chest feel heavy.

Everyone was quiet. Nobody speaking. I couldn't believe it. Maybe if Bella can accept Mr. Masen as a killer she could accept me as a vampire and still want to be around me. I wanted her to know that I like her. I wanted her to be with me all the time. I wanted her to not be afraid of me. I wanted her.

"Wow…" Emmett muttered. It was silent other than that. I heard my family's thoughts.

I don't under stand why she's thinking like that. Jasper was struggling to understand how she could feel whatever she as feeling.

Maybe she'll be able to accept us… Accept Edward for what he really is. Maybe she already has on some level. You can always tell she scared or something around us but her heart always races around Edward… Alice's thought were always loving.

Emse's thoughts were close to Alice's.

I wonder how Bella can feel that way about him… I know, if I were her I'd have a hard time being so nice and forgiving to a killer… Even though all of us in this room beside Carlisle have killed. Emmett's thoughts really surprised me mostly because I can't picture him saying something like that. But in actuality he is as smart as Carlisle.

"Bella…" Jasper started but then he stopped.

"What?" She asked.

"Um… it's nothing…" He muttered.

"Well, I'm going to go… and let you all be." She said as I was opening the door.

I opened the door and saw my family and Bella. Bella was wild eyed. Her eyes were puffy and red. She looked annoyed and scared. I just wanted to reach out and kiss her.

"Edward?" She asked completely confused.

"Hi Bella… are you alright?" I asked even though I knew what was going on.

"Um…" She muttered.

"She went to see a lethal injection…" Emmett said.

"Charlie's?" I asked worried and alarmed. I knew this wasn't true but I had been hunting over the last two days. So I didn't know who Mr. Masen was.

"No…" Bella said quickly. She seemed on edge about something.

"Would you like to stay for awhile…?" I asked her quietly. She seemed nervous about something. Did she know what we were?

"Um…" She bit her lip in deliberation. "I don't know… I guess." She finally said.

"Good." I smiled and we headed back into the living room. Emmett sat down in a big black chair and Rose sat on the arm of the chair. Alice and Jasper sat on the floor and Emse and Carlisle sat on the couch next to Bella and myself. Emmett and Jasper were playing video games.

"I've got to do some work…" Carlisle said. He left and Emse puttered around the house. Rose was flipping stations on the radio.

"Oh… I like this song." Bella muttered. We all stared at her this was the first time she's spoken since her speech.

"What's this song called?" Alice asked even though I was pretty sure she knew.

"Um it's called Flightless Bird by Iron and Wine…" She said quietly staring at the TV. I looked at Jasper.

She's upset… about I'd guess the injection and also… she went to see Charlie. She's also nervous… but more than that there's a strong hate inside of her… For that I do not know.

I stared at him and my eyes widened. Bella hated herself but, for what I couldn't figure it out.

"Bella is everything alright?" I asked worried that she hated herself. She shook her head.

"Yes." She said curtly. Alice looked up. Emmett paused the game.

"You're sure?" I asked. She whipped her head around and stared at me straight on.

"Yes Edward, I'm perfectly fine. I have no complaints about anything." She said darkly. I couldn't find any words.

"Bella… what's going on?" I asked again. I couldn't think of anything else. Bella always seemed to sweet and innocent. I never pictured her to have a temper or to hate herself.

"What do you want me to say Edward? My dad's in jail. I don't see or talk to my mom… and I don't really have any friends around here… I'm just trying to make it day to day without falling apart. I'm human not anything else. I'm trying to understand what Mr. Masen said before I left his room. I'm trying to block out the painful visit to my dad. And I'm trying to forget about my mom since she has forgotten me. Is that what you wanted me to say?" She asked looking not scared or nervous… but furious. Just pure animosity.

"Or do you want to finally admit that it's my fault Seth is completely unhealthy?" She was almost shouting now.

"Who's Seth?" I asked calmly.

"Seth's a werewolf in Jacob Black's pack who was protecting me for awhile. Yes… I know it sounds crazy werewolves but they're real… and he was looking after me because Jacob said… that vampires were around and they had to go somewhere and didn't want me to be alone. So Seth stayed with me. He ended up fighting a vampire and won. But he was never the same after that… The fight ended up being too much for him… I mean he was only a kid fifteen years old and fought off a fully grown vampire. The pack treated him like a king. Because he was. But he wasn't the same. He ended up having post traumatic stress disorder from it all and went crazy. A young boy went crazy because of me!" She shouted. She was gasping for air as tears streamed madly down her face. She already new about vampires.

She took a deep breath. "Jacob did say that not all vampires are bad… he happened to mention your family…" She said and looked at her hands. Everyone looked like they could have been chiseled from stone.

"What about us?" I breathed.

"That you were different that you didn't eat humans… that you ate animals. He also said that if the other vampires came back that I'd be safe in Forks with you guys here." She said.

Everyone was asking me if we should admit it.

"Well, that's true…" I said. Everyone exhaled together.

"And…" Emmett prompted.

"And what?" she asked with a strange look on her face.

"Don't you care that everyone in this house expect Carlisle has killed?" He asked. She shook her head.

"It was a mistake… or even if it wasn't… you don't kill anymore. I like to think of you guys as my friends and my friends don't… kill. No matter how good someone's blood smells." I said. They all looked to me. Bella's eyes followed.

"What's going on?" She asked.

"Do you remember that first day… in biology?" I asked. Her eyes got wide.

"Yes." She said.

"Well… I wanted to kill you that day." I admitted. She smiled and laughed, but her laugh was slightly cynical.

"But you didn't and you wouldn't…" She said. I sighed, "You're right." I said.

"You've changed a lot since that day though." I muttered once everyone went back to what they were doing. Alice was trying to get the game console from Emmett to let her play against Jasper and Rose was trying to find something on the radio.

"What do you mean?" She asked staring me square in the face. She looked guarded.

"You're not the same as you use to be… you're more cynical… colder." I said.

"More like you guys?" She asked raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." I answered. Bella was warm and soft not cold and hard.

"Eddie, people change." She said with a bite to her words. Emmett laughed when she said Eddie. I sighed I didn't understand why she was behaving like this… I mean I understood how her life had gotten messed up…

"Not always is it for the better Isabella." I said. She hated the name Isabella. She glared at me but I just stared back. She couldn't take me. Or at least that's what I thought until I saw her glaring at me. I looked away. She shivered. Everyone had slowly disappeared out of the room.

"I don't want to be so cold." She admitted. I looked at her my expression was softer.

"Then, don't be… you can still be the person I fell…" I stopped because the ending to that sentence wasn't something I thought I shouldn't admit.

"That you fell…?" She asked. I think she was almost close to putting it together. She gasped.

"In love with?" she whispered.

"Bella, you don't have to be cold… or cynical… just be who you use to be." I said changing to subject off what I'd said.

"I don't think I can… I barely remember her anymore…" She whispered with big eyes.

"We'll help you… all of us will." I whispered. I wanted to understand what she was going through but she'd have to be open with me.

"Okay." She said her voice was shaky. I smiled at her. "Alice will be thrilled she's been waiting until you two became friends…" I said. She looked confused.

"Oh… right… Well, I don't know how much weird you can take…" I said. She smiled.

"I can handle it." She said. She faced me on the couch.

"How'd you become a vampire?" She asked quickly and then her beautiful face when a lovely shade of red.

"Okay, well I was dying of the Spanish Influenza in Chicago. That's when Carlisle found me. And changed me." I said.

"Did it hurt?" She asked.

"Yes. It was the most excruciating thing I'd ever been put threw… But what Carlisle did what much harder. It's hard to stop drinking a human's blood after we've started. But he did."

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen." I smiled. She rolled her eyes.

"When were you changed over?"

"In 1918." I said. She thought for a long minute. I wondered what she was thinking.

"What are you thinking?" I asked quickly.

"I was thinking… or wondering how Alice couldn't wait to be friends…" She said. I nodded.

"She can see the future… it's subjective though. When people change their minds her visions change." I said. She nodded. She was handling this very well.

"Well, do the rest of you have any powers?" she asked.

"Yes. Jasper can manipulate the emotions in a room. Make everyone feel sad or happy… or calm… he can also taste what you're feeling. And I also have a power…" I said letting this all sink in. She waited. "I can read minds…" I said.

"Everyone's?" She asked. I shook my head. "Everyone's apart from yours." I said.

"Is there something wrong with me?" She asked slightly worried.

I laughed a cynical laugh. "I admit to you that I'm a vampire and that I can read minds and you think there's something wrong with you?" I asked. She went a deeper shade of red. "Yes." I laughed harder.

"Enough about me. Do I get to ask some questions?" I asked. She nodded.

"Why did you move here… you seemed so unhappy last year…?" I asked.

"Well, it's complicated. My mom remarried to Phil and he's a minor league baseball player so he travels around a lot. And my mom stayed at home with me but it made her unhappy. So I decided to spend some quality time with Charlie." She said.

"Do you decided to put your own happiness after others?" I asked.

"Yes." She said.

"What about this year… what happened after Charlie left?" I asked.

"I went on living my life only now, I was cynical and that was right after the whole Seth thing… so I hated myself. I had a giant whole in my chest and I was numb. I didn't feel any emotions. I was a cold heartless person who didn't care. And you couldn't have made me care even if someone was hit by a bus and I was there… I would have laughed… I was alone and in a dark place…" She shook her head. "I wasn't afraid of being alone I was afraid of being lonely… and I was both." She admitted after a second.

Alice came racing down the stairs at vampire speed. Bella looked startled.

"We are also super fast, strong and ice cold." I muttered to her. She nodded.

"Bella you've got to sleep over tonight with me and Rosalie!" Alice squealed. I laughed.

"Alice… do we even have any beds?" I asked. I didn't have a bed in my room.

"Oh… well I thought she could just sleep on your couch thingy in your room…" Alice said.

"Wait… no beds?" She asked. We looked at her the rest of the family and came back into the room now.

"We don't sleep." Emmett said. She snapped her head towards him. "Ever?" She asked.

"Not at all." Jasper said.

"That's got to suck." She said. We laughed.

"You get use to it." Rosalie said.

"Let's play a game!" Emmett boomed.

"Emmett it's almost midnight… Don't you think Bella might want to I don't know… sleep?" I asked slightly annoyed at him. She just had a long day and he wanted to play games? Typical Emmett.

"What'd you have in mind Emmett?" She asked giving me a look.

"Um…" He paused.

"Oh geez Emmett… not that…" I muttered.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Let's go swimming!" He smiled. That wasn't what he was thinking.

"What… you can't swim?" Bella asked. I sighed and shook my head. "That wasn't what he was thinking." I muttered.

"Em, I'd love too… but I don't have a suit here." Bella said. Emmett's smiled disappeared.

"Bella, we've got extra's you'll fit into one of them…" Alice said and she raced out of the room. She came back with a small blue bag.

"This one will fit." Alice smiled. Bella went into the bathroom and changed. Rose and Alice changed as well. We waited in the living room for Bella.

"Um… Alice…" Bella said as she opened the door.

"This is tiny…" She said. And she came into the living room. Emmett laughed causing her checks to go red.

"You look great Bella!" Alice smiled and took her hand. We walked down to the river in the back yard. We had music going.

"Oh man! This is that song from Spanish class!" Bella smiled. We learned a dance to it and she and Alice started dancing. Rosalie joined in. We watched.

"Em, come dance!" Bella laughed. Emmett smiled and joined. They were clapping and dancing. Jasper joined in.

"Eddie, come on!" Emmett said. I sighed and headed over there next to Bella. We were all dancing and laughing. Carlisle and Emse came out in swimsuits.

"What are you guys doing?" They asked. As they were laughing. Emse joined in next to Alice. Carlisle laughed. "Wait for me!" We must have looked hysterical if anyone was watching. We had turned the music on over the outside speaker system. The song ended and I wrapped my hands around Bella's warm skin. She shivered in responds. I kept one arm around her as we walked towards the river. Everyone was laughing and talking. We were all standing along the edge of the river when Emmett grabs Rose and jumps in.

"Emmett!" She shouted.

"Bella come on in the water's perfect!" Emmett called. She jumped in. I fell in because my arm was around her waist still. Everyone came into the river. Bella and Emmett got into a water fight causing us to take sides. Boys vs. girls.

"We're heading in… Be careful…" Emse smiled. They left and Bella was getting tired.

"You want to go in?" I asked.

"Um…" She said.

"Let's go inside…" Alice said as we all got out of the river. I helped Bella out. She was freezing.

"Towels…" Emmett said. "I forgot towels." I shook my head. It was chilly out of the water but it was a long walk at human pace.

"Get on my back… it'll be quicker." I said. She jumped up on my back and I raced inside. She buried her head in my shoulder. We were inside the house in my room.

"Okay Bella… it's safe." I smiled. She jumped off my back.

"Here…" I muttered and raced out of the room and back again. I handed her a towel and some of my sweats.

"You can wear these." I told her. I closed the door on my way out. I changed in the upstairs bathroom. I headed downstairs and everyone was in sweats.

"So… what's the plan?" Emmett asked.

"About what?" I asked. Alice sighed.

"Are you two dating yet?" She asked.

"I don't know… give her some time to figure out what she wants." I said.

"Don't give her any ideas Alice." I said harshly. Bella came downs stairs. My sweats were way too big on her. I smiled.

"We were about to watch some TV…" Jasper smiled. She came and sat dangerously close to me.

"Thanks for the clothes." She muttered as I put my arm around her shoulder. We sat back and watched TV.

"Let's watch a movie…" Emmett complained.

"Like what?" Alice asked.

"Something good." He muttered. He started thinking. He went up and grabbed a movie. I laughed as I heard his thoughts.

"Edward that's cheating." He complained.

"I won't tell a soul Emmett." I laughed. He sat back down.

"Emmett what movie did you pick?" Bella asked. I thought she was sleeping.

He smiled his impish grin. "Bridge to Terabithia." Everyone started laughing expect Bella.

"What?" She asked. I stopped laughing, "It just Emmett…" I muttered.

We settled back and watched the movie. Bella had fallen asleep on my chest.

"I think she likes you Edward." Alice whispered. I looked at her.

Talk to her tomorrow on the drive home… tell her how you feel. Jazz can feel the love in the air… and outside it was really strong… she wasn't hating herself… she was in love.

"We'll see." I said.

Hit or miss? Please let me know if you liked the different view points… or if I should just stick to Bella's point of view… but I think that can be too sift sometimes… let me know.

Movies I recommend:

Bridge to Terabithia

Mirrors