Chapter 7

Now That I Know What I'm Without

"Well, that took you long enough. It's too late now." Kakashi sighed as he stared at the campfire burning in front of him. "I've already eaten and everything. What took you two so long?"

Naruto stumbled around the fire, finding a spot to place the rather large pile of timber he held. Hinata trailed behind him, consumed by her own thoughts, her hands empty. It seemed Naruto had offered to carry all of the firewood himself. The boy said nothing as he sat down across from Kakashi, reaching up and undoing his headband. Once it was off, he shook his hair a bit and partially unzipped the front of his jacket. Kakashi watched all of this, waiting for an answer. Finally, Naruto replied.

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei. See, there was this rainbow, and we just ihad/i to try and find the pot of gold at the end...you know..." What could've been a joke at Kakashi's own lame excuses for being late all the time held no actual humor. Naruto didn't crack a smile at all as he said it, and he only looked down afterwards, slightly frowning as he fell into his own thoughts. Kakashi looked at him strangely, registering that Naruto was in a bad mood, and that his comment could be considered an insult. He didn't take it personally though, and looked right when he heard Hinata taking a seat of her own, nearly on the opposite side of the fire as Naruto. She too, didn't seem to be in the mood for talking, and was also distracted by the wanderings of her own mind. With his one eye, Kakashi looked back and forth between the two a couple times, then sighed. He was about to say something when Chouji appeared from the darkness, carrying two pans of food.

"Here you go, guys. Managed to save some for ya." He said with a smile. He held out Naruto's dish for him to take, but Naruto took no notice, and after a moment, Chouji put it down next to him instead. When he held Hinata's out for her though, she was polite enough to take it, and tried to give him a weak smile in thanks. As Chouji sat down by the fire, in between Naruto and Hinata, the camp fell very silent. Awkwardly, Hinata began to start in on her meal, suddenly intensely focused on her food and her food alone. Naruto just sat, staring at the fire for a while, but eventually he picked up his pan too. After a while Kakashi couldn't stand the tension.

"So, you gonna tell me what's going on...or are we going to suffocate from the tension in the air?" He asked, looking from Naruto to Hinata. Chouji nodded.

"Yeah, what's up with you guys? Did something happen when you went to go get firewood?" Of course, Chouji hadn't meant something between Naruto and Hinata personally, but all the same, Hinata's head fell as her face reddened. Naruto rolled his eyes and laid on his back, thinking the same thing as the girl.

"Oh, something happened alright..." He muttered. His vocal response warranted further prodding from Kakashi.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here, and assume it was a bad thing?" Hinata's blush increased, but she said nothing. He was getting annoyed that the two of them were acting so immaturely, especially Naruto, and he wanted answers. "What happened, Naruto." He said solidly.

"Nothing....nothing at all..." He said, loads of hidden meaning obviously hidden behind his words. Hinata's face cooled and she glanced away sadly. Chouji looked at him confused, and Kakashi let out a breath.

"Now either something happened, or something didn't. It can't be both. I guess the real question is, does it matter? If something happened, will it effect our mission? That's what I should be asking. So...will it, Naruto?" His voice held a bit of a scolding tone, as if at the same time, he was telling Naruto to get over whatever mood he was in that would affect his performance. Naruto shook his head as he lay there.

"Nope...doesn't matter at all." He said coldly. Just after he said this, Hinata rose quietly, looking at Kakashi.

"Um...w-would it be alright if I went to bed now? I...I'm a bit tired." She asked softly. Kakashi took one last glance between her and Naruto.

"Sure, go ahead." He paused, standing up himself, "In fact, it's about time for everybody to sleep. It's late." He looked down at Naruto, who hadn't moved. "Except you, Naruto. You get first watch. I'll take second after that, 'til morning. Got it?" Still, Naruto didn't move.

"Whatever." Was all he said. Kakashi shook his head one more time before heading for his pack. Hinata was already laying down, and Chouji frowned once more at Naruto, confused, before heading for his own bag.

For a long time, Naruto didn't move. He just laid there, his hands cradling his head, gazing up at the stars. His mind was a mess after the events that had taken place when he and Hinata had left for firewood, and first watch was just the thing he needed to clean it up. Not that he would've slept much anyway.

....

The kiss didn't last long. No more than five or six seconds. It was Hinata who recoiled, her face inflamed, leaving Naruto confused. Hinata's mind had become a hive for thoughts and emotions. She didn't even know herself why she had pulled away. But, for some reason, that kiss...felt wrong. She had waited so long to enjoy that first kiss with Naruto, dreamt about it so many times before. So how come...when her wish finally came true, she rejected it? The answer to that was a mystery to her as well as Naruto. As her face reddened, and she brought her hands up under her chin, Naruto watched her, his brow tilted.

"Hinata? What's wrong?" He asked quietly. She didn't answer him at first, but instead reluctantly moved to leave the embrace. As she stood, she took a few steps forward and stopped, facing away from him. Naruto got up as well, and waited for her reply.

"I...I-I'm sorry...Naruto-kun..." She whispered softly, "It's just....too soon..."

"Too soon?" He sputtered, "How can that be? You've felt that way for years! I'd say it's about time!" A part of Hinata's mind agreed with him. But the majority of it did not, nor did her heart. It was true she had wanted him to kiss her for a long time, but...not like this...

"Th-that's just it..." She replied, "It w-was only m-me waiting...for that.." She turned slightly, and he could now see part of her face. His mouth fell open a little when he could see tears streaming from her eyes, sparkling in the moonlight. "I...I don't w-want you...I-I don't want th-that...until..you wa-want it too..." She murmured, her face reddening a little. Naruto was confused at first, not quite understanding Hinata's mumbling, but soon his brown furrowed.

"You...You think I didn't want it?! What kind of question is that? Of course I wanted it, or I wouldn't have idone/i it!" His somewhat angry outburst didn't help Hinata's tears at all, and she hid her face partially behind her hands.

"But...but you di-didn't want it...not the s-same w-way I did..." She cried, "You o-only did it..because..be-because you felt s-sorry for me!" He shook his head.

"Why would I feel sorry for you?! Why would I kiss you if I felt sorry for you? You're not making sense, Hinata!" His voice had raised considerably, which again, only mad Hinata cry more because she had made him mad at her.

"I...H-how could you not?!" She choked out, "L-look at me!! I...I'm a m-mess! *sniff* Th-this isn't...this isn't beautiful! Not at all! Wh-why would y-you *hic* want to k-kiss me...when I-I'm li-like th-this..." Her voice faded and she found herself feeling quite dizzy. She started to walk, stumbling to the point of having to lean against a tree. Naruto was caught off guard by what she said, and still couldn't find the words to reply...so she continued. "Y-you said you-yourself...y-you didn't know what...what it was before...*sniff* You said y-you were s-sorry for..for not realizing it s-sooner...then r-right after th-that...it's too soon...I-I don't want you to...to do that...unless...i-it means the s-same thing to-to you...as it does...to me...*sniff*" Naruto understood now, what she meant. And, she was right. He couldn't possibly feel the same way about her as she did about him. She didn't want him to kiss her, just because he knew that's what she wanted, what she needed, but because he wanted to too. She wanted him to feel the same way first, so it would mean something.

However, before Naruto had the chance to say anything more, to tell her how he felt about what she was telling him, Hinata couldn't take it anymore. By the time Naruto looked up from his thoughts, she was already gone, running desperately through the trees. She must have looked so stupid to him. So desperate....that she had to cry her eyes out in front of him for her to kiss her. She didn't want him to see her that way...she wanted it to be like the dreams she had...she wanted to escape from this nightmare.

A short while after Hinata left him, Naruto decided to start looking for firewood. That was what they were out there for, and he didn't want to disappoint two people in one night. As he collected it, he couldn't take his mind off of Hinata, and what she had said. He wanted to go after her...but it didn't feel right to do so. So, he busied himself with the task at hand, trying to forget about how upset he had just made the girl who loved him. Before he knew it, his arms were full of a large load of firewood. So, with a sigh, he started back to camp.

Hinata didn't make it very far after she ran off. She couldn't. The tears in her eyes made her almost blind, which was ironic for a Hyuuga. That, combined with her queasy stomach, and dizzying lightheadedness, made her stop running, and fall to the ground, sobbing. Why had she just done that? Isn't that what she wanted? She couldn't even understand why she had just done what she had done herself. When he kissed her, it felt so magical. She was so happy, to finally receive his attention, to finally know that he knew how she felt about him, that her emotions washed over her like a pleasant ocean wave. So why hadn't she just left it at that? Why did she have to go and ruin it? It was true, she didn't feel comfortable with Naruto kissing her unless he felt the same way, but still, he had ikissed/i her! How could she have possibly turned that down?!

Hinata's mind broke into pieces as her feelings clashed. Before she knew it, she had been on her hands and knees, crying, for almost an hour. When she finally realized this, she slowly stood up, her head rushing and almost making her fall over again upon doing so. She had forgotten all about what they had been sent out here to do in the first place, and wanted nothing more than to just go back to camp and sleep. Coincidentally, she found herself entering the camp shortly after Naruto did, and upon seeing his load of firewood, and remembering that's what they were supposed to be out there for, she hung her head in shame.

....

After the entire thing had played back through Naruto's mind again, he finally sat up. He let his eyes become lost in the flames for a while, as he considered how he could possibly fix this mess. Hinata was right. He knew that. But, just because he didn't like her the same way or the same amount didn't mean he didn't like her. He did. And as that fact passed through his mind, he felt a strange sort of ease flow through him. He did. He did like her! The way she was always watching him, her smile, her eyes, her blush, her laugh, the way she was always cheering him on, even when no one else did, telling him to do his best. The more things he thought about her, the more he realized how much he liked her. She was always so nice to him. And now...

Naruto peered past the flames, and made out the dim shape of Hinata's sleeping form. Her back was turned toward the fire as she slept, and he didn't know if that was on purpose, or if she just happened to have laid that way. As he stared at her, he started to feel really bad. He had practically yelled at her in the woods. And then when they got back, he had said things with meanings only she knew for the purpose of hurting her. He had been so...immature. And now the one person who had liked him through thick and thin when no one else did had been hurt because of him. Suddenly, Naruto felt strongly that he had to apologize to her. He crept around the fire and made his way towards the girl. But, when he made his way around to her other side, and saw her face, he stopped dead in his tracks.

A single tear, still wet, stained Hinata's cheek. Naruto was frozen as he realized that Hinata had cried herself to sleep. That's why she had turned away. Seeing her like that, he felt his own eyes start to water and a painful burning envelope his heart. Never again, he vowed silently, never again would she cry herself to sleep because of him. Slowly, he knelt down in front of her, his blue eyes sparkling and moist, and leaned over, using a single finger to gently wipe away that last tear on her face. As he did so, he noted that he also liked her face. Her skin was so soft, and...perfect. It almost glowed, even now. And the way her dark hair framed the gentle curve of her jaw line, and contrasted her fair skin color...and her eyes...that pale purple...almost like the moon...wait. Eyes?

"Mmmm...N-naruto-k-kun? Wha-what are y-you doing?" Naruto froze as Hinata slowly opened her eyes, awakening, and looked up at him, blushing a bit at his extended arm. He quickly pulled it away as Hinata slid her arm from under the blanket and touched her cheek where his hand had been. Embarrassed, and a bit touched, she quickly began rubbing any evidence of tears from her eyes, even though she knew Naruto already knew she had been crying. He didn't say anything, mostly because of the surprise of being caught like this so suddenly. As he fumbled over his words, Hinata remembered what had happened that evening, and she looked down, her lip trembling.

"What do...what do you want, Naruto-kun..." She asked, her voice poorly concealing her hurt feelings. Naruto looked down as well, knowing full well what he had done. When he had first come over there, he had been so sure of what he was going to say to her to make it all better, but now, confronted with Hinata in person, the words were completely jumbled in his head.

"Uh...I just...I just wanted to say...I'm sorry..." He said quietly. Hinata didn't look pacified.

"Why a-are you sorry? It doesn't m-matter, remember?" She retorted softly. Naruto just felt worse because of that, but he knew he deserved it.

"It does matter...Hinata..." He began, she looked up at him, pouting slightly. "I'm sorry I said those things at the campfire. I was just...confused...and I wasn't thinking straight. You were right." Hinata's lip curled, preparing for what he was going to say, "I don't want to say it, but I can't honestly say I feel the same way about you." Her head fell, nodding slightly, "But," He added. Her brow raised, but she kept her head down. "Just because I don't feel the same way now, doesn't mean I won't. I do like you, Hinata..." She looked up at him now, blushing slightly, "and...I guess I was just mad before, because I felt like you weren't even giving me a chance. Just because I don't feel the same way as you do, doesn't mean I won't." He repeated, "I...I want to have that chance, Hinata..." All time seemed to stop for Hinata as the next words formed on Naruto's lips.

"Hinata, I want to be with you." He said almost at a whisper. Somehow, those words caused her heart to jump even more than when he had kissed her. He...he wanted to be with her?! That meant....she couldn't even bring herself to think the words that described the relationship he was asking her to enter. She was blushing deeply now, unsure if she had really woken up at all, or if this was just some dream. This time, there were no doubts in her heart, no part of her told her this was wrong, that he didn't really mean it. He did. He really meant it.

Without answering, Hinata rose from her bedding, and began to walk towards the forest. Naruto watched her, confused. After she had went a ways, she turned to him, beckoning him with an outstretched hand.

"C-come with m-me...Naruto-kun...Be wi-with me..." She smiled at him, "I want...I have so-something for you...for...us..." Her voice was quiet, and her cheeks burned, but in the dead of the night, with nothing but the crackling fire as ambient noise, Naruto heard her words clearly. With a warm smile of his own, he got up and ran towards her, grabbing her hand as soon as it was close enough.