Fear is The Enemy
by: .Cute
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Disclaimer: Hello everyone! I hope you are all well and healthy cause I'm not. Anywho, Chapter Eighteen is here and I don't know about you, but I'm very happy. But I just want to tell you guys that I may not update as much after this cause I've got to work more on my Credit Recovery. It sucks but I've got to do it. But enough sad stuff, on with the fic! I own nothing! ^_^ Enjoy!
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Light and L debated whether or not to tell the Investigation Team about their suspicions about Kira, about him being able to brainwash people into doing whatever he wanted, how they themselves were under his influence, how he'd killed Misa by telling her to commit suicide. But in the end, they decided against it. Telling the Team about their suspicions would mean telling them about L's phobias. They couldn't do that. Plus, the Team would never actually believe them without proof and Light and L both didn't like the idea of becoming mindless slaves again. So when Soichiro and Aizawa returned from the police station, Light and L told them about the message.
They played it back for them. After the message was done, L turned to Soichiro. "I think it would be best to inform you that, in light of Amane-san's message, your son is no longer a suspect in the Kira Case." He turned to Light. "Which reminds me." L suddenly grabbed Light's wrist with one hand and pulled out a small silver key from his pocket with the other. "Since you are no longer a suspect Raito-kun, there is no longer any need for the handcuffs." The handcuffs fell to the floor and Light rubbed his wrist softly, happy to get the handcuffs off. Aizawa and Soichiro gasped quite dramatically. The handcuffs were off? Light was no longer a suspect?
The very idea seemed impossible. L had been so positive that Light was Kira. Light was L's main suspect and L made sure that everyone knew it. He never failed to voice his suspicions to the entire Team and even to Light himself. And now, right out of the blue, without any solid evidence at all, L decided that Light was now innocent? It made absolutely no sense. Soichiro looked over at this son who gave him a small smile as if to say, "Yeah, it's true.." Soichiro couldn't believe it. Finally, his son was innocent in L's eyes. Suddenly it felt as if a weight had been lifted from his chest and he smiled warmly back at his son, happy that he was no longer a suspect. But Aizawa wasn't as happy. "What do you mean he's no longer a suspect?!"
Both Light and L flinched internally at the man's harsh tones and L had to turn away from him, his angrophobia starting to take hold of him. Light rolled his eyes angrily. He knew that Aizawa wasn't trying to be mean, that it was just in his nature to be loud but it still didn't make the situation any better. Aizawa went on. "Ryuzaki, how can you let Light off the hook so easily?!" Soichiro suddenly glared at the man. "What exactly are you saying Aizawa? Are you saying that you want my son to be Kira?" "I'm not saying that Chief. What I'm saying is that Ryuzaki's been acting different! And for some reason, he won't tell us why! And now, Light's innocent all of the sudden? Without any reason? I'm sorry Chief but it doesn't make any sense."
L let out a shaky sigh, trying to get himself back together. Unable to comfort him, Light set his teeth to auto-grind and held back his anger. Aizawa needed to stop talking. "Ryuzaki." Aizawa glared at the man's back. "I can't continue working with you unless you start explaining what the heck is going on with you. I want to know why Light Yagami is no longer a suspect. He could have easily tricked Misa into calling him Aziz." Light glared at Aizawa, upset that he couldn't and wouldn't trust L's judgment. "I'm not Kira Aizawa," he growled through clenched teeth. "People are dying everyday from heart attacks. Kira's work. So how can I be Kira if I've been handcuffed to Ryuzaki this entire time?" Aizawa didn't answer him. Instead, he took a daring step towards L, glaring harshly at his back. "Tell me why Light isn't a suspect in the Kira Case Ryuzaki. I want to hear it from you."
L was silent. Light glanced over to his love interest and his anger started to melt away as he saw the stress and the fear etched onto his face. The detective was curled up in his chair, his entire body tense. Light felt a sharp pang of pity hit his heart. 'With everyone yelling at each other, he must be terrified.' Angry that he wasn't getting an answer, Aizawa took another step forward. "Ryuzaki!" L flinched ever so slightly at Aizawa's tone, just so Light was the only one able to see it. He curled his hands around his legs tightly, holding them close to his chest.. The room was tense. It was silent.
Then, before Aizawa could start yelling again, Matsuda burst into the room. "Ryuzaki!" Completely oblivious to the tension in and around everyone in the room, Matsuda was smiling brightly as he held up a single scrap of paper. "I found someone who saw Misa-Misa before she died! And they saw someone with her!" L tilted his head slowly to the side towards Matsuda, his eyes hidden by his hair. "Is that so Matsuda-san?" Matsuda nodded. "Yes. If you're right and Misa-Misa was killed by Kira, then we've already got a profile on him. It's all right here!" He turned to Light. "And that means that you're innocent Light! Ryuzaki can't suspect you now!"
Light offered the man a very small smile. "Ryuzaki has already taken me off the suspect list Matsuda." The very excited man blinked, then his smile grew. "Really Light? That's great!" Aizawa rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Real great. Only now we have no suspect! Even if the person that was with Misa when she died is Kira, how can we find him? We don't even have his name!" Light felt his anger start to flare up again and, being unable to hold it in, he stood and glared at Aizawa, a low growl escaping his throat. He felt a very strong urge to punch Aizawa right the face. But before he could, a soft voice stopped him. "Raito-kun, please calm down."
Light forced the glare on his face to disappear as he turned to face L. Haunted onyx eyes greeted him and with only a slight nod, L mumbled, "I can handle it." Light stared at him, then nodded as well. He would just have to hold back his protective feelings for now. Yes. L could handle it. L then slowly turned to face Aizawa head on."You are incorrect Aizawa." L's cool voice brought a silence over the three arguing men. "We do have a name. In Amane-san's message, she states quite clearly our suspects name." L typed a few keys on his keyboard, his heart rate declining slightly now that no one was yelling and Misa's voice rang through the air again. "Light, I think its Aziz. Aziz's the one controlling me. I don't know how or why but I know he's the one. I met him at The Coffee Break one night and after that, all this weird stuff happened. I don't have any proof that he's doing it but I just know." L stopped the message and turned to gaze at Aizawa. "Amane-san gave us our suspect. That is why Raito-kun is no longer my main suspect. Aziz is now our suspect."
Aizawa was silent. Matsuda glanced over to Soichiro and whispered, "What message from Misa?" Soichiro ignored the man. Aizawa continued to glare at L. "But if this Aziz person is Kira, how are we going to find him? We don't even have his last name." L nodded. "True Aizawa. But we will find him.. That's what we do." He glanced at Soichiro. "Do you have the police files?" The man nodded and handed L a small yellow file. "This was all we managed to get." L took the file and handed it to Light. "Could you please look over this Raito-kun?" Light took the file. "Sure Ryuzaki." Then L turned back to his team. "I want the name Aziz searched. Every within the Shinjuku area who has the name 'Aziz' will be documented." L then turned away from the Team, a signal that they should start working.
But as Light began to read the police files on Misa's suicide, he noticed Aizawa give L one last glare before starting his work. The argument wasn't over yet, Light knew. Aizawa wouldn't let it fall that easily. But they had work to do so, for now, a shaky peace settled over the Investigation Team. After a few moments, L turned to Light slightly, so he wouldn't raise any suspicion. "Raito-kun," he mumbled softly. "I've scheduled an appointment with another psychiatrist for tomorrow. You will attend with me." Light smiled softly. Though it sounded like an order, Light knew it was just L's way. "Yes Ryuzaki," he mumble back. "I'll come with you." L felt a small smile grace his lips. "Thank you Raito-kun." The two men then went to their work, all the while Aizawa was still growling.
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The next day, Light and L were on their way to the psychiatrist's office. It was late, around eleven in the morning, so before they left, L had told the Team that they were going to investigate the coffee shop mentioned in Misa's message, which actually wasn't really a lie. They were just going to the psychiatrist first, then the coffee shop. The ride to the psychiatrists's office was silent, but it was a comfortable silence, with Light sitting close to L.
Ever since the detective had removed the handcuffs, he'd been a little more on edge than normal. Though he didn't voice his fear, Light knew that L was afraid that, now that Light was no longer bound to him by chain, he'd leave. Light knew that he'd never leave L, but he couldn't tell that to L without also spilling his secret feelings. So instead, Light just stayed close to the older man, as if the handcuffs were still on. Finally though, only a few blocks away from their destination, Light asked, "So what's this girl's name again?" L turned to give Light a look. "Again I will tell you Raito-kun. Dr. Nakamura." Light frowned softly. "What if she's like that other doctor? You know, crazy."
L shook his head, his black hair fluffing up slightly. "I did some research on her and Dr. Nakamura has successfully treated dozens of phobia patients, all of which had very positive thing to say about her. Also, I spoke with her briefly over the phone and she sounded decent so I feel it's safe to say that I'll be in good hands." Light remained unconvinced. But L needed help, so Light could only wait until this doctor did something he didn't like and then he could call her crazy and get L out of there. The car suddenly came to a stop and both men looked to the window to see a large, looming building in front of them. Light's frowned deepened but he quickly replaced it with a small smile when L turned to him. "Shall we Raito-kun?" Light sighed and nodded. 'If one thing goes wrong, we are so out of here.'
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The receptionist at the main entry was a young woman, probably in her late thirties. When Light and L entered the room, she looked up and gave them the warmest smile they'd ever seen. "Welcome to The Bright Life Phobia and Anxiety Release Center. Do you have an appointment?" L stepped up the the desk, Light standing slightly behind him, and nodded. "Yes. We have an appointment to see Dr. Nakamura." The receptionist nodded as well and typed a few keys on her keyboard. "Names please?" "Koji Yamazaki and Haro Kimura." Light held in a chuckle. How many false names did L actually have? The receptionist glanced at her computer and smiled again "Here you are. Dr. Nakamura is on the first floor, room number 147, on the right." She pointed to a hallway on her right. "That way."
L smiled softly. "Thank you." The two men began walking. Light turned to L. "You okay Koji?" L's smile grew slightly. "I will not lie Haro, I am nervous. But I will be fine." They reached Dr. Nakamura's office and Light knocked slightly on the door. A muffled voice answered them. "Coming!" The door to the office opened and Light was surprised to see an even younger woman than the receptionist looking up at them. She was probably twenty-four, maybe even twenty-three. She had long blond hair, down to her waist and bright blue eyes. Unlike the last doctor, she wore a simple green shirt and a pair of light blue jeans. When she saw Light and L, she smiled brightly. "Hi! You must be Haro and Koji, right?" L nodded. "Yes, I'm Koji Yamazaki." He motioned to Light. "And this is Haro Kimura." Light nodded as well and held out his hand. "Nice to meet you." Dr. Nakamura took Light's hand and shook it.
"It's nice to meet you." She motioned to her office. "Well, shall we?" The office was brightly painted, bright red on two walls and blue on the others. Pictures and certificates hung on the walls and, on the doctor's desk, a picture of her with a black great dane. Light and L sat down on two large leather chairs while Dr. Nakamura sat down behind her desk. She sighed then smiled at L, not saying any thing about the man's sitting position. "So Koji, about what we spoke about earlier, you believe that you have angrophobia and autophobia?" L stared at her. "I know that I have angrophobia and autophobia, Dr. Nakamura."
She raised her eyebrows. "Really?" Light smiled. "Yes. We've already established that Koji has these two phobias, as impossible as that seems." He suddenly glared at her. "And we aren't going to prove to you that he does have angrophobia and autophobia with a demonstration." Dr. Nakamura blinked then smiled. "I wasn't going to ask for a demonstration Kimura-san. Koji has already convinced me." It was Light's turn to blink. "He has?" The doctor nodded and pointed to L. "See?" Light looked to L and flinched as he saw the man regarding him with a weary expression. Light's harsh tones had bothered him, even though they weren't directed to him.
As an apology, Light smiled weakly at him. "Sorry Koji." L shook his head and relaxed slightly, now that Light was no longer showing any hostility. "It's fine Haro." Dr. Nakamura cleared her throat and the two men looked back at her. "So, now that we've established Koji's phobias, and now that I've got them on file..." She picked up a white folder from her desk and held it up. " All we need to do now is treat them." Light, still slightly upset that he'd made L upset, merely raised his eyebrow cautiously as L asked, "And how do you suppose we go about treating my phobias?" Dr. Nakamura let out another small sigh. "Well, when I say that we're going to treat your phobias, I don't mean that we can cure you completely. Phobias can be deeply embedded into your psyche and they can't just be removed."
Both L and Light nodded in agreement. Dr. Nakamura when on. "But what we can do is teach you that your phobias are illogical and that what you fear can't actually harm you in any way. And we can teach you how to live with your phobias and how to control them. We can do that with a treatment method called behavior therapy." L, out of habit, raised his thumb to his lips. "Behavior therapy?" He didn't like the sound of that. The doctor nodded. Light shifted slightly in his chair to cross one leg around the other. "And what exactly is behavior therapy?" "Simply put, behavior therapy is exposure therapy. It helps chance your response to whatever it is you fear. In Koji's case, anger and being alone. Gradually, repeated exposure to the cause of your phobia may help you to learn to conquer your fear." Light nodded slightly, still slightly suspicious of the doctor. "So, has this method worked before?" Dr. Nakamura smiled. "So far, it's been my most successful method yet. We could always try other methods of course, but I would highly recommend the behavior therapy."
L nibbled softly on his thumb. "And what other treatments are available, besides the therapy?" Dr. Nakamura frowned and folded her hands together. "Well, we can always turn to psychoanalysis." Light frowned. "And that would be?" "It's a bunch of techniques used to find the cause of the patients phobias by using dream analysis and other methods of the same nature. But I usually recommend that method of treatment to small patients." "I see..." Light glanced over to the side of the office, a sign of deep thinking. Though he didn't like the idea of putting L through even more stress, he had to admit that the behavior therapy was sounding like the best option. Light looked to L. "What do you think Koji?" To Light's surprise, L shook his head. "I'm afraid that will not work Dr. Nakamura." Light blinked in confusion.
"What? Koji, this could help you deal with your phobias. We have to at least try it." L shook his head again, but this time he was silent. Light looked to Dr. Nakamura for some kind of answer. She smiled. "It's very normal for patients to deny treatment. Their phobias stop them from thinking clearly. While you and I, Kimura-san, can see quite clearly that treatment is best for Koji, his phobias have taught him to stray away from whatever causes him to have a panic attack. Thus, he doesn't want treatment." " Oh. I see." Light let out a rush of air and gave the doctor a small smile. "Do you mind if we could have a small moment alone to talk this over?" Dr. Nakamura smiled back at him and nodded, getting up from her chair. "No problem. In fact, this will be an excellent time to check up on my next appointment." She crossed across the office and opened the door, giving Light a wink. "I'll be back in a few minutes. And remember, you don't have to decide yet." She looked to L who was sitting motionless in his chair. "Take all long as you want Koji." Light's smile grew. "Thank you Dr. Nakamura." She smiled again and then, she was gone. A tense silence fell over Light and L. Then, Light looked over at L, determination printed clearly on his face. "L?" The detective didn't answer the younger man. Instead, he continued to stare into the floor.
Light sighed and went on despite the fact the L was ignoring him. "L, listen to me. I know that you don't want to try the treatment and I understand why..." "You don't understand Raito-kun." Light' eyebrows raised in concern at the weary tones in L's voice. Then, L glanced up at Light and he saw just how upset L was about the possibility of going through with the treatment. "You don't understand Raito-kun," he repeated. "The fears I feel...I know very well that they are illogical." His hands tightened on his knees. "But I can't help it Raito-kun. And I don't want to feel that fear again." Light felt his heart cry out as he saw L suffering. He didn't want L to be afraid and he most certainly didn't want to hurt him in any way. But still, there was no way around it. L needed the treatment. He himself knew that. "L. I'm sorry but I think it would be best if you did the therapy. I really do." L looked away from him, instead focusing his gaze on the picture on the doctor's desk.
He didn't want the treatment. Just the very thought of being alone sent shivers down his spine. And the thought of someone's anger? He didn't even want to think about it. He didn't want to feel that fear. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder and he looked up to Light giving him a warm smile. "And L, I'll be right there with you. You're not in this alone." L felt his heart drop then jump right back up to his throat. "Raito-kun..." Light's smile grew and with it, L's heart started to beat faster. He almost felt like crying. Light was there for him. And, though he didn't want to admit it, the treatment was for the best. "So, what do you say L?" L stared into Light's eyes for a minute longer before he finally sighed in defeat. "Okay Raito-kun," he mumbled. "I'll take the treatment." Light sighed as well, only this time in relief. "Okay. Good choice L." L only sighed again. Then, a knock came from the door. "Koji? Kimura-san?" The door opened and Dr. Nakamura popped her head into the room. "You guys done in here?" Light nodded. "Yeah, we're done." Dr. Nakamura smiled and walked back to her chair. "Okay then." She sat back down and looked eagerly at L. "So?" L glanced at Light before taking in a deep breath. "I have decided to go with the behavior therapy."
Dr. Nakamura clapped her hands together with a smile. "Good. Now..." She reached for L's file again and opened it up to scan the first page for a moment, before looking back up to Light and L. "Now, it says here that you don't want any prescribed drugs, is that correct Koji?" L nodded. "Yes, my current occupation requires my full attention and I can't have my mind clouded from drugs." Dr. Nakamura made a small sound of agreement. "Yes, I would have to agree with you on that one. I don't like prescribing drugs to patients. It just covers up your fears and that's not what we want." She closed the folder and smiled at L. "Okay. Here's what we'll do. I think it would be best if we schedule another appointment for the later future so that we have more time to talk because unfortunately, our time is about up. My next appointment is already here. But I want to start you on the treatment as soon as possible so, for the next couple of days, I want you to practice the therapy on your autophobia, which is mostly likely, one of the rarest phobias out there."
Light nodded while L just sat in his chair. He still really didn't want to try the therapy. The doctor continued. "I'm not asking for anything big here, just a few minutes every day of practice. And you don't even have to go that long. Even a few seconds will be good enough for me. We want to take it slow. And I would advise that someone help you practice." She turned to Light, a serious expression on her face. "I'm guess that you're going to help?" Light smiled at L. "Yep." Dr. Nakamura nodded and folded her hands again." Well, okay. But Kimura-san, I want to warn you. Phobia patients are very fragile when they are experiencing a panic attack. They will do anything to get out of the situation that is causing them fear." She looked him straight in the eyes. "Though I doubt it will come to this, I have had patients in the past who have threaten to commit suicide. If Koji makes this statement, do not take it lightly. He could very well mean it."
Light nodded again but he was skeptical. L would never threaten to commit suicide. Ever. Even with his phobias. Dr. Nakamura glanced over at a clock on her desk and stood from her chair, as did Light and L. She smiled at them and shook their hands once more. "It really was a pleasure meeting you both and I just wish that we had more time,but I've really got to get to my other appointment. I won't go to into it, privacy reasons, but if I don't see him soon, he could very well become terrified and leave the building." Light smiled at her. "Looks like your going to have your hands full. It's fine, we understand. Can we schedule another appointment at the receptionist?" Dr. Nakamura nodded. "Yep." She then smiled at Koji. "I'll see you guys later." L only nodded, choosing to remain silent. He was silent as Light scheduled another appointment. And he was silent as they got back into the car.
It was only when the car started down the street did he turn to Light. "Raito-kun, I still don't want to practice treatment." Light smiled softly. "I know L but we sort of have to. How else are we going to get a handle on your phobias?" L frowned. "But Raito-kun, you yourself said that my phobias may just be Kira's fault. Why bother with treatment if Kira has brainwashed me into believing them? The treatment is, in my opinion, a waste of energy." Light just kept his smile on. He knew what L was doing. He was trying to convince Light an himself that the treatment wasn't worth doing. But it wasn't going to work. "L. Don't worry about it. I'll be with you so you don't have to stress about it. We don't even have to practice right now. We can start your treatment later, okay?" L's frowned deepened. "I still think this treatment is a waste of energy." L sighed and his hold on his knees grew tighter. 'I have nothing to fear,' he tried to remind himself. 'Raito-kun said that we don't have to practice treatment now and he will be with me. I have nothing to fear. I have nothing to fear.' L was starting to learn that it was extremely difficult to lie to yourself.
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A/N: I am so sorry guys about not updating. It's just that I'm a little sick and tired so I have not gotten around to writing. Plus, my parent is being weird so I'm on red alert right now. So yeah, this chapter was rushed, I know and I'm sorry about that too. I'm thinking about rewriting this chapter but for now, I am tired, I just threw up and I can't find my favorite pencil. (sighs) Ah well. Like I said, I'm very sorry about this chapter. If you want me to rewrite it, just tell me. Review please and don't be too mean! (Update: Fixed it up some! Yay!)