Fear is The Enemy
By: .Cute
CHAPTER TWENTY

Disclaimer: Okay guys. I am really sorry about not updating. Seriously, I never thought that I'd go a whole nine days without updating. It's just that I've been snowed in my house for six days. Six days! With five brothers and sisters and my Anti-Yaoi parent! I just haven't been able to get to a computer. And I've been having some major writers block. Ew. Writers block. So again, I'm really sorry. I hope that you can forgive me! (hands on sorry cookies) But I'm here now so let's get this show on the road! I do not own Death Note though I wish I did. (sighs happily) That'd be cool. Anywho, I hope you like the chapter! Major OOCness on L's part, just warning you. You can see it in the air. Really. ^_^ Enjoy!

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"I want the manager of the Coffee Break contacted." L, currently pacing the floor of the Kira Investigation Headquarters, ignored the confused stares of Aizawa and Matsuda and focused his attention on Soichiro. "I want him contacted and told to call the Kira Information Hotline if he hears anything at all about a customer named 'Aziz'."

He lifted his right hand to his mouth and started chewing softly on his index finger. "We don't need to tell him everything. If he asks about the two men who came to the shop earlier today, you're to simple say it was mere coincidence. Tell him that it's very important for the police to catch this Aziz because he's suspected to be Kira. Tell him to ask everyone, even the women, their names. Though this Aziz is very likely to be Kira, I'm ninety-nine percent sure that he doesn't know yet that we've figured out his name." Soichiro nodded and, after quickly looking the Coffee Break's phone number up online, he was on the phone. But L continued to pace, seemingly distressed about something.

Matsuda tried meekly to calm him down. "Ryuzaki, maybe you should sit down. You don't have to get so work up over the manager at some coffee shop." L, still chewing on his finger, ignored the man. Aizawa frowned. L wasn't normally this stressed. Even though they had a suspect and they were closing in on him, L was way too animated about it, at least to Aizawa. "Ryuzaki, is there something you're not telling us?" His tones were even enough but Light, who was working on sorting through all citizens named 'Aziz' in the Shinjuku area, noticed the suspicion laced within his seemingly innocent question. He didn't trust L.

He also, to Light's knowledge, didn't trust Light. He was suspicious about L's overly stressed actions. Light felt a glare reach his face and he turned slightly to make sure that L couldn't see it. Aizawa was part of the Investigation Team and he had a right to know about the Kira Case, granted the brainwashing information, but he had no right to peak around L's personal problems. The truth was, L was stressed out about something, but his stress had nothing to due with the manager at the Coffee Break. No, L's stress was stemmed from something else.

LineLineLineLineLine-(flashback--yay!)

Light closed the door to the car and sat down next to L, who was frowning slightly. As the car began to move away from the Coffee Break and towards the Kira Investigation Headquarters, Light cast a knowing glance at the detective, figuring out quite quickly what he was thinking. "The Coffee Break is hidding something." L nodded, secretly pleased at Light fast intellect. "Yes. But the manager and the employ are telling the truth Raito-kun. They sincerely do not know an Aziz and they also do not have a way of keeping track of their customers."

He turned to Light. "I know that Kira will visit that shop again. We just need a way to catch him before he leaves." Light was silent as L's mind raced. He kept his eyes on him, his own mind racing as well. But he wasn't thinking on the Kira Case. He loved the man in front of him so much. It was hard to believe, really. And that's why he was hesitant to speak his thought out loud. But he had to. So finally, after a few moments, he sighed softly. "L? About the treatment..." Immediately, the older man grew tense at the mention of his phobias. Light knew that he didn't want to speak about them but he pressed on. He didn't want to put L through it, but the treatment was for the best.

"I think that we should try it. Tonight, after the Team has left for the night. That way, we can get you started on your treatment without the Team questioning anything." L didn't answer. Instead, he curled his knees to his chest tighter and he kept his eyes on his window, not really seeing the Kira Headquarters that was coming into view. Light felt a small smile of pity grace his features and, in an attempt to calm his love interest, replaced his pitiful smile with a warmer, more friendly smile. "Hey."

L looked at him and he felt his stomach do a flip at Light's smile. "Don't forget L. You're not going to be alone. I'll be there, okay?" Though L didn't really enjoy the way Light spoke to him as if he were a child, he had to admit that he did feel slightly less anxious about the treatment, now that he knew for sure that Light would be there with him. But even with that in mind, L still felt his anxiety start to rise. He really didn't want the treatment. What he really wanted was a slice of cake. And maybe a cookie.

LineLineLineLineLine-(Okay, I understand that L would never be able to practice his treatment alone with just Light but please, bear with me. The reason why I've decided to have L practice his treatment without his doctor will be revealed. Trust me.)

Light sighed out loud and glanced at the clock. Three in the afternoon. They'd left Headquarters at eleven for L's appointment and had returned from the Coffee Break at around one, so they had about nine more hours until the Team would pack in for the night. Light glanced at L, who was now sitting in his chair with a bowl of chocolate ice cream. Nine hours until L's treatment. Light half wished that time would just fast forward so that they could get to the treatment and get it over with. But he knew that was impossible. So, Light sighed again, this time more softly so that L wouldn't notice and he turned back to his work. So far, seven citizens in the Shinjuku area had the name 'Aziz'.

And he still had an entire stack of papers to still go through. Light raised a hand and rubbed the bridge of his nose. 'This is going to be a really long nine hours.' And Light was right. Nine long, drawn out hours of Aizawa's suspicion glares, Matsuda's pathetic attempts to get on everyone's good side and L's endless sugary snacks. Nine hours of staring at a computer screen when Light would rather spend his time comforting L. But instead, all he could do was sit and wait for the nine hours to pass. Light hated waiting. But L hated waiting even more. But, thankfully, nine hours eventually passed and L was finally forced to send the Team home. "Thank you for your hard work today."

Matsuda gave L a bright smile while Aizawa just grunted. "Don't worry about Kira so much Ryuzaki. We'll bag him soon enough!" Soichiro rolled his eyes and gave Light a look. "That reminds me." He turned to Light. "Light, now that you're longer a suspect in the Kira Case, you don't have to stay with Ryuzaki. You can come home." Light glanced over at L and saw his grip on his knees grow tighter. L met his gaze briefly then looked back to his computer. Light felt a small smile start to tug at his lips. Aizawa noticed and it didn't improve his mood much. Light turned back to his father. "Sorry Dad but I can't go home yet." Soichiro frowned, his eyes automatically going to L. "Why not? Is he still holding you here?" Light mentally flinched. His father was speaking too harshly. He gave him his most reassuring smile. "No Dad, it's nothing like that. I made a promise to myself and to Ryuzaki that I would not leave until we caught Kira. And we're so close, I can't leave now."

L, who was currently working on his third slice of cake, also felt a small smile on his lips. Light was a very good liar. But then again, he wasn't really lying. He was just holding back some of the truth. He couldn't leave because, if he left, L would be alone. L felt his heart skip a beat at the very thought of being left alone. How was he going to handle the therapy? Soichiro stared at his son for a moment before he finally nodded. "Fine. If that what you want." He smiled softly at his son. "Don't stay up too late Light." Light returned his smile with one of his own. "Night Dad." Then, within no time, the Team was gone. A tense silence fell over Light and L as they continued to work. Neither wanted to be the first to mention the treatment out loud, though it was on both of their minds. So, they stalled. Light informed L that, all in all, there were twelve "Aziz" in the Shinjuku area, all of them male.

They discussed the reasons why Kira might favor the Coffee Break, if he'd return there of if he'd move on and slip away from them. L looked up all of the employees at the coffee shop, eight in all, and they talked about the possibility of one of the employees or even the manager being under Kira's influence as well, but they didn't think too much on it. They had no actually evidence to support the theory. So the two continued to work until it was almost one in the morning. It was then that Light finally turned away from his computer and turned to face L. If they were going to do this, now would be the best time.

"L?" The detective, typing away on his keyboard, pretended not to hear the younger man's voice, secretly and foolishly hoping that Light would just go back to working. But to L's dismay, he didn't. He just pressed on. "L, it's getting a little late." L stopped typing but didn't turn his chair to face Light. Instead, he lowered his gaze to his feet, his hair hidding half his face. "Does Raito-kun want to go to bed? Is he tired?" Light felt his temper start to flare up. L knew that wasn't what he'd meant. But then he remembered L's fears and his anger died as quickly as it sprang to life. L was trying to get out of the therapy again. He was scared. And despite what he thought, Light did understand. So, instead of yelling, like he wanted to, he simply stood up and gave L a small smile, even though the detective wasn't looking at him. "Come on L."

L remained silent but he stood up as well. It wasn't like him to be so...submissive, but, though he'd never admit it out loud, he was scared. And he knew that he had to practice the treatment and he'd rather have Light with him. So finally, he looked up to meet Light's gaze and he nodded. He was ready. Light nodded as well and they both started for the bedroom. Both had agreed earlier on that the bedroom would be the best place for the treatment. It was a place where L felt at least slightly comfortable and also, if L became violent, which Light doubted, he'd be able to get in the bedroom fast and stop the attack. L still didn't feel good about it. When they reached the bedroom and Light opened the door, L quickly shuffled over to the bed and sat down, curling his body in close.

Light remained at the door, his eyes on his watch. "Okay L. Dr. Nakamura said we only needed to practice for a few minutes at the most. We don't even have to go for thirty seconds." He look to L who was keeping his gaze on the bed sheets. "So, how long do you want to go for?" L, still silent, didn't answer the man immediately. A few moments passed, but before Light could ask again, L spoke up. "One minute Raito-kun." Light blinked. Had he heard right? "What? L, you don't..." "Yes I do Raito-kun." L suddenly turned to Light with determination in his eyes. "I've been thinking Raito-kun. I will not let mere phobias control me, no matter where they've stemmed from. From Kira or just some natural glitch with my mind, it does not matter at the moment. All that matters is that I beat it. I will be victorious."

He looked away from Light again, his heart beating fast. "So one minute Raito-kun. And no matter what I say, I don't want you coming in until at least forty seconds. At least." Light stared at L, unable to say anything. He'd seen L during one of his attacks. There was no way that L couldn't last a whole minute alone, let alone forty seconds. 'But he's trying,' Light thought, his heart swelling with love and pride. 'Even though he's probably terrified, he still trying. That's the L I know.' Still, Light didn't like the idea of leaving L alone for so long. But L wanted it. So, even though Light thought it was a bad idea, he nodded. "Okay then L. Forty seconds."

L nodded as well and took in a deep breath. Light set his watch for forty seconds and he stepped out of the door. L felt his his lungs start to tighten and his palms started to grow sweaty. L fixed his gaze on Light's form and his eyes were clearly crying out in desperation. "Raito-kun..." Light tried to give L a reassuring smile. "It'll be okay L, I promise." L stayed silent but he turned away and fixed his gaze again on the bed sheets, his heart racing in his chest. Then he heard the door shut and his eyes grew even wider. He was alone. He was alone? He was alone! L felt his lungs tighten up even more and he raised a hand to clutch his chest. He couldn't breath, he couldn't get any air into his lungs. Outside the bedroom, Light started his watch. One second, two seconds, three seconds, four seconds.

Inside, L tried to calm down his growing fear. 'I'm okay. I'm fine. I can fight this. I will not be controlled!' That voice of doubt was back. L shuddered. 'Why fight when you know you're going to loose L?' L's body was shaking and he started to feel dizzy. "Raito-kun..." 'Light's not coming for you L. You're all mine! You're going to die! You're going to die!' Light was still counting the seconds. Nine seconds, ten seconds, eleven seconds. He frowned and tried to stop his foot from tapping nervously. Was L okay? Did he need him? Should he go in there? Light shook his head. No, L said at least forty seconds. And it seemed as if he was doing okay, he wasn't screaming. So Light kept his gaze on his watch.

L suddenly jumped up from the bed and he raised both hands to clutch at his head, shutting his eyes. That damn voice was chanting inside his head and he couldn't breath damn it! "Raito-kun..." It was meant to be a scream but it came out as a whisper. He couldn't speak. 'He's not going to help you! You're going to die! You're going to die!' L was finding it hard to stand, his knees were shaking so badly. Tears sprang into his eyes and he felt as if he were going to throw up. 'You're going to die! You're going to die! Alone!' L's eyes shot open and finally, he found his voice. "Raito-kun!"

Light jumped slightly at the sound of L's voice and he leaned onto the door, trying to hear his love interest. "L? Are you okay?" He glanced at his watch. It had been only eighteen seconds. He'd promised L that he'd wait until at least forty seconds had passed. L, still clutching his head, ran to the door and tried to open it, desperate to get to Light but the door was locked. "Raito-kun, I have changed my mind, I do not want to do this any longer!" 'You're going to die!' Light felt his heart skip a beat at L's words and he placed both hands on the door, trying to somehow reach L. "L, it's okay, I'm right here. I'm only a few inches away from you." He glanced at his watch again. Twenty-one seconds. He gave out a growl of frustration. 'Damn it!'

L felt his tears fall from his onyx eyes and he started pounding on the door, desperation taking over. "Raito-kun! I do not want to do this any longer!" He was ignoring everything now. The pain in his fits, the voice in his head, the tears drenching his face. His entire being was focused on getting to Light. "Raito-kun, open the damn door! Please!" Light clenched his teeth together in pain and he shut his eyes. He wanted so badly to open the door. But he'd promised L. "L, try to calm down. You can do this, I know you can!" Twenty-eight seconds, twenty-nine seconds, thirty seconds. "Only ten more seconds L!"

L didn't listen to Light as he spoke. He couldn't hear anything really. He started pounding on the door even harder. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that the words he was about to say were completely cruel, but he didn't care. He just didn't want to be alone! "Raito-kun, you sick bastard! You're enjoying my pain! You are! I knew you were Kira! I knew it! Only Kira would do this to me! You're a killer Raito-kun! YOU ARE KIRA!!" Light felt his breath cut short. L's words had literally cut through his heart and had tore it into tiny pieces. His body froze up against the door for a second and he almost felt like crying. He needed to get to L. Now. He didn't care how many seconds had passed. He needed L. And L needed him.

"L, I'm coming! Move away from the door!" Now, L had heard that. Still sobbing, he moved away from the door and wrapped his arms around himself. "Raito-kun!" Quickly, he unlocked the door and he flung it open, bursting into the room. "L!" L looked up and visibly relaxed when he saw Light, though his body continued to shake. "Raito-kun..." Light was shocked slightly to see L looking so haunted and distraught but honestly, Light didn't care all that much. All he cared about was getting L into his arms. So that what he did.

In two easy strides, Light grabbed the detective by the waist and pulled him in close, pressing him against his much more firm chest. L responded well to the embrace, his mind filled with nothing but relief. He wasn't alone any more. He brought his thin arms inward and grabbed fistfuls of Light's shirt, his body still trembling, his tears still falling. At L's trembles, Light tried to bring him in even closer, burying his nose in his ink black hair. "I'm here L. I'm here." L nodded, his tears slowly starting to dry. He was okay. Light was with him now. Light himself let off a small tremble, L's words still ringing in his ears. He unknowingly nuzzled L's hair slightly.

"I'm not Kira," he whispered. "I'm not L. We proved it. And I don't enjoy your pain. Not at all." L frowned slightly and removed his head from Light's chest in look him the eye, his nerves quite smoothed now. "Raito-kun? What..." L's eyes suddenly went wide and he let out a small gasp as he remembered his earlier words. Had he actually said those things? To Light? Light tried to give L a smile but the older man could see the hurt in his eyes. "It's okay L. It wasn't really you saying those things. It was your phobia." L felt his heart break as he stared at Light's hurt expression and that strange feeling was coursing through him, making his heart beat much faster, though he wasn't having a phobia attack. Without really understanding what he was doing, L released his grip on Light's shirt and lifted them to Light shoulders.

"Raito-kun, I must apologize for the things I said. I did not mean them in any way, you must know that." Light nodded but didn't release his grip on L's waist. His heart was still recovering from L's words. "I know L. I just..." Light's sentence drifted off as he continued to stare into L's eyes. He never noticed before, but L's eyes weren't completely black. They had some silver in them. They were...beautiful. Then, Light suddenly felt the very strong urge to kiss L, right then and there. And with L's body pressed against his so tightly, Light couldn't really help himself. His mind was screaming that it was a bad idea, that L would take it badly, that he should just stop now. But his heart and body were pushing him forward and pushing his screaming mind away.

So, without thinking and without warning, Light leaned down, closed his eyes and brushed his lips over L's. He thought his heart would explode. Though it'd only been a few days since Light had discovered his feelings for L, Light still felt as if he'd been waiting a lifetime for the kiss. L's lips were soft and silky and simply perfect. His body was warm and, again, simply perfect. For Light, at the moment, everything was perfect. Then Light opened his eyes. Big mistake. L was staring at Light as if he'd grown a second head, his eyes wide. Light's eyes also went wide and he quickly broke off the kiss and released his grip on L, taking a few steps away from the detective, who was still staring at him.

'How could I do something so stupid?!' Light felt a blush reach his face. 'Crap!' Light watched as L slowly raised a hand and ran his finger tips over his lips. Light tried to take control, which was in his nature. "L, I-I'm sorry! I just...ah, I wasn't thinking and..." Light drifted off again, at a lost for words. And L was still just standing there! What was he thinking? "L?" More silence. L's heart was beating fast and his legs were starting to get shaky again, but this time, fear wasn't the reason for his aliments. That feeling, that strange unknown feeling was the reason for L's aliments. As he stared at Light, L thought about that feeling. 'Could it be? Impossible but still, I can not deny the facts.' Light, starting to worry, felt his hands start to twitch with nervousness. "L?"

Again, silence. Then, L slowly lowered his hand, deciding quickly what actions to go through with and he looked to the floor. Light was surprised to see a soft pink color on his cheeks. "That...was my first kiss Raito-kun," he whispered. Light gaped. He'd been expecting harsh words or fast questions. Did that mean... L looked back up at Light, hesitated slightly, before shuffling up to the man quickly, seemingly embarrassed. Light could hear his own heartbeat his heart was beating so loud. 'Is this for real?' L hesitated again before he reached out slowly and grabbed Light hand weakly. "I...I felt something..." L was amazed by his own words. He'd felt something. And it was a good feeling. A very good feeling. L liked it.

Light just continued to stare at L. This couldn't be happening. It had to be a dream or something. Weren't they both in total anguish a few minutes ago? L glanced at Light, then looked away again. "Raito-kun...I don't completely understand what I'm feeling at the moment, you must forgive me I..." L didn't finish his sentence. How could he, when Light was pressing his lips against his? Light pulled his hand out of L's and wrapped his arms around him again, holding him close. L's knees were starting to give way again and he had to hold onto Light to keep his balance. Warmth spread through his body and L clung to Light more tightly, still not fully understanding his feelings but he was willingly to try and understand them.

His eyes slipped shut slowly and the only things he could think about were that warm feeling through out his body and Light's lips on his. But they were human, so they had to break apart after a few moments. Wondering if his heart could take any more happiness and love, Light gave L a warm smile and he softly brought their foreheads together. "L..." L opened his eyes and looked into Light's. "I love you." L's eyes went wide. Light went on. "I don't know how it happened or why, but I love you." Light's smile grew. It was so good to finally get that off his shoulders! L, still clinging to Light, looked away from the younger man again.

"Raito-kun...forgive me. I still don't fully understand. I...I've never felt this way before." He looked back to Light. "I can not give you an answer as to what I feel for you at the moment. I need some time to examine this feeling." Light's smile didn't waver. Though L didn't understand, he did. He knew L loved him. But he'd give the man time to examine his feelings more closely, if that's what he wanted. "It's okay L. I can wait." L's blush was back and this time, it was more crimson than pink. He hesitated for a third time before he went on. "Raito-kun?" Light, who still had L wrapped tightly in his arms, raised an eyebrow. "Yeah?"

L blushed even more and he looked down. "Could you...could you show me that feeling again?" Light seriously needed to see a doctor about his heart. It was missing too many beats, it couldn't be healthy. Light's smile shone brightly as he leaned closer to L. "There's no need to ask L." And their lips met again. Pure bliss.

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A/N: Finally! Jeez, it took me long enough! Guys, was it too rushed? Was L too OOC? Should I fix it up? Will it ever stop snowing here?! God, we have like two feet of the stuff! Anywho, if you find anything that needs fixing, just tell me and I'll fix it. It's three in the morning so I think I did fairly well for someone who's running on a single Red Bull. It gives you wings. Anywho, I hope you guys liked it and look for Chapter Twenty One coming soon and review. And this time it won't be nine to ten days before I update. Promise! See ya! Cookies for all! (hands out more cookies)