A/N: Okay, guys, I know you're probably ticked that I haven't updated in so long..... So, sorry, but I've had a lot going on in school for me, so my hiatus was necessary. Anyway, I hope to be updating regularly for once.... and who knows, maybe when I'm done with this story, I'll work on a Rent fanfiction! Kidding, I actually have no immediate plans for one. But I'm SO piqued by the idea of a RogerMimi fanfic..... who knows, at this stage? Anyway, thanks for reading! R&R, please! Oh, yeah, and I just realised I've been spelling "Renesmee" wrong the whole time! Haha!

The Past

I'd taken to spending most of my time with Renesmee nowadays. After all, who else was I going to talk to? As welcome as the others were being to me, I still couldn't really be with them without some level of awkwardness. Besides, Renesmee was easily the most insightful, and interesting one of them.

It was understood that I could live with the Cullens. That much I understood when they gave me my own room--the one that once belonged to Edward before he moved with his wife into a small cottage further into the woods. But was I a part of their family? I wasn't sure.

Renesmee was playng the piano again--Fur Elise this time, which she played with ease. Her father, quite the pianist himself, had been teaching her, and I could tell she was a quick learner. But she still had the ability to speak with me as she played, easy, casual.

"Can I come with you on your next hunt?" she inquired. I looked to see that she did have a somewhat hungry air about the shadows under her eyes. It had only been two days since my first animal hunt, and I was in no hurry.

"I think you should probably eat sooner than that, Renesmee," I said, calmed by her music.

"Did it go badly last time?" she asked bluntly. I looked at her, wondering whether or not to go with one of those white lies you tell young children, and decided against it, simply shrugging. She seemed to sense some unease with this topic and moved on to another.

"Do you have a power?"

"Hmm?" I grunted, thinking. "Yeah. I can. . . ."

I hesitated. Renesmee stopped playing and looked at me expectantly. I sighed.

"I can put thoughts in peoples minds.... make them think what I want them to think.... if I try really hard," I admitted, feeling slightly ashamed. It was such a foreboding gift, though extremely difficult to master. "What about you?" I asked, wanting to get out of the spotlight.

Renesmee grinned and placed her hands on my neck so suddenly that I froze. And suddenly. . . . I saw something else. I was seeing the sky, blue like it never was here on the Olympic Peninsula, sun shining. And as soon as it came, it was gone.

Renesmee's grin stayed in place, and she watched me. I smiled.

"Wow," I said weakly, wordless. What else could I really say?

"Mommy can protect her mind," Renesmee said, beginning to play the piano again, "and Alice can see the future. Jasper can make people feel calm. . . . And Daddy can read minds."

I marveled at the possibilities. And then I froze quite suddenly. Edward can read minds? Oh no . . . what had he seen in mine? If I could, I would have blushed furiously red.

Since the hunt, I was having . . . feelings. I couldn't really explain the new affection I was having towards him . . . well, I could, but I didn't want to. It was the same feeling I had towards someone a long time ago. . . . And that had ended badly enough. No, I could never feel that again.

I looked over at Edward. Did he already know my past, as well as I do? He seemed to be concentrating on Bella--oh, no, his wife! No, I could not allow myself to have these feelings. . . . Like the ones I had forty years ago.

New York City, New York. 1969. The place of my humanity.

But my humanity was gone now. . . . I knew by the pain that I'd been forced to endure for the last three days, that I could never possibly be human. I couldn't possibly be alive.

I was in an alley, where excactly I didn't know. The same place I'd been for three days, behind a dumpster, keeping still and quiet, through the last three torturous days. Everything was so clear, so vibrant to me, though it was very late, as I could tell by how high the moon was in the dark sky.

My throat blistered with a kind of thirst that I would soon be only too familiar with, and I prowled the streets with such agility that I'd never known. I'd seen my beauty first-hand in the reflection of windows, and I didn't recognize myself. I wasn't me.

I'd later realize how lucky I was that it was late, in one f the least crowded parts of the city. Once I got over my grief of my most devastating victim, I would realize how lucky it was that I hadn't gone on a massacre in daylight.

I was roaming the streets..... Not aimlessly, as you might think, but searching. tasting the scent of sustainance in the air. I broke into the closest apartment, and I killed an entire family. The taste of blood was all around me, but it was never enough. It only took minutes for my mind, so fogged by thirst, to want for somehting else.

Milo. Where was he? The one whose closeness I craved beyond all else. My Milo.

I found him, tired, looking, searching for me as I had searched for him, and my breath caught in my throat. I didn't sniff the air, frozen with happiness.

I approached him, cautiously. He was still with fear at my red eyes, instinctively afraid. When I realized that he couldn't recognize me, Blaire, his Blaire, his fiancee.... My grief over took me. And I breathed, an action that I would regret forever.

Because the monster that I was didn't care about Milo. Didn't care about love. I was a vampire now, and, all reasoning and love behind me, I lunged and bit him, tasting him. But my new self could still grieve, and, in astonishment of what I'd done, I couldn't even bring myself to drink his blood. I left him to die, bleeding, in an alleyway.

I'd killed the only thing that mattered. The death of my happiness and of my former self was soon to follow.

So here I was, alone on the piano bench. Renesmee had scurried away during my reverie, impatiently consulting Bella about someone being late, and about missing someone. I wasn't really paying attention, but I heard Bella reply, "He'll be here soon," in her lovely motherly coo.

I watched Bella. Love was so irrational, I mused. Seeing the wife of my one-sided love made em cringe, yes, but I couldn't escape the truth, that it wasn't Bella thjat would stop me from loving Edward, as much as I wished it was.

I never wanted to feel that grief again. Not what i'd felt after I'd killed Milo.

I turned to Edward, whose eyes were already on mine, and somehow, I knew that he had listened to my reminiscing. He knew my sad story. His eyes bored into mine, with a complicated kind of pity, as I knew he was listening to my thoughts. I could tell by his face that he knew about my affection for him.

I stared back at him, ,almost defiant, as there was no escaping my twisted affection for him. How irrational love is.