See Chapter One for standard disclaimer
Chapter Two: Beautiful Again
- -
Don't go smiling now
You know I'll be confused
Peter fished for men
You've been fishing too
When you cast your net
You drew me into you
Now you set me free
I'm sinking in the blue
- Evermore, Inside of Me
- -
"Rodney, John. Please, have a seat," Sam greeted them with a smile. "Rodney, it's good to see you healthy. I trust you're feeling well?"
Rodney offered a tight smile and a nod of confirmation as he took his seat. Kate Heightmire was sitting demurely to one side with her legs crossed and a note book in her lap. John took a seat next to her, sprawling out like he always did. Rodney gingerly sat down next to him, trying to quell the pit of snakes in his stomach.
Sam was opposite them, leaning her elbows on her desk and she was just as beautiful as Rodney remembered her, if a little more tired looking. He tried to remind himself that she had been embroiled in the Stargate program for years, and that she was used to seeing all things strange and disturbing.
He heard the quiet swish as the office door closed behind them, cutting off the noise and bustle of the control room and encasing them in silence. He was uncomfortable and tense and he couldn't remember the last time he'd had a meeting such as the one they were about to have. Nor could he remember a time when he had felt so nervous about something that wasn't life threatening.
But it wasn't just an ordinary meeting. They were going to decide his future and Rodney knew that the logical choice was to send him back to earth where he couldn't be a threat to anyone. If it had been Colonel Caldwell behind that desk he'd do it in a heartbeat.
But it wasn't, and he was counting on his previous relationship with Sam and her famous sense of compassion to let him stay. If he didn't have Atlantis, he'd have nothing. Everything he knew was associated with Atlantis; his friends and his home.
"So. I'd like to start by welcoming you back to Atlantis, Rodney. I can't imagine what you've been through, but it's good to have you back with us at last," she bestowed upon him a smile that once would have made him weak at the knees but now only gave him a small amount of warmth.
"I've been talking with Doctor Heightmire about the course of action we should take regarding your future here with us. First I'd like to hear what you think you'd like to do, if that's agreeable."
Rodney blinked in surprise but then frowned. He hadn't expected to be given a chance to say what he'd like. After all, the Military and the Civilian sides of the expedition were run in completely different ways, and while he was civilian, Carter was, primarily, military.
He took a few moments to compose himself and tried to decide what to say.
"If it's okay...I'd like to stay on here. I can understand if you want to send me back to earth. I suppose in a way it would make more sense for you but...I still feel as though my place is here..." he said hesitantly. He'd just need to find that place once more. "Ultimately I understand that it's your decision, but I want to stay."
"And we're more than willing to have you," Sheppard put in, with a sharp look towards Sam. "Aren't we?"
"Of course," She nodded. "I'm more than happy to have you with us, Rodney. But before you start work again, I'd like you to take some personal leave, maybe go back to earth and visit your family..."
They were interrupted by the door sliding open and Doctor Keller sliding in with an embarrassed flush on her face.
"Ah, Doctor Keller. We started without you I'm afraid," Samantha waved her to the only free chair in the room
"Sorry I'm late. There was an accident involving one of the marines and Ronon in the practice room and..."
"Nothing too serious I hope?"
"No no. A few sprains and bruises but nothing life threatening, I can assure you," she replied with a rueful laugh.
"Good. Now, as I was saying. I think it's advisable to take some time off to get your bearings again. You don't have to return to earth but I'd like to see you relax and take it easy for awhile," Samantha addressed him once more. "Doctors Heightmire, Keller. What do you think?"
"From a physical point of view, I can tell you that Rodney is as healthy as he's ever been," Keller replied. "However, I still have no idea what they operated on, or why. The scans show nothing, no objects or foreign technology. I honestly don't know how to proceed from here."
John glanced at him momentarily, looking slightly guilty. "Is there the possibility that they didn't do anything? Maybe they were just...poking around?"
Rodney suppressed his shudder with difficulty. He felt chilled, and that familiar anger and fear came rushing back to him. He had to resist the urge to touch his stomach where the scar was. It didn't make any sense. None of it made any sense and it seemed as if he wasn't the only one who didn't understand. But that didn't make it any easier, and it didn't provide him with any relief. It was him who had had this done to him, for no apparent reason, and he probably wouldn't ever find the answers he needed to put his mind at rest.
Rodney rolled the hem of his shirt between his fingers and refused to look at any of them. He wasn't angry at Sheppard for asking; it only meant that he didn't have to.
"Exploratory surgery?" Keller was saying with a frown on her pretty face. "It occurred to me early on, but I dismissed it because it didn't make any sense. That was before I didn't find anything though..."
She trailed off and looked down, shame written on her face and in her posture. Rodney couldn't quite bring himself to feel compassion for her. The shame she felt was nothing compared to the shame locked inside of him, as selfish as that might sound.
"I'm sure you and your team tried your best, Doctor Keller, and that's all we can ask for." Sam paused for a moment as if gathering her thoughts. "Can we be certain that there isn't some kind of transmitter in him somewhere? Like the one that was in Teyla's necklace?"
"I'm pretty sure the scans we did would have picked it up if there was," Keller replied. "I'm positive that Rodney is completely healthy. There are no transmitters of any kind in him."
"And is that your official opinion?"
"Yes. I've put it all in the report."
"Doctor Heightmire. What about you?"
Kate Heightmire wasn't anyone Rodney had been particularly fond of. In fact, psychologists in general were people to be distrusted. He'd had run in with them back on earth throughout his life. It had been a requirement in many of the programs he had taken part in, and some of his teachers throughout his schooling life had insisted that he see professionals. They had the ability to keep him grounded and away from the projects he was working on, so he had spent a good deal of time learning about their tactics and how to avoid them. It had worked too, after a fashion, but Kate Heightmire had been a problem for him since day one.
There had been a point when Elizabeth had insisted that he visit her at least once a week. Once she had disappeared though, well, there hadn't been much point after that.
He didn't deny that shrinks helped people who were grieving or depressed or anything like that. But they just didn't seem to get him. They didn't know that his rambling and seemingly directionless speech actually served a purpose, and while at times he had to admit that his ego got the better of him, it was this, and his pride, that allowed him to accomplish the things that he did.
So he seemed positively manic at times, and there were times when he couldn't stay still for more than a few seconds and he had a tendency to over react and panic at the least convenient times. It was just a part of who he was, it was how he was wired, and he knew that there had never been a time when he was different.
And there was Kate, sitting in Carter's office holding his future in her perfect hands. He couldn't help but resent her for it, but there was nothing he could say. Not when she held the kind of power over him that she did, and that was something he hated, feeling powerless. It was something he had come very familiar with recently.
"My recommendation would be the same, although I'd like him to come and see me regularly over the next few weeks. It's not uncommon for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome to develop in the weeks after an event, especially in people who have been held captive. I've spoken to Doctor Mckay while he was in the infirmary about what happened, and while he seemed unwilling to talk about it just yet, I believe the best course of action is to give him some time to get himself together, as long as someone keeps an eye on his behavior," Heightmire replied. "As it stands at the moment, I am pleased with the way he has been coping. I believe, with time, we shall see what needs to be done."
Samantha nodded, looking thoughtful.
"Okay. Here's what we'll do..." she began but Rodney finally found he had something to say for himself and interrupted.
"I...Sorry Sam, but...I'd like to return to work." he blurted out. He flushed when they turned to look at him but continued on. "I don't think I want to take any time off. I'd rather just get back to work."
"Are you sure that's wise, Rodney? It seems to me like you need some time off..." Sam asked him doubtfully.
"No, I'm sure. I want to get back to work. I'm sure there's things that need my attention in the labs, problems that need fixing, that kind of thing..." he replied, somewhat awkwardly, waving a hand.
"Kate, what do you think?" Sam asked, her doubt evident on her face.
Kate was watching Rodney closely and after a long moment she looked thoughtfully down at her notebook.
"I think it's worth considering. Rodney's the type of person who needs to keep busy. It helps them keep grounded and it'd give him something to work from. I also think that if Rodney is left to his own devices with nothing to do, then he'd be prone to...depression, as well as other things," she said. "However, there is such a thing as working obsessively until collapsing, which I think we all know Rodney has done before. If you were to take this course of action, then I'd suggest setting a certain number of hours and strict monitoring to ensure that he sticks to them."
"Okay," Sam nodded, looking down at Rodney's file, which sat, closed upon her desk. "Okay. Here's what we'll do. Tomorrow you can start working again under the following conditions. Six hours a day, with two breaks as per everyone else. I want to see you in the cafeteria eating properly. Doctor Keller believes that an hour of exercise a day will be beneficial to both your physical and emotional health. I've scheduled you in for time with Teyla each afternoon at four. Once a week you have an appointment with Doctor Heightmire every Friday after lunch. Do you agree to these conditions?"
"I do," he said automatically. Because he might not like it, but it was the only way he could keep working, which was what he wanted. He didn't want to have time off so he could spend all day sitting around and feeling sorry for himself.
"Good. Colonel Sheppard, I want you to ensure that he sticks to the schedule. I know that you're a busy man, but..."
"I'll do it," Sheppard said quickly. "It won't be a problem.
Sam nodded before looking at Rodney once more. "I also want you to have check ups with Doctor Keller once a week, at least for a little while. I know its a little drastic, but I think it's better to be safe than sorry."
"It's okay," Rodney said quietly.
Sam nodded again.
"I'm glad we've sorted this out, Rodney. Take the rest of today off. We'll meet again in a week to see how things have gone. Agreed?"
Rodney barely stuck around long enough to listen to them all murmur their agreement. He was the first out of the door as he made a break for freedom.
Sheppard found him twenty minutes later on a secluded balcony over looking the waves breaking on one of the piers belong.
Rodney heard the door open, and knew immediately who it was. After all the Military Commander of Altantis was the only person who wasn't awkward with him anymore. Sheppard never had to search for anything to say to him, never got that uncomfortable look on his face whenever they interacted. It made him feel almost normal.
He watched, from the corner of his eye as Sheppard came up and leaned on the railing beside him. For a few long minutes they just stood together, the breeze cooling their skin in the shade.
"It's hard, listening to people talk about you as if you're not there isn't it?" Sheppard said eventually.
Rodney nodded his agreement but kept his eyes fixed on the waves below them.
"I've sat through more than one of those myself. The first is always the hardest," he continued. "After that, you learn to switch off after awhile."
"Isn't that what you always do in meetings?" Rodney asked.
"Usually. Well, not the mission briefings. But all of the others, yeah." he replied, with a lazy grin. "So listen. I'm heading to the main land to help Teyla for the afternoon. I thought you might like to come with us. Get a bit of fresh air and sun for awhile."
"What d'you think I'm doing now?" Rodney asked glancing at him for a second before looking out over the blue of the sea.
"Is that a no then?" Sheppard asked casually.
"I'll come," Rodney told him, surprising himself.
After a moment's consideration, he decided that he really did want to go. It might be nice take a breather from the relief of being back in Atlantis for an afternoon. And he didn't mind spending time with Sheppard after all. He seemed to understand him without needing explanation and that was different.
No one ever understood Rodney McKay without him needing to bluster and blunder and insult his way to familiarity. People usually thought they knew who he was within minutes of meeting him (a loud mouthed asshole with no regard for others) and it was something that had never used to bother him before, but like many other things, that had changed. Now it felt like the world was moving and he was the only thing standing still, but there was a glimmer of solidity within all the movement, and that was Sheppard, his one ally and his true friend. And the one who had found a way against all odds to rescue him.
He had known, from before, that John Sheppard never left any one behind, no matter how much he might hate the person, and while he had never knew the reasoning behind that, he understood it to a degree and had come to accept that the same went for him as well.
Rodney owed Sheppard everything; his life, his freedom, his loyalty, and he swore to himself that he would find a way to repay him, even though it was a debt so large he would probably never be able to, no matter how many times he rescued him from certain death. Rodney wouldn't ever take him for granted.
Sheppard clapped him on the shoulder.
"Great. Meet me in the Jumper Bay in twenty minutes."
Rodney listened to the door slide closed behind him before he closed his eyes and breathed in fresh, salty sea air.
He would never be able to say no to John Sheppard again, he thought to himself.
The mainland was a beautiful place, if one had the time to spend exploring it. As they flew over the land towards the Athosian settlement, Rodney was witness to wide open planes, interspersed by forests, rivers and lakes. Steep mountains rose out of the ground, majestic in their height and expanse. Where the land met the sea long beaches of fine yellow beaches stretched on for miles.
It was obvious why the Athosians were so enchanted by the rich, lush land; Rodney found himself wishing he had the time to spend exploring, and while he'd never been much of an outdoor type of person, he could appreciate the beauty when he saw it.
"It's quite something, isn't it?" Sheppard said, as he took in the scenery.
Rodney nodded his agreement, his vision filled with endless greenery and bright sunlight.
"Okay, I'm taking her down." Sheppard said a moment later as he flipped some of the controls on the panel before him, but Rodney wasn't paying attention.
Instead, his attention was focused on the encampment before them. It was larger than the group had been the last time he had seen it. New tents had been erected, and there was work being done on a new well and water delivery system. He supposed that Radek had finally put those plans into place and gotten a team of scientists out to show the Athosians how it worked. The forest of tents was located on a small field close to a sheltered bay and shielded from the worse of bad weather by the surrounding trees. It was a perfect place to make a living, plenty of room for children to play and swim, and open spaces for recreation and meetings for the adults.
As Sheppard landed the jumper, a group of people approached and several small bodies hurtled out in the front.
"Looks like the welcoming party has arrived," Sheppard grinned at him as he powered down the jumper. Rodney, being new to the whole deal, simply followed Sheppard as he lowered the ramp and greeted those waiting for them.
The children instantly swarmed around Sheppard who laughed and held up his hands.
"Where is it?" one small, blonde haired child asked cheekily, bouncing up and down.
"Where's what?" Sheppard retaliated with an innocent smile, only to have a chorus break out from the rest of the children.
"Okay okay, here," Sheppard relented, handing over a small package. "Share!" He called after them as they moved away, huddled around the small bag. The blonde girl had delved into the bag and was busy handing out bars of chocolate.
Once the children were occupied with their treats, the adults moved forward, Teyla amongst them.
"Welcome Colonel Sheppard," Halling tipped his head. "It is good to see you once more."
"Same to you Halling. I trust Teyla's brought you up to date on recent events?" Sheppard asked.
"Indeed she has, Colonel. Doctor Mckay, it is good to see you returned to us once more."
"It's good to be back," Rodney managed. He had never been comfortable with Halling; too much spirituality and morality for his tastes. Teyla, on the other hand, was a different story entirely.
"We've brought the supplies you requested," Sheppard picked up smoothly, gesturing to the crates and boxes loaded in the back of the jumper.
"Of course. You have our thanks," Halling smiled at them both. "Doctor Keller is arriving tomorrow morning, I believe?"
"From what I understand, she is."
"Perhaps you would like a cup of Athosian tea, Colonel, Rodney?" Teyla offered. "I know that there are some things you have been asked to look at Colonel."
"Sam gave me a list," Sheppard replied with a grimace.
"Come this way. We will see if we can eliminate a few," She smiled at them.
Rodney followed silently, slipping past Halling and the men who started to unload the boxes. As they walked through the knee length grass towards the settlement, Rodney kept half an ear on Teyla and Sheppard's conversation as he looked around.
The air was cold and fresh, but the sun was warm on his face. It was rather nostalgic, walking towards the encampment and it reminded him of the countless missions they had been on and the different worlds, with new cultures and technologies to explore and learn about. He couldn't wait to get back out there again, to engage his mind once more. It had been a long time since he had to puzzle something out, to use his knowledge to figure out how a piece of technology worked.
Of course, the Athosian's lived a more simple life that should have bored Rodney with their lack of technology, but there was something about the simplicity of their lifestyle that appealed to him. They were certain in their knowledge of how things worked. They didn't need to worry about a piece of equipment failing to work when they needed it most; instead, they relied on themselves and each other to survive. It was their greatest strength, their straightforward lifestyle. They did what they needed to survive and they were happy with what they had. If only it was so simple for the rest of them.
They made their own space in the world, and they adapted when necessary, Rodney thought to as the group of laughing children raced past them with chocolate smeared across their faces. It was as simple as they. Adapting. If they lost someone, they mourned them, but didn't let the grief hold them back. They honored their dead and moved on. Perhaps that was Sheppard's weakness; he didn't let go of anything
Rodney spent the next hour or so listening and watching Sheppard as he was shown the improvements that were being made. He watched the obvious pride on Teyla's face as she talked about her people, or introduced them to new people.
After awhile though, Rodney separated from them and went off by himself. At first he just wandered amongst the tents and camp fires. The Athosians he passed watched him, and while they were not unfriendly, they left him to his own devices.
Eventually, he found himself standing on the beach over looking the waters of Lantea. The sun was low in the sky as it was late afternoon, and he became mesmerized by the play of light on the waves. An ocean breeze brought with it the smell of salt, and the gentle waves breaking on the shore were a lullaby that he hadn't heard in many years.
It brought back memories of going to the beach with Jeannie on school holidays. Of course, at first he'd be dragged from his home complaining and protesting, but once he arrived at their seaside destination, the sight of all that golden sand and blue water was too tempting. While his parents were off getting massages, spending the days at restaurants and saunas, alternately arguing and avoiding each other, he and Jeannie would race down the sand to the water.
Sometimes, he'd stand in the shallows and just let the waves break around his feet, lost in the motion of the waves around him while Jeannie sang to herself and made sand castles. Other times he'd swim with Jeannie, not going too deep and keeping an eye on his sister, because there was no one else to do so. But it those memories were true and clear, and amongst the happiest he could remember, with the sun high and hot in the sky and the salty air tugging at his clothes and hair.
But the best times he could remember with his family was when he and Jeannie would sneak out before dawn to go to the beach and watch the sun rise and the colors bloom across the horizon. There were times when he missed earth terribly, and one of the things he thought about most when he did was Jeannie. He wondered how she was, how fast his niece was growing, if Jeannie was still as madly in love with Caleb as she had been when they'd met.
Rodney ducked his head and closed his eyes for a long moment before sitting down on the sand, tugging off his boots and rolling up his pants.
Walking down the water with the warm sand underneath his feet made him feel more alive. As if the rough, grainy sand proved to him yet again that he wasn't stuck in some hopeless dream unable to reach Atlantis or the people that mattered to him.
The cold water washed around his ankles and for a long time, he watched the waves break around his pale feet.
The meeting had taken a lot out of him, but having Sheppard there had made it that little bit more bearable. He felt safe when Sheppard was around, like he could just hand the reins over to him and know that Sheppard would make sure he was alright.
But it couldn't always be like that, he knew. He needed to start learning to function on his own again, to find his own feet. It was time to pick a direction and go with it. Things were slowly shifting into perspective for the first time in his life, and while there were so many doubts lingering in his mind, and anger griping him tightly, he knew he'd be alright. It would take time and it would undoubtedly be hard, but it was something he needed to do. There was a lot he needed to learn about himself first though, and while sadness and anger were the only things he was capable of feeling presently, he knew they would subside, though sometimes it didn't feel that way.
Rodney breathed the salty air deeply once more and exhaled slowly, feeling better than he had in days. His toes were getting wrinkles, and his hair was ruffled but he felt like he could breathe again and he was glad that he had taken Sheppard up on his offer.
"Hey."
He looked over his shoulder to see Teyla walking down the sand towards him. She was wearing her Athosian clothing, long pants and a singlet like top baring her midriff and arms. And her feet were bare. He had heard the Athosians went barefoot when they needed to feel closer to the earth that sustained them. Once, he would have dismissed such a notion as foolish and a waste of time, not to mention unsanitary, but he was beginning to understand why.
"I hope I am not disturbing you, Rodney," Teyla greeted him as she came to stand beside him. Another wave washed over their feet but he kept his gaze on the horizon and the setting sun. She was, but it didn't bother him. While he felt Sheppard understood him better than anyone, he had built a solid connection with the Athosian woman and had a basic understanding of how she worked. She carried herself with dignity, and was always honorable and respectful towards everyone she met no matter how abrasive or rude. He'd always admired that about her, and he respected her immensely.
"Colonel Sheppard was worried about you," she said eventually. "He sent me to find you."
"I thought he might," he said tiredly. Despite all the time that had passed he still tired easily, and he hadn't realized that he was so tired. "I'm sorry for dragging you out here. He probably wants to head back to Atlantis, hm?"
"On the contrary Rodney, I believe he intends to spend the night on the mainland and head back in the morning," Teyla smiled at him. "Tonight the Athosians are having a feast to welcome in the first day of Autumn, I believe you call it. Colonel Sheppard and you have been invited to attend."
"Autumn, huh?" Rodney contemplated the wrinkled skin of his toes. "Seems like a funny time of year to welcome. The coming of winter and all that."
"Autumn is a wonderful time of year Rodney. There is much beauty to be found," she replied simply, smiling as she looked at over the ocean. "This land is much more beautiful than Old Athos. My people are very grateful for this new home."
"It is beautiful here."
"I heard Elizabeth say that it reminds you of Earth, doesn't it? Colonel Sheppard said it reminded him as well."
"It is very similar," Rodney agreed quietly. "But very different at the same time."
"Do you miss your world?" Teyla asked looking at him at last, her brown eyes searching his face for something he couldn't pin point.
"This is my home now," he replied finally. "That's all that matters."
They stood side by side for a time, watching as the sun finally sunk below the horizon and painted the sky with deep oranges and purples. The stars were brighter than on Earth too, and it fairly took Rodney's breath away, looking up at the beautiful patterns and bands of stars above them. He tilted his head back to look at them better.
"We'd better go back. The feast will be starting soon," Teyla told him gently, looping her arm through his.
He nodded his agreement and together they turned and started back up the sand.
Sheppard met them at the edge of the encampment, minus his tack vest and his weapons. Rodney tried not to stare at his lanky form waiting on the rise before them. He had never really taken any notice of just how tall the man was before and it disturbed him slightly that he suddenly did. In fact, there was a lot about John that he was only just noticing; the clear hazel of his eyes, the sincerity on his face when he talked. The slight tilting of his mouth in amusement when he talked, the crinkling of the skin at the corner of his eyes.
Rodney had learned to read body language instinctively it had seemed and it wasn't hard to read Sheppard's.
"There you are. They're starting," he smiled at them, his eyes flickering briefly to Rodney before he turned around and they all walked together towards the bright glow on two bonfires and the sound of people laughing and talking. Faint music carried in the cold night air and Rodney looked at the ground as he swung his boots in one hand. Beneath his feet, the grass was cold with dew already, and never had anything felt so good on a pair of tired feet.
"So Halling offered me and Rodney a tent for the night. We're planning on flying out first thing in the morning," John told Teyla. "Will that be enough time for you or..."
"It'll be fine, John. I'm sure you'll find your accommodations quite comfortable." Teyla replied with a smile.
"Won't be the first time we've had to bunk down together will it Rodney?" John asked him over Teyla's head with a twinkle in his eyes.
Rodney couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face as he remembered long nights of Sheppard complaining, good naturedly about Rodney's snoring, or his constant talking. Many conversations about which superhero was the best, and which movies were the classics had taken place in many different lodgings and a mortifying number of holding cells.
"No, it won't," he agreed, secretly pleased that they would be sharing. It signified a return to normality between the two. He wondered what they'd talk about after all the time apart they had spent.
But then they had reached the sight of the feast and Rodney's sentimentality was forgotten as he got lost in the whirl of activity. Great offerings of steaming hot meat and fresh vegetables, along with an especially strong Athosian spirit were abundant. The Athosians themselves were busy in conversation, some laughing around the bonfires other dancing to the merry music produced by a rough looking bunch of Athosian men who were surprisingly good.
Rodney laughed along with the rest as John attempted a traditional jig with one of the young Athosian women, whereas Teyla shook her head with a fond smile at John's slaughtering of an old traditional dance. Eventually, she took over and within half an hour John was almost as good as the rest.
Rodney sat on a log towards the edge of all the activity where he could watch everyone. He cradled a cup of warm spirit in his hands, his stomach full and satisfied by the large meal he had consumed. It was, he realized, the most content he had felt for a long time, and a weary sort of peace settled over his shoulders, bringing with it a strange melancholy. He wasn't sad just...wistful and wondering how, in all the years he had been alive, he had missed finding the sort of companionship these people had found with each other. It was something special, something to be treasured, and as he watched it all, with the children running around and weaving around the adults as they chased one another, it touched a place deep within him and warmed it, ever so slightly.
Rodney was jostled by a warm body hurling itself at his feet. He looked down in surprise to see a little girl with big blue eyes and curly brown hair staring up at him from the ground.
"You're from 'lantis," she stated solemnly.
She couldn't have been more than six or seven, and Rodney found himself instantly endeared by the slight lisp in her speech and the dirt smudged across one cheek and her forehead.
"Yes I am," he replied.
"I'm Sia. What's your name?"
"Rodney. Pleased to meet you." He held out his hand and she grasped it, giggling when he shook it.
"Are you Colonel Sheppard's friend?"
Rodney pursed his lips and looked across the fires to where John was sitting listening in on a story telling by one of the Athosian men, with a slight smile on his face.
"Yeah, we're friends," he answered slowly before shaking himself and looking down at the little girl. "Isn't it late for you to be up? Shouldn't you be in a bed somewhere?"
"Not tonight. Tonight's a feast night, silly," she said, as if stating the obvious. "We all get to stay up late."
He smiled at the proud note in her voice. Her blue eyes were sparkling in a way that reminded him of Jeannie when she was young. And those curls, almost exactly the same except for the color, and it made his heart ache for his sister and all the things that had gone wrong between them.
Still, he smiled at the girl. "Of course. How foolish of me."
Sia giggled and tried to muffle it with her small hands.
"You're funny," she told him.
"Well, so are you," he replied, a little miffed by her statement but amused at the same time.
"Are you going to be staying long?" she asked her eyes bright and curious. "People used to visit us at our old home, but we don't get visitors much now."
Rodney tried to ignore the spark of guilt her words caused him and took a drink from his cup. It was probably an unwise idea for him to drink any more; he'd already had enough for one night, and besides, he didn't want to turn into some kind of blubbering wreck when he had to share a tent with John that night. Not only would it not be appreciated, but John had been appointed his official guardian for the time being, and it wouldn't bode well for him to go pouring out his fears and doubts in a moment of drunken stupidity.
"I'm staying for the night, but I have to go back to Atlantis tomorrow morning," he told her. When her face fell he hurried to reassure her. "But I'm sure I can come back and see you sometime."
"Really? Can we be friends then? My mum always says that it's important to make new friends," she informed him seriously. "Please?"
Rodney found that he didn't have the heart to turn down her request, not with those puppy dog eyes and that pout.
"Sure. We can be friends." he agreed readily.
"Thanks!" She explained brightly before leaping to her feet and throwing her arms around his neck. After a moment of surprise, Rodney hugged her back with one arm, touched.
"I have to go now. Dad told me not to go too far. He'll be wondering where I am," she pulled back and starting to run away again before turning back to him, silhouetted in the fire light. "You'll come back and visit me right? We are friends after all, and mum says that's what friends do."
"I will. As soon as I can," he promised, wondering if he'd ever be able to keep such a promise. But on second thought, he wanted to come back to that beach sometime. It would be refreshing and a nice change of scenery.
"Bye!" she called as she disappeared in the crowd.
Rodney stared after her for a long moment before looking down into his empty cup and a small smile quirked his mouth. Unexpected as it had been, the encounter had left him wondering.
"Making new friends, I hear," Sheppard said as he came to stand before Rodney.
He looked up into his friend's eyes and managed a smile for a change.
"It seems so. Having fun?"
"Hmmmm. They're certainly a lively bunch," Sheppard smiled down at him, his eyes warm and his tousled hair even messier than it usually was. He smelled of fresh sweat and spice, and of the cool night air and Rodney breathed him in unintentionally, thinking that he smelled wonderful.
"I'm going to head back. I'm kinda tired. Want to come with?"
"All that dancing wore you out, huh?" Rodney asked as he set down his cup and stood up.
"It would seem so. It's funny that I can face down the Wraith on a fairly regular basis and not feel as tired as I do now," John said conversationally as they started to walk back towards the encampment.
"Ironic, really, when you think about it," Rodney commented as they walked across the dew damp field. Now that they were away from the fire light, the stars were brighter. They fell into a companionable silence as they walked. Rodney was happy to just follow Sheppard as he started to really feel just how tired he was.
Their tent was on the furthest side of the camp. It seemed that they weren't the only ones turning in for the night. Small groups of Athosian's were gathered around small cooking fires, and lights came from within several of the tents they passed.
"It's very different from Atlantis isn't it?" Sheppard said rhetorically, stopping in front of a tent that had a blue and silver decoration hanging on the outside. He held the flap open for Rodney then followed him inside, fastening the tent in some way Rodney didn't see.
Inside was larger than he had expected, lit by candles hanging from the poles. Two large pallet style beds were made up for them, covered in thick blankets and throw pillows in lush, dark colors. A small, low table stood at the far end of the tent and on it was placed two cups, a pitcher of water and a small basin. For washing, Rodney guessed.
It looked comfortable enough, and Rodney was really too tired to find fault with any of it. Instead, he undid his jacket and shrugged out of it, placing it together with his boots at the foot of his bed. He hesitated for a moment before deciding not to take off his shirt as Sheppard was. The scar was obvious and he knew that it would only upset Sheppard and make him feel uncomfortable, so he left it on.
Across from him, Sheppard had stripped down to his boxers, and Rodney quickly averted his eyes from all that golden skin and muscle. He quickly shucked his trousers off and slipped under the warm, soft blankets.
Surprisingly, he couldn't feel the hard ground underneath his mattress of thick blankets and he was warm and sleepy already.
He was partly aware of Sheppard blowing out the candles before getting into his own bed. All of this had been done in silence, but as Rodney slipped off to sleep he felt the need to say something.
"I'm glad I came here," he mumbled out loud. "Thanks for asking me."
"It was my pleasure, Rodney," came the reply out of the darkness. "No trouble at all."
Closing his eyes, Rodney slipped off into a dreamless sleep, feeling safe and knowing that he wasn't alone.
Rodney woke up slowly the next morning, awareness coming to him in bits and pieces. It was way too early to be awake, he realized as soon as he was fully alert, and it was still dark outside. There was no movement about the camp, and the only noise was the sounds of the nocturnal animals that were still awake. Beyond that came the faint noise of the ocean, and Rodney thought to himself how much he had missed that sound. At night in Atlantis if he left his balcony doors open he could always hear the sound of the ocean breaking against the great foundations of the city.
He was too comfortable and warm to make any effort to move. The blankets were heavy and warm, the pillows plump and soft, and he felt rested and refreshed.
Rodney turned his head towards Sheppard and found the man lying on his side facing towards him. One arm was tucked beneath his head, the other lying on top of the blankets. His face was relaxed in sleep, his breathing even and quiet.
He looked younger when he was asleep, and more carefree, as if the weight he carried around each day was long forgotten as he lost himself in dreams.
Rodney wondered what a man like Sheppard dreamed about; probably beautiful women and bachelor pads, air planes and flying.
Rodney smiled to himself as he thought about that. It must be nice, having such a passion and love for flying as Sheppard had. He could see the appeal in it, even if it scared him something fierce. But Sheppard had always liked things that went fast and Rodney hadn't ever imagined making friends with such a person.
The truth of it was that Rodney and John probably never would have been friends on earth. The only reason that they were was probably because they were stuck together in a place that was far from anything either one of them had known. They had to make do with what they had, and that was probably what John had been doing when he had befriended him.
Still, that didn't dull his admiration for the man in the slightest. Sheppard was the kind of person that people liked instantly; he attracted people with his charming smile and his easy manner, and Rodney wasn't an exception to the rule.
Ever since he had returned, his admiration had increased ten fold, and he had been noticing things about the man that he shouldn't have been. It made him uneasy, because he didn't need any more complications in his life, and that was what it was swiftly developing into. Another complication, more emotions that needed to be either dealt with or ignored, and Rodney could only deal with so much before he had some kind of melt down.
It wasn't long before Sheppard himself stirred and woke up.
"Morning," he mumbled as he stretched, his voice thick and rough with sleep.
"Hey."
"Wow. That Athosian drink sure has a hell of a kick," John muttered as he sat up.
Rodney kept his gaze focused resolutely on the ceiling, even though he could see out of the corner of his eye the way the blankets fell to Sheppard's hips and revealed his chest in ways that shouldn't interest him.
"You're telling me," he replied.
"Guess we'd better get up. It's time to get moving," John groused, stretching once more before tossing back the covers.
It took them less time to get ready than he would have expected. An hour after everyone was awake and breakfasting, they were loaded in the Jumper and taking off. Sheppard flashing him a dazzling smile as they soared smoothly up from the tree line and into the sky, and Rodney tried not to think about the warm fluttering deep in his belly.
TBC