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A/N:See Prologue for standard disclaimer

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Chapter Four: All Fall Down

So go right you'll be left at a big hotel

You'll meet the devil at the bottom of a wishing well

You know you better give him something

Give him something good

Like everybody else he's misunderstood

- Five For Fighting, The Devil in the Wishing Well

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The grass underneath him was itchy on the parts of his skin that were bare. The sun above him blazed hotly down on him, and the sky above him was a brilliant blue, the few clouds that were visibly looked as light and as fleeting as cotton candy.

Rodney closed his eyes and inhaled the cool, sweet air, relishing the way it invigorated his mind and made him buzz anew with energy.

It wasn't usual for him to enjoy being outdoors; not with so many allergens around just waiting to provoke his sensitive body into revolt. But he had been cooped up in his room for too many long hours, with his mother and father downstairs arguing as usual, in their clipped tones and their way of dancing around the issues that they really wanted to argue about. Jeannie was listening to some trashy pop music in her room next door to his, so loud that he could hear it perfectly in his, her good, but astoundingly loud voice adding to his frustration and weariness.

While he loved science and math's, loved the way all the pieces fit together like a well played song and the way it all just made sense to him, there were days when nothing seemed to work the way it should, when the numbers didn't add up and the results didn't match the equations. It had been one of those days again.

His parents had been very strict about his study regime, as they had for most of his life. 'Being a genius isn't just about having natural talent' they'd said. 'You have to work for it.' And boy had he worked for it. They didn't tolerate his messy working habits, his hectic not-schedules that no one could make sense of but him. He drew the line at them telling him how to keep his room tidy. He didn't care if his wardrobe lived on his floor, or that dirty plates and cups littered the place until even he couldn't stand them any more. It was the way he lived and worked and there was order to the chaos. He knew where everything was, he knew exactly where to find things when he needed them and that was all the mattered.

But he had needed to breathe, needed the space, the air to clear his cluttered mind or he really would go crazy. His finals were coming up, and his tension was high. That's how he knew that he was working properly, when he was buzzing with barely contained stress that seemed to be mania to everyone else.

Not only that but the shouting was getting on his nerves and the need to get out, to get away was too intense for him to stand any more. There was so much that was running through his mind that the science that defined his existence had become nothing but back ground noise. Everything else, all his old dreams and doubts and regrets had come hurdling to the front and he felt like he could scream with frustration.

He didn't know where he was headed, and that unpredictability made him more nervous than he cared to admit. The world wasn't a place he was comfortable with, and people even more so. There was no way he could know how they were going to act, or what the next hit would be and how it would affect him.

But the sky above him was still bluer than anything he had seen yet. He knew the science behind it, he knew why it seemed so limitless and so blue, but somehow that never seemed to quell his enjoyment of it, or the way it always made him think about those old dreams he had had since he was a little boy, or the way it made him remember the way his family had used to be back before things had fallen apart, for reasons that were still unknown to him. At first, when the pain had been so fresh and new, he had looked up at the sky with eyes that were saddened by the loss of a stable family home and people who hadn't known how to disregard what others were feeling.

Gradually though, he had grown accustomed to his new family dynamic, and the pain had faded. He had stopped believing that there was a god looking down at him from behind that blue sky and he had immersed himself in his one refuge. Science. It always came back to the science, the one thing that still made sense to him.

"Hey Mer!"

Rodney rolled his eyes and sighed. Once again, reality came calling, this time in the form of his younger sister. At least it wasn't one of his parents, ranting and raving about all the things he hadn't done that he was supposed to.

"Here." he called back reluctantly, and moments later Jeannie appeared, all blond pig tails and bright blue eyes. She plunked herself down beside him and grinned at him.

"Mom and dad are looking for you. They want you to cook dinner tonight." She informed him, plucking a long stem of grass and starting to wind it around itself into a wreath.

"Well they're just going to have to wait aren't they?" he sniped back.

She grinned in response and didn't say anything, her eyes focused on the intricate work of creating her tiny wreath.

"Hey Mer," she said quietly after a few long moments of quiet. "Why do mum and dad fight all the time?"

"How should I know?" he replied, crossing his arms beneath his head. "They always fight, Jeannie. It's just how they are."

She shrugged and set her ring aside before starting on a daisy chain. Rodney exhaled and wondered why she was suddenly asking all these questions. She had been young when things had first started falling apart, so she hadn't known anything else. He wasn't sure if that was a blessing or a burden. At least she wasn't stuck with memories of how it had been before, as he was.

"Then why don't they get divorced?" she pressed on, regardless of his reluctance to answer her difficult questions.

"How the hell should I know? Because they're suckers for punishment and misery? I don't know."

"But if they did get divorced, who would you live with? Would we get separated?" she continued, as if she hadn't heard him.

"I don't know. Probably dad. Why?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I dunno. If they did, I wouldn't want to get separated from you. It's be even worse then." She reasoned.

She was right, he knew that. And he honestly didn't know what would happen should they actually decide to get divorced. It would be another sequence to factor into the complicated and unsolvable equation that was his life. Yet another thing to plague and confuse him.

"I honestly don't know what would happen Jeannie," Rodney said. "Anyway, I'll be leaving for university soon, so it won't matter anyway. I'll be living on campus if I get this scholership."

Jeannie didn't say anything for a long moment, before she looked up at him, her big blue eyes serious and sad.

"It'll matter to me," she said quietly before looking down at the long daisy chain she had created.

Rodney didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing.

"...ney, can you hear me?"

There was a loud buzzing in his ears, and shrill, ear splitting noise in the back ground. He couldn't open his eyes because they were so heavy, as if giant weights were attached to his eyelids.

His body was screaming at him, burning with pain and exhaustion and he was confused, so confused that he wanted to cry out. Somewhere, someone was moaning.

"...combative again..."

"Up the dosage to ten mils..."

"You're hurting him! Can't you see he's in pain?"

"...Colonel, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave..."

"...Doctor!"

"Rodney, can you hear me?"

He gave up trying to make sense of anything and let the darkness claim him again.

"MEREDITH! I can't believe this!" his father shouted at him. "What the hell were you thinking, blowing up the school's garden shed? And for what, to prove your science teacher was wrong?!"

Rodney scowled blackly at the man pacing in front of him. His fathers' face was bright red, his hands waving wildly in the air; Rodney didn't think he had ever seen his father so angry before, and he couldn't remember caring less.

"I spent thousands of dollars sending you to the best schools in the country, getting you the best tutors and into the most prestigious educational programs around, and this is how you repay me? Someone could have been seriously injured!"

"There wasn't anyone around," Rodney scoffed. "I'm not stupid. And besides, it's not like anyone was actually using it..."

"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" his father roared.

Rodeny looked past his father's considerable bulk to where Jeannie was standing in the kitchen, her hands submerged in soapy water as she scrubbed furiously at the dishes and trying to make herself invisible. He could almost feel sorry for her having to bear witness to such an explosive argument, but he was too furious himself to bring himself to.

"Why can't you be like all the other good students and keep your damn mouth shut?" his father yelled as he paced the room. "Why do you have to be so god damned different all the time?!"

"Maybe I don't want to end up like you, dad!" he snapped, having had enough of listening to insults being shouted in his face. He was too angry to acknowledge the flicker of hurt his father's words caused him, instead turning and storming away to his room. He slammed the door behind him, locked it and threw himself savagely down on the bed, rolling onto his side and facing the wall.

"MEREDITH!!" His father was coming down the hall to his bedroom. "I'm not finished with you yet!"

Rodney reached behind him and flicked on his stereo, turning it up as loud as he could.

Yeah, well maybe I'm done finished with you, he thought to himself before letting the loud, angry music drown out his father's shouting outside his door.

Only a few more years and he'd be able to leave. Sometimes he wished his mother was still alive, so then at least his father would go back to ignoring him completely.

Rodney woke up slowly, the strange light flickering and blurring before his eyes. He blinked slowly until his vision righted itself and stared up at the strange grey green color of the ceiling above him.

There was a steady beeping by one ear, and he turned his throbbing head to stare in confusion at the heart monitor beside him, watching it spike and fall to the rhythm of his heart. There was an itch in his forearm where an IV was attached, and he felt...strange; weak and tired and a little too warm. He was aware of little things, like an itchy spot on the side of his knee and the dryness of his throat. His stomach was still aching in a crampy sort of way and he felt hungry. His head was throbbing in that horrible place right behind his eyes and made him wish he had the energy to complain.

Wearily, he wondered what else he would have to get through before the year was over. By his reckoning, this had to be one of the worse years he'd ever experienced and he had somehow managed to live through it.

Sighing, tiredly, he looked around his room, and blinked in surprise when he was met with the sight of a sleeping John Sheppard slumped in the only chair in the room. His head was dropping towards one shoulder, his arms were crossed and his legs sprawled out in their usual manner. It looked so uncomfortable that it made Rodney shift in sympathy on his bed.

The man was a mess. There was the dark shadow of stubble on his face; his hair was messier and more tangled than it usually was. Dark circles made his eyes look sunken, and lines were grooved even more deeply around his eyes and his mouth.

Rodney wondered how long he had been sitting there, keeping him company while he slept on. He could only imagine just how boring it was, as evidenced by a couple of discarded magazines around his bed, and empty coffee cups and junk food wrappers surrounding him. That old battered copy of War and Peace sat neglected on Rodney's small beside table and Rodney grimaced. It looked like he'd been practically living at Rodney's bedside ever since he'd arrived there.

Rodney returned his eyes back to the ceiling and tried to remember what had happened. It seemed that his mind was still a little addled for some reason, and the aching in his muscles and his head didn't make it any easier. He was starting to feel tired once more and was about to fall asleep again when John stirred beside him.

Turning his head, he watched with tired eyes as John slowly woke up. It was an enjoyable sight to be sure, and there was a sleepy kind of pleasure in it for him as he watched the slow tense and release of muscle as John shifted in his chair, slowing righting himself and opening clear hazel eyes, blinking the sleep out of them before rubbing his hands over his face in a show of weariness.

After a minute or so, he looked up at Rodney and bolted upright when he saw that he was awake (at least partially anyway.)

"You're awake!" he exclaimed, the obvious pleasure in his voice making Rodney smile instantaneously.

"Again with stating the obvious, Sheppard," Rodney managed before his dry throat made him start coughing painfully.

John stood up from his seat and grabbed a plastic cup from the table and held it up to Rodney's lips. He drank gratefully, before relaxing back against the bed with a sigh.

"Thanks."

"No problem. How're you feeling?" John replied sitting down once more with his elbows resting on his knees.

Rodney grimaced as he shifted gingerly on the bed, pushing himself up a little. The upright position made his head spin and he closed his eyes, fighting down a mild wave of nausea.

"Rodney?" John asked, anxiety in his tone. "Should I get someone?"

"No," he rasped. "No I'm okay. How long was I out for?"

Rodney opened his eyes and looked at his friend.

"Three days. It was pretty touch and go there for awhile. You almost..." John stopped for a moment before giving Rodney a strained smile. "You're a pain in the ass, you know that don't you?"

Rodney huffed. "Yeah well, I like to keep people on their toes." he paused himself. "You look like crap, by the way."

John snorted, then laughed, and it was like music to Rodney. The first genuine laugh he'd heard from him since before he'd been taken. It was a true belly laugh, and it made Rodney smile, all his aches and pains forgotten.

"So what's wrong with me then?" he asked eventually.

John sobered up pretty quickly, a haunted look crossing his eyes before his usual mask fell into place again.

"What do you remember?"

Rodney frowned as he looked up at the ceiling once more. It was all fuzzy, and there wasn't much he could remember. But he was getting really tired of having things happen to him and not remembering a thing about it. Still, there was something...

John. He remembered John, sitting by him talking to him. There were flashes of conversation as well, but nothing much beyond that. It made him feel a whole lot better knowing that he had had someone with him during what was a really bad time for him.

"I remember... you being there. But not much else," he replied honestly.

There was a deep exhale from John, but Rodney couldn't bring himself to look at him. It was too much emotion, too much vulnerability for him, and he was starting to realize that it was John that made him feel like that. If he looked at him then, when his chest felt like it would close up from the resounding gratitude he had for the man, he would probably end up embarrassing himself in some way. But then, John had seen him at his worst before so it wouldn't really make much difference.

"It was pretty bad. I mean, one minute you were fine and then next you just...keeled over," John told him quietly, his voice slightly muffled. "I thought you were going to...Keller won't tell anyone what happened to you. Some rubbish about doctor patient confidentiality or something."

"Must be pretty bad then," Rodney said, fighting to keep the fear out of his voice.

"Hey, I'm sure it's nothing life threatening," John tried to reassure him. "Some freak fever or something..."

They were interrupted by the arrival of Doctor Keller, and he had to suppress the urge to groan. No doubt she would want to poke and prod him with various instruments until she was satisfied. He wasn't wrong.

"Rodney, it's good to see you awake. How are you feeling?" She smiled at him as she set her clip board down and pulled a penlight out of her pocket.

"Okay...ow!" he grumbled when she flashed the light in his eyes. "I'm feeling a little bit...weak."

"That's pretty normal," she murmured as she pulled out her stethoscope. "Your fever was dangerously high for awhile and your glucose levels dropped pretty severely."

He endured her listening to his heart and lungs with a scowl but otherwise kept his mouth shut. John sat by, watching impassively as Keller worked.

"Hold this still," she told him and promptly stuck a thermometer in his mouth before scribbling briefly on his chart.

Rodney did as he was told without complaint or argument; he really was tired, and the brief conversation he'd had with Sheppard had tired him out more than he'd expected, both emotionally and physically.

"Right, well, it looks like you're in the clear. No signs of lung congestion or heart problems," she told him brightly, before taking the thermometer back and looking at the readings. "Your temperature is till a little higher than normal, but it's coming down steadily so that's nothing to worry about."

Rodney was frowning as he watched her. Something was off; her smile and cheeriness seemed too forced, too different from her normal good natured ness.

"You need to rest properly and get your strength back, so I'll let you get some sleep and come back in the morning to talk about things, okay?" she said brightly, already heading for the door.

"Doctor Keller?" Rodney called out after her. "I'd like to know what happened now if that's alright."

Keller hesitated at the door, obviously torn. "Rodney, perhaps it would be best if we left it until tomorrow, when you're a little stronger..."

"Please. I'd like to know."

Keller seemed to deflate and moved back towards the bed, her face turning serious.

"Colonel, perhaps it would be best if you..."

John was already standing up, but Rodney wanted him to stay. He knew whatever it was had to be something bad, if the look on Keller's face was anything to go by, and he didn't want to be alone when she told him. John had been with him through thick and thin, and Rodney felt like he had a right to know. If anything, he deserved an explanation for his sudden illness on the mission, and if it was something really bad then Rodney didn't think he'd be able to explain it to him by himself.

"I'd like him to stay," he interrupted quickly, glancing at him friend before looking back at Keller. "If that's okay with you."

"Of course," John nodded, and with an apologetic shrug in Keller's direction, stood behind his chair and grasped the back of it, leaning his weight in that oh so casual way that wrecked havoc on Rodney's senses.

Keller looked from Rodney to John for a long moment, looking torn and slightly miserable, but nodded and sat down on the edge of his bed. Rodney took a deep breath and managed an uncertain smile at her.

"So...how bad is it really, Doc?"

"It's...okay, so it's not the best news but it's not as bad as it could be. At least you're not dead, right?" She joked feebly, with a faltering smile.

"Yet," Rodney muttered. "And that fills me with so much confidence."

"Now, Rodney," John drawled. "Let's not over react until we know what's going on, hmm?"

Rodney scowled at him blackly. "I'm starting to forget why I asked you to stay."

John just grinned at him and looked expectantly towards Keller. Rodney quickly forgot the distraction of bantering with John and looked at her, trying to quell his nervousness.

"Well?"

"Right. So, we managed to get some scans done while you were unconscious," She began.

"Oh god. Its cancer isn't it? Some massive tumor that's going to..."

"Shhh, Rodney," John approached him and laid a heavy hand on his shoulder. "Let the pretty lady talk."

Keller smiled at John. "We've come up with a theory, but we'll need to run some more tests before we can be sure. When you were taken by the Ivanans, you say they took you to some sort of research facility, correct?"

"Correct," John answered for him. "It was definitely some kind of lab. We...had to look around a bit before we could locate him."

"We figured as much. But we went over the mission reports again, and we think we found out what they did to you Rodney," she said, her voice gentle and serious in that doctory way he had always hated. "It was noted that the population of their planet was affected by some kind of plague that wiped out roughly eighty five percent of their female populace. It seems that they were experimenting on ways to keep their population rate growing instead of decreasing as rapidly as it was."

"What...wait. I don't understand," Rodney broke in. "You mean they...did some kind of fertility treatment on me? That...doesn't sound so bad, right?"

He glanced up at John for confirmation, who shrugged and frowned, looking confused.

"In a way, I guess you're correct," Keller conceded slowly. "They planted a device in you that wasn't picked up on our original scans. We came to the conclusion that this was because it was dormant in some way, and because it seems to be at least partially composed of organic material that wouldn't show up on normal scans."

"What does it do?"

"The device is fused to your spine somehow," Keller continued, unheeded by the interruption. "It's been dormant the last couple of weeks because it's been gathering all the chemicals and proteins and hormones that it's needed to activate."

"Just spit it out, Keller," Rodney snapped, finally losing his patience.

"The device activated the other day while you were on the mission. It seems...Rodney, it created another organ in you, completely from scratch. The liver is the only organ in the human body with the ability to regenerate itself, so we think this technology is at least partially based on that."

"Another...organ? What kind of organ?" Rodney asked tightly. "I really don't like where this is heading."

"Let me finish Rodney," Keller said. "It appears the organ is some kind of...artificial womb. The technology is way beyond anything we've even seen, and we're still not sure how it's even possible...Rodney?"

Rodney had stopped listening, partially because his ears had started ringing again loudly and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He was aware, vaguely, of Sheppard swearing somewhere nearby, and the sound of Keller talking loudly to him.

Something was strapped over his face and he opened his eyes to look straight into Keller's steady gaze.

"...to me, Rodney," She was saying, her voice wavering in and out of his mind but steadily growing more audible. "There's no need for a panic attack, okay? Just take deep breaths and focus on what I'm saying to you. Do you understand?"

Somehow, he managed to nod.

"Good," she seemed to relax a little, relief evident in her eyes. "I understand how massive this is, but the facts are the facts, and there's no need to panic. At the moment, we have options that we can explore. Let's not jump to any premature conclusions, okay?"

He nodded again, and became aware of something gripping his hand tightly. John, he thought dimly to himself.

"That's really good, Rodney. You're doing well," she told him. "I'm going to take the mask away now, but I want you to keep taking deep breaths."

He felt the hard plastic being removed from his face and sucked in a deep breath, exhaling loudly as he stared at the ceiling.

"That's more than enough scares out of you, Rodney," Keller smiled warmly at him. "Think you can sit up again?"

Numbly, he nodded and let her and John help him sit upright again. Keller pressed the button that changed the angle of the bed head and he found himself supported.

"I don't want you to worry yourself to pieces over this, Rodney," Keller told him firmly. "I told you we have options that we can explore, and we do. Just focus on that for the time being, okay?"

"W...I don't understand," Rodney managed to say. "You're telling me that I'm some kind of...mutant now? How...But I..."

"Calm, Rodney," John said quietly beside him, gently squeezing his hand. "Remember the breathing thing."

"I don't understand." he whispered. "Why did this happen to me?"

"I can't answer all of your questions right now, Rodney. I wish that I could, but I need more time," Keller assured him. "As soon as I know anything, you'll be the first to know, okay?"

"Promise me..." he stopped and swallowed thickly, wishing the tears to leave his eyes."Promise me no one will find out about this. I don't...I can't deal with that right now."

"You have my word as a Doctor, Rodney," Keller told him seriously. "It's my duty as a physician to keep confidentiality with all of my patients, and I'm not about to start breaking that now. No one will know about this until you're ready to let them know."

"And I won't breathe a word of it either, "John added quickly, smiling down at Rodney and patting his hand. "What kind of best friend would I be if I did?"

Rodney nodded, feeling ridiculously reassured by their words. Beyond that though, he didn't know what he was feeling. It was like being hit over the head with a sledge hammer. He'd known it was bad, but he hadn't known that it would be so...twisted and wrong. And he felt like a freak, an unclean, mutated freak.

"I'm going to give you a mild sedative now, Rodney," Keller was saying. "Just so you can get some decent sleep, alright?"

He nodded, not knowing what to say. He wished with all his heart that he didn't know, because after all, he'd always been told that too much knowledge could be a terrible thing and he had never believed it before. Only now, when things had gone so horribly wrong, did he finally understand just how true that was.

His father had always told him that he would always be different. If only he'd known the half of it.

Keller slowly injected something into his IV before she patted his arm gently and smiled warmly at him.

"Just take it easy, Rodney. I'll be by in the morning to check up on you."

Rodney didn't turn to watch her leave, but suddenly he was alone with John and he hadn't ever felt so ashamed or belittled in front of anyone before. What would John think of him? What would anyone think of him? Rodney's chest ached with the need to cry, and he shut his eyes in a vain attempt to save what little dignity he had left.

The bed dipped slowly as John sat down on the edge, not releasing his hand. No words were spoken, but he felt John lean closer, and then press his forehead against Rodney's own in that old familiar greeting.

His breath hitched in his throat and he felt something wet and warm slide down the side of his face. John's breath fanned his face gently, warm and moist and sweet and Rodney could feel himself slipping, easing gently down into a place similar to soft feathers and warm sunlight.

"Easy Rodney," John whispered. "I'm right here. Just take it easy."

"Please..." Rodney slurred as the drugs began to take hold. "Don' leave me..."

"I'm not going anywhere. You're safe now." John replied, his words a feather light caress on the skin of his face. "This is all just a bad dream. You're going to wake up tomorrow morning and it will all be better."

"Promise'?"

"You have my word. Just go to sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

The last thing he was aware of was the warmth of another body hovering over his, and the ever so soft brush of something warm over his forehead.

Rodney was annoyingly awake way too early the next morning, and he was alone. Someone had opened the window to emit a cooling ocean breeze and he scowled up at the ceiling feeling more like his irritable and testy old self than he had for months.

Keller's words still rang in his ears, and despite her assurances, he was pretty positive that it was just about as bad as it could get. He was...different. He'd been used and had his body manipulated against his will and he felt strangely violated. Maybe that was how rape victims felt, although he knew that the two were vastly different.

John was gone, the seat beside him abandoned and empty, and he couldn't help but wonder if it was for the best. He didn't think that he could face rejection from John, and despite what he might say, he knew that eventually, he would leave too. Just like everyone else would when they found out what had happened to him. He had no doubts about that. It was...disgusting, and he wasn't about to delude himself when it came to how people would react.

He'd be ostracized and laughed at, looked upon with pity and shut out. Rodney had been around long enough to know how these things worked. Any small difference, anything that set a person apart was enough to make them a social outcast.

Well, it didn't matter much anyway, Rodney told him, because he'd never really fit in anyway.

But that didn't stop the small sliver of despair from worming its way through his defenses to wrap around his heart and constrict painfully.

Someone had left a plate of hospital food on his small bed tray and he pulled it over to him half heartedly. He wasn't really hungry, but it was better to have something to concentrate on rather than focus on just how badly he was screwed.

Rodney spent the next fifteen minutes pushing his food around the plate and mashing it beyond all recognition, but eventually the frustration was too much for him and he flung his plastic tub of Jello at the wall in a fit of rage, scowling as he watched the blue muck slide slowly down the wall.

A nurse stuck her head in the room looking for the source of the disturbance, and he glared at her too until she shook her head and left him alone.

But it turned out he wasn't alone for long because a few minutes later a cheerful looking Keller walked into the room. She paused for a minute and looked at the Jello smeared on the wall to Rodney before she took a seat and put her clip board down on her lap.

"You know, glaring at the nurses who are responsible for looking after you might not be the best idea," she said. "You never know what nasty surprises they might have in store for you."

"Yeah well, it makes me feel better," Rodney replied, snappily. "Besides, if you had total control of your staff then you wouldn't have to worry about them abusing patients under their care."

"Seeing as you're going through a rough patch, I'm going to ignore that one," she told him with irrefutable cheerfulness.

Rodney snorted but didn't reply.

"We've been friends for awhile now, haven't we?" Keller asked after a moment.

He frowned, confused by her sudden change in direction. "Uh...yeah, I guess."

"I'd like to think that if you needed to talk about anything, you can come to me. You know that right?"

Rodney glanced at her, feeling some of his irritation slip away, despite himself. There were so many ways he could contradict her, so many things he could point out that would make her wrong. Even if he wanted to talk about it (which he didn't) the odds were that he would never go to her to do so. Not that it had anything to do with her at all, just that Rodney didn't like to talk about the things that bothered him.

Still, it was nice of her to offer, he supposed, and she hadn't changed her attitude towards him, still putting up with his grouching and his moods with the same cheerful exasperation.

"Tell me the options," he said instead.

She chewed on her lower lip for a minute before glancing at the clip board perched on her lap.

"Okay. The bottom line is, we're dealing with technology way beyond our own. There's no possible way we can predict the outcome if we just start messing about without running some tests first," She said.

"Okay. So you want me to play the role of the guinea pig for awhile. I suppose that's understandable," he allowed grudgingly, although the whole idea of having people poke and prod at him made his skin crawl. There'd been enough of that already, his current situation acting as proof of that.

"That's the idea," she nodded. "Though I object to the guinea pig reference."

"Duly noted," he replied sarcastically. "Mind if we get back on topic here?"

"Sorry. Anyway, if we attempt anything without thorough exploration first, we could end up risking your life. Flying blind isn't the way to deal with this."

"Right. So run your tests and get this thing out of me," he said impatiently. "The sooner the better, though I understand your caution. Do what you need to get this done, Keller."

"I'm afraid it's not as simple as that," she admitted regretfully.

"What do you mean?" he demanded

"As I said Rodney, the device is fused to your spine. We can't just cut it out. That would probably paralyze you for life. I'm saying that you need to face the possibility that we may not be able to remove the womb or the device. Besides, there's no guarantee that it won't just grow back again," she explained gently.

"So...what am I supposed to do?" he asked helplessly. "I can't live like this, it's..."

"I know its hard Rodney," she reached over and patted his hand. "But you'd be surprised what you can live with. If it turns out that we can't remove it, then it'll probably just sit there, not doing anything for the rest of your life. Easy to forget, and it wouldn't change your life in anyway. Remember that it was just an experimental procedure, to see if it could work."

Rodney pulled a face, keeping his eyes on his hands, which rested on his lap.

"You're wrong, you know," he told her quietly. "It does change things. It changes everything."

"Rodney..."

"Look, I know what you're going to say, so don't bother. Just...run the tests. Do whatever it is you need to do, but just get it done soon. I can't stay locked up here forever. You know that."

"Okay. I'll go and set things up," she stood up, clutching her clip board to her chest. "Just so you know...nobody has to know about this. You can keep it to yourself if it turns out we can't do anything."

"You'll have to tell Colonel Carter though, won't you?" he asked perceptively. "And no doubt Doctor Heightmire will learn about it too."

"They'll be the only ones. Along with Colonel Sheppard and me of course," she allowed. "But I'll do everything I can to protect this, Rodney. You can count on me."

He nodded and she went to the door.

"Jennifer..." he called out, only hesitating for a second."Thank you."

"You're very welcome, Rodney." she smiled at him. "I'll send the nurse in to help get you ready."

And then he was alone again, left with his thoughts and all the limited options he had left to him.

Rodney spent the rest of the day at the mercy of Keller and her lackeys. He had so many needles and injections that he had eventually lost count. He'd been shoved under scanners and been forced to lie still for indefinite amounts of times. Some of the tests had been unpleasant and painful. He'd even thrown up once. And if anyone ever mentioned the words lumbar puncture to him again, he'd run screaming from the room. Having a giant needle shoved into his spine had been one of the most painful things he'd ever experienced.

By the end of it, he was extremely cranky and snapped at anyone who had come within a ten meter radius of him. Keller had praised him for co operating so well and then promptly left orders for him not to be disturbed for the remainder of the evening, for which Rodney was in ordinarily grateful.

He'd picked half heartedly at his evening meal, only to have Keller stick her head in his room and threaten him that he wouldn't be leaving the next morning unless he ate something.

Grouchily, he complied. He ate the food that tasted bland and tiredly thought to himself that he knew what a pin cushion felt like. His arms were aching; they were covered in band aides from all the needle pricks he'd endured.

There was a playful rap on his door and Sheppard sauntered in, his hands shoved in his pockets and a smile on his face.

Rodney glared at him before stabbing at his mashed potatoes viciously.

"Bad day?" John asked, collapsing unceremoniously in his usual chair.

"Understatement," Rodney muttered in response.

"I hear Keller's been putting you through your paces," his friend observed. "Any news?"

Rodney shot him a dark look before pushing his plate away in disgust.

"You want some of this?" he asked, ignoring him.

"After you've just mutilated it beyond all recognition?" John pulled a face. "No thanks."

Rodney sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm probably not the best company tonight. I'm sure you have better things to do so why don't you..."

"You're not getting rid of me that easily, Rodney. Why don't we get you up and go for a walk? I hear there's a game of basketball going on down on the south pier..."

Rodney, who's strength and patience had snapped a long time ago sighed and swung his legs over the edge of his bed.

"Look, Sheppard. I understand what it is you're doing, but it's really not necessary. The looking after the weakest team member thing even makes sense, but don't you think this is going a little too far?" Rodney asked wearily.

"What are you..."

"You don't need to pretend anymore, John. It's okay. I appreciate what you've done for me, you have no idea how much, but I'm sure you have better things to be doing than looking after the newest freak on Atlantis, right?" Rodney gave a short, humorless laugh. "Thanks for humoring me though."

"Rodney." John started to say, but stopped as he looked at Rodney. Slowly, he approached him until he was standing right in front of Rodney. Warm, strong hands settled on his shoulders and squeezed ever so slightly.

"I know you're tired, so this is the only time I'm going to say this." John said quietly, his voice firm. "I don't think any less of you because of this. What happened to you was beyond your control. It doesn't change who you are, or what you're capable of. I don't feel sorry for you, I'm not baby sitting you, I'm spending time with you because you're my friend and I don't want you to go through this alone. I'm not going to leave unless you really want me to."

Rodney lowered his head and closed his eyes, trying not to enjoy the feel of John touching him, or that wonderful, slightly spicy and warm smell of his. Warmth, starting from where John was touching him, spread right down to his toes. It was impossible, this insatiable desire he had for John, and he knew that it would never happen, especially not after the recent life-changing revelations. He wasn't the kind of person John was interested in.

John Sheppard was a man who dated astoundingly beautiful women, who didn't even like men as far as he knew, and he definitely deserved someone more worthy than a self centered, ego-maniac like Rodney. He wasn't a hero, he wasn't any sort of angel, it was true, and while John may view him as a worthy friend, he wasn't the kind of person John needed in his heart or his bed.

"What if I tell you that I want to be left alone?" he asked heavily, still not looking at him. If he dared to take even a peek he knew that he would break down in some horrifyingly embarrassing moment of extreme weakness.

"I won't believe you. I know you, Rodney, and I know that's not what you really want." John replied immediately. "Have a little faith in me. We're going to figure this out, okay? Things will work out just fine."

And there it was, that unquestionable trust he had in John making itself known again, in the form of an absolute belief in what he was saying. A desperate hope gripped Rodney, and he slumped a little in defeat, knowing that there wasn't a bone in his body that could doubt John's word. If John said it would be alright, then somehow, someday it would be.

Almost without realizing it, Rodney tipped his head forward until it rested gently on John's chest. Keeping his eyes closed, he felt one of John's hands settle on his hair and exhaled shakily.

"I don't want you to leave me alone," he admitted partly to himself.

"I won't. You have friends here Rodney. You have nothing to fear." John murmured.

Nothing but the future, Rodney thought to himself. But he didn't say that, because he couldn't bring himself to voice his doubts and fears to John just then.

"And you're not a freak." John whispered as he rested his chin against the top of Rodney's head. "Well, apart from that abnormally big brain of yours, but even that's questionable."

Rodney laughed quietly, silently cursing his ability to dismiss Rodney's fears and make him feel better with all his stupid jokes and lame one liners and that lopsided grin of his.

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I'm ready for that holiday now."

TBC