Please see Prologue for standard disclaimer

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Chapter Five- Before Too Long

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Fly me up

To where you are

Beyond the distant star

I wish upon tonight

To see you smile

If only for awhile

To know you're there

A breath away's not far

To where you are

- Josh Groban, To Where You Are

Rodney stood on a secluded balcony, his hands gripping the railing as he looked down at the waves crashing against the piers below. He was nervous and tense, but the cool air on his face made him feel a little more alert and lively. Goose bumps raced up and down his arms, but he didn't feel like going inside just yet, even though he was dressed only in light cotton trousers and a t shirt.

He had managed to slip away from the infirmary to a nearby balcony earlier that morning because he thought he deserved a little time alone. He'd been cooped up in the infirmary for four days while they had run their tests and waited for results. Rodney had tried to be as patient at he could, and all things considered he thought he'd been doing a good job.

The tests had been conclusive. Rodney was going in for surgery that afternoon, and all he could think was good riddance. The whole wretched ordeal was enough to make him sick to the stomach and he was pleased that it would soon be over. After that it would be smooth sailing as he tried his best to forget.

Maybe he would take that holiday afterwards. It was way past time for him to take some time to relax. He could see himself by a quiet lakeside somewhere, catching up on his reading and sleeping the afternoons away.

"There you are," a surprised voice startled him. "Keller's wondering where you've gotten to."

He looked over his shoulder at Sam as she walked towards him.

"Just needed a little fresh air," Rodney responded.

She stood next to him, smiling out at the horizon. Rodney glanced at her surreptitiously. Being in command suited her. Back on Earth when they had first met, she was always a vital part of a team, but never the command, always eager to take orders and follow her leader to the ends of the universe if she had to. He'd never imagined her being in any position of power, but now he couldn't imagine her anywhere else. It had leant her confidence that seemed to settle around her like a protective cloak, and he couldn't help but feel a little envious of it. Sam had always had confidence in her abilities, and she always seemed to make the right choices and know, instinctively, that they were right.

Things were very different from when they'd first met. He'd been such an obnoxious jackass back then, and he hoped he'd changed at least a little. Never in a thousand years had he imagined that he'd be head of the science team in an expedition to another galaxy, looking to Sam for leadership and guidance. All other prizes and awards he could someday win seemed dull in comparison.

"I can understand that. It's a big operation," Sam replied. "Scared?"

"No," he said, without a shadow of a doubt in his heart. "I just want this over with."

It had been up to Keller to brief Sam on the situation, and Rodney hadn't envied her that task one bit. Sam had seemed to take it in her stride though, obviously viewing it as an obstacle to overcome, and Rodney supposed that was why she was in charge of Atlantis.

"I can imagine. There is something I wanted to talk to you about though," Sam smiled at him. "It's nothing serious. You're not in trouble."

"I wasn't expecting to be. I've been cooped up in the infirmary for the last week. How much trouble could I possibly get into?"

Sam raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. "Quite a bit, according to Keller. She tells me you've been terrorizing the nursing staff. Apparently you even reduced one poor girl to tears."

Rodney snorted, though he didn't remember doing such a thing. "She had it coming."

"I think we're getting a little off topic here. I wanted to tell you that I think it would be best to keep all of this off the records."

"Why?" Rodney looked at her in surprise. It wasn't something he would have imagined Sam wanting to do. If word of such a thing ever got out, it could end her career forever.

She frowned at him in confusion. "I would've thought that was what you'd have wanted."

"No, it is, it is, I just meant..." Rodney stared at her, puzzled. "I don't understand."

"Look, this is something the IOA would love to get their hands on. I'm sure there's some bureaucrat out there who'd look past the humanitarian issue and get you to a lab somewhere so they can study you."

Rodney couldn't quite suppress the shudder that passed through him upon hearing that. He hadn't even considered the possible ramifications of having such a technology tested on him, and the very thought of it horrified him. He'd once studied many artifacts and technologies at Area 51 and he had no desire to be one of those things that was studied.

He must have looked at Sam with his fear written plainly on his face because she laid a hand on his arm.

"Hey, I won't let that happen, I can promise you that," she told him. "But we need to figure out some way to keep this under wraps, okay? Someone out there will be hungering to get their hands on you, so we need to be extremely careful in how we handle this. If this operation works, then we'll keep the organ here for study. But until we can do that, we keep this quiet. So far, only myself, Colonel Sheppard, Doctor Keller and your team mates know about this and we'll keep it that way. Okay?"

"Okay," he breathed, gripping the rail tightly. Just another thing to add to his list of things to worry about, he told himself bitterly.

"I think it's time we..." Sam began just as the balcony doors opened to reveal Teyla and Ronon. He hadn't seen much of them since the mission, though they had been in to see that he was alright since then. They had probably been busy doing the...stuff they normally did around Atlantis.

"Rodney," Teyla smiled at him in greeting.

"Keller sent us to find you," Ronon told him blankly. "She needs you in the infirmary."

"Oh, okay."

He turned to face them, feeling cautious and suspicious. It was the first time he'd been face to face since Keller had told them about him and he was unsure of their reactions, Ronon's in particular. But Teyla was apparently unfazed as she walked directly up to him and hugged him tightly for a few minutes. Surprised, Rodney hugged her back automatically. When she drew back and squeezed his biceps with a warm smile on her face, he blinked at her in surprise.

"Surely you did not think we would desert you because of this Rodney," she chided gently. "I have seen many strange things since my arrival in Atlantis, and this isn't one of the strangest yet. You have nothing to fear from me."

Stunned, he swallowed then nodded, managing a small smile for her generosity.

"I guess I thought...well, thank you," he stuttered. "I appreciate that."

"It is no trouble, my friend," she said before leaning her head forward.

Rodney, surprised and touched by this, immediately touched his forehead to hers. It felt...good to be a part of their team, and it always had, but there had been many times when he hadn't felt like he was a part of the team, like there was always something setting him aside from the other three members. To have Teyla let him know so openly and plainly that she saw him as a friend and surrogate family was a comfort indeed.

"Mckay," Ronon interrupted gruffly.

He straightened and looked at the huge man, with his dreadlocks and his thick, liquid steel muscles a little apprehensively.

"We need to get going," was all he said.

Rodney swallowed his fear and nodded. It was time to face his reckoning, it seemed and for a moment it seemed that he was weak from fear. But Teyla's hand was warm underneath his elbow, and Sam, who had stood silent witness for the last few minutes, was behind him.

Slowly, he followed Ronon back into the halls of Atlantis. They didn't walk quickly; instead they strolled, as if they were taking a leisurely walk in the park. He was thankful for their company and their silent support of him. As they neared the infirmary though, his apprehension grew until he felt like he would choke on it and he paused outside the infirmary doors.

"I uh..."

"It's okay, Rodney." Teyla told him, her eyes understanding. "I'm sure everything will go well and you'll be back with us in no time."

"Right," he nodded. "Of course. I'll be fine."

But he wasn't sure who he was trying to convince though and he wished suddenly that Sheppard was around. He really could have used his calm confidence and his easy manner right then. Instead he attempted to smile normally at them.

"Right. Well, I guess I'd better..." he said, pointing towards the infirmary.

Teyla smiled and hugged him briefly.

"I'll see you when you wake, Rodney."

Sam touched his arm and smiled before leaving with Teyla. Rodney hesitated and looked at Ronon with apprehension. The big man was leaning against the doorway in a manner that was similar to Sheppard and yet so different in the same instant.

He was about to say something when Ronon straightened from his slouch abruptly and he tried not to flinch when a large hand descended on his shoulder.

"Only you could get yourself into such a mess," Ronon said his face completely devoid of emotion. A moment later though, a small smile broke out on his face. "Good luck though. I'm sure if anyone can get himself out, it's you."

With that, Ronon turned and disappeared down the hallway, leaving Rodney gaping after him. For a few long minutes he hung around the door to the infirmary before a harassed looking Keller appeared.

"There you are. It's time to start prepping you for surgery," she exclaimed, before touching his elbow. "Rodney? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he replied absently, glancing down the hallway before allowing himself to be led into his room.

Rodney had witnessed his first meteorite shower when he was twelve years old. Sure, he'd always been interested in science, in the strange reactions and interactions between the different bodies that made up the universe, but he'd become obsessed with space since witnessing that shower.

He'd been sitting on the grass in the back yard with Jeannie. Her little body had been huddled up under his arm, and together they'd stared at the lines of fire streaking across the night sky. Beyond that, the stars had shone like bright white beacons. But those meteors, with their deadly speed and the fire that burned them reminded him of something that he had always wanted; freedom, and a way out of the dull existence of normal life. Sure, he had a few friends, and he had Jeannie, but apart from that there wasn't much that could hold his attention for long.

But those meteors, they burned bright and fast and they were unstoppable, and he thought to himself that if he could just be like they were then things wouldn't be so bad. Maybe he would be free for a change, and he could do whatever he wanted, race around the world and see everything there was to see.

In the back ground, his parents shouting reached a crescendo and there was the sound of shattering crockery. Jeannie huddled closer to him, his big eyes solemn and serious as they looked upwards towards the heaven.

Rodney had smiled to himself, and let the fascination and wonder drown out the sound of a marriage breaking down.

He wasn't even awake properly when Rodney realized that he felt horribly, unbearable sick, and his body rebelled by vomiting violently. It barely registered that he'd just been sick all over himself and his bed, because he felt so terrible that all he could do was moan and blink groggily up at the ceiling. Nothing mattered except the aching in his body.

There were loud voices nearby and suddenly he was looking up into John Sheppard's face. He opened his mouth to try and say something, but a hand reached up and pressed against his forehead.

"Easy Rodney, just take it easy. There's someone coming to help you," he said soothingly.

"'on't feel s'good," he groaned in response. His stomach was burning again and he fought the urge to wretch dryly because his stomach was killing him slowly. It felt like he was being burned from the inside out.

Someone else appeared at his bedside (Keller) and looked down at him.

"Rodney, you've had a reaction to the anesthesia," she told him, glancing at something off to her left. "I know you feel pretty bad right now but we're going to get you cleaned up and give you something for the nausea."

"Nn..." was all Rodney could say in response as he closed his eyes and gave in to the insistent pull of sleep.

Rodney's father had always tried to get him more involved in sports when he was a child, always signing him up for football and soccer and ice hockey teams in a vain attempt to get him addicted to some form of masochism or another. When it had become clear that Rodney was academically gifted, rather than physically, his father soon left off and lost interest in him.

Jeannie, however, was a different matter. Their mother was persistent enough to keep trying, all throughout her childhood and teenage years, to get Jeannie to be more feminine. But Jeannie was even more stubborn than Rodney, and sneaky to boot. She was the one always running off to join some roller hockey game or beating up the boys in the play ground. She was always feisty, always independent, and it wasn't long before Rodney stopped being her protector.

It was something that he resented for many years, because way before she had reached teenage hood she had stopped needing his protection and started to go her own way. Rodney had stopped feeling needed and started feeling angry. For many years, he had been her shelter against the volatile storm that was their parent's relationship. And it had shown; soon after the wall between them had started to grow, Rodney and Jeannie themselves had started arguing and rather than try to mend things between them, Rodney had taken the path of least resistance and fought back. They competed over everything; academic grades, friends, games. The prank wars had been hellish, both of them being astoundingly resourceful. It was just more fuel to add to the fire that was the Mckay family. It didn't help that they both had rather short tempers either, and even shorter fuses.

There was one time when Rodney had actually considered walking out and never looking back. He spent a lot of time alone, while Jeannie had friends constantly staying over. His parents had been on the verge of divorce at that time, and Rodney couldn't remember ever feeling as bitter and as isolated as he had then.

The day of his university graduation, Rodney had been alone. All around him, there were families and friends celebrating before the ceremony, but he had stood all by himself, frowning and pretending to read the program. His mother had flat out told him that she wasn't going to attend; instead, she was spending the day at a spa with her friends where they would undoubtedly drink too much and squawk and squeal over every little perceived injustice they had to suffer. His father had said, in a distracted and annoyed tone, that he would try his best to attend but that he was very busy with business meetings the entire day.

And Jeannie, well. They'd had a spectacular fight the other day, over absolutely nothing and she was refusing to speak to him at all.

Rodney was graduating alone. He sat in the warm sun, stubbornly ignoring everyone and telling himself that it was the best thing that had happened to him; he was finally free. He could go where he liked, live where he liked, but most importantly, he could leave the war zone that was his home and find himself somewhere to claim for himself.

But as he accepted his diploma and went to leave the stage, he caught sight of a head of golden curls and knew that it was Jeannie. She was standing right at the back, underneath the shade of a large tree and partially hidden in the large crowd of people standing up. She looked uncomfortable and out of place, hugging herself with dark sunglasses hiding her blue eyes, but that didn't matter to Rodney, because she was there and that simple fact made his heart just a little bit lighter for awhile.

She disappeared as the ceremony ended, but that didn't bother Rodney all that much because he knew that he still had one ally in a world full of pitfalls and traps, and what a precious ally she was.

A few years later he had screwed up royally, and lost her to bitter words and stupid silences. Rodney lost his only ally in a fit of stubborn, righteous anger, and he never really forgave himself for that or her for letting him go so easily

The next time Rodney woke up, he was more aware of his surroundings and spent his first few minutes of consciousness thinking to himself that he was getting really tired of waking up in the infirmary and staring up at the ceiling.

After that, he tried to figure out what he was really feeling. Trying unsuccessfully to move, he came to the conclusion that he felt like someone had wrapped him in a cocoon of cotton candy. His head felt fuzzy, and he wasn't really feeling much in his body apart from an odd tingling in his limbs. He swallowed and cleared his throat cautiously, and there was a flurry of activity off to his left. A moment later, he was looking up into the familiar face of Doctor Keller.

"Rodney," she smiled at him before she carefully began to fiddle with his IV. "How are you feeling? Any better?"

Rodney had to actually think about her question for a few minutes before finally grimacing and saying the only thing that came to mind.

"...fuzzy," he said slowly, the words feeling funny in his mouth. "I think."

"That would be the excellent drugs I've got you on. You're not feeling any pain at all I imagine." She replied, pulling her stethoscope on and listening to his heart.

"The good stuff?" he asked slowly.

"Yup, the good stuff," she confirmed, straightening and attaching a blood pressure cuff to his arm. He didn't even notice the cuff as it tightened on his arm because he was too busy frowning at the ceiling.

"Shouldn't you be...off doing stuff?" he asked. He wasn't feeling very eloquent, and the questions he wanted to ask were muted in his mind and slow in the forming. There was something important he should be thinking about, he knew, but he couldn't quite grasp it.

"Doing stuff?" she echoed with a chuckle. "This is what I do, Rodney. I look after people who need looking after."

"But why were you..." he waved a careless hand over to his left and watched intently as she frowned at him in confusion.

"Why was I...sitting there?" she asked for clarification and he nodded. "It was my break. Besides, I wanted to be here when you woke up. To make sure you didn't...freak out or anything."

"Oh." he thought about that for a few minutes as she bustled about checking the various machines around him and testing his reactions.

"I know you're feeling a little..."fuzzy" and confused at the moment. That's just the drugs," she informed him when she had finished. "You're going to get tired really easily for a few days, so you'll probably be falling asleep a lot."

"I was sick before wasn't I?" he asked as the foggy memory came back to him.

"Yes you were. Your body was reacting to the anesthesia you had when we operated. It's a very common reaction, and quite a few people react in the same way. It's nothing to be concerned about," she answered as she wrote something on his chart.

"Okay," he agreed, as he suddenly felt a wave of drowsiness flood over him.

"I can see that you're tired, so get some sleep. We'll talk more when you're feeling more awake," she told him kindly as she got ready to leave.

Rodney reached out and clumsily grabbed her wrist as he fought to keep his eyes open.

"Where's John?" he murmured.

"Colonel Sheppard?" she frowned. "He's...busy right now. But he'll be back to visit you very soon, I imagine. In fact, I've had a hard time prying him from your side for the past week."

"Uh huh."

Rodney's eyes were firmly closed by then, and he thought sleepily to himself that they would stay like that for quite awhile.

A cool hand rested on his forehead.

"Go to sleep Rodney. You're doing just fine."

Rodney, never one to obey anyone's orders without question and debate, did so without fuss.

He'd been working over some project in Area 51 when Rodney fell in love for the first time. Her name had been Anna, and she was a gorgeous woman with dead straight blond hair down to her waist and legs that seemed to go on for miles. She was some kind of forensic scientist, so he had no idea what she was doing there.

Rodney had been bent over his work bench, trying without much success, to pry apart some piece of alien technology. He couldn't remember what it had turned out to be, because from the moment he'd first laid eyes on her, he'd been smitten.

The doors to the huge lab he'd been working on had opened to admit a noisy gaggle of people, and he'd looked up in frustration, getting ready to give them his usual tongue lashing. But in the middle of a bunch of fat, ugly and lecherous old scientists had stood this blond bombshell that had made his heart near explode in his chest.

And despite everything, they got along like a house on fire. They ended up working on a project that required long, arduous hours of endless work together and for the first time in his life he hadn't minded in the least. She had put up with his lousy living habits and bad manners with a good humor and amusement that had surprised even him. Anna had always been able to come up with amazing solutions and quirky comebacks at the drop of a hat and day by day he had fallen even more in love with her.

For awhile it had seemed like she was interested in him too. They went on a few dates, spent plenty of time together and had even slept together after a few too many drinks. In the morning, she had been gone and Rodney had found a note in her place. He hadn't ever seen her again and he had nursed his broken heart like an injury, falling into a black mood that had taken weeks to break out of.

Rodney learnt how to survive by himself after that.

"Hey, I think he's waking up."

"Well, it's about freaking time!" a loud voice announced, breaking into Rodney's peaceful slumber all too suddenly. "How long has he been sleeping for already?"

"Ronon, he's just had a major operation," Teyla's mild voice replied, much more quietly. "He needs time to rest and recuperate properly..."

"He needs to get off his lazy ass so we can go back to having normal missions," Ronon grumbled. "I swear, if we get that same idiot scientist we had for this mission I swear I'll kill him with my bare hands."

"I'm not so sure Doctor Mckay would appreciate you maiming one of his scientists," Teyla told him coolly.

Rodney wished they would go away. He'd been sleeping so peacefully, floating along in a comfortable doze before he'd become aware of their voices. When he thought about it though, he realized that a few things were different.

His body was aching, his stomach in particular, but somehow he knew that it wasn't as bad as it could be. And he was actually awake this time, not groggy and confused. But that deep weariness was still there, and he knew that he could quite easily go back to sleep until he wasn't so tired. It would be impossible with his noisy visitors though, so made an effort to open sluggish eyes.

For a minute he squinted at the ceiling, and hated it immensely. His vision was all blurry but as he blinked it slowly righted itself. Slowly, and with a grimace as his neck twinged painfully, he turned his head to look at his guests.

Ronon was seated on the floor with his back against the wall as he tossed a tennis ball idly, a scowl on his face and a white bandage over his forehead. He looked decidedly disgruntled and rather annoyed, which was a surprise to Rodney.

Teyla sat on one of his chairs, looking towards Ronon as she chastised him gently. She was also looking a little worse for wear, with a stark white bandage around one forearm and a nasty looking cut trailing across her neck.

John was sitting closest to him, sprawled in his chair with his feet up on Rodney's bed. He was busy reading a magazine with his forehead wrinkled. Luckily, he didn't look like he was too badly hurt, save for some dark bruising along his right cheekbone and eye.

Rodney blinked again to clear his vision and licked his lips.

"This is a hospital," he said, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded. "Isn't there a rule somewhere about keeping quiet?"

The response he got was almost comical. Ronon dropped his ball; Teyla's head whipped around in surprised while John's whole body started in surprise and his feet fell off Rodney's bed as his magazine clattered to the floor, forgotten.

"Rodney," John smiled, the joy on his face making Rodney want to smile himself. "You're awake."

He may not have been feeling his best, but Rodney still had the strength to roll his eyes.

"I'm getting the strangest sense of deja vu. Haven't we had a conversation about this before?"

"I'm thinking we're going to be having it a lot more in the future," John grinned as he sat forward in his chair.

"God help me," Rodney muttered, closing his eyes for a moment. Sadly, all desire to sleep had been chased away and he was fully awake. He was rather pleased to find his entire team keeping him company, and their obvious happiness at seeing him awake made him feel all warm inside.

"How are you feeling, Rodney? Keller says that you've been a little sick from the..." Teyla frowned as she tried to remember the word.

"Anesthesia," John supplied, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.

"Yes, that was it."

"Mmmm...ask me again in awhile. I'm still not sure I'm quite awake yet," Rodney said. Slowly, he eased himself a little more upright in the bed, wincing as he felt the pull of stitches in his abdomen. There was no pain though, and Rodney figured that Keller had lowered his dosage of painkillers but not taken him off them completely. He wondered, idly, just how long she'd keep him as her guest in the infirmary.

"You okay? Do you need help?" John asked, slightly anxious if the look on his face was anything to go by.

Rodney shook his head slowly, regretting it a moment later as it throbbed uncomfortably.

"No, I'm good."

Relaxing back once more, he looked over his team mates again. They looked tired, but clean so they'd obviously recently returned from a mission that hadn't gone so well, and they'd had time to change and shower.

"When did you start going on missions again?" he asked.

He wasn't sure how he felt about them taking mission when he was on temporary leave. It made him feel...anxious, partly because he wasn't there to watch over their backs and lying there and waiting for results had never been his style. In fact, it made him decidedly edgy and slightly resentful.

"We're not," John replied.

"Really?" Rodney raised skeptical eyebrows before he could continue. "Where'd you get that bruise from then? And what happened to Ronon's head and Teyla's arm?"

"You've not been awake for more than five minutes and you're already shooting your mouth off," John frowned, though the twinkle in his eyes belayed his words. "I was going to say that we're taking a bit of time off to get things organized around here while you're on leave, but Sam had a situation that called for a little back up and she wanted us to go."

"And she made us take one of your stupid scientists along with us," Ronon broke in with a glare. "What was his name again? Corris?"

"Cameron?" John questioned, looking at Ronon for clarification.

"Corrin," Rodney corrected tiredly, trying to fight his smile. "What did he do?"

"Started trying to tell us what to do, then criticized every decision Sheppard made," Ronon replied straightforwardly. "And then complained constantly when we didn't listen to him. When things turned ugly he turned into a big crying, shaking ball."

"I must agree with Ronon," Teyla put in. "I do not believe this Corrin of yours is suited to fieldwork."

"And I am?" Rodney scoffed.

"Well, it took me awhile to get you housebroken, but at least now you can follow the simplest of orders," John admitted with a wicked smile.

"I'm going to ignore your attempts to bait a sick man into an argument, Colonel." Rodney mock-scowled at his friends. "I'll have a word with Corrin."

"And by have a word with, you mean yell at him right? Until he starts crying again?" Ronon asked hopefully.

"I'll see what I can do."

"Great." Ronon grinned fiercely, and Rodney got the sneaking suspicion that when such a conversation did go down, there would be a Satedan man lurking somewhere nearby.

There was a brief interlude where Ronon threw the ball at the back of John's head, only to have it promptly confiscated by Teyla. The ensuing lively conversation/argument had Rodney's ears ringing and his head spinning, overwhelmed. But the truth was he was feeling a lot better than he had in awhile, having them there and them acting so normally around him.

There was a pressing question in his mind though, and after fifteen minutes of listening to them tell him about the goings on in Atlantis, he couldn't hold his tongue any longer.

"So what has Keller told you guys about the operation?" he asked, directing his question more at John than the other two.

Their talking ceased and Rodney found himself growing nervous.

"She hasn't said anything to us, Rodney," Teyla said gently. "I'm sure she wants to talk to you before she tells anyone else the results."

"All that doctor patient confidentiality stuff, you know how it is," John put in. "I'm willing to bet that she wants you to be the one to tell us the good news yourself.

"Yeah." Rodney agreed quietly. "Maybe."

But there was a sneaking suspicion in Rodney's gut that was telling him otherwise.

TBC