AN- So its a short chapter, but its exam time for me and essay time, and im writing an original fiction and i have netball. Well did i give you enough excuses yet. Anyway I'm sorry its a cliffy, but its important. Oh yeah, forgive the spelling and grammer, in an effort to get this chappie out faster i kind of skipped to proof read process

Shoutout to Goth Girl, whose review got me out of my slumber and prompted me to write this tid bit, thanks for your review, and everyone I absolutely love me reviews, they make me happy.

Btw DISCLAIMER: this belongs to Steph Meyer, except the plot which is mine

BPOV

During the weeks that followed I slowly introduced Edward into my dreams. It was a big deal for me. I didn't even let the girls in that often back home. But Edward and I were really the only two that really would give anything to be human again.

I never delved into my past with Edward. I introduced him to the harmless crazies I had met over the years but never did I let him meet James, and never did I let him meet Caleb. I knew Edward, and Edward wouldn't be able to understand that the Caleb I had in my dreams, the one that was present before the war was my first true love. How could I tell Edward that if he had come back the same man he was before the war, I would have married him. I would have loved him and never have left him for here.

And I would have died. Caleb would not approve of the lifestyle of a vampire. I would not go against his wishes and change him. I would leave though. I was a selfish creature. I would not trust myself not to force him to stay with me forever. But I would be, maybe not as a vampire, but in all the literature us the cursed of the night. There is one thing in common.

There is always a way to kill us.

********

Jasper and Emmett occasionally came into my world as well. Emmett was the least appreciative, especially when he realised that Rosalie would beat him at computer games in my world or the real one. He had never regretted becoming a vampire. He saw it as a never ending party. I saw it as a curse. Death was peaceful. Only when the body is still and lifeless is the soul truly free.

As a freshman taking my first philosophy degree I had a concept explained to me. If a match was lit the fire was bound to the match. It was only when the fire was extinguished, when it couldn't physically be detected that it was truly free. But it did not rely on the match. For the first time in its life it was pure.

That degree was a mistake. It made me realise that being a vampire wasn't a salvation from death. It was a trap. I was stuck in this body, stuck eating the same food I had for over a hundred years, a prisoner of a curse.

EPOV

I had practically begged Bella to allow me to be a permanent resident in her dream town. I loved the idea of being able to be human again, even if it was only a dream. It didn't matter; when I was here I was human again. I could almost believe my soul was still intact. I visited my dreams waiting for the pain that I associated with my beating heartbeat. The silence in my ears as all my abilities were taken from me, I was free, finally.

Bella never questioned me, but she never truly opened her world to me. Parts of it where edited. I could go anywhere except her past. I never met the boys in the bar again, and in the long periods of time when Bella would disappear on her horse, missing for hours. I knew that she had been drawn there.

It was a cruel compromise. I knew my requests where selfish, I had no right delving into her past. There was no legitimate reason for me to be jealous of the boys at the bar. They were her memories, I was here, in the flesh.

"Heads," Emmett echoed as a ball smashed its way into the side of my head. I looked at Emmett evily. Cretan, only Emmett could think of nothing better to do as a human then play baseball. He was the Neanderthal male, hitting his chest and begging to be fed. It wasn't a problem with Emmett, eat, drink and be merry always applied.

"Nice warning there Emmett," he shrugged.

"Not my fault your human," he sneered

"You say that like it's a dirty word."

"Oh it is, I can't even take on a damn bear in this world," I rolled my eyes in frustration, trust Emmett to miss the point entirely.

Emmett and Rosalie were complete opposites in that respect. Rosalie enjoyed every second in this world. It wasn't hard to find her, she ran a day-care centre in this world, she loved kids, she always wanted her own, but that was impossible now.

Being a vampire screwed everything up.

BPOV

"Caleb, I need to talk to you," I said staring into the deep sapphire eyes of my first love. He smiled wryly.

"What is it love,"

"It's nothing really," I replied trying to smile. I scolded myself mentally. Say goodbye Bella, just say goodbye. He is already gone. You have Edward now.

No matter how hard I tried. I could not bring myself to erase Caleb, he would always be part of my life. There would always be a spot my family, or the boys or Edward could not fill.

*****

I left Caleb a few hours later, promising as always to love him for eternity, and to return soon. I was weak, I just couldn't say goodbye. I had left him when the town became suspicious last time. I was playing a 36 year old looking barely 18. My baby face stuffed everything up. Nobody believed I was 26, we had to leave him. He tried to follow us but we lived by a code. We left no loose strings. It would be better this way. Less hurt, they were better off without us.

As I reached Edward I forced myself to smile, and thanked the almighty powers that I could block him from reading my mind. I had caught him at it a few times. I felt his mind probing into my skull. I strengthened my shield and he was stuck with a pretty bad case of whiplash of the inner ear. Said it felt like he blew an eardrum. Sweet justification, it taught him not to pry into my private life.

I tried to convey to Edward in my stare, that I didn't want to talk about it, but he seemed determined to talk. I wasn't ready to air my dirty laundry so I did the one thing that would keep him away. I pushed him and his brothers out of the world.

APOV

It was instantaneous. One second the boys where there and the next they had disappeared. If I had blinked I probably would have missed it.

"Your such a cow Bella, I had just convinced Emmett into helping my change the babies," Rosalie snapped at Bella as soon as she gained her bearings. I ran to Bella and hugged her. I knew what this was about.

"No luck?" I asked sympathetically as possible.

"Why do I have to do this, I can handle both of them, I can separate them," She sobbed collapsing on my shoulder.

I hushed her as well as I could. If she only knew....

Reviews are loved- Ps im thinking of getting a pic on my profile to show you what Caleb looks like, but i wont bother if you guys dont need any help visualising it

Let me know... I hope you enjoyed it,,,, reviews take precious little time

PS im also wondering whether i should introduce Jacob to this story, dont worry, i wont go love quadrangle on you guys but i thought side note Jacob story would give a nice little titbit. Or i can go back to Newton?? who do you guys prefer