Via Vincio: The Braided Way
By Gabihime (Gabihime at gmail dot com)
LESSON ONE: The ocean is made of little drops of water.
-
Once upon a time there was a goose-girl who was born a princess. While traveling the dark, wild forest, the seeming of her birth was taken away from her and she was left riding an old sulky horse and wearing rags, while her maid and traveling companion donned her royal clothes and mounted her fine, enchanted horse. It is said that bearing cannot be hidden, no matter how it is dressed, and that a rose will always show itself a rose no matter what it is called.
We shall see how true these truths truly are.
After a long age, the goose-girl and the princess finally made their way out of the wilderness and arrived in the land of the young king, whom the princess had been promised to marry. When they arrived and dismounted, the princess was received with honor and dignity proper for one of her station, while the goose-girl was left standing beside the horses. The young king looked steadily back at the goose-girl and asked a question of the princess.
"Who is that maid yonder? She is a lovely girl."
"She is just a milkmaid I picked up along my travels to be my companion," replied the princess with some disdain. "She is no one important. Please give her something to do so that she doesn't stand around all day doing nothing with herself."
Perhaps the most important thing to note is that the princess truly believed what she told the young king, because she had convinced herself it was true.
After the princess had retired inside the palace to be shown to her quarters, the young king stood looking at the goose-girl for a long time, but at last went inside himself.
-
The morning after her day of bed rest, Yuki emerged full of energy and good cheer, with fine color and high spirits. Kaname also seemed supernally pleased with himself, which was something the other members of their traveling band could not help but notice. He was quiet, as reserved and sure of himself as always, but there was also a faint smugness about him that was uncommon. Aido had his suspicions about what might have triggered this change in Kaname's behavior, but when he attempted to broach this subject with Ruka in a hennish whisper he was told by the lady to mind his own business.
As Kain never obliged his gossip and he had no desire to share his guesses with Zero Kiryu or Seiren, Aido was forced to content himself with the knowledge that he knew what was going on, even if no one else did.
At breakfast everyone was genial, despite it being an ungodly hour for members of the Night Clan to be about. But some things could only be seen in the day, and after all, as Zero had put it "It's not like the entire world orders itself around vampires." Sometimes they were forced to order themselves around the world.
Yuki was just finishing a final slice of toast before returning to her room to pull on her coat and hat and gloves to brave the chill of the city with the others. As she munched on it she turned to regard Zero Kiryu, who was, as expected, only a few steps from her.
"How did you end up without a coat in the first place?" she asked, because this was a question that had been troubling her.
Zero turned his face away before answering her flatly, "I left it on the train, when I first got to Beijing."
"The coat I bought you?" she asked incredulously, "You left it on a train?"
He bowed his head then forced himself to take responsibility for his actions and she was caught by the force behind his stare.
"I'm sorry," he apologized tersely. "I'm sorry that I lost something that you gave to me. I was in a hurry when I got to Beijing. I knew you were close by."
Her face softened and she laughed, because his serious apology was both intensely touching and intensely awkward. "Zero, you don't have to apologize so seriously. It was just really surprising to hear you say that. I never expected that you left it somewhere. I thought maybe you hadn't brought it because you didn't like it, or it didn't fit right or something."
"I liked it," he denied, and so was written another fact of the universe that could not be otherwise. Zero had liked his coat. There was to be no argument.
"Well," Yuki shrugged pleasantly, "There's just nothing else for it. I'll get you a new coat to replace the one you lost."
"That's not necessary," Zero answered immediately, but she had already held up her hands, as if she expected to have to duke it out with him.
"Of course it's necessary. We're going across Siberia next. Do you know how cold it gets in Siberia? Do you even know? Can you even tell me how cold it gets in Siberia?" she demanded.
"Can you?" he asked her, as he was dubious about her knowledge of world climates.
"Very cold," she answered triumphantly, as if this answer were perfectly good enough. "Cold enough that you need a coat no matter how stubborn you are. I mean, Zero, just seeing you walking around Haerbin without a coat makes me uncomfortable. I just think about how cold you are and it starts to make me cold."
"Fine," he replied shortly. "If it will make you happy, then buy me another coat, and I swear I'll wear it."
"We can even write your name inside of this one," she teased, "In case you lose it."
"I'm not five years old," Zero rolled his eyes.
"Just like a little brother," she crowed, and seemed to be thoroughly enjoying being proven right, "Who needs looking after."
"That seems to be one way of looking at it," he answered dryly.
-
While consulting with Ruka over the possible location where a new coat for Zero might be discovered, Yuki was waylaid by Aido Hanabusa who insisted that he be put in charge of this shopping expedition. As Ruka and Yuki had already discussed the possibility of spending the day engaged in the exploration of Haerbin's many couture clothing boutiques, their itinerary seemed set, and Kaname was obliged to give it his seal of approval. Yuki was planning on looking at many lovely things, admiring the way that nearly everything looked on Ruka, and then pleasing herself by eating fruit parfaits with Aido at the close of their arduous consumer endeavor.
But before she was willing to indulge herself, Zero must have a new coat. It had been decided.
After they had all piled out of their taxis on Haerbin's high street of couture fashion, Aido made himself the leader of their pack, fluttering his hand over his head as a sign that they should follow him.
"Obviously we don't have time for anything bespoke," he was saying negligently. "So it'll have to be prêt-à-porter. I suppose that will suit well enough this time. Rome wasn't built it a day."
"Ready-to-wear," Ruka explained to her as they followed Aido at a more measured pace. Zero and Kaname trailed the two of them, walking evenly, and Kain wandered along in the rear, his arms folded behind his head. Where Seiren was, Yuki could not say, although this was not altogether unusual.
"What I mean," Aido said, "Is that if he's going to follow us around like a stray dog, we might at least try and help him look like he belongs with us. Otherwise it just makes us look bad, like we're traveling with poor relations. Maybe we could dress him up like a valet -- " he wondered aloud.
"Absolutely not," Yuki vetoed with some force. "Zero isn't anybody's valet."
Aido made a huffy sound and said nothing in reply, so Yuki crossed her arms over her chest.
"Do you suggest that I should be dressed as a valet, Aido Hanabusa-san?" she asked, and her voice was unusually low and direct.
Aido threw his hands in the air as if he had been struck and immediately responded, "No, Yuki-sama."
"Of course not," she agreed, and her tone was as friendly and mundane as ever. "So don't think or say things like that about Zero either. If it helps you to remember, think of the two of us as the same person. If you wouldn't say it about me because it's not nice, then don't say it about Zero."
"But Yuki-sama," Aido was mortified and started babbling before he could stop himself. "Think of what you've just said! I can't possibly think of that awful, rude level e who pointed a gun at Kaname-sama -- "
"Neither did I suffer that," she declared, and her voice carried authoritatively. "Insults leveled at those I care about are insults directed at me. You are also under my care, Aido Hanabusa." Recognize and respect this.
"Yuki-sama," Aido pleaded, his attempt to get her to see his reason, and Kaname prepared himself to step in definitely and settle this case of disrespect toward Yuki, but she rather abruptly settled it herself.
"Aido Hanabusa," her voice was crisp and devastating, and he meekly bowed his head and murmured an apology.
Zero laid his hand on her shoulder and spoke, his voice low and quiet, an attempt to be discreet. In some ways he was a dog used to being beaten.
"Yuki, don't worry about it," he said, "It's not important. It doesn't bother me -- "
"It is important," she insisted sharply, and Zero started, but she was not yet finished. "It is offensive to me." She took a deep breath and when she spoke again her tone had normalized. "We should all be friends. Friends don't say hurtful things to one another like that. Friends are nice to one another."
Left hanging in the air was another unstated commandment, this one delivered by Yuki Cross.
Thou shalt be nice, or thou shalt suffer my displeasure.
-
They finally found the object of their journey under the sign of Lloyd & Howard, established 1872, a fine looking tailor of menswear. Aido held the door for Yuki, Ruka, and Kaname, but when he discovered that he had unintentionally continued holding the door for Zero, he very nearly let the door loose on him, but then considered the commandment Yuki had delivered.
Just pretend Zero is me. If it's something you wouldn't do to me, because it is unkind, then don't do it to Zero.
He would never consider dropping a door on Yuki-Cross-Kuran-sama, not even in the most jealous and delirious of fever dreams. He gritted his teeth and bore it as well as he could and Zero crossed the threshold into the store without noting any particular courtesy from him, which made Aido grind his teeth in impotent frustration. Kain stopped to look at him, holding the door open, his face screwed up as if he were about to unleash a category five tantrum, and clapped him on the shoulder.
"Come on," Kain advised calmly. "We've all got to do our best to get used to new things." He paused and looked in the open door of the shop, and those clustered inside it. Kaname was already being accosted by a clerk. "Besides, aren't you supposed to be Yuki-sama's guide today?"
This cheered Aido a bit, as Kain had hoped, and he perked, lacing his fingers together as Kain took the weight of the door with one hand and let Aido duck under his arm to flutter back to being the center of Yuki's attention again.
Yuki was pleased to see him again, clearly. She smiled and looked relieved as he took center stage. Zero was standing beside her, looking entirely out of place. Ruka seemed to be gently suggesting ties to Kaname, which he was gently refusing.
"We are purchasing a coat for this gentleman," Aido explained, gesturing to Zero with a graceful hand, "But we won't be staying in the city for any length of time, so we need something off the peg," he finished, and rested one hand on his hip. "An outdoor jacket, suitable for the weather, I think," he said.
The clerk eyed Zero, as if taking his measure with practiced eyes, and they lingered for a moment over the butt of Bloody Rose. Then he folded his hand over his chest and bowed deeply.
"Of course," he said, "Only the best for you, our honored customers. I'll just be a moment, sir. I'll bring a selection of our finest."
Aido cocked an eyebrow and Yuki tilted her head to the side.
"Don't you think he's behaving a little strangely?" she whispered to Zero.
He frowned briefly before whispering back. "It's because he thinks we're with a cartel. This is not the first time this has happened to me in China."
This was not an answer that Yuki expected. She flushed.
"So he thinks we're criminals? He thinks we're the mafia? He's afraid of us?" she whispered. She bit her lip. "That makes me uncomfortable."
"So you want to tell him he's mistaken, that he shouldn't be afraid because you're not with a cartel, you're just vampires?" Zero whispered back dryly. "I'm sure that'll put his mind at ease."
She cross her arms and frowned. "It's your fault for carrying Bloody Rose around like that. What are people supposed to think?"
"That I'm an Interpol agent," he said flatly.
Yuki rolled her eyes. "Zero, not even I'm willing to believe that."
Zero shrugged and pulled a thin mesh cord from the collar of his shirt. From it dangled a flat leather case which he held open for Yuki to see.
She gaped.
"You really are an agent for Interpol!" she exclaimed louder than she intended, and then flushed again before returning to her conspiratorial whisper. "I'm really surprised!"
Zero frowned at her again. "It's my cover story," he said. "It's the same cover story that every hunter adopts when he travels abroad. We have an established relationship with the ICPO, although only the executive council are aware of the real nature of the world." Zero shrugged. "It makes things simpler."
"Why don't you just tell people you're with Interpol then?" she asked. "When they think you're with the mafia," she explained.
"Because I've learned that I'm generally treated better when they think I'm with a cartel," he answered her shortly, and when he saw her frowning he shrugged again and spoke to her lowly. "Listen, Yuki. Let them think whatever they like. You know what's true, and you accept it. That's enough. Other people don't matter."
"Well," she answered him uncertainly, "I think they ought to matter, at least a little. I want people to see the real Zero, because I like that Zero."
But this was a statement he would not reply to.
-
Several ages later, they emerged from Lloyd & Howard with Zero adequately suited for the cold of the city. Yuki had ended up choosing a camel-colored covert coat with velvet lapels at Aido's suggestion. As he had sworn to her, Zero wore it and he liked it and said nothing else about it, other than 'thank you.' Because she was still concerned about his body temperature and how it might fare across Siberia she also bought him a homburg hat the color of weathered, dusty concrete, some leather gloves, and a silk scarf.
Aido was sure that Yuki would faint seeing the final bill, unused as she was to actually buying the clothing she wore these days, so Aido confiscated the credit card that she had confiscated from Zero, and signed his name Kaien Cross, with a glorious flourish.
"Well," said Yuki, in an attempt to justify their purchases when she finally returned the card to Zero, "You can think of it like a birthday present from the headmaster."
"Yeah," said Zero, eying her dubiously. "Sure."
Their serious shopping done, Yuki felt that they all deserved a rest, so rather than continuing the day by wandering from boutique to boutique like nomadic fashionistas, she proposed they cut immediately to the cake-and-parfait-eating part of their itinerary.
They located a cafe a few blocks away. Soon they were all sitting around on delicate wrought iron chairs that had been painted an arresting shade of pink, drinking tea and eating sweets, which put Aido in a better temper. Aido sat at a table with Kain and Ruka, but Zero audaciously sat down at a table with Yuki and Kaname, although he did not often look directly at the elder pureblood vampire.
The sugar Yuki consumed seemed to relate directly to the energy she expended, and Zero watched her eat a plate of macaroons, a bowl of mixed gelato, and a croissant spread with blueberry jam while he drank only coffee with a little cream. Kaname sipped at his rose-scented tea and ate little mint macaroons when Yuki pressed them upon him. She sometimes pressed pastel colored macaroons on Zero, and he ate them mechanically and dutifully. Since he really didn't seem to be enjoying them, Yuki eventually stopped forcing them on him.
After she had eaten enough to satiate a growing and active young lady, Yuki sat back in her chair and heaved a placid sigh of happiness and contentment.
"Ah, I feel much better now," she said, and smiled first at Kaname and then at Zero, who was watching her seriously from over the rim of his coffee mug. Kaname's mouth turned up faintly at the corners.
"So, will we continue shopping then?" he asked her, for Yuki was the barometer by which they laid their plans.
She cocked her head and thought about it, but then shrugged. "I think I've actually had enough of boutique shopping today. I had no idea that shopping for men's clothes was so complicated. I just thought you went in and bought a shirt and some trousers. I didn't actually realize there were different kinds." She paused and then looked at the other tenant at the table sidelong. "Zero always seems to be wearing the same thing all the time. I suppose I thought all boys were like that."
"Clothes say a lot about your personality," interjected Aido, waving his dessert fork in the air to illustrate. "For instance, someone who wears cuffed trousers -- "
"It is a hassle," admitted Kaname, as if Aido had not spoken. "I would rather simply be comfortable."
Having been so effectively shut down, Aido consoled himself by ordering a third flan and refrained from further comment.
While waiting for her sugary respite to digest, Yuki ordered fresh tea for herself, and seeing that they would not be likely leaving the cafe for some time yet, Zero excused himself from their table and went up to the counter, when he purchased a postcard with an idyllic scene of galloping snow horses silhouetted against the blue sky. After finishing his transaction, he went to sit at an empty table that faced the wall, as if he had something to hide.
Never one to be put off by such easily breached defenses, Yuki rose from the table and crept up quietly behind him and read the contents of his postcard over his shoulder.
It said very plainly:
Am doing all right.
Zero
She brightened like a little star, giving off happiness with all her might.
"Is that a postcard to the headmaster?" she asked, and Zero started, apparently truly unaware that she had been watching him.
"It is," he answered slowly, and she sat down beside him without further invitation.
"I think it's nice for you to write him. He worries about you, you know," she smiled as if remembering a time passed fondly. "It's nice to have someone to worry over you."
Zero looked at her steadily for a moment, then shifted his attention back to the postcard, as if he were afraid of giving too much away with his stare. He was aware of Kaname Kuran's eyes on his back. He was aware of the eyes of Aido Hanabusa, Ruka Soren, and Kain Akatsuki, and he cared nothing for them.
"He worries about you too," he said lowly, and when she smiled again it was bittersweet, and she ducked her head.
"I know," she said, a little embarrassed. "I'm going to send him a letter soon. He asked me to, and I think I should." She paused and shook her head. "No, that's not it. I think I'd like to. I'd like to send him a letter."
"I think he'd like that," Zero said simply, and she reached across the table and idly squeezed his hand, like he was still one and ten and she was not yet. He said nothing about it, but enjoyed the feeling of her touch as long as it lingered, but then she had drawn her hand away and was looking at the postcard again.
"It's a good start, Zero," she was saying, "But I think it could do with a little more affection. Right now it seems like a postcard you might be sending to your drill sergeant."
He raised an eyebrow and leaned forward seriously on folded hands.
"What exactly is it that you suggest?" he asked, looking down at the postcard and its one line of filling.
"You should sign it 'love, Zero,'" she said helpfully.
"I don't want to write that," Zero grimaced.
"You ought to," she wheedled, "He did buy you a very nice birthday present."
"You bought me that birthday present," he argued, "I've never written anything like that to the Headmaster before in my life."
"But still," she insisted, and he could tell by the tone of her voice that she was beginning to get cross at him for being stubborn, "I think it would be nice if you did it. I think it would make him happy."
"Do you sign your cards to him 'Love, Yuki'?" Zero demanded, attempting to find some high ground on an island he sensed was rapidly sinking into a swamp.
"No," she admitted, and her face fell as she bit her lip, "But I think I ought to start."
Seeing her sitting there, biting her lip and looking troubled and guilty and sincere, he found that he could not do anything but give into her.
"All right," he said, "I'll do it. But only if you do it too."
Yuki brightened again, apparently more than willing to exercise the goodwill in her heart immediately, and she rushed back to the counter and bought a postcard with a scene of the city's most famous basilica and then returned to Zero's table to hijack his ink pen. She studiously applied herself to the writing of the card, and when she had finished it read something like this:
Dear (blot) Father,
I am doing very well. I promise to write a proper letter to you soon. Tell Yori that I miss her.
Love,
Yuki
Presented with this bit of correspondence, Zero was compelled by Yuki to revise his postcard until it said:
Am doing all right. Thank you for the coat.
Love,
Zero
At this, Yuki was satisfied, but Zero sat back and crossed his arms.
"Why is it only the two of us? I think Kuran ought to have to do it too," he observed frankly.
Yuki's brows knit faintly, and she frowned. "I don't think you should talk about it like it's something unpleasant, like taking cough medicine."
Zero shrugged and then revised his statement, "If you think the headmaster is going to be happy getting love from you," and here he grimaced again, "And love from me, don't you think he'd also appreciate Kuran's love? I mean, they're pretty close, right?"
Yuki frowned again in concentration, and Zero could see her attempting to work the justification out to herself. At last she looked up at Kaname Kuran and gave him what Zero felt to be melting smile. Kaname smiled back in his slight way, and Yuki apparently took this as all the approval she needed, as she bent over her card again. When she finished, Zero saw that this brief addendum had been added to the bottom of her card:
P.S. Kaname also sends his love.
"There," she said triumphantly, as if she'd won some sort of contest they'd been having, and before he could ruminate on this development further, Yuki had seized both their postcards and carried them off to Kaname Kuran for inspection and postage.
Zero flushed without intending to and turned his back on the two of them. The last thing that he wanted was for Kaname Kuran to read his (brief) words of filial affection for the fruitbat who was Kaien Cross. He was angry at himself for showing such a weakness to Kaname, and he was maybe more angry at himself that he was embarrassed and he had let that embarrassment show plainly on his face. It seemed to be something that had absolutely nothing to do with Kaname Kuran at all. It was between he and Yuki and the Headmaster, but somehow Zero felt as if he had lost a pitched battle, because he knew that Kaname would never show embarrassment over such a thing, no matter what Yuki might write on her card.
Zero gritted his teeth.
It had made Yuki happy. It had made Yuki happy. It had made Yuki happy.
And that was all there was.
-
After their long sojourn in the forest of the pink wrought iron chairs, Kaname suggested that they spend the rest of the day doing a little more sight-seeing. There were many things to see in Haerbin, after all, and Yuki was to be fully indulged in her exploration of the world.
So they toured some of the more lovely architecture in the town, wandering among the old stone facades of elder buildings, looking at the onion domes so strange in this Chinese city that butted up against the icy shoulder of Siberia. Yuki took dozens of photographs with the intention of one day organizing them into a comprehensive album of their travels, and turned her face up toward the white sky that stretched horizon to horizon and was lost in that vast snowfield in the sky.
At last they found themselves in the brick square before a great basilica, and Kaname sent them off to finish any last minute shopping they might have to do before boarding the Trans-Siberian Express.
"We'll leave the day after tomorrow, on the early train," Kaname announced to them as he faced the front of the beautiful but careworn church. "If Yuki is willing," he finished, looking down at her brown head in its pert little beret.
Yuki smiled at that and nodded, folding her hands inside her muff. After all, there was still a great deal of the world to see, although she knew that Haerbin would remain in her heart always, as the seat of beginnings and of changes.
So they all went off to take care of their small needs for the journey, and Yuki found herself standing alone with Kaname. Zero had given her a long, steady look, then had gone on his way, although only to a small store across the plaza. Yuki knew he would always be close at hand. He had said so. It was true.
After Zero had gone, Kaname looked for a moment at the white-out sky, and then addressed the open air.
"I wonder what Kiryu-kun will do after we've left Haerbin?" he asked, "Will he travel back to the academy, I wonder, or does he have other business in China?"
Yuki flushed and looked at her feet. This was a question she had dreaded answering, afraid of Kaname's hurt, afraid of his disappointment. She had not been trying to conceal her intentions. She did not want to lie to herself or to Kaname, but it was so hard to say to him, this simple thing it had been easy to promise to Zero, because it had seemed like the right thing to do.
She still believed that. It had been the right thing to do. The headmaster had said, It is never wrong to love someone. Never regret it.
She would not regret it. Zero needed her. She needed, she needed to know Zero was all right, to know that Zero was happy. Beyond that, she wanted Zero near her because that made her happy. Perhaps it was terrible and awful and selfish, but she wanted to keep Zero beside her. She needed... Zero. That was all there was.
She had to be honest and to live with the consequences of her decision. Kaname deserved her forthright honesty. She did not want to keep anything from him.
She gathered her courage and looked up at him as seriously as she could manage.
"Zero will be coming with us," she answered, and she found once she had said it, it was easy to continue on. "Wherever we go. So when you make arrangements for our travel, please consider Zero as well."
Kaname had known how she would answer before he had even broken the silence with his low question. He was not a fool, and he had read the signs, seen the way she talked to Zero, mentioned their future, he had seen how she smiled at Zero Kiryu even when he was difficult. After all, she had bought him a coat to cross Siberia in. It was not that difficult an equation to balance.
But still, some perverse passion had made him want to force this truth from her mouth, despite or perhaps because of her interior struggle. There was a jealous, bitter, violent side of him that was chafing under the cutting lines of the harness he had donned himself. He did not want to allow Kiryu the courtesy of even sitting at a tea table with Yuki, and yet here she was, informing him that Kiryu would keep following at her heel, like a beloved lap dog. He did not want her to spend any of her attention on anyone else but him.
But Yuki must be allowed to be Yuki.
Besides, she had already sealed the contract of her devotion to him, to no one else but Kaname Kuran, with her body, and this was something he could hold onto with both hands.
"Very well," he said as he turned his face toward her to give her a gentle smile. "It will be as you wish."
She smiled, encouraged at his calm reaction. He had told her before that it would be all right, and now he showed her: it would be all right. Zero would be happy. Kaname would be happy. Everything would be nice.
Kaname slipped his arm through hers while she lingered distracted, whistling in the dark. He nodded in the direction of the church.
"I think," he said softly, "That I would like some quiet time to think."
And so they went into the basilica.
Kaname led them down the aisle of smooth, worn stone and they settled at last in a row very near the altar, and Yuki found herself looking at everything around her in hushed awe. She always felt this way whenever she was taken into an elder church. It wasn't any kind of particularly religious reverence, but more an amazed respect of the space itself, raised and carved by human hands, laid with beloved treasures and relics.
The stained windows told picture parables and stories of saints, whispered the truths of blessed mysteries, and they also let in jewel colored light, soft, diffused, and beautiful. Although Yuki had no particular feelings about the nature or existence of god, she felt that when she looked up into the heart of the rose window, she was looking into heaven itself.
In a place like this, surrounded by saints and saviors, Yuki found she had courage that she lacked in other spaces.
She would ask him about Maria Kurenai's letter.
"Kaname-sama," she began softly, looking up at the icon of the blessed mother, lit as it was by flickering candlelight. "Do you want the vampires of the senate to make you their king?"
She turned to look at him as she asked, and she found that he was also in quiet contemplation of the altar. She was sure she had asked something wrong, something that upset him, that he was angry at her now, or disappointed, but he bowed his head once and then covered her hand with his own.
"It is not within their power to do this thing even if they wished it, Yuki," he answered her very quietly, and as if he sensed her confusion, he continued without being bidden. "Men, no matter who they are -- senators, booksellers, farmers, clergy – men do not have it in their power to make a king. This is because a king is not made. A king simply is."
Yuki bit her lip. "I don't understand," she said, "I'm trying to understand, Kaname-sama, so please, try and explain it a little more." She shook her head and tried again. "I don't understand the meaning of what you're saying...." she trailed off helplessly, unable even to share the method of her mis-dis-understanding.
He smiled at her briefly, gently, and she felt enveloped by his tender, passionate love. He turned his eyes to the beautifully carved figure of the crucifix before he spoke again.
"What I mean is that although the vampires of the senate perhaps believe they have the power to confer or revoke kingship as if it is a common prize offered to whosoever pleases them most, they do not have this power at all, because men, either individuals, or in groups, do not make kings," he closed his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them there was steel flashing in them, and a note of pride in his voice that was awing, that was regal. "They cannot make me a king," he said, "I am a king. I was born to be a king. I became a king when Rido Kuran killed our father. There is no body under heaven with the authority to either bestow or revoke my throne, because it is a throne I was born to rule. Just as the council of elders cannot grant the rank of pureblood any more than they could turn someone into a unicorn, they cannot grant me the courtesy of being king. I have been their king for ten years already."
She considered this, and then turned her head to the side before answering him. "I understood that our family, that the House of Kuran, that we gave up the right to rule the Night Clan in favor of the senate, so that things could be more democratic -- "
He laughed shortly and it was not a pleasant sound. She cringed and he squeezed her hand again as if to soften his reaction.
"Forgive me, Yuki," he said, "I am not laughing at you. But think of this, is the world created by senate, does it seem to you to be a fair democracy? Is it an honest, representative body?" He did not wait for her answer, but answered himself. "It is not," he said, "How could it be? As beasts it is better that we not play at the shams of democracy and representation, pretending that we are human. Do wolves rule themselves through democratic methods? Such an idea is laughable, and becomes moreso when someone witnesses it in action. Look at the senate, Yuki. Individual senators care nothing for the prosperity of the Night Clan, care nothing for the lives of the individual vampires that make it up. They care only to safeguard their own power, to guard their miserable lives, and to increase their lives, by any means, beyond the natural span. They tell themselves pleasantries about their noble self-sacrifice for the Night Clan, and perhaps they even believe these lies themselves. They condone any methods, will approve of any violence, hold nothing and no one sacred, not even their own kin." Kaname closed his eyes again and gripped her hand firmly. "Did you know that Elder Senrei gave his daughter to Rido Kuran as an offering to appease him? He gave his own child to a monster, a rabid dog, just so he could be assured of a continued supply of pure blood to keep his wretched body alive." His grip loosened a little, and he ran his thumb over the back of her hand. "The House of Kuran did not give up our right to rule, we merely stopped asserting it. Others have interpreted this act as they wished. The reason that the council sent Rido Kuran after our family is not because they wanted to please him. The council wanted to be rid of the House of Kuran once and for all. Powerful senators rarely have use for a royal family, even one that has apparently stepped aside."
"Then why did they let you live, onii-sama?" she was obviously very troubled, trying to work all of this out herself. She did not even realize what she had called him. "You hid me away, mother hid me away to keep me safe, but you, I know you lived with Elder Ichio for a long time. If they wanted to be done with all the Kurans, why didn't they kill you then?"
He smiled a bit, an attempt at reassurance. "Perhaps they would have," he said, "If I had let it escalate to that point." He shook his head, "No, I am making it out to be simpler than it is. When Rido succeeded in killing father, and mother put her charm on you, and I could not finish Rido myself, they knew that I was an orphan, a young prince whom they could raise in their own image, wean in the court of their deceit and conceit, their honey-coated treachery. I believe they intended to kindle in my breast a love of and respect for the senate, perhaps even a gentle affection for all the elder councilors. And then they would marry me off to someone of their choosing and they would have a second puppet Kuran, one that would have been more suited to being a decorative prop and pretty justification for their ever-increasing power. You must know, Yuki, that despite attempting to brutally murder us, that despite considering us to be nothing than a production facility for a tradeable commodity, that they rule in our names, that these evils are being perpetrated against us, against others in the Night Clan, by writ of our will."
He studied their hands. "You see, Yuki, the councilors had nothing to lose by making this gamble, because the gamble was rigged, and had always been rigged from the beginning. I would behave, or I wouldn't, and if I didn't they would just send Rido after me to finish me, when I was no longer useful to them, and then spin my tragic murder, or suicide, or accidental death to their benefit as well. It is a truth, Yuki, that although the elder council, and in fact, much of the senate itself, has nothing but feigned and false respect for purebloods, they have a great deal of use for them. This is not only because the count our blood as a miracle drug, an opiate of the privileged class, allowing them to heal injuries they would not otherwise survive, and to prolong their lives long after they should have turned to dust. Our blood has another power as well, and this power is perhaps the most potent of all. This is the power of rule. The senate rules the Night Clan because they sell everyone a beautifully constructed lie: that they live to protect their liege lords, the purebloods, that they rule in our stead as stewards, as a service to us. They sell this lie so well to the Night Clan that nearly everyone believes it, even their own children. They show the world a beautiful, gilded fortress that they have built to protect their beloved lords, filled with every luxury, but what they have built in truth is a cattle pen and slaughter house, a place for purebloods to be kept in check until the blood and meat of their bodies is needed for the table of the senate, for the table of the Elder Council. They are beasts that play at a sham game of being men, and we have become their livestock. They tie ribbons and bells around our necks and make out as if we are beloved pets, their honored lords. But the truth is much simpler. They just wish to eat us. It is the only purpose they conceive of purebloods having, in this, their enlightened paradise."
Yuki pulled her hands away from him and covered her mouth as she hunched over in mute horror. Kaname put his arm around her trembling shoulders and pulled her closer to him, so that their bodies met, shoulder to hip to knee, bundled together on the pew.
"I don't want to be eaten," she whimpered, "Onii-sama, I don't want to be eaten."
He enfolded her in his other arm and held her there as she trembled, terrified that there were those who still wished to drain her dry, to eat her flesh and crunch her bones to powder. It was as if she were still a little girl afraid of monsters, and there had never been anyone to tell her that the monsters that lived in the dark were not real, that they only crept out of the fear in her heart. This was because the monsters were real, and there had never been a time when they had not been. They would eat her. They wanted to eat her.
"I will never let them lay their hands on you, Yuki," Kaname whispered to her fiercely. "I will never let them touch you. Don't fear. Don't cry. I began laying our path to the future a long time ago. You will be safe. I will reorder the world to make it so. You will be safe. Although there are many who find no use for us beyond the blood in our bodies, there are also many who remember who we are, who do not deny us, who do not refuse us. There are those that remember that the old ways are the right ways. Perhaps I have lived so long and succeeded against such long odds not because I was born to be king, but because I believe better of people than they do," he smiled again briefly. "I have always been rewarded."
Yuki shivered again, pulled away from him so she could look up into his face and then bowed her head. "I believe you. I believe what it is that you say, Kaname-sama," she said, and she was struggling to be brave, although her voice was unsteady and wavering, still chased by fear and terror. "I understand now that you've explained it to me, but what if – Kaname-sama, what if – will our happiness -- will our way of living -- will we throw the world into chaos and despair?"
"All things that live must always strive to continue to live." His words to her were gentle, but his face was grim, and he turned his eyes again to the carved figure of the savior on the cross. "The world has been sliding into chaos and despair for a long time now. The peace and stability of the senate was a false peace. To look at that way of living and to consider it good enough because some are safe, because some are happy, that is both hypocrisy and cowardice. It is not only the purebloods that suffer. It is not even only the Night Clan that suffers. We have all forgotten who we are, forgotten our purpose, or perhaps it is that we never understood it in the first place. I will burn into the heavens a new letter of the law, and it will be obeyed." He looked down at the flickering candles. "Perhaps that is the reason I was born. To deliver this law to those erring children."
He seemed very vulnerable then, lost in thought, his head bent, his eyes closed, as if he was at that moment suffering the full burden of his fate.
She gathered his hand in hers and clasped it to her chest. "I don't believe that," she smiled despite her fear, and tried to find her own strength in that smile, so that she could give it to him. "I hope, that is, I want to believe, that you were born to meet me. Not because we live according to our destinies, but because we make them true with our will."
He smiled then, and it was weak and flickering, but with a promise of future strength, as though that smile were a feeling in his breast that had just been born.
"You're very strong, Yuki," he said, and touched the top of her head with his hand, feeling the thick, silky hair under the pads of his fingers. "I believe that you have the power to protect me."
"Truth," she insisted passionately, and when he looked at her face, mildly startled by her partially nonsensical outburst, she blushed and her eyes clung to the hem of her skirt. "If I have a truth," she tried to explain haltingly, "Then that's what it is."
She turned her head as she heard the soft, echoing rhythm of low bootheels on the mosaic stone of the basilica's floor. Zero was standing there, holding a brown paper package, his shopping apparently finished. He had taken his hat off and held it in his hand.
Yuki smiled at him genuinely, pleasure mixed with relief that he had come to find them. He nodded his head once, but his expression did not change. He stood silently, and looked at the two of them.
After a moment, Kaname spoke.
"This is a house of God, Kiryu-kun. All are welcome here. If you would like to sit, then sit."
Zero said nothing, and stared hard at the back of Kaname's head. Kaname gave none of his attention to Zero, simply continued to study the crucifix. Yuki looked first at Kaname and then at Zero, and tilted her head slightly to the side.
At last, Zero quietly moved to sit in the pew behind them, and bowed his own head in contemplation.
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