Okay umm just to let you all know i havent seen every episode yet so if michael is in any of them and he isnt like he is portrayed here, my bad. Also I did use one term in here people might not like and if you are affended i apologise already. This chapter is mostly about Ziva coming to grips with things, kinda needed it to happen before anything else goes forward, so sorry. more case next chapter.

A/N: Dont own NCIS or anything connected to it. But hopefully will be buying on of the seasons soon.

9:00 p.m. Bullpen

The bullpen was quiet while the agents were working. Tony had been on the phone for over an hour talking quietly to whoever was on the other end. Ziva was poring over the files that had been collected on the bulldog. McGee was busy in MTAC arranging for all surveillance video from Jensen's and Balboa's team to be streamed in live. Gibbs was at his desk drinking his ever-present coffee and working on his infernal computer that wouldn't do what he wanted fast enough.

The atmosphere in the room was oppressive. Not a word had been uttered that was not case related or a demand to find information faster. The usual light manner in which his agents seemed to work in was sorely missed by all.

Tony and Ziva cast quick glances at one another all night but never lingered beyond a few fleeting moments. Tony was sure that he had irrevocably destroyed not only his chances with his partner but his partnership as well. He needed to talk to her badly. But what should he say? Look I know I screwed everything up but I won't take back what I said because I meant every word of it. Yeah, that'll work. And what about her boyfriend? Oh god. Even if she did have feelings for me what about him? I know I want to fight for her, but what if she just plain and simple doesn't want me? You're an idiot DiNozzo. You based all this on the thinking that she has feelings for you. How are you supposed to fight for her when she doesn't want you to? Well I am just gonna have to figure out if she does have any feelings towards me at all. Then I will know how to proceed.

Tony said good bye to the person on the phone finally hearing what he wanted to hear after coercing them for over an hour. "Gotta meeting in the morning to get some information on Bulldog boss." He said, speaking so Gibbs could hear his voice. "And who are you meeting with, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked. "Umm…a friend from MI-5." Tony answered sheepishly. Gibbs nodded understanding that Tony could say no more about it. Ziva looked up from her reports to look at Tony with a puzzled look on her face and asked, "How do you know someone from MI-5?" Tony shrugged his shoulders and said, "You don't think that I am the only federal agent in the 007 chatroom do you?" Ziva let a small chuckle escape as she said, "Actually, I thought you would be the only one in the chatroom." Tony cast her a small smirk.

Gibbs looked at Ziva and asked, "Got anything new David?" She quickly cast her gaze back at the stack of papers in front of her. She shook her head sadly and said, "Sorry Gibbs, I have not found any new information on Bulldog except for what we already knew."

Gibbs nodded. After a few minutes he said to his team, "All right, go home. We'll pick it up fresh in the morning. Tony I hope your friend has some good Intel and you didn't waste an hour talking to him for nothing." With that he got up from his desk and headed for the stairs to MTAC hoping that McGee and the surveillance teams had something.

After Gibbs left Tony and Ziva stared at each other for a few moments until finally breaking away to gather their belongings and power down their computers. When that was done they stood facing each other across the bullpen. Tony wanted to say many things but couldn't find the right words. Ziva looked just as hesitant. Tony found the words and opened his mouth to speak but Ziva quickly cut in saying, "I have to go." She turned and headed for the elevator. Tony followed right on her heels and said, "Ziva, I think we need to talk." She shook her head and kept staring at the elevator doors. Tony was getting frustrated and said, "Listen Ziva I think we really need to talk about this." She shook her head again and said, "Tony, I…I agree we need to talk. But I need some time to take all this in and…just give me time." With that said the elevator doors opened and she walked in and pressed the button for the ground floor. Tony looked at with an understanding smile and said, "Okay Zi. Take your time. I'll still be here when you are ready." She looked up at him and said, "Thank you Tony." The elevator doors closed taking her to think about things and left Tony standing in the hallway.

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Ziva opened the door to her apartment and quickly walked inside. The familiar surroundings were comforting to her in her current state. She placed her keys in the small change dish and took of her shoes and set them side by side on the little mat. She hung up her coat and placed her pack by the door.

She walked into her kitchen and grabbed a bottle of red wine and a small glass. She walked to the living room and settled herself into comfortable position on the couch while still in easy reach of the wine and glass on the coffee table next to her.

She let her mind drift before reeling it back in to really think about what had happened now that the initial shock of it all had passed. She thought of Tony and all their times together. She smiled when she remembered all the shared pranks on McGee, and the lively banter that they kept up between them. Then the smile deepened when she remembered all the times that they had actually had serious conversations. Her face turned red when she remembered their time as undercover assassins. Then the things that he had done for her. When they were undercover he made sure they beat him and not her, and then made the deal that got her out of the room while he faced a probable death. Every time that she had diffused a bomb he had stayed with her. Whenever someone would hit on her our vice versa he would get jealous and make some comment. The attraction between them had been there and the flirting was always nice. The small remarks the give and take of small jibes. She did like him. If she really thought about it she liked him before he started changing. But now that he had, her like had begun to grow. That was the nagging in the back of her mind. She was falling in love with him and didn't even know it.

Well now she knew that but what about all the other things that would doom a relationship with him before it even started. It would take a very strong man to be in a lasting relationship with her. She was set in her ways and although change in the field or change in Mossad was natural and most often a needed element, change in her personal life was not something she enjoyed. She needed a very strong person, someone who could put up with the guns under the pillows and other strategic places around her apartment. Someone who could deal with the fact that she had a past that would give most people nightmare if they lived through half of it. Then there was Michael. He was a very strong man from the same background as her. He had been there with her in Mossad and knew some of the things she had done and instead of being repelled by them considered her a hero for serving her country. He was handsome and charming. And he made her happy, although he was in Tel Aviv and she was in D.C. their long distance relationship seemed to be working. How could she throw the happiness that she had found in him away for her feelings for Tony?

Another thought popped into her mind. This was Tony! He had changed a little yes, and he said it was for her but still the lingering doubts of his womanizing had her worried. He had played the field so much over the years that his little black book must look like half the yellow pages. He quoted movie lines all day and always had some sarcastic remark when none was called for. He would pick on people and make fun of them for apparently no reason other than to amuse himself; he had gotten better but still old habits die-hard. He constantly needed to be the center of attention and took credit for other people's work. How could he be taken seriously half the time? He was an excellent investigator and extremely intelligent so why did he play the fool all the time? Why did he downplay himself?

Ziva started to get a headache from her mind working way to hard and the wine did not seem to be helping.

How could she possibly be in love with Tony? She smiled again as those thoughts rushed her at once. He was smart, charming, funny, and sexy. And he has shown much deeper sides to himself. He cared so much about everyone around him but never let them know it. He took everything upon himself. All the blame, guilt and anger about Jenny's death and Jeanne and Renee Benoit.

"I love the retard." She said to herself. She took a drink from her wine and was interrupted as the phone started to ring. She reached behind her to the small table beside her couch that held the phone and a small lamp. She grabbed the phone and pressed the talk button without looking at the caller I.D. before pressing it to her ear. "Hello." She said into the phone. "Shalom, my sweet." Was heard from the other end. Michael. "Oh, Shalom Michael. How are you?" She asked a little nervously. "I am fine neshomeleh, (sweetheart, darling) How are you, you were supposed to call me last night remember?" He said. Her mind raced for an answer, she couldn't tell him that she was too preoccupied by her partner, who she incidentally loves but didn't know it until a few moments ago, told her that he was in love with her. She said, "I am sorry Michael, this case we are working on has me so preoccupied. A bombing of an NCIS, FBI softball game. Four dead." Her voice was reverent and shaking with the remembered feeling that Tony was there when the bomb went off. Michael's voice took on a sympathetic tone; "I am so sorry Ziva. I hope it was none of your friends in the blast." She smiled at hearing the compassion in his voice and responded, "Tony was there but thankfully was not severely injured." "Baruch Hashem (Thank God) for that. But I am sorry that you lost some fellow agents." He said. She nodded her head into the phone and said, "Thank you for saying that Michael." He replied, "You are welcome neshomeleh." Changing subjects he said, "Are you ready for some good news?" She smiled brightly; "I could really use some good news." She could hear a small laugh on the other end of the line, "Well then good because I have some. I will be in D.C. in two weeks. I have to take care of some business at the embassy there and will be staying for a few days."

Panic ran through her. She had just finally figured out her feelings for Tony and could now begin to plan about what to do with the situation, but now with Michael coming how could she do that. She was still with Michael and didn't know if her feelings for Tony would break what she had with him. Her voice sounded distant as she answered him, "That's great. I am glad to hear that." He chuckled slightly on the other end of the phone and said, "Don't sound too excited that your man is flying in from halfway around the world to see you." She quickly admonished herself for her lack of control over her voice. "No, no I am excited. I am glad that you will be here. Just this case is taking up a lot of my time and I don't know how much of it I can spend with you while you are here." She said with what sounded like excited yet disappointment. "It is okay Ziva. I understand. And this case I expect is closer to your heart that others considering Tony was there." Oh how right your are, she thought to herself. "Don't worry. It doesn't matter how much time we spend together as long as we are together." He said. Why did he have to be so nice to her right now? A few voices could be heard in the background and then he said, "I am sorry Ziva I have to go. I will call you next week to let you know when I will be getting in. Lailah Tov (Goodnight) Ziva." She replied, "Lailah Tov Michael." She hung up the phone and placed it back on its cradle. How can two men make her life so damn complicated by telling her the truth and being nice to her? She placed her head in her hands and shook her head, "I am in love with a retard, and a nice assassin, and I have no idea who to choose or how to choose them."