[Chapter 3] The Ghost of Christmas Past
Sesshoumaru carefully balanced Rin in one arm as he unlocked their apartment door. Having played in the snow she was tired and fell asleep on the subway ride home. He set down his half empty cup from the coffee shop carefully on the table by the door before walking Rin up to her room. He took off her jacket but left on her clothes before laying her down in bed, not wanting to jostle her too much and wake her.
After going back into the entry way he dropped off his own shoes and jacket before picking up his discarded cup. The caramel-apple cider wasn't usually his type of drink but there was a homey quality about the simple, sweet drink that reminded him off better days. As he walked into the living room, half distracted by his thoughts, he popped the top off the cup and stirred the now cold liquid around with the cinnamon stick.
He thought about Kagome, how she always seemed to find things he liked but normally wouldn't try. Looking over at his suit coat now draped over the side of the couch he remembered the white snowflake pin she had coerced him into wearing. He smiled at the thought of it; she wasn't turned away by his taciturn attitude as most were. She was always cheery and even more so towards him, as if she could be cheery enough for the both of them. His smile faded into a frown before his face went blank. The flurry of pained emotions going through his mind was too much for facial expressions to portray. He sighed as he found himself thinking of days long passed, before he was so bitter. He stood in front of a tall shelf staring at a long row of old home movies and he wondered why he insisted on torturing himself as he slid a familiar movie from the shelf labeled 'Christmas 2000'.
After sliding the movie into the tape player and turning on the TV, he sat back on the couch just as the camera came into focus on the screen. He smiled as he saw the image shake a bit, as his brother's voice rang out in a mock announcer tone telling the date and occasion the tape was made for.
The image of him smiling while sitting cross-legged on the floor next to a decorated tree came into view. He smiled at the camera before looking back down at the giggling and gurgling baby in his lap. He couldn't help but grin as he watched himself poke her belly button and her tiny hands wrapped around his finger as she giggled some more.
The smile faded quickly as he watched the scene continue to unfold before him. The image of himself had looked over to his wife, who was sitting quite far away on the couch, and beckoned her to come sit by him and their daughter. She looked at the child in his lap dispassionately before declining and he watched himself look disappointed before he cradled little Rin to his chest and cooed at her, trying to forget the pain of his wife's rejection.
Watching the memories now, he felt a pain shoot through his chest. Now he noticed the symptoms of postpartum depression but then he was just confused and hurt. Before he had realized the extent of his wife's mental distress he had come home one night to find his daughter home with his brother watching her, a forlorn expression before he was handed a stack of divorce papers.
Jogging himself from his depressing memories, he looked up at the screen once more. He scowled as he watched his so obviously fake joyous expression as he opened gifts from the family. He turned off the TV and threw the remote angrily onto the couch cushions before stalking off to his room. He wished for once he didn't have to be so responsible because he was sure alcohol would make it much easier to fall asleep this night.
The homey warmth he had previously felt while in the presence of an elfishly dressed coworker was now as forgotten as the cold cup of apple-cider left on his coffee table.