Hello,

I know that I had said the last chapter was the last installment, but I could not stop thinking about and so I wish to present Part I of the Epilogue.

I hope you enjoy your read and thank you for sticking with me over the last four years and my periods of absence.

Enjoy.

Yours always and forever,

Yaoi4Life

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Hakkai hummed softly to himself as he folded the clothes that needed to be put away, perched on the edge of the low-standing bed. The windows of the bedroom were thrown open to urge the cool summer's breeze to enter and to bring with it the sweet smell of newly opened flowers. It was one of those perfect summer's days were laziness seemed to be encourage along with the disregard of chores that were still to be done.

"Need any help?" a deep voice rumbled softly from the doorway, interrupting Hakkai's musings.

"No, but thank you," Hakkai answered, looking up from the laundry and smiling at Gojyo who was leaning against the door frame nonchalantly.

Gojyo smiled back before strolling across the wooden floor towards Hakkai, who had gone back to his folding. He gently land a hand over Hakkai's and bent over to softly kiss him upon the forehead, but stopped when he felt Hakkai tense under his touch. He sighed inwardly and straightened, letting go of Hakkai's hand which had clenched the shirt on his lap tightly. Despite knowing why Hakkai was like this, a flash of anger and hurt raced through his body.

"I'm sorry…"Hakkai whispered, not looking up at Gojyo, his eyes locked on his hands. His was choked with unshed tears—he hated the pain he was causing the person he loved, but he seemed unable to help himself…the slightest touch brought back the horrible memories…

"It's fine," Gojyo whispered back, forcing himself not to cross his arms and to keep his posture calm, not knowing why he had this sudden burst of anger.

"No. It's not," Hakkai answered, looking up at his friend. He set aside the shirt he had been folding, gathering his thoughts together. "It's been over a year….it's not fair to you…that I…that I…"Hakkai's voice faded as he blinked back the tears that threatened to spill, hands clenching together tightly.

Gojyo sighed softly and knelt in front of Hakkai. He kept his hands down and on his thighs to keep from touching Hakkai. The year had been rough on him, but Hakkai was getting better…but….He banished the thought before it could fully form. He would never go to someone else! No matter how much he wanted the physical contact! But it was so tempting…"Hakkai…"Gojyo began, but the dark haired man raised a hand to silence him.

"No, Gojyo, it needs to be said," Hakkai stated, glad his voice was not so choked. "It's not fair to you that I can't…I can't even touch you or that you…can't touch me…It's-It's not that I don't want to…it's that I can't…" Hakkai's voice grew stronger as he went on and he maintained eye contact with Gojyo despite wanting to cover his face and hide away. It hurt so much to even be saying this, to even be suggesting this…Oh, how he wished it could be different!

"Hakkai, no. Don't say anymore, please," Gojyo interjected softly, his angering ebbing away slowly at his friend's distress.

"Damn it, Gojyo!" Hakkai snapped, eyes flashing briefly with false anger. "You deserve so much better! And I've seen the way you look at him!" The lie…such a lie, but he steeled his heart so he could go on. "Go be with him!"

"Hakkai!" Gojyo gasped, bristling. How dare he accuse him of such a thing! He would never, could never, do that! "I would never!"

"Lies. I've seen the looks."

Gojyo's eyes widened with shock and hurt, mind tumbling over on its self. Before he could stop himself, he had stood and his hands were clenched at his sides. "I have never done such a thing! I would never look at another person! Not now and never again!" But the hurt was slowly being replaced with anger at being accused of even looking at another person.

Hakkai looked up at Gojyo and gave him the coldest look he could muster. "And I heard you…"

Gojyo took a step back at this as if he had been physically pushed…What would make Hakkai something like this? Unless…unless…he had truly acted on his thoughts…but he would know….Wouldn't he? "How dare you!"

Hakkai took a deep breath and let his eyes go flat with the anger he did not feel. "Dare? Why would I dare when I heard the two of you? You sounded like you were truly enjoying yourself…almost like those screams from long ago…bet you enjoyed that too…" It had come out before he could stop himself, but the damage was done and he felt he deserved the blow that Gojyo dealt him…it had been an impulse what had just been said had been so wrong and so untrue…

"Hakkai…I-I-I'm sorry," Gojyo said, breathing heavily with anger and adrenaline. He had not been able to himself and could stare as he had seen his hand strike Hakkai's face.

"Go," Hakkai repeated, lightly touching his stinging cheek with the tips of his fingers. "Just go," he added when he saw Gojyo was about to talk again.

Gojyo blinked, but left the room slowly, anger still coursing through his body. By the time he had shut the door, the anger had given way to the pain again and he collapsed to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around his legs, and placed his forehead on his knees as he cried silently.

---

Hakkai collapsed backwards onto the bed and rolled over onto his side, pulling himself into the fetal position. He covered his face with his hands, sobs of shame and sorrow racking his body as the tears slid down his cheeks. I deserve to die…he thought wearily, knowing he had been so wrong…and the damage would probably never be undone…this truly proved that Gojyo deserved so much more than him for he was a horrendous beast, even more so than Ryu. He had deserved what he had gotten then….