III. We Are One
Kisasian was somehow disappointed. According to what he was told, being dead differed significantly from life. He didn't mind the landscape and dead silence ("I guess I'm heading to place of my punishment." concluded silently), he also have anything against the river that carried him. It even fitted to some of stories he heard. But it was not all – he felt nothing. He was absolutely devoid of any physical stimulus. Even water wasn't rear – he didn't feel her coldness.
So he took a look around – landscape there resembled a jungle, covered with a thick mist. Whiteness painted forest almost white, muffling any sounds ("Sounds? A what would make any sound in afterworld?") and dispersing light from above, giving the scene real unearthly vein. But still it looked to plain to be the Land of the Dead.
And that cold… After some time lion learned that he actually felt a chill around him. The sensation was strange, because coldness embraced his upper body, leaving rear paws and belly totally unaffected. He was submerged in river almost fully, with just head above the surface, so he should feel more of unpleasant stimulus. "Perhaps it just going to start." He thought bitterly. "I'm just beginning serving my punishment."
And he cried. A once powerful and strong lion, fearing nothing, was sobbing as a tiny cub, lost and hurt. He was lost and hurt and it seemed to be especially terrible, as he knew he deserved everything that Ancient Ones would destined to him. But the taste of failure was hard to stand.
"Father!" he called. He wanted to roar that, but from his mouth came just a weak moan. "Dad… Please… Speak to me! Let me apologise… Let me hope that you ever will forgive!" but strange dead-jungle around him was silent.
And lion discovered that there was really cold. Chill from water slowly embraced his whole body (save for rear legs) and his involuntary moves below became slower and slower. He also felt the tiredness and first signs of pain. A strange, but logical suspicion born in his mind.
"I… might be still alive." He thought. "That is just the Mighty Jungle and Border River, below the Mighty Waterfall!" Then another discovery came to him. "I'm drowning!"
Whatever Kisasian thought and felt, the self-persevering instinct was stronger than the sense of guilt. Still not being sure if that was real or not, his body assumed that drowning was actual threat. Blackmaned started to move his paws in attempt to stay on the surface. He could move just two limbs – his hind legs were immobile and even he didn't feel that he had any body there. His muscles were tired, but still in slow current of river ("Is that really Border River?") they were good enough. Lion pushed himself to right bank and after about minute he sensed he was touching the bottom on shallow water.
He sensed, but his rear legs did not. Lion learned that whole back part of his body was completely dead… or at least injured to the point of paralysis. Leaning on front paws he crawled to the shore and then went out the river. He stopped on the sand – cold, but still much warmer than water – and laid his head on the ground. Then he burst with laughter, realising what happened.
He survived the fall. After that he was somehow taken, and not drowning he reached that curve of Border River. So, the unthinkable happened – instead of dying and that way at least partially wiping out his shame, he survived. That was most humiliating thing he ever experienced – he ended up as a cripple.
Few minutes of self-examination showed the actual state of lion. Kisasian had a nasty wound on his hind leg, but he didn't feel any pain. He didn't feel at all in rear part of the body, because he was paralysed. Blackmaned couldn't tell it for sure, but he assumed that falling down from the waterfall, he hit the bottom of river hard and that impact damaged his spine somewhere in lumbar vertebrae. With some effort he localised the border of his senses on lower belly. Except of one wound and that lethal imparity he was unhurt.
He cursed aloud, knowing what it meant. He was left alone, helpless and weak, just to die. He couldn't even think of hunting in that state, so death of hunger was his only possible fate. He tried to move and came to conclusion that way back to Pridelands – assuming he would had no problems with climbing up the path – would take him few day. It was useless, but he had to try.
"I will…" started lion, but then stopped. "No, father, I can't avenge you. But at least I will die, trying. I don't know how far I could go…" He started to crawl west. "But I don't deserve for a rest." Shuffling his rear paws he slowly moved towards his lost home. All he hoped to meet some Pridelander in progress and die quickly. Otherwise he had to crawl all the way to Simba and – without any chance to succeed – try to kill him.
Shani found him, after he made almost two hundred metres.
\/\/\/
"Kisasian!" called lioness, seeing lone lion, lying on the beach.
She ran to him, barely believing her eyes. But just before blackmaned, she froze, stopped by what she saw. She looked on stiff body of her beloved and a line in sand – mark of helpless crawling to that point. In second she understood what happened to Scar's son.
"Kisasian…" She whispered and slowly came to him.
"That's not me." panted lion. "Any resemblance between me and Kisasian is entirely coincidental."
"Kisasian… you are alive…" she whispered and touched lion's shoulder.
"Leave… me… alone…" growled blackmaned. "Or… kill me… now."
"Kisasian… please, don't move!" sobbed goldenfurred.
"I'm going to kill your brother, you know?" asked lion with nervous laughter. "You can either tell him where I am and he would come here or help me with climbing to the path, so I could get on Priderock." She looked in her scared eyes and added. "Don't worry, he will be fine. What do you think – that cripple could hurt him?"
"Stop!" cried Shani with bolt of decisiveness. She pressed blackmaned to the sand, making him stop, then she laid next to him. "Kisasian…" she started crying even louder. "Stars… It is all my fault… I promised Adia to watch over you… and I failed. Will you ever forgive me?"
"Just take me up to your brother and we are equal, right?" Snorted lion, but then added with softer voice. "No, now you stop… Shani… cut it. I don't blame you… at least you tried." Seeing her still sobbing, he gently embraced her – what was quite difficult, due to his immobility. "Just forget about it. It's done."
"Yeah…" she nodded. "It's done… but you are still alive. I could at least partially make it up for you…" She turned to his hind legs. "Tell me, if it hurt." She gently touched fur above the wound.
"No…" replied Kisasian. "What you are doing?"
"Just checking…" She gasped, sensing under his skin that one of intervertebral discs was simply moved aside for almost a centimetre. But that changed nothing, she had to help him. "I'm afraid, your spine is damaged." She said with shivering voice. "But before I take you, I must check if there any dangerous fractures that I could make even worse."
"Take me?" asked Kisasian. "You will really carry me to Simba? Just tell him, I'm alive and he will send a someone to finish me off…"
"Kisasian…" she replied with a bit shocked voice. "I must take you to safe place. We will think about it, when you are in some shelter, where I could leave you, going for hunt."
"Ehm…" murmured blackamned. "Shani, I think you missed something." She ignored him, finally finishing her examination and trying to put him on her back. "I'm… done, Shani. I'm a cripple."
"If you were able to manage at your own, I wouldn't dare to offer my help." Said goldenfurred with decisive voice. "But now you have no choice. I guess I didn't deserved to save you, but if I'm only possible creature to do it, I think you shouldn't complain."
Kisasian was silent. Maybe he even lost his consciousness for a while – due to exhaustion and shock. Shani took him to the cave, or better to say small crack in slope of rock, big enough to hide them both and leaving some space. But it was shielded from river, almost invisible among a green foliage. The day started for good – sunrays came down, dispersing the mist and temperature raised to normal level. Shani sighed with relief, seeing that Kisasian was at least no longer in cold. For short moment she wasn't sure what to do. She knew that lion needed some food, but leaving him alone was very dangerous.
"Simba will search here…" She thought. "Not for us, of course, but for Ni and Malka."
She involuntary smiled, recalling dead lions. She found Ni dead in the river, just below the waterfall. She didn't bothered to hide the body, because then she was still crying out of fear for Kisasian. Seeing almost non-damaged body of the rogue (non-damaged, except of ripped off belly, but that couldn't be a result of fall) she thought for the first time that Scar's son would be alive. She ran down the river and in fact found him. About Malka… she found him even earlier. Lion fell from the cliff and had no chances to survive – while Kisasian and Ni went down to the river, mountain prince was thrown to the solid rock hitting it hard and dying instantly. "And that's good." Thought Shani, looking on blood sprayed on area of many metres. "In fact he was innocent… just happened to be in bad place in bad time."
But that happened few hours earlier. Since that time Simba could finish his search for Golden Ones and discovered that his supporters were missing. That's why Shani couldn't leave Kisasian alone. With loudly beating heart, she laid down, nestling to unconsciousness lion. In that odd situation she felt perverse happiness.
She was guilty, but not as much as she could. She resisted her urge to kill Adia. In fact she did everything for her to survive. She failed, right, but that was above her power to help silverfurred. She had clear conscience… as clean as she could in that situation and there was no reason in the heaven nor on earth to stop her from being with Kisasian.
"If she wanted to be with him… Stars witness… she should have stayed alive!" thought goldenfurred, savouring with warmth of lion's body.
He woke up two hours later. In first impulse he called her Adia, but Shani stood that with dignity. When lion recalled what had happened, she just hugged him tight (yet careful), trying to appease his cry. It took few minutes, before he was able to speak.
"Shani…" he said. "Just leave me… I'm just a wreck."
"Shh… all will be fine." Said Shani, stroking his mane. "Or… no, it won't, but I will take care of you."
"I should have died there." Continued blackmaned. "I failed my father, mother and pride. And I let Adia die."
"If you blame yourself for that, think of me." replied goldenfurred. "If I let you die, I would feel the same."
"But Shani…"
"Shh…" she murmured. "I love you, Kisasian. But don't worry, it means just I will take care of you and do whatever you want from me."
"So… leave me."
"No, that one command I can't obey." She smiled through tears. "I love you. I don't expect you to return that. I just expect you to live."
"I can't." replied Kisasian. "All I can do it to revenge my father and Adia."
Shani was silent for a moment, but then replied. "So, I will help you in that. But first you must recover."
"You know what does it mean?" he asked. "I want your brother dead."
"If you despise me, because of him, I don't want him to be my brother." She said. "You will do what you want, but after I send you to Golden Pride."
"No!" gasped Kisasian suddenly. "It's… better they think I'm dead."
"As you wish, my…" said Shani. She stopped, then slowly bended to his cheek. She licked him. Lion made no response, but goldenfurred thought she found her own paradise.
\/\/\/
Days came since that moment, brining nothing new to two felines, living in Mighty Jungle. Shani hunted and fed Kisasian, who slowly recovered from his wounds. Of course the most terrible injure – damage of spine – was beyond possibility to be cured, but wound on leg and minor cuts disappeared.
Shani didn't leave Kisasian for longer than few hours – lion was defenceless against possible Pridelanders search or even against some other predators. But what goldenfurred did, was a indirect recon. She was gathering all rumours and gossips of events on Pridelands and even in one case persuaded a parrot to scout for her. A wage for that service was leaving parrot's nestlings alive, but the effect mattered. After whole case ended, they both were happy – lioness knowing more and bird to seeing his family intact.
So Shani established that all Golden Ones who managed to survive that terrible night, lived on. Zira tried to find her lost son and daughter in law, but after searching failed, she assumed that Kisasian and Adia were dead.
Simba, his pride and his guest took heavily losses of the battle. Golden Ones were blamed for death of Ni, Malka and Uzuri. Also disappearance of Shani was took as merit of Scar's followers – Joe and Vumbi had to lie about events on the bank, in obvious aim to cover their involvement in Uzuri's death. And they had their business in persecuting the desert pride. Because of that both rogue coalition and mountain pride decided to stay and revenge on golden lions. Three days after Scar's dead and slaughter on river shore, Simba led unit of thirty lions and lionesses to wipe out the enemy. However they failed to find it.
Zira knew that she couldn't even think of resisting that army. She made a desperate decision, but all her pride agreed it was the only way. Golden Ones set off back to Golden Sands. Their home was most likely still devastated and barely inhabitable, but lions had a simple alternative – hard and risky try in their family keep or instant death in Outlands. Parrot witnessed their departure, but had no information how that venture ended. However that news made Kisasian calmer – his family at least had a chance.
So blackmaned stayed under the care of Shani. Lioness hunted for him, watched him and tried to find any help for paralysed lion. There was limited chance if state of Kisasian would ever improve, yet she wished that some shaman would see blackmaned to at least try to help. But of course, that shaman couldn't be Rafiki from Pridelands, so golden huntress searched still.
On evening, after long day of securing food and looking for help, Shani returned to the cave. She laid down to Kisasian and often without word she fell asleep, tired, yet happy. But in time those evenings started to become less silent. Kisasian began to speak.
"How was your day?" asked Shani, entering the cave with haunch of warthog in her mouth. That made her question not fully comprehensible, but lion knew about what she was asking.
"Guess. You have three chances." Replied blackmaned.
"Oh…" said lioness, dropping the meat. "I… didn't meant to… Kisasian… I'm sorry."
"No offence taken." Replied Scar's son. "I just wanted to tell that as cripples do, I stayed here, helplessly, thinking how pathetic I am, how much I wished to kill you brother and I counted all termites in colony nearby. I guess I didn't miss anything." He finished, but then heard a weak crying from the corned of cave. "Shani? Shani, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
He tried to crawl in her direction, but that was she who came. Still sobbing she walked to him and laid down at his side. They were silent for few minutes, while lioness was still crying, but then even that ceased. Finally lion said.
"Shani… do you love me?" She nodded her head. "That must be finished." And seeing her confused stared, he continued. "You can't stay with me, just watching me and feeding me. whatever you feel, I'm wasting your life and I know it is wrong. I have my vengeance, that is the axis of my life now… but that's just a payback of wasted wreck, that once was lion… Shani, just forget about me. Leave me."
"You know I can't…" she said with shivering voice. "I must take care of you… because that is the axis of my life. Understand me… as Adia was your love, you are mine. I just can't help it."
"If you still blame yourself for her death, hear me: you are not the one responsible." Said blackmaned.
"But always be responsible for you." She replied.
"Yeah, I noticed that." Sighed lion. "But you should reconsider that… What life you have with me? What perspective?"
"The best life I ever lived." She said honestly. "I mean it. I don't need anything else than you…"
"Crap…" snorted Kisasian. "It gets even worse… Shani!" he looked directly in her eyes, to read there just pure love and devotion. "I'm a cripple. I will never the mate you deserve."
"But would you…" she started with sudden bolt of hope.
"Shani… I… it's better not to talk about it." He cut his sentence.
"But Kisasian!" she asked with emotion. "Do you think that you could ever love me back? I know I'm not Adia and I won't try to become her. But would you give me at least.."
"No, wait…" gasped Kisasian. "Don't think about it! I'm a cripple… a shadow of a lion. I can't even… give you any pleasure, nor give you a cub… That blasted spine made me dead below my belt and…"
"But you could accept that I love you?" asked goldenfurred.
"You won't ever give up?" asked confused lion. She shook her head. "Are you sure?" she nodded. "So… I know that declaration has a limited value now… but I do love you, Shani." They looked on each other for long while, as she was trying to believe what she heard and he was searching for good words to conclude. "But I don't want you to waste your life with one who can't make you happy."
"So I will live it with one that already made me happy." Said lioness.
They lips joined in passionate kiss. In that moment whole the world metered not. Pride and family that Shani left, health that Kisasian would never regain – all their hard past and dangerous future was just a detail. One what mattered was their love.
"You will regret it." Said Kisasian with embarrassed voice, when he finally let her loose.
"I was regretting letting you go whole my life." She said. "I doubt if I event could change my mind on that. I love you, Kisasian."
"E… don't you prefer just shorter: Ki?" asked blackmaned.
"Of course I do, Ki." Said Shani, licking his cheek.
In that moment she finally believed in her happiness. Only Adia ever called him that, so if he allowed to be named that way by goldenfurred. "Sorry, Adia." Thought Shani. "But he is mine from now on!"
\/\/\/
Pair of lions lived aside of the world. Shani and Kisasian were set off events that shook Pridelands after Simba's return. In fact goldenfurred never cared to fix all the damages done on that terrible night. Kisasian wasn't able to. They decided not to search for Golden Pride, what was quite natural choice. Blackmaned could move on his own in very limited degree. With help of Shani, being in fact carried by her, he could travel a bit further, but crossing the desert was not an option. Besides, they never were in Golden Sands and even if they knew the way, blackmaned didn't want to go.
"What good I would be for my pride?" he asked. Shani would answer him, that she agree and he is good for her and let it be. But she stayed silent, not wishing to recall hard memories.
Their life in the jungle was peaceful and in lioness's opinion perfectly happy. Of course she knew all the hardship – for her hunting to provide food for herself and her mate was a real challenge. She was a bit scared of the future, what would happened if she gets hurt, leaving Kisasian alone. But that was for a time being unable to solve – they had no one to ask for help, as they were both dead for their families. Also she suffered, seeing blackmaned crippled. She loved her mate as he was, paying no attention on his imparity. But she wished for him the best, what also meant she wanted him to walk. But sometimes she admitted that injure of Scar's son was a heaven's sent – if Kisasian was able to, he would already set off to avenge his father's death.
"How it's possible?" asked lion many times. "How could you love me, knowing I hate your family?"
"They aren't my family anymore." Replied Shani. "I don't want to have anything to do with it, since time that hurt you."
But actually she did miss her home. She knew Simba only for a moment and she discovered that she is close to hate her brother than to love him. But Priderock was still full of her friends and ones who she miss badly. Mother… Lioness held a grudge against Sarabi, for letting the tragedy happened, but it didn't mattered what was done, she was still her mother. The same was with aunt Sarafina, Mega and others – somehow involved in killing uncle Scar and driving Kisasian's family out, but still they were Shani's beloved ones. She missed Sakia, she cried after Uzuri… and she genuinely wished to be with Golden Ones. She never shared mother's biases against desertlanders and since the last reason to despise them – Adia – disappeared, she regretted that she was always so far from her new family in law.
"But I have him." She always thought, each time sad memories came. "And that's enough for me."
There were some issues making their life hard. Troubles with getting food was one, but it was just a detail. They still feared a bit incidental detection by Pridelanders, but in month after living in jungle that danger become less probable. However Kisasian blamed himself for some lack he couldn't help.
Paralysis took his feeling in whole rear part of body. He couldn't sense, he couldn't walk… but it also meant he was impaired as a male. He couldn't give Shani a cub, he could give her any pleasure of physical proximity, other than just a touch. But she didn't care. The true love is a sacrifice.
\/\/\/
Month passed for goldenfurred as if that was just one-long, yet still too short dream. For that time she started to believe that all hurting past stayed behind her. Kisasian was at her side, loving her and forgave her everything. She told – more or less – about her old obsession to kill Adia. But lion saw on own eyes how Shani was ready to save her rival during the escape from Pridelands. She failed, but she showed her heart.
"Do you want to swim?" asked goldenfurred on some morning.
They have a lots of food from kills of previous day and the weather was so paradise-like peaceful that lioness decide to make a break. She wanted to spend whole day with her mate.
"Of course, I do." Replied Kisasian. "The same as run and jump." Enough time passed since the accident that they could talk about Scar's son imparity without problems, even make some jests about it.
"I mean, I could get you there, you silly." She smiled. "Just hold me and we will go to the beach."
"That's your sweat, so I won't protest." Replied Kisasian. "But I don't see any reason for…"
"But you want to swim?"
"Egh… yeah."
"So be quiet for a while." Said Shani with laughter and laid down. Lion crawled on her back.
They got to the shore. It was a small cliff there, not more that two metres above the surface and narrow beach between its wall and the water. Path down was narrow as well and if Shani would have thought about some technical issues earlier, perhaps she would never proposed that walk. But lioness and lion were like cubs – airy, not caring about any difficulties. In fact – they experienced so many tragedies that they couldn't suspect anything worse happen in the future.
"Just be still, or you fall." Said Shani, coming down with Kisasian. She said it in bad moment, because she tripped.
Lion slid down from her back and fell directly ahead. He managed only to grab a branch of tree with one paw but he didn't hold. His body turned and he went down with rear legs down. He hit the ground with his paralysed part and roared in pain.
Terrified Shani jumped down just after, standing next to her mate. With terrified stare she pressed him to the sand, looking for any injure.
"Don't move, my love… It will be all right."
"It hurts!" gasped Kisasian. "Stars dammit, it hurts as hell."
"I'm so sorry…" sobbed lioness.
"It hurts…." Repeated lion with hollow voice. "IT HURTS!?"
They looked on blackmaned's back and watched for several seconds. Then Shani extended her paw and with extreme carefulness she touched the place where damaged disc was. Once. She touched again and pressed. The intervertebral disc, once moved away from spine-line was again in place. It seemed impossible, but Scar's son was feeling again.
"It… can't be…" whispered Kisasian, mowing his leg. "It f---ing hurts!" repeated in awe. "Does it mean…"
"You are cured!" called Shani and hugged the lion. A second later she froze, scared not to hurt him, but blackmaned seemed to be fully operational again.
"Go on… I won't break…" smiled lion.
"Ki… I am so happy…" whispered Shani through her cry. "I mean… I'm sorry I dropped you, but now you are… wait!" she called, seeing as he was standing up.
"It's fine." Replied lion. "I guess I'm back in one piece." They looked on each other for longer while, as she still couldn't believe she saw him standing on his own. But it was true and meant… many things.
"You know what does it mean?" asked Kisasian.
"Everything?" asked Shani.
"And even more." smiled lion with radiant smile.
And just moment after they discovered that read part of Kisasian was able not only to walk. For the first time, there on beach, they were truly and unconditionally together.
'I should call it a "good thing". And it was good, yet… it led to something terrible. Perhaps physical wounds of Kisasian were healed but wounds of his heart still bled and grew worse with pus of hatred. He wanted to avenge his father and then he had a means to do it. I can't blame him and I can't blame Shani. But the truth is they triggered a disaster even worse than that just had passed.'