A/N: I'm so sorry it has taken forever and a day for an update. I'm been swamped and not that inspired. But you guys know how you can fix that *wink* reviews *wink*. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. The title is a song by Yael Naim.
BPOV
When Carmen had offered me a position as deckhand on Volterra this summer I could not have been more excited. I couldn't ask for a more perfect way to spend the summer after graduation. I had worked on Volterra the summer before and it had been an incredible experience. I had worked with a great crew and had learned so much, both about the boat and about myself. I was thinking about the incredible summer that lay ahead of me when I was brought out of my daydream by Carmen saying his name.
Edward.
He would be the first mate this summer. We would be working together for three months. My stomach churned and my mind was racing. I had spent the last six months convincing myself I was over him. I had gotten over the stupid schoolgirl crush that had plagued me for the last year and a half. I had talked myself out of believing in those signals that I had foolishly taken to mean that he could feel something for me as well. I couldn't work with him, I was too deluded and didn't know if I could act normally around him after all this time. I thanked Carmen profusely for the offer and told her I needed time to consider my options. I left the office and walked down to the beach.
As I walked I thought about my sophomore year and my time with Mr. Cullen on Volterra. I had only been sixteen and I had been so unsettled. I had changed so much since I last saw him. My friendship with Alice and Jasper had brought out the real me, the me that I had lost for years. As I walked to the point I thought about those seven weeks that had helped me break out of my shell.
I dragged my suitcase across campus to the steps where we were getting picked up by one of the mates and go down to Volterra. John was there with his duffel bag; everyone else's parents were driving them down to the boat. After a few minutes a SUV pulled out and a woman with a Volterra polo shirt on climbed out and introduced herself as Ms. Ackers. John and I threw our bags in the trunk and got in. Ten minutes later we were pulling up to the marina. I took my duffel bag and followed Ms. Ackers down the dock to a beautiful navy eighty-foot sloop. We slipped off our shoes and boarded. Ms. Ackers showed us to the bunkroom where everyone else was unpacking. Alice, Jasper, Tyler, and Chris greeted us as they continued unpacking. I got the starboard upper bunk, which I was really happy about, and Alice was in the port upper bunk, at least we didn't have to sleep right next to anyone.
I grabbed everything out of my duffel and threw it onto my bunk to organize it before putting everything away in my cubbies. When everyone was unpacked we had orientation. We all settled into the cockpit and introduced ourselves. I already knew all the other students; our school was small enough that everyone knew everyone else. The captain and Ms. Ackers introduced themselves and then the most beautiful man I have ever seen spoke.
"Hello everyone, my name is Mr. Cullen. I'm originally from Washington state, but I'm taking a semester off from Dartmouth to work on Volterra this fall. I'm been sailing for as long as I can remember and can't wait to help you guys learn as well."
Oh. My. God. How had I missed him when I came aboard? I must have been too preoccupied with unpacking and nerves that I looked but didn't see. I didn't get to spend long in my own thoughts as we were moving into above and below decks orientation. We spent the rest of the night learning about the lines, sails, and procedures of Volterra, ate pizza for dinner, and went to bed at ten.
As I was falling asleep I thought about what these next seven weeks had in store for me. Alice and I were the only girls, and from what I heard from other students who had sailed on Volterra, it was better to have more guys than girls. Alice seemed nice, we'd spent some time together last year, but we weren't close. I had a feeling that we would become close friends during this trip. I was also really happy that Jasper would be on this trip. We had met last winter and had become best friends, it would be nice to have a good friend going into this. I fell asleep before I could psych myself out about this trip.
The next few days consisted of learning how to tack, jybe, and steer Volterra. We stayed close to land and anchored out every night. We fell into our routine of waking up, going for a morning swim, breakfast, chores, sailing, lunch, more sailing, dinner, study hall, and an early bedtime. Tomorrow we would be heading south to Baltimore. We were broken into watches, Jasper, Tyler, and I would be one watch, leaving Alice, John and Chris on the other watch. I was nervous about sailing overnight, but it would be nice to really get into the trip. I was still horrible at steering, but I was starting to feel more comfortable with the other aspects of life and sailing on Volterra.
We got underway and broke into watches. My watch was on first for six hours with Captain Davis and the other watch would take over with Ms. Ackers. That meant that my watch would be back on with Mr. Cullen on the subsequent watch. Alice, John, and Chris were relieved and went below to sleep or do homework. Our watch went quickly, except for the hour I was on the helm. I don't know if I'm ever going to get the hang of it, and getting called snake wake is going to get old quickly.
We went below and ate lunch and washed the dishes and I decided to try to get some homework done before my next watch. I pulled out my book for English, A River Runs Through It, and went on deck to read. I made my way up to the foredeck and sat against the cabintop enjoying the sun and the waves and settled into my book. I was really enjoying the story when I felt someone settling down a few feet away. I glanced up and met eyes with Mr. Cullen. He was stretching out for a nap but when he noticed me he rolled onto his stomach and shot me an adorable crooked grin.
"This is my favorite part of the boat, especially when we are underway. You can't hear the chatter of the cockpit and you can fully enjoy the elements. I like to come up here to think and clear my head. How are you feeling about everything? I know that we have thrown a lot of information at you in the last few days and it's a lot to absorb."
"Well to be honest I'm still a little dazed. It doesn't feel real. I feel like I'm in another world. I have loved getting the opportunity to get to know the boat and getting closer to my shipmates, but when I come up here, I feel I can more fully appreciate everything. I completely agree with everything you just described. I love feeling like I can forget everything that is going on behind me and just stare out at the water. I don't think I've ever experienced anything like this. I mean, at school we have the beach right there, but nothing compares to being on the water, flying. I never knew this kind of beauty existed."
"Welcome to my world. I see you can understand why I've been hooked since I first stepped foot on a sailboat. I'll let you get back to your book. I'm glad you are enjoying the program so far. But if you ever need to talk, I'm always here."
With a reassuring smile he turned back over and closed his eyes. I couldn't help but stare. His tight white tshirt showed his incredibly defined muscles, and it had ridden up exposing his magnificent abs. I forced myself to turn away, but I was not going to be able to concentrate on my book. I stared out at the water before me and thought about our conversation.
Two hours before I was due for watch I went down to my bunk and tried to rest for a while. I drifted to sleep and was woken by Alice before dinner. I ate quickly and went up on deck. Jasper was already there, and Tyler was finishing up when Mr. Cullen came up on deck. He went over to Ms. Ackers and she updated him on everything; wind speed and direction, weather, traffic, point of sail, etc. He took the watch and John, Alice, Tyler and Ms. Ackers went below to eat dinner. Tyler took the helm and Jasper and I waited until the others were done with dinner and tag teamed the dishes. Jasper took the helm next and Tyler sat down next to me and we chatted for awhile and then fell silent.
"Do you guys want to play a game? I find it makes the time pass faster." Mr. Cullen asked, pulling me out of my revelry.
We all agreed and he explained that he was going to say three things he was going to take on a picnic and we had to try to determine the pattern by saying what we would bring, he would tell us if it was allowed or not.
"Okay, I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing an elephant, an apple, and a car." Mr. Cullen started us off.
Tyler went next. "I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a hippo, an orange, and a bike."
"No you're not. Not allowed, sorry." Mr. Cullen informed us, smiling
It was mine turn now. "I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing an eel, an apricot, and a coche?"
Mr. Cullen laughed. "Well for one thing, that's cheating, no foreign languages, and I wouldn't let you come anyway."
Jasper tried next. "I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a basketball, a cooler, and some juice."
"Nice try. But you can't come either. Sorry. I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing an energy bar, apple sauce, and a crayon."
"I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a computer, a blanket, and fries."
"Sorry Tyler, but you're not coming on my picnic."
"I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing an electric keyboard, sweatpants, and a flashlight."
"Nope. Jasper?" Mr. Cullen turned to Jasper.
"I'm going on a picnic and bringing a bear, a sailboat, and book."
"Sorry, you're no longer invited. I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing an egg, an anteater, and a cup."
Aha. I think I've got it.
"I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a pan, dirt, and water." Tyler said
"No you're not. Bella?"
"I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a book, a magazine, and sandals."
"Great! This is going to be a great picnic." Mr. Cullen replied and smiled at me
The boys still didn't get it, but it was Jasper's turn again.
"I'm going on a picnic and I'm bringing a novel, a periodical, and shoes." Jasper guessed
"Well Bella looks like we're going to be alone for this picnic."
Like I would mind. We kept playing until everyone figured out the pattern. (Items that start with your initials. EAC, BMS, etc.)
When the game was over I had to relieve Jasper at the helm. My stomach immediately tied itself in knots. I repeated the compass course back to Jasper and took the helm. After fifteen minutes of more snake wake, Mr. Cullen came to sit beside me at the helm.
"Just small corrections, she takes a minute to respond. Don't turn the wheel more than a quarter turn at a time."
I glanced at him. "Um okay."
I hated steering with such passion. This was going to be the longest hour of my life. I finally got back on course and made small corrections like Mr. Cullen had instructed. He sat with me for the duration of my hour, making small suggestions and enjoying the night. It was nice of him to notice that I was struggling and be so patient with me as I learned. After a seemingly endless time, Tyler came and relieved me. I sat down close to Jasper and leaned against him. It had gotten cold after dark and it was a comfort to share body warmth. We stargazed and kept a lookout for the remaining hour of our watch and then finally we were relieved and everyone went below to fall into our bunks.
Thank god, real showers. It had taken four long days without showers to get to Baltimore. Alice and I gathered our shower stuff and walked over to the onshore heads. I was so happy I had grown so close to her these last two weeks. Wow, it's only been two weeks but it seems like its been so much longer. We chatted about inconsequential things and both hopped into the shower. It felt amazing to scrub six days of dirt and salt off my body under the warm water. The shower ended too quickly, we had to get back to the boat, but not before a but more private gossip time.
"So Alice, what do you think of Mr. Cullen?"
"He's pretty cool, hands down my favorite mate. He's someone I feel we can actually talk to and have fun with."
"I completely agree. And he's so cute. I love his hair and those green eyes…I could get lost in them. And when he smiles, ahhh." Okay I was gushing, but we only get private time like once a week, I have to get it all out.
"Bella do you have a crush on him?" Alice had stopped drying her hair and was looking at my intently.
"Well, um...Oh my god yes"
"EEEK! This is so exciting. He is so hot, oh this is so perfect! I'm so excited for you!!! And I have a tiny confession to make as well, I kind of have this huge thing for Jasper."
"I am so happy to hear that! He has been asking about you incessantly. You should definitely pursue that. Do you want me to talk to him for you?"
"That would be awesome. Oh this is amazing. Both of us have hot men. Who'd have thought that this trip would turn out this well!?!"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Well in your case we can, but Mr. Cullen is a teacher. There's no way he returns my feelings."
"First of all, Bella you are gorgeous, smart, funny, and amazing in general, he would be crazy not to like you. And secondly, he is a mate, not a teacher, and more importantly he is not even four years older than us! That's nothing when it comes to love."
"Oh my god Alice. While I appreciate your enthusiasm, let's just focus on getting you the guy first."
"Hmph. Fine whatever you say Bella." Alice said while giving me a look that clearly showed that she had no intentions of letting it go in the least bit.
We had a free day in Norfolk, the only requirement is that we visit one of the educational "attractions" that Captain Davis told us about. The Hampton Roads Naval Museum looked somewhat interesting, so Alice and I caught the first ferry over. We decided to separate ourselves from the boys today, hard as it was for Alice to leave Jasper, as we had lots of girl talk to catch up on.
"So it is completely obvious that you are Edward's favorite" were Alice's first words to me once we were out of earshot of everyone else.
We had taken to calling him Edward amongst ourselves; it was less weird that way.
I rolled my eyes at her. "Thanks for the encouragement Alice, but I think that you are almost as delusional as I am. Seriously, as much as I would love it, and as many signs that I think that I see that show that he favors me, there is no way!"
But a girl can dream…God I wish
"Oh please. You have got to give this whole 'he's a few years older than me and is a mate' thing up. Really, it's just details."
As much as I knew I should talk myself out of this crush, what the harm? Especially when you had someone like Alice egging you on, sometimes it's just easier to go with it.
"Thanks Alice. But how am I going to get anything to happen? As you and Jasper well know, there is no privacy on this boat."
"I have a feeling you guys will get some one on one time before you know it, and I'm never wrong. It's why you keep me around."
I laughed. "That's true, and that is of course the only reason. Don't start thinking I like your company or anything."
"Thanks Bells, I can always count on your honesty." She replied teasingly
The conversation turned to her and Jasper's budding relationship. I could not be happier for my two best friends. You would think in a school as small as ours they would have discovered each other earlier, but then again Jasper and I weren't always social butterflies.
As we were in line for our tickets Alice's phone chirped. It was a text from Jasper, of course.
"Oh Bella, Jasper was hoping that he and I could get away for a little while. As much as I enjoy our relationship on display for all our shipmates, it would be nice to have a few hours alone with him. Would you mind terribly if I met up with him? We'll find you before we return to Volterra so Captain doesn't have to know that you were by yourself."
"Alice of course it's okay. You guys should enjoy some time just the two of you. Is he meeting you here?"
"Yeah he's on his way over. Want to wait with me until he gets here. We can continue to plan your future with a certain sexy sailor." Alice offered with a smirk.
"Sure, let's go sit by the windows."
Only five minutes had passed before Jasper strolled in.
"Hey Jasper."
"Hi girls. Alice, I know that you want some time alone together, but I just saw and advertisement for the naval history exhibit here and was wondering if we can check it out for a few minutes before we head out."
"Of course. Then Bella doesn't have to occupy herself for as long either. This works perfectly."
We all purchased our tickets and walked into the first exhibit. Honestly naval war history bores me to death, but Jasper was enjoying it, so of course Alice was happy as well and I wasn't going to complain. We passed about an hour there before Alice came over and grabbed my arm. She had a mischievous spark in her eye, which I attributed to her anticipation for her afternoon with Jasper.
"Bells, Jasper and I are leaving now. Can you handle yourself here? You know, navigate through without breaking any bones? I have a feeling that you are going to thoroughly enjoy your day. Anyway, I'll have my phone on me so if you need anything just call or text. I'm outta here, love you."
She pulled me into a hug and then she and Jasper were gone. I returned to reading about food preparation on naval warships or something equally exciting when a tingle ran up my spine.
"Do you come here often?" A voice of an angel inquired.
A voice I would know anywhere. Oh my god. You have got to be kidding me. Mr. Cullen did not just use a pick up line on me! So many thoughts ran through my head at that moment and I felt the blush in my cheeks. Did he really just say that, why did he say that, why was he here, did Alice see him and that's why she was in such a hurry? Oh I would kill her. Most importantly how do I respond?!
I turned and was staring directly into those beautiful, magnificent green eyes of his. I couldn't help smiling as I played along.
"Oh I'm a regular. How about yourself?"
I saw the relief and humor pass across his features before getting back into character.
"Nope, first time. Would you be willing to show me the ropes?
"Uh, yeah sure. Are you sure you want to spend the day with a kid. I would have thought all the mates would have run in the opposite direction as soon as we left."
"I'm sure. Lead on."
Oh. My. God. I am spending the day with Mr. Cullen. Wow. Apparently Alice is always right. That's frustrating. The museum became much more interesting after that point. We meandered through the exhibits and Edward regaled me with stories were prompted by something or another he saw. We laughed and talked and the entire day was completely carefree. It felt like were just two friends having a fun afternoon. I would have preferred a couple, but I'll take what I can get. He had the ability to make me completely content with where I was, probably because I was with him, but the whole day I wasn't plagued by the same fears and insecurities that usually haunted me. Unfortunately the time came for us to head back to the boat. We walked slowly to the ferry dock. I was soaking up every last minute of alone time I could get with Edward.
I saw Alice and Jasper waiting for me and didn't know whether to hit or kiss Alice. I mean things couldn't have gone better, but it could have been a disaster, how dare she leave me like that. But she gave me one of her signature Alice looks and you couldn't be mad at her. The four of us boarded the ferry and Alice and Jasper took a bench for two, but Edward suggested we go above and enjoy the setting sun. Seriously, what is going on, this is feeling more and more like a date every minute. Not that I'm complaining.
The ride back was beautiful but much to short. All to soon we were walking down the dock to Volterra and everyone dispersed to do their own thing. I took my journal up to the foredeck to enjoy the warm evening air and to recount the blissful day.
The next couple weeks were a blur. Mr. Cullen never got any more alone time, but there were some stolen glances, at least on my end. I was probably imagining the change in Mr. Cullen's behavior. I hate being a lovesick schoolgirl. It's so cliché.
We had arrived in the Bahamas a few days ago and all of us had gotten used to our snorkel gear and today was our first day of turtling. We were working with a university in Florida on sea turtle research. We would be catching and taking measurements of the juvenile sea turtles that lived in the shallow creeks and reefs in our area. Most were green turtles that had been tagged previously, but we would have the opportunity to catch a few untagged turtles and get to see the whole process.
Turtling was probably my favorite activity in the Volterra program. We had two motor boats, and everyone had one their snorkel gear ready to swim after the turtle when told to do so. First we had to find a turtle, so everyone was scanning the water for dark moving shapes. Suddenly Tyler's voice rang out across the creek.
"Turtle!!!!!"
He was over on Captain's boat and there were in hot pursuit. Mr Cullen revved our engine and we were soon close by the other boat strategizing. We had to keep sight of the turtle and wait for him to come up for air once or twice more. At that point, the turtle would be tired and we would have a chance of being able to catch the agile youngster.
"Two. But he's still moving pretty fast. We'll wait for one more breath and then we'll put a swimmer in the water. Got it Edward?" Captain was in the zone.
Mr. Cullen deftly maneuvered our avon after the turtle.
"Okay Chris, get ready. When I tell you to go, jump in and swim your arms off after him. Do not go anywhere until I give the word."
Chris pulled his snorkel mask over his face and readied himself. The turtle came up for air once more and it was time.
"Go Chris Go" Mr. Cullen shouted as he put the engine in neutral.
Chris dove into the water and swam as fast as he could after the turtle. But the turtle was built for the water and Chris wasn't. Our boat sped after the turtle as Captain and the whaler doubled back to collect Chris.
"Kay Bella you ready? Again, go when I say but not an instant before."
I put on my mask and positioned myself at the side of the boat. I could see the turtle just off our port bow.
"Now Bella!" I heard Mr. Cullen say and with that I was in the water swimming harder than I ever had in my life. When I caught sight of the turtle only a few feet in front of me it spurred me to swim harder, but I did not miss the beauty and grace with which turtle moved. As I was admiring his abilities, he turned on a dime. I followed suit and reached forward, my fingertips jus grazing the back of his shell. I was so close, I was not letting him get away. Though I was tired I put more effort into my pursuit. I kicked harder and lunged forward. My hands made contact just behind his front flippers and I held on tightly. He squirmed and was about to make a jailbreak when I got my footing and stood up, pulling him out of the water. Wow he was heavy, my arms faltered under the unexpected weight but there was no way I was letting go. I braced myself and lifted him clear of the water.
I heard my shipmates cheering my success and the avon pulled up alongside me. Jasper took the turtle out of my hands and placed him on his back in the boat and helped me quickly back into the boat. We had to keep moving quickly, the whaler had just spotted another juvenile. I sat on the floorboards catching my breath and reveling in the amazing experience I just had. Everyone congratulated me, but we were soon back at full attention, ready for someone else's opportunity to catch a turtle. The day continued much the same way. Everyone was able to catch a turtle and at the end of a couple hours we had ten turtles to measure and release. We moved them onto the beach and started weighing and measuring each turtle. There were three newly captured turtles, so Captain took care of tagging them. As we finished recording the data from each turtle, we got to take the back out into the shallow water and release them. Watching them swim away was almost as satisfying as the feeling of pulling them out of the water, but this is where they belong and where they are most beautiful.
That night we had a barbeque on the beach. The boys set up a bonfire and cooked ribs for everyone. We also brought some balls and played some games before sunset. The night was warm, food was delicious, the company was great, and it was one of the happiest moments of my life.
We'd sailed down to Puerto Rico, and on one of our last days we took a van into San Juan to see El Morro and the Old City. All of us students stuck together. We had lunch at a café outside, went shopping, and exploring. We happened upon a plaza covered in pigeons and an elderly woman selling seed to feed them. Tyler bought a bag and named himself the birdman. He threw the seed in a circle around himself and as the pigeons flocked to him he squawked and flapped his arms. It was hilarious. We met up with the mates for dinner and a stroll through the streets. Alice and I were a bit crazier than normal and started singing our favorite songs as we walked. I swear the mates walked a bit faster to get away from us. Alice announced that we were taking requests, and the boys had some suggestions, but none very interesting, so we shot them down. I skipped (yes skipped, I told you a bit crazy) over to Mr. Cullen and inquired as to what his favorite song was. He replied A Pirate Looks at Forty by Jimmy Buffet. Well none of us knew it so Alice and I resumed singing whatever came into our heads.
We all piled into the van, a very full van at that, and the cabbie had the radio on to reggaeton. Perfect for an end of the trip dance party. The boys even started it. As all the students started singing and dancing (as well as possible in the confines of a car), the driver turned it up and we got more into it. I asked Mr. Cullen to loosen up a little and join us, but he refused. I really couldn't get a reading on that one. But I didn't let him spoil my fun. The six of us danced, sang, and laughed the rest of the hour back to the marina. Captain wouldn't let us all on the boat until we had calmed down a little, so we sat on the docks and talked about our trip and everything else for about an hour before falling into bed.
It was the morning that we were leaving. I knew this day had been fast approaching, but I still found myself utterly unprepared for its arrival and my departure. I felt that Volterra was where I belonged, and I was going to miss the camaraderie of my shipmates and the crazy nights in the bunkroom. I was going to miss the sea and sailing and Captain, and Edward.
It was a quiet morning, everyone was tired from the pre-dawn wake-up. I was excited to hear that Mr. Cullen would be accompanying us to the airport. We said our goodbyes to the boat and to Captain. I was going to miss this boat and the captain more than I could let myself think about at the moment. The trip to the airport was long, complicated, and silent, but we arrived in plenty of time so we settled into the small waiting area for the little island hopped that would take us to Nassau.
I sat with Mr. Cullen and Alice. We kept up conversation sometimes, but there were stretchs of comfortable silence as well. I think we were all reflecting on our trip and soaking up the last moments of each other's company. I was reveling in the electricity that was traveling all along my upper arm that was mere inches from Mr. Cullen's arm.
Our flight was called and Mr. Cullen got up to say good bye to everyone. I remained seated for a minute, trying to figure out what to say. I wanted this goodbye to be something more than between a teacher and student, without coming across as creepy and pathetic. I watched everyone else as I tried to figure this out.
"Bye Eddie, I'll see you later." That was Tyler of course.
"I look forward to it, don't get into too much trouble in the mean time."
They shook hands and John, Chris, and Tyler walked out onto the tarmac to the waiting propeller plane.
Alice and Jasper walked up to him hand in hand.
"Thanks for everything Mr. Cullen. This trip would not have been nearly as much fun if you weren't here. I'll see you in the spring."
Then they left as well. It was just the two of us. I walked over to him, staring at my shoes and biting my lip. Hard as it was I had decided on a simple handshake, at least it was some sort of contact. I held out my hand and looked into his eyes. I couldn't identify the look on his face as he gazed at my hand. Disgusted perhaps. I almost teared up, was I really that repulsive that he wouldn't even shake my hand? I fought back the tears and stared back at him.
"Thank you for everything. I really appreciated everything you did for me and that you were willing to listen. I had an amazing time."
He smiled at me and I melted. I really did. He stepped towards me and pulled me into a tight hug. I was frozen for about half a second before I realized that this was the only chance I was going to get and relaxed completely, completely lost in his scent and the feeling of his arms around me. I would have been content to stay like that forever, but I did have to get on that plane. We separated and Edward spoke.
"It was my pleasure Bella. Please keep in touch, I'll miss you."
He's going to miss me. Not as much as I would miss him, but it was something. Another bit of ammunition for my daydreams. I walked into the bright sunlight on the runway and looked over my shoulder before I boarded. The sight brought a huge smile to my face. Mr. Cullen was leaning against the door jam, a mix of emotions on his face until he saw me smile, which he returned. I reluctantly got on the plane and headed back to reality.
A/N: I probably won't be able to update again until the second week of May. I have finals very soon and need to study hard for all of those.
Please please please review, I've been reduced to begging. But it truly is appreciated. Thanks!