The Red Line

by WinndSinger

Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.

9. Her Name was Tanya

9

Notes: Thanks, again, for all the wonderful reviews! I get so inspired by your thoughts and ideas, too, so thanks for your input and support, I really do appreciate it and love hearing it, good or bad. And thanks, for understanding what I put poor Edward through in that last scene. But, as you said, it needed to be in there and I warn you now when Sat. comes and he has to go to Raven's…be strong and don't hate me. But maybe some good will come out of all that, so bear with me.

I know I'm doing a lot of Edward's POV lately, but I will try to get back to Bella's point of view in this also. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Love WinndSinger

EPOV

Thank god for gyms and barbells and sweat. I had finished lifting weights and had already done my 5 mile run, so I was nice and ripe and my gray shirt was dark with moisture under my arms and around my neck.

Now I was slamming my fist into the punching bag, the other swiftly following, piercing deep into its long, bulky hard surface.

Emmett held it in place for me as I took a breath and lunged into it again, fiercely.

"Alright, Edward, when are you gonna talk to me, bro?" he looked at me and smirked, as if he knew something.

"Talk about what?" I exhaled, pounding into the bag again, as if I were punching it in its stomach, one hand, then the other.

"Well, either this punching bag did something really shitty to you, and you're trying to kill it, or there's something else bothering you." He said, turning a little, holding the bag as I moved with it.

"I'm just working out, Emmett." I stated, boxing against the bag with two more jabs.

"Okay." He dropped it, then asked, "How are things going with that girl?"

"Fine." I said curtly, two more harder punches.

"Uh huh…" he gave me a knowing stare.

I ignored that and kept punching.

"Come on, man, it's ME." Emmett was staring at my face now, "Haven't I been there for you, Edward? You can talk to me, you know. I AM your friend."

I closed my eyes and felt guilty now, knowing he was right. I am building walls now all around me, even between me and people I thought I could trust. Emmett doesn't deserve to be locked out. He is a true friend.

"Fuck." I sneered, stopping with my punching, leaning my back against the wall, looking at Emmett now as he let go of the bag and took one step towards me, folding his arms, waiting, "Sorry, Emmett. I know you're my friend. I just don't open up very well."

"I know that." He chuckled, not surprised in the least by my confession, "So what's bugging you? Is that girl no good in the sack or something? She have unsightly body hair, what?"

I grinned at him despite my bad mood. But why am I in a bad mood? Nothing different had happened to me today. I do this all the time.

"No, she's AMAZING in the sack." I widened my eyes to emphasize my point, "And she's too beautiful…but…(I took a huge breath)…she…wants to talk to me all the time. She asks lots of personal questions. There's this paper she's writing or something, she finds me interesting and I agreed to let her study me or something…I thought at first it would be alright. I have no intention of telling her my whole life story, but, I thought some things wouldn't hurt to tell her. Only now…(I glanced at him)…I feel weird."

"Weird, how?" his brow creased in curiosity as he listened intently.

"My stomach feels in knots and my head hurts." I gave him the physical sufferings first, "And today, during a job, I almost couldn't even ring the bell. I felt like I couldn't breathe for a couple seconds. I mean, I never have a problem doing role play, especially with the woman today. She always got me off, right away, but today, it took a lot longer. She didn't mind, she got a nice long fucking but it bothered me. I mean, thank God I had to play the submissive part today, but what happens when I have to play the dominant personality, you know?"

"She's getting in your head, that's why." Emmett said, knowingly, "She's dredging up all these thoughts in your mind that you kinda buried and it's affecting you. You better be careful, Edward, if you turn soft, you won't be able to work and I don't even want to THINK of what Victoria would do to you then."

"Tell me about it." I almost shuddered, thinking of an angry Victoria, "And I have Raven this Saturday."

"Ouch!" Emmett chuckled, not envying me, "Well, at least with her if you scream, beg and cry, you'll just make more money. Not that you have a choice to do that when she's got hold of you anyway."

"I have to make something up to Bella about that, it's on a weekend, she won't have any school." I thought aloud, "And I can't tell her the truth, she'd never let me go."

"LET you?" Emmett picked up on that one.

"Shut up." I frowned as he laughed a little.

"What if Raven doesn't let you go again, like last time?" Emmett asked.

"Victoria said she handled that." I heard myself reply, coldly, "Raven swore not to do that again, Victoria told me. If she does, Victoria promised me we'd never work for her again."

"And you believe her?" Emmett looked at me like I was a little girl believing in Santa Claus.

"Yes." I forced myself to say.

"That woman put you in the hospital, Ed!" Emmett reminded.

"Shut up, EM!" I nicknamed him as he had nicknamed me, "I told you, it's alright. Nothing bad is going to happen."

"Edward, all crap aside, " Emmett almost whispered to me, "Victoria is great, and I owe her a lot, and so do you. But don't trust her. She may be treating you real nice right now, but it's only because you bring the money in. She doesn't care if you get hurt, as long as you can heal and get back out there again to work. You know what she was asking the doctor at the hospital? How long before he can work again? How long will it take him to earn again? That's all. Raven was supposed to have you for one day – and kept you for three! Only then, when I yelled at her, did Victoria pick up the phone and call her, asking when she was giving you back. Oh, and she told Raven to keep you as long as she likes, but she would have to pay lots more. That conversation happened…while you were dying of thirst in a 90 degree basement and starving, as I recall."

"Victoria handled it." I stated again, knowing what Emmett was saying was true but not wanting to hear it voiced so clearly, "She taught Raven a lesson. Raven didn't work with us for 6 months after that stunt. Now she knows the rules. It'll be different now."

"You think in 6 months that woman lost all that sadistic shit in her head?" Emmett asked, then answered his own question, "No."

"Are you trying to help me or make my head hurt MORE?" I asked, getting annoyed.

"I'm just saying, if you want, you can tell Victoria no, that you don't want Raven as a client anymore." He said, "Take the beating that follows and forget it. It's better than what Raven would do to you. You know that."

"And then Victoria fires me." I finished, sounding irate, wiping my face with my towel.

"She won't fire you." Emmett looked at me, "You're her favorite now."

"Emmett." I growled, not wanting to hear it now.

"No, it's okay." He looked down at his sneakers, "I know it and I'm not mad at you, it's not your fault. You do a good job…a great job. You never complain, you never let anything bother you….until now. Even when you get attacked, you smile and hug the women afterwards. You're like a machine. You even amaze me sometimes."

"A machine?" I repeated, mumbling it more to myself. I hate the way that sounds…and it doesn't feel too great, either, having your best friend tell you you're a machine…a thing…a piece of equipment.

"It's alright." Emmett continued, "I had my turn as the favorite. I had a good run, 2 years. It's a nice ride, so enjoy it. Just remember to be gracious, like me, to your predecessor when it's time for you to step down from the throne."

He talked as if kidding, but I got his message. And in his way, he was being caring and a friend…but now I was just more confused.

"Hey, remember when I found you?" Emmett smiled as if recalling a nice memory.

In a second, flashes of memories came to mind. My body, wracked with pain, my arms held tight behind my back as the huge, burly man pounded his fists deep into my stomach. Sharp stabs of pain, my own voice choking and trying to breathe in the cold dark chilled air of January.

"We want our money now." The man holding me said pleasantly, "Today."

"I can get it…" I coughed, the taste of blood on my lips as I searched for something to say to make them give me more time.

I heard a click and as much as I physically could, I made my face look up, seeing a switchblade in the man's hand.

"Wrong answer." The man smiled and said to the one holding me, "Hold his face."

I struggled and panted as the one behind me roughly snaked his arm around under my chin, cutting off my air and holding my face up at the same time.

"WAIT!" I pleaded, the man with the knife was very close to me now, holding my chin firmly, "I swear, I'll get it. Tomorrow…just give me until then."

"Let this be a reminder to you, never screw with us…and never be late paying us back. Which eye do you want to keep?"

I couldn't move…or speak. I froze and tensed and my eyes clenched shut.

This is where I met Emmett. We were in the alley next to the back of Fire and Emmett was outside, in back of the club, having a cigarette break. Back when he smoked. Now he's eating apple wedges instead. It seems to be working.

Anyway, it was Emmett who smashed the man with the knife over the head with a metal garbage can and kicked the ass of the one who was holding me, too.

"Yes, I remember." I smiled.

"I know you don't always like to hear what I am saying, Edward." He put an arm around me, "But you know I'm just trying to help you, always. I protect all my friends. And I'll always protect you. Because I love ya, man."

"I know." I said honestly, "Thanks, Emmett."

"Say you love me too." He laughed, giving me a shove.

"I told you, I don't do gay scenes." I reminded with a chuckle.

We laughed and then I said quietly, "Love you, too."

Then we both looked around to make sure no other guy had overheard that.

I looked at the clock on the wall and it said 2:18pm.

"I've gotta go." I stood, "It's almost 3."

"Oh, yea." Emmett stood up, moving towards the punching bag to keep working out on his own, "How's everything going…with that?"

"Slow…but it's going." I said, not able to say much more. I don't even go into details with Emmett on this, and I've known him for years.

"She alright?" he knew to keep his questions vague and brief on this subject.

"She's an angel." I smiled to myself and went back towards the locker rooms.

She just needs her wings back, I thought as I began to undress, taking my shirt off, and wings are very, very expensive these days. I'd work for Victoria until I was 97 years old if that's how long it takes to make her right again. And besides the money part of it, I deserve whatever happens to me. I deserve Raven's wrath, even if it does go on for three days. I will never be able to suffer or pay enough for what I've done and what I haven't done.

The only thing I truly suffered inside of me, during Raven's three days of fun, was missing my phone call with her. It is what I live for. Hearing that soft, sweet voice in my ear, hearing her laugh and listening to all the little details of her day.

And, soon, she gets bored of talking to me and wants to go…too soon. I always want to talk forever but she has more important things to do. I understand that…but still, I always hang up feeling as if I am becoming less and less in her life, a little more transparent every day. I am a voice on a phone, not flesh and blood anymore. And one day, she won't remember me at all. And she won't even want to talk for one minute, let alone 30.

Then I truly will be…a machine.

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BPOV

I was rushing home, missing Edward so much my skin hurt, like it was crying because it hadn't been touched or kissed or caressed by him for so long.

God, I have it bad. As I walked home, I kept hearing my own voice in my head, saying, "I'm not in love with you…" to Edward. I had made it sound so real that even now, recalling it, it sounded like I truly meant it. And then Edward looked relieved…so I repeated it to him AGAIN this morning.

What am I doing?

I wanted to show him my love, declare my love for him from every rooftop, and damn the consequences, and maybe try to grasp that this is Edward's lifestyle and make my peace with it somehow, and try to have a real relationship with him. But in my heart I knew I was kidding myself.

I may love him, after two days, or it may be the sexual release I am experiencing at his hands. Maybe the rush and thrill of the orgasms and sensations are making my mind believe that I love him…when really it's just my body's reaction to the pleasure he's giving me.

I hate thinking like a shrink. But I have to, it's my soul, analyzing things, probing and studying how things are the way they are. And I love it more than anything, or so I thought, until a couple days ago.

Now I find myself very uncomfortable with digging into Edward's head and his past. I don't like hurting him or seeing that sad look in his eyes when I start chipping away at his hard shell exterior.

But I have to get used to this, if I want to truly help people, I must stir them up and probe into their painful scars, no matter how hard they may fight me or scream or cry.

I knew I eventually have to make Edward angry. So angry that he'll let some of that rage out. But I'm not ready for that yet. I also know I'll have to make him face his sorrows and that there will be tears. And I don't know if I'm ready for that, either. How can I make him cry? I'd rather lose my arms. So many people have made him hurt and I really didn't want to be one of them.

And I feel like a hypocrite telling him to be honest with me and then I turn around and lie to his face.

But I know if I tell Edward I love him, he will leave.

I don't know how I know that, I just do. And I don't want him to leave. I love him. I can tell myself anything I like about my mind's reaction to his physical attentions, but I feel it in my heart. I am totally in love with him. I don't know how it happened so fast, but it did. And I just have to deal with that and brace myself for the inevitable.

He is going to leave. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon. I will have to lay down in bed and he won't be with me, curling his arms around me while I drift off. I'll get up and have to make my breakfast, if I even feel like doing that, and he won't be watching Sponge Bob and smiling at me when I sit down. I'll have to shower and think of his voice singing Music of the Night.

Those are just three little things that I will have to get used to when he goes, and even those small thoughts are like red hot swords driving slowly through my heart.

At the end of these two weeks, I'll have a thousand more things to miss when he goes. I know first love is supposed to be painful and bittersweet, but this situation is just too surreal. Not many girls fall in love with a male stripper that they bought for two weeks so they could also study his psyche.

Maybe it's because he's my first real patient, maybe that's why I care so much. My need to help him, to save him might be driving me towards some hero complex. And he is my Lois Lane, my damsel in distress that I've somehow fallen for.

Bella Swan, that is the dumbest thing you've ever conjured up.

And even now, on the way home, I kept picturing Edward in different lifestyles. Wearing a shirt and tie, at a desk, answering a phone; maybe selling cars, opening a car door and smiling as a woman steps inside and sits down to give it a try; oooh, there's a lovely image now…Edward as a construction worker, wearing a hard yellow hat and no shirt, glistening and tan in the sun as it pounds down on his perfect chest….and he takes a break, pouring ice cold water down into his mouth and it runs a little down his throat and into the little creases of his chest…

GAH! I need a cold shower, that's the answer. I had picked up my surprise for Edward on the way home and had it hidden in my backpack, looking at my watch. I am very early, good! I can't wait to see his smile again and get a nice kiss.

As I came up the stairs, I could hear his voice already, faintly. The walls here are way too thin. I could always hear Mrs. Nevitz across the hall playing her Julio Iglesias albums on Saturday nights.

He was laughing and I smiled, moving slowly and quietly so I could keep on hearing it. I heard no other voices, though and I was relieved. I hoped Edward knew that I didn't want him working in my apartment.

"Oh yea?" his voice asked very sweetly and I felt a little jealous of the person he was talking to, most likely on the phone.

He laughed again as I got the the top of the stairs and began to come down the hallway towards the door.

"Oh, okay." He said all of a sudden, "Oh- wait a second!"

A small pause.

"I love you." He said, full of emotion and with a hint of sadness.

I stopped, feeling my heart squeeze inside. I feel glad that Edward has someone…that Edward loves someone. That means he is not completely alone and there is a living, breathing someone that Edward has feelings for. That is wonderful and may help him overcome his pain.

So why was my first reaction pain…and hurt…and jealousy?

"Okay, bye." Edward said quickly now, and added, "Talk to you---"

He paused again and hit a button on his cell phone, it sounded like, a little beep.

And he added, solemly, "tomorrow." , finishing his sentence to himself.

I winced, hearing him moving around inside. I couldn't just open the door now, he'd know I heard some of that. And I was too early. Maybe I should leave and come back at 4, like I said. Where will I go?

Oh, this is New York, Bella! There are 1,000 shops and ice cream places out there! Go get a soda, a Popsicle – something!!

I spun around and began tiptoeing down the hallway when the door opened. Oh fuck!

"Bella?" his voice asked as he walked towards my back.

I turned, smiling like an idiot, wondering what my brilliant explanation was going to be for walking in the wrong direction, away from my door.

He was smiling at me and holding a bag of garbage, appearing to be on his way out to dump it. I hate it when he keeps doing domestic chores around here. But, maybe, for him, this helps him feel more at home. So I was letting him do whatever he wanted around the place.

"Hi." I astutely responded, my inner brain quickly typing on its computer, trying to help me come up with a feasible excuse. I waited impatiently for its results.

"Beautiful." He leaned in, kissing my lips very softly and for a good amount of time.

God, I missed you. Don't ever leave my side again, Edward, I beg you. I'll rob banks to keep you if I have to. I'll chain you to my bathroom sink!

No, that wasn't my brain talking, that was another deep, dark part of me. My brain shut the door on that little voice and kept typing away furiously, trying to work.

Once the kiss ended, and I let go of Edward's poor hair, hoping I didn't yank any of it out, I knew this was it, my moment of truth.

"What were you doing, walking that way?" Edward smirked a little, finding me a funny puzzle at the moment, "Did you forget the mail or something?"

"GOOD!" I yelled out loud, making Edward jump and laugh and then I covered my mouth, adding, "Umm, yea, I passed the mailbox and totally forgot to get it."

Thanks a lot, brain, for your help! Take a time-out now – ten minutes.

"I was going to get it this morning, but I don't have the key and didn't want to intrude." He said as he walked with me back down the stairs, his free arm at the small of my back, stroking up and down intimately.

God, even this small of a touch is driving me crazy with desire! And his smell…my lips still taste like him, too, after that kiss. It's like…mint with a little chocolate hint in it. Maybe he had chocolate chip mint ice cream today. MMMM, I'd love to see him eat ice cream…

What the hell is happening to me? I can't keep a coherent though anymore without Edward starring in it. Even thinking of school is no good, today I pictured Edward as my teacher in James' place, slapping my naked ass with his pointer stick. I am buying myself a straightjacket for Christmas this year. I deserve it.

"You're not intruding, Edward." I responded to his statement, meaning it, "Believe me, the most exciting mail I get is my People magazine and maybe a free offer for the new Betty Crocker cookbook, along with my three free recipes for fudge brownies, lasagna, and red potato wedges."

He laughed hard at my little rant and I chuckled along with him. Oh, does he think I'm joking ? Poor, naïve Edward…he thinks I'm not a total dork.

"Only you can do that to me." He kissed my cheek softly, putting his arm around my neck, "Make me laugh after the day I've had. I can't believe it's only been a couple days…"

He nuzzled his face into my neck and kissed my neck four tiny and hot times, taking a little nip as we reached the bottom of the stairs. There he released me too quickly and I followed him towards the door going out.

He stopped and looked at me.

"Aren't the mailboxes…there?" he looked up and behind me with his eyes, pointing and I felt my cheeks flash redly.

"Oh, yea." I squeaked, clearing my throat, and added, "Sorry, I forgot."

And I spun in humiliation and moved myself to the wall of mailboxes in the lobby, my jaw set in embarrassment at myself.

It was a wall of little gold squares and each had a number. Mine is 13, figures, right? With my good luck.

I put my little silver key in and turned it open, taking out my junk mail and quickly looking through each piece.

Here is my exciting mail:

Geico – you may be able to save over $500 on your auto insurance.

I have no car – thank you – goodbye – garbage.

St. Thomas Church – a pre-printed post card, saying, We miss you – Where have you been?

They miss my donations is more like it. And I have given up church, I am sleeping with a male whore and loving it, Satan rules and I am going straight to Hell – thanks for asking – goodbye – trash.

Oooh, Lillian Vernon catalog! Keeping that!

Yes, I am only 20 and have the soul of a 40 year old housewife, sue me.

Jenny Craig – You can look a lot better than you do now ! Join us !

Fuck you, bitch! Garbage !

What DINK came up with that idea to lure customers in? It must've been a man. Asshole.

Man, my mouth is getting really bad. Even in my head, I sound like the old Eddie Murphy, before he joined up with Disney. I miss that Eddie Murphy, so bad. Just once I wish the donkey from Shrek would look at up Shrek and go, "Fuck you, Shrek!"

Thank God Edward can't read my mind. He'd run away, screaming. Do you think he knows I heard his phone call, a little? I don't think he knows, he kissed me and all, and he looks happy, but I know that he can place that happy face on in two seconds when he has to. That means he is hiding again, playing nice.

I hate when he does that, even though it's not his fault. Thank God it's almost time to get into therapy. I let him off easy yesterday but today I wanted to make some real progress and get down to some things.

A note from my dad. Charlie is such a nut, a loveable nut.

I told him to call me if he wants to talk, I had loads of time to sit around and shoot the breeze, until a couple days ago, but Charlie always says he doesn't want to bother me if I'm busy so at night, when he's at his desk, bored from the lack of crime going on in Forks during his night shift, he sits there and writes me letters. It's always bulky and full of pages.

Charlie is like me, it's easier to write things down instead of saying them. But, at least he is expressing himself in some form.

I would read this later, when Edward isn't around. I don't know if he realizes or knows it, but I think it might make him nervous, knowing my Dad is a chief of police somewhere, even if it IS far away from here. I don't want him thinking I'm setting him up for some undercover prostitute bust or something. Why do I sound like I just walked out of a bad episode of Miami Vice?

Charlie, he probably thinks I'm the life of the campus, going to parties and dating all the guys I can find. Or maybe he knows I'm a huge nerd and sit around every night watching NCIS or George Lopez. I hope he doesn't know.

Somehow, it makes me feel like he might be disappointed in me, if he knew what a loser I am. And now, me paying Edward all my inheritance money from his dead mother, for two weeks of …I can only call it heaven…although others might have a dirty and sleazy name for it…would only make him MORE disgusted and disappointed in me. He can never know of this. He can never meet Edward. And now I feel very sad.

Another reason we could never be.

Well, that was all my mail. So now I just had my catalog and my letter from Charlie and locked my box back into place as Edward re-entered the lobby and came up behind me.

I heard him coming but I did not expect what came next.

His arm quickly grabbed around my neck and a little something sharp was lightly poking me in the back.

"Don't scream. Don't fucking move." His voice sneered deliciously and deeply into my right ear, "Walk slowly…up the stairs."

He spun me around and I began to walk, his arm still pressing a little, tilting my chin up a bit as we made our way up the stairs. There was no one else around, which is good. Someone might think I'm being kidnapped and call the cops. But then again, this is New York. No one cared in this city. Even if they did call a cop, I could be raped and killed by the time they'd even put their donut down and move their overweight asses into their cars to come check it out.

Even on CSI, they always get there AFTER the poor dead body has been laying there for two days!

I didn't speak during our ascent upstairs, I was too stunned to come up with a cool line in this hot little game. I wanted to say that it was really therapy time, but I didn't want to. I wanted this. I wanted to see what he would do to me next. I was already very wet from his voice alone, and his 'kidnap' so far. This was a long time fantasy of mine, one I would just play out in my mind. And now it was coming true…with him, a very skilled player who would do it right.

I wonder what that little thing is in my back and as soon as I thought that, we were in front of my door and the thing was removed from my back and inserted into the lock of the door. Oh, his key. Okay, good, at least it wasn't a knife, that would be a little scary.

But then I knew if I didn't want this, all I had to do was say lo mein. But I wasn't about to say that yet. I decided to start playing along to let him know I was into it and to make it more fun for him, too. I want him to enjoy me, for real, and not just perform for me without his heart being in it. So I tried to play now.

"Listen…" I began, "I have a little money in my purse, you can have it, alright? Just please don't hurt me."

I thought that was pretty good. Believable and I actually used my nervousness to make myself sound scared.

He huffed, shoving the door open and scowling, "You think I need your pocket change?! Get in and shut up!"

He gave me a pretty good shove and I'm amazed I didn't fall, me being cursed with the miracle of clumsiness. I gave a real squeal that time and before I could do anything, his hand was in my hair, yanking it backwards and the door slammed shut.

I gave a little cry again, closing my eyes as he controlled me, bringing me to the counter of the kitchen, forcing my chest down onto it, bent over with my arms curled under myself, panting, in a dizzying dream state, feeling a big fantasy of mine, not just in my thoughts but on my body, real arms touching me, hands roughly against my body.

"I'll take this." He yanked the backpack off my arm and then stole my mail out of my hand, tossing it over the other side of the counter,"And this."

His hands curled around my waist and began undoing my pants, unzipping them as I exhaled harder, giving a whimper and letting my body struggle back as I always did in my little fantasy world.

It was okay to say no here and I was glad. I could play my part and not make him think I was really against this. Only lo mein would stop him.

"No, please…NO!" I began shrieking but his hand slapped over my mouth hard, not even allowing breath to pass through.

"Shut up, bitch!" he sneered wickedly into my ear, his lips almost touching it, "This is going to happen so just shut up and take it. Don't make me hurt your pretty face."

His other hand stroked softly along my cheek, the one hand still holding my mouth with brute strength.

I gave a couple more whimpers, so aroused at this point I felt a damn puddle forming in my underwear.

"Will you be quiet now?" he asked me.

I breathed harder, waiting a moment then making my head nod a couple times.

"If you're not…" he spoke softly now, making my skin shiver more, "I will gag you…and I will hurt you. Do you understand me?"

I whimpered again, nodding.

"Good." He seethed in my ear, "Brains and beauty. I love you college girls."

His hand left my mouth and I just panted wordlessly as his hands both yanked my jeans down off my ass, my panties yanking down too, as his hands clawed at my clothes like an impatient animal. I tried not to squeal or yelp as the jeans got all the way to my ankles then stopped, his voice growling in frustration with my inconvenient clothes.

He went, instead, to my t-shirt, yanking it off my body, over my head and out of my arms, tossing it on the counter to my right.

"Fucking bra!" he growled, undoing it quickly as my eyes closed, my breathing getting harder and heavier. He tore that off me and tossed it over the counter, too as my arms still laid under me, half covering my naked breasts.

"Turn around." He spun me roughly, my back against the counter now as he exhaled a deep breath, his rough hands kneading both my breasts as my head laid back off the counter edge a bit, arching my back up against my "will".

It sounded as if Edward had never seen my body before, or felt my breasts the way he was breathing as he groped me roughly with no tenderness now. He is very good. I wonder if he ever took acting lessons.

"Bitch…" he breathed, diving his mouth onto my right breast, biting and licking and sucking it savagely, as if he HAD to have it all, his hand squeezing it at the base the whole time.

I loved the way his mouth worked. So wickedly rough and brutal, but not enough so to hurt me for real. God, he is excellent!!

I even couldn't help giving a little bit of light squealing and whimpering, hoping I was playing my part well…even though I wasn't really TRYING to act…this is AMAZING!

My attacker ignored my noises and kept having his way with my left breast, his other hand moving raggedly over my torso and down around over my ass, then again, desperately clutching between my legs as I let out a tiny scream.

His hand grabbed my throat and his lips ascended from my nipple and he gave a small little squeeze.

"What did I say about quiet, bitch?" he quizzed me.

I was really heaving for air now slightly and felt my face turning a bit hot.

"I'm sorry…I'm sorry…" I panted, closing my eyes, "I'll be quiet…I'll be quiet…please…"

"One more time and I'm sticking something very unpleasant in that hole of a mouth." He warned, "Like perhaps a couple of brillo pads…or maybe a nice soapy sponge."

I shut up and didn't say anything else now, not wanting that.

He held my neck and loosened the pressure to let me breathe, but his mouth was all over my body now…not placing sweet, warm kisses…licking, biting, sucking….I half opened my eyes, getting hotter and hotter from this with every inch of me he assaulted and I realized my face was upside down off the counter edge, and I could see my window, a tree and telephone wires…freedom and life only feet away while this was happening to me.

He had worked his way now, down to my belly button and in seconds he was licking and softly biting my clit, my back arching more as I tried to struggle a little more, my useless arms and hands were just laying at my sides, passively.

The little devil in me said I was making this too easy for him and we decided to put up a little fight.

"RRRRRR!!!" I kicked my legs harder and peeked down a little, deciding to grab his hair with my both hands. I didn't pull but the idea was clear.

"No!!" I heard myself squeal, "Don't TOUCH me!! NO!!"

"Stupid bitch." He sneered, and I felt the key against my clit, not hurting me…but cold and rough.

"Fight me!" he scowled, daring me, "Fight me and this is GONE!"

I closed my eyes and let my head fall backwards again. He is good. What a way to stop a fight in one second without working up a sweat. I knew it was only a key but for our game it was a knife.

"Get your fucking hands out of my hair." He demanded and I let go, knowing I was as good as dead. I actually was truly afraid and that excited me more.

The key came off my clit and his one hand squeezed around my cheeks from under my chin, and in a second, I was sitting up in front of him, nose to nose with him and his eyes looked so god damn angry and lethal I nearly screamed again.

"Do you WANT to BLEED?" he asked, low and hissing like a snake, "Do you WANT ME to fucking KILL you?!"

"No!" I panted, squealing, my eyes closed to protect myself the burn in his eyes, "No, I'm sorry…sorry…"

"You certainly are. Or…you will be now." He gave my cheek a light slap and my eyes popped open on their own, looking at his.

"Oh, what's that?" he squinted, "Don't like me slapping you? Are you gonna take me on again?!"

SLAP. Not hard, just enough to make a noise. I never fantasized that but I found myself liking that, too. I am so twisted.

"Huh?" he shook my face a little roughly and asked softly, "You wanna fight again?"

SLAP. "This is nothing." He informed, "If we fight again, I use my fist next. So answer me…do you want to fight?"

"No." I gritted through my teeth as he squeezed my cheeks together harder, "No."

"I don't believe you." He snorted, grabbing my long mane of hair at the roots, close to my scalp, "Get up, you little whore."

He began walking me out of the kitchen but then I tripped, forgetting my ankles were in my jeans around me, my sneakers still on, too.

I fell face down on the beige carpet with a little cringe and groan and I heard his evil laugh behind me, standing there, looking down at my naked ass. I flushed hot in my face again as he ordered, "Take those off and get up."

Quickly, I sat up and pulled my sneakers off, then the jeans and panties, and I stood up, his hand in my hair again instantly.

"It seems I can't trust you to play nice." He observed out loud, yanking my hair up so I was leaning back against his body, on my tip toes, my ass resting against his hips.

He picked up one of the cushioned bar stools beside us, sweeping it and me into the living room, where there was a large circle of free space.

"Perfect." He placed the stool down, and shoved my stomach down on top of it, bending me over, my feet just an inch off the floor. My arms hung down and I felt my hands hold onto the bottom bar of the stool to support myself.

"Don't move." He leaned in, his lips at my ear and I shuddered for real, not daring to move now. I don't think Edward would really punch me in the face, but I didn't want to find out. No, he wouldn't punch me. But it's incredible how real this all feels, even though I know we're playing. I was having a great time so far.

He found the ties off my curtains at the window and when he took those off, the curtains closed on their own, hiding me from view in case a curious pigeon flew by.

I trembled and panted as he sat on the floor below my arms and tied my wrists together and against the bar of the stool, keeping my arms down and in front of me, trapped. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the sensation of being tied up for the first time. The curtain tie was green and it looked so like Edward's eye color as I gazed at it against my pale white arms. It felt secure, and tight, but not painfully so. I tried to move my wrists but the knots were expertly tied. I was going nowhere.

I gave a couple whimpers as my fists curled and uncurled uselessly and Edward ignored that and stood up, moving around behind me.

My right ankle felt Edward's hand coil around it and then I felt cloth moving around it in its place, wrapping around my ankle twice and then knots firmly closing a couple of times against the bone of it I tried to touch my toe like a ballerina to the floor, but it didn't reach. I squirmed my foot a little and discovered how trapped it was, like my wrists.

Without another word, Edward tied my other ankle in the exact same way, against the other bar of the stool so my legs were very open and pointless.

"There." He sounded pleased and I felt his hand give my right ass cheek three good hard slaps, as if I were a horse he was praising, "That's the good girl."

I gave a little whimper and stifled the yelp I wanted to make. My head hung over, my hair hiding my face as I just stared at my bound wrists, wondering what he'd do next, my body thrilling at this helpless, tied up feeling.

"I would just fuck you now," he informed, "But you fought back and I don't like that. You made noise and I don't like that, either. You grabbed my hair and I don't like that most of all."

He wandered over toward the kitchen as he spoke and I tried to turn my head to peek at him. I couldn't see into the kitchen, all I could see were my discarded clothes on the floor.

The anticipation was insane and my body felt warm everywhere as I lightly struggled my ankles and wrists, as I often do in my fantasy. I gave a little grunt as I realized I was tied quite tightly actually.

He came walking back in and before I could see what he had he was behind me. Then he put something down on the floor and came back around in front of me, picking up one of my ankle socks off the floor, rolling it up into a little ball.

"It's time for your spanking but I fear your mouth will start again." He stood right in front of me but I couldn't look up at his face because I was unsupported and hanging limply, staring towards the floor.

He grabbed my hair and said, "Open your mouth, slut."

Before I could open it much, he shoved it into my mouth, not deep but enough to fill it. I bit down on the cotton ball and let out a little mmmmmm as his hand stroked my face, a touch of gentle Edward, telling me silently that I was doing well.

I also knew that I could easily spit this out of my mouth at any time and say lo mein if I wanted to and I knew that Edward had thought that out, not making my mouth really gagged where I couldn't shout my password if I wanted to.

"I'm gonna give you five because I'm in a very generous mood today." He announced as he stood behind me, "And you will count off starting with 5 and going backwards until you reach 1. Got that, bitch?"

I nodded and breathed harder through the cotton and I made small, helpless sounds that said I was afraid.

"Good." He said curtly and then WHACK!!

Something hard and long and wooden cracked over my ass, both cheeks at once.

"UUUuuuhhhh!!!' I panted and cried out, my head trying to move up, falling back down weakly as the little sting began to prickle, my eyes clenched then opened.

"I don't hear your count!" he was tapping the wooden thing on my left ass cheek.

"FIVE!" I screeched through my cotton ball in my teeth. It was muffled but I could understand myself slightly.

How the hell did I forget that? My brain is becoming mush with a little sugar on top the longer I am with this man.

"So much for my brains and beauty comment earlier." He said as I really frowned at that remark and then another swift lash sounded against my warm, unprotected ass.

"RRRR!!" I screamed through my sock and immediately cried, "FOUR!"

I think he's not hitting me that hard on purpose. I'll bet he can really deliver a horrible, devastating blow if he had to. My ass just tingles a little and it's not really very painful at all.

"Progress." He muttered, then I heard the air whip as he landed the third blow across my lower cheeks.

FUCK now THAT hurt !

"RRRRRRRRRR!!!" I screamed out harder, trying not to spoil things by using my word. I only had two more spanks to go…I could do this.

"Awwww…" he mocked sympathy, stroking his hand along my ass, right where it hurt…mmmmm…thank you Edward, thank you…I love you…sooooo much…yes…right there…rub…ooohhhhhhhh God…thank you!

I was thinking all those things but my muffled voice was moaning hard, speaking to him of how good his hand felt and thanking him with no words.

"Poor little slut…did that one hurt?" he cooed, and he leaned in and placed a warm, wet kiss over the area that last whack had been.

I just closed my eyes and moaned, loving the way he touches me…the way his lips feel…

"And once again, I fail to hear your count." He said.

SHIT! How do I keep forgetting that?! What is wrong with me?! I had learned to count in kindergarten, am I really that brain dead now since I bought this amazing dark god?

"THREE!" I tried to call out.

"Too late." He snapped wickedly, "I let the first one go but now I have to stop playing and REALLY hit you."

I made more noises of no…no…no….through the sock in my teeth but he paid no attention, until he said, "Oh, yes, yes, yes. Don't forget your count again or I'll add ten more to it."

CRACK!

GOD DAMN IT! My ass feels like it just split under the wooden thing he was hitting me with.

I bit down and held back a couple tears, screeching and growling…refusing to say my word…oh FUCK!

"TWO!" I screamed while I suffered vocally. I can't believe I almost forgot again. I hoped I had said it in time.

"You just made it that time." He informed, "It was almost too late."

SLAP! The last blow sounded and it stung a bit but was not as powerful as three and two.

"ONE!" I called the final blow.

"Good girl." He praised and moved his both hands along my slightly sore ass now, vigorously massaging the hurt away as I hummed through my cotton ball with pleasure. I love the reward for getting through my first little spanking.

Small kisses rained from his lips onto my bottom, wherever there was even a hint of any pain was all healed now and I smiled as much as I could with my sock sticking half out of my mouth.

"Nothing like a good little spanking to make a slut behave." He said with a soothing, velvety tone of voice.

God, it makes me hot when he calls me slut and bitch and even whore. I want to do a study on that and see if other women have the same experience, or maybe it's just me. But the things he's saying are just making me more and more randy with each sentence.

God, he's good. For someone who doesn't go to church anymore, I do say God a lot.

He came around in front of me and said, "And now…."

His fingers reached down and tugged on the cotton poking out of my mouth and drew it out in one long motion, letting it hit the floor below my face.

"If you bite me or scrape me, bitch…" he warned into my ear again, "That spanking will seem like an orgasm when I'm through with you. Understand?"

"Yes." I breathed, having not much fight left in me at the moment.

Besides, why would I bite the magical wand that was enchantingly spraying my whole life with wondrous pixie dust?

What a good line that was, I smiled mentally to myself, I wish I could somehow put that one in my report. Then I told myself to pay attention to every emotion, every sensation I was feeling now…it may be helpful when I do write my paper, experiencing things from the inside this way.

But this was not something to study and analyze. I had waited 20 years for this fantasy and I would be damned if I was going to ruin it for myself now. Shut up and enjoy it, I told myself.

I felt his cock insert itself into my open mouth and he was moving it slowly in and out, his fist in my hair, holding my head up enough to hold still and suck and lick as much as I could while he did the moving part.

I made little pitiful noises as he panted, slightly increasing his speed. My noises were desperate mmmm!!'s and gagged pleas for mercy as he pumped himself faster, his voice grunting and growling as I just tightened my soft, relaxed lips around him and kept my teeth away, my saliva wet, hot, and sloppy as he kept going.

"Uuughhh…" he growled, "You will swallow every drop of me, bitch. Or it's your ass."

With this, he shoved in hard right near the back of my throat and exploded his cum there, slightly choking me as he kept his penis there, demanding, "Swallow, bitch."

Half coughing, I felt tears watering my eyes and I swallowed as I was told…once…twice…and he withdrew himself from my mouth as I coughed for a second, blinking my eyes to rid myself of the tears.

He let my head drop and he walked around to the kitchen, raising his jeans and zipping them as he opened the refrigerator door, and then I heard a soda can opening, a click, crisp metal sound and then his gulping and swallowing.

Wow, it's even hot when I'm left here alone, tied up like I'm just a sexual object.

This is wilder and hotter than my fantasies even.

I play struggled a little more, trying to bend my legs a bit, moving my head from side to side, slowly, trying to move my stomach as it rested against the surface of the stool.

"What a lovely sight you are…" he said from inside the kitchen but my hair was blinding me from seeing him as it hung there over my face.

He was walking back in here towards me now as he spoke again.

"Struggling like that.." he said, "Knowing there's no way to escape…knowing I'm not finished with you yet. You are one hot little bitch."

I panted, not talking right now and I saw him move into the bedroom. He came back, I was guessing with a condom. All I could see were his legs and feet.

"I went to get a condom and look what I found in your drawer." He sounded amused, coming around behind me.

I heard the buzzing sound of last night behind me and I heard Edward tear the foil of a condom wrapper and put it on.

"You little slut," he ran the vibrator end along my ass cheeks, and I moaned quietly as the sensations from it reminded my body of what he'd done with that thing to me last night.

"Listen to you moaning like a cheap whore." He scowled and felt with his fingers between my legs, "And CHRIST you're sopping wet!"

I hung there, my head down as I stared at the bar my wrists were bound to, wanting him to fuck me so bad…so hard. Now.

He sucked his finger and gave a soft MMMMM, then he put the little vibrator under me, holding it against my full, red clit and at the same time, he penetrated me in one smooth motion.

Both of us moaned out at the same time in our own separate ways. I could feel his free hand on my ass, clawing it with hard fingers as the little oval egg went bezerk over my clit, speeding me to a frenzy as I already began screaming, unable to control it.

"Fine, go ahead and scream." He began pounding inside me, holding the bar of the stool to steady me so I wouldn't topple over, his other hand working the little vibrator around the same area, wanting me to go insane from the undiluted pleasure of it.

"No one will care." He said as I kept howling out in abandon, "No one will save your ass from me!"

I heard him groaning and grunting in his masculine gasps as I kept bucking and thrashing and squealing out for mercy, not able to think of many words.

There were a few please's but it didn't take long before I lost all lady like behavior and began to shout, "FUCK!!! NO!! NO!! FUCKKKKK!!!!"

It seemed like forever to me because I was coming all over the place in different ways that I lost everything, even track of time and I even forgot I was tied to a stool. I felt like I was floating in a web of lust and heat and orgasm and I never wanted to be freed.

Edward was panting and breathing harder than last night, I thought for a moment as he came again inside me, waiting for a minute before carefully backing himself out.

"Shit…" I heard him breathe as he stumbled a little near the bathroom door. I heard the water run for a couple seconds and then he was coming back over to me.

I couldn't see him but I felt a very hot washcloth press against my crotch.

"Uuuuhhhhh!!" I let out a very happy, throaty moan as the cloth moved up and down my tender lips.

I wasn't sure if it was alright to speak to him now as Edward, but I hoped he was alright. I never saw him stumble before and was hoping that he did because of how good it had felt for him.

It's for damn sure when I get off this stool, I'll be stumbling, too.

"Good baby…"he breathed, stroking my ass and leg tenderly now, "Good little baby…"

I guess that means I did well playing our first game together. If I could applaud him, and say Bravo! In return, I certainly would have. He is an incredible dream rapist. I wonder if Hallmark has a card conveying that sentiment.

He began to untie my ankles, stroking around each one for a few seconds, feeling my feet and muttering, "Good, nice and warm." As if checking to make sure they weren't cold from lack of blood flow.

Then he came around in front of me, wearing his jeans, no shirt, and felt my curled up hands, checking them now.

"Good girl." He said approvingly, untying my wrists now, carefully.

As they came undone, my arms hung there for a second and he rubbed up each of my wrists with his hands, kissing them and massaging them with care. He kissed my head with a deep, soft kiss, also and his voice floated above me like an angel's.

"Come here." He said softly, "I've got you. Carefully raise up to me."

He helped my top half up and my arms curled around his shoulders and in a second, I was in his arms, being carried bridal style to the bed. He laid me down in the middle and covered me up with the warm blanket and quilt, going around near my feet again, slipping his hands under the blanket, massaging my ankles and legs with those knowing, skilled hands of his.

I laid there, gloriously oblivious to everything around me except his expert hands as he kissed and massaged every inch of me, not to make me come this time, just to relax my sore muscles and put me at ease.

"Are you alright, Bella?" he asked with true concern, his eyes deep and asking.

"I am SO alright." I murmured, closing my eyes, in a wonderful haze, almost feeling drunk, my words almost slurred, "God damn, how did you know…how did you do that, just out of nowhere? Were you planning all that?"

"No." he smiled down at me, rubbing my wrist in little hot circles, kissing it again, opening his mouth and wetly closing his lips over the skin there, "I was going to save that game for later, but then I just saw you at the mailboxes and I remembered what you said about being grabbed from behind. And I just…went with it. There was no one around. I hope you're not mad at me. You never said your word, so…"

"God, Edward, no!" I sat up, taking his face in my hands and kissing him hard, "I absolutely loved it, please don't…do that. I know to use my word if I don't like what you're doing. And I have never been so…thrilled and scared and elated and HAPPY in all my life."

His brow creased as if he didn't believe me. But he still smiled that crooked smile I adore.

"Really?" he asked.

"No, I just came like that because I felt sorry for you." I stole one of his funnier lines again as he laughed with me.

"It's like you were a whole other person…" I said after a minute, "Like, I really believed all those things you said…I felt it in my BONES. I was really shaking, Edward, but it was so intense and…wild. Even my dreams weren't as good as you!"

He took a breath and smiled more, moving closer and letting my head lay in his lap as he leaned down and kissed me again.

"I'm so glad…" his voice was wickedly deep as I closed my eyes, wanting to just simmer in the memories, "I've been told I play that part particularly well, but I always feel a bit nervous when I begin."

"I couldn't tell." I admitted truthfully, "You felt in complete control to me…and so evil. I get goose bumps now, just remembering your voice! God!"

He smiled down at me like a little boy now, all traces of my dark intruder were gone and he kept massaging me, taking excellent care of my body after play was over. I noted that. A very caring soul, very wishful to take care of someone else, to always make the other person happy and comfortable. That is the real Edward and I just knew it right away. Now he was being real, now was not fake or role play or fantasy. I could see it in his eyes.

Edward let me lay in bed recovering as he took care of dinner for us. I just closed my eyes and remembered my back over the counter as he licked and bit my nipple, the feeling of my jeans being ripped down off my ass in the middle of the kitchen, and the exhilaration of my struggles as Edward tied me to the stool and had his way with me.

Before I knew it, he was kneeling at my bedside, kissing my closed eyes and asking if I wanted to eat there or in the living room again. I chose the bed and we made another nice little picnic here together, eating steaks and green beans.

I was laughing, in my care bear robe as we almost finished eating and Edward was saying, "I thought for sure when I swatted you across the ass, I was gonna hear LO MEIN! LO MEIN!!"

I almost spit my soda out again, a full mouthful gurgling there as I tried not to laugh along with him. I swallowed and giggled, too, loving the sound of his laugh and his thoughts on our fun together earlier.

It was getting dark outside and Edward asked me, "Are we still having therapy today?"

I almost dropped my soda can and I looked at him. His eyes were down, on his plate, and he slowly brought them up, under his long lashes, as if afraid of my answer.

"I mean, I kinda…had my game playing during your time." He said, "I feel badly about that."

"Do you want to?" I asked, stunned.

"Yes, Bella." He said and I shot him a look, but then he exhaled a breath and seriously, said, "No, really. I would like to…talk to…Dr. Bella. If that's alright."

A little smile played there on his lips and I took my last bite of food.

"Alright, Edward," I leaned in and kissed his nose, "Let's go to my office."

"Okay." He followed me, taking his can of soda with him, I guess, to have something in hands this time while he talked. I noticed that made him more comfortable.

I adjusted my robe, not feeling very professional at the moment, but I reached for my notebook out of my bag and checked the tape. There was lots of tape left, as we hadn't gotten into long talks yet. Now that it was only about 7-ish, maybe we could have a nice long talk now. I hoped so, even though the stool in the middle of the room was still there, making my knees quiver.

I sat in my chair, my back to it, so I would be okay.

I hit the record button and said, "Edward- session 3."

"Hi Edward." I smiled at him, like a schoolgirl when I wanted to be more like Dr. Melfi on the Sopranos.

"Hi Dr. Bella." He smirked back, snickering for a second as he took a sip of soda.

"Okay, Edward, how was your day today?" I began, finding it a good place to start.

"Ummm…not great, actually." He shared, "Until I got home, that is."

I blushed and tried to focus. Something was wrong and I had to stop being stupid now and concentrate on him, as much as he does on me when he is in charge.

"What happened?" I asked, "Before you got home?"

"Well…" he exhaled, playing with the tab on his soda can, "I had to work today. And…ever since I woke up this morning, I didn't feel the way I usually feel…when I have to go to work."

He looked up at me, almost apologizing with his eyes as I stared back into his eyes, silently telling him to keep going and that he was really trying and I could see that.

"Go on, Edward, it's okay." I soothed with my voice, "Anything you say is alright. There is no wrong for us…remember?"

He looked like he was struggling with something and said, "Yea…I know…"

Again, silence. He was really troubled over something. I decided to ask a couple helping questions.

"You worked at Fire today?" I asked.

He shook his head, glancing up at me, then back down again, his soda can holding all his interest.

"Another party?" I probed, "At someone's house?"

He swallowed and looked away and looked at me…shaking his head again.

I felt like I was talking to a little boy now and even his eyes had that little child shame in them. I don't think this is some act, either. I had to proceed very, very carefully here.

Lots of times, Edward is very childlike and playful and I knew that was him being the child he never could be in the past. Something big was going on with him and I had to be there for him now.

Edward acting so solemn and boy like could mean that he is afraid of being rejected again, afraid of a parent like wrath, afraid of being alone again and left behind, like he was back then.

I searched for the kind of things he could be doing during the day…and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

His eyes looked afraid as mine glazed over with epiphany. I could see him bracing himself for my reactions. And again, he looked down into the hole of his soda can.

"Edward…" I made my voice very calm, "Did you do something today…with a woman, other than me? A client?"

His eyes looked deeply full of sorrow now, deep remorse and bitterness as he set his jaw and closed his eyes, giving a nod to me.

Okay, I will admit to being angry. I admit I am hurt and I feel used and want to cry and scream.

But I know Edward is feeling all those things, too. And he has been through worse than I have today. Did the bitch hurt him today?! Right away, after my own pain, I noticed I was protecting Edward almost immediately afterwards. I shouldn't demand details unless he wants to give them.

I must be there for him and show him that even if he sleeps with 200 more women, that I want to help him deal with it and that nothing he says can make me desert him now.

It's not like we are boyfriend and girlfriend and I caught him doing Rosalie or something. I know this is his work and I knew it going in. This wasn't about my paper or my grade now…I love him. I always will. He is drowning and reaching out for me. I'll be there, always, to help him find air.

"It's alright, Edward." I kept my voice as calm as before and he looked at me, his brow furrowed and confused.

"It is?" he asked simply.

"Yes." I breathed, feeling too far away from him now. I wanted to hold his hand and put my arms around him, but that's why a psychiatrist's chair is so far from the patient's….so this doesn't happen. But I can't help that…I am close to him. I want to be.

"So…why did you feel…different about working today?" I asked delicately.

His eyes looked up at mine. "You know why." He looked away again.

"Because of ME?" I voiced it, getting it out there.

He nodded, not meeting my eyes.

Part of me was dancing like a little girl inside …but I stopped that right away.

This isn't funny, Edward is suffering.

"Alright, so…" I did all the talking now, "You felt…what, exactly? Can you tell me?"

He exhaled again, frustrated, "I don't KNOW! I feel like I am cheating or something. I feel like I'm betraying you. Aren't you angry at me?"

I thought for a minute and said, "No. I am not angry at you."

His eyes widened and looked at me, in disbelief, "WHY?"

"Edward…" I began, "Remember that girl you said you had the date with? The one who threw the drink in your face?"

"Yea." He said, making the tab on his can move back and forth.

"What did you say to her when she asked you what you do for a living?" I asked gently.

"I don't remember." He started but I cut off right away, saying, "Yes you do…come on, Edward."

He sighed and muttered his answer, "I said…I fuck old women."

"Is that all?" I raised a brow, wondering if he left something out.

"No." he couldn't look at me, "Then I said…tonight's costing you $500."

And at the same time, we both said, "That's when she threw the drink in your face."

I almost laughed but held it in.

"I thought you liked her. How old was she?" I asked.

"25." He said.

"And you must've been…24 ?" I asked, getting him to nod.

"So 25 is old now?" I grinned, "And was she really pretty?"

"Yes, very." He answered, staring at the tab again.

"And you did like her."

"Yes, until she threw the drink in my face." He pointed out.

"But you don't see it, that you liked her, so you purposely insulted her and used your job to shove her away?" I asked cautiously, "Let me ask you a question. Why didn't you tell her you were a dancer? Or in the entertainment business? At least that would've been gentler and easing into things a bit instead of your answer, I fuck old women. That's not all you do, Edward."

"What is the point?!" he looked at me and raised his voice a bit, "I could've said those things, and then she'd date me again and again…and I would get attached…and then she'd find out about what I really do and she would dump me. So I ask you…what is the point?"

"Are you trying to push me away now, Edward?" I asked quietly and he didn't answer. He sulked a little, staring at his soda can some more.

"Hmm?" I asked, waiting, "You like me a little and you're afraid to get attached to me. You didn't have to tell me about today – I'm glad you DID…but you told me, I think, because you thought I would get so angry at you that I'd throw you out…tell you to go to Hell…never come back…am I getting warmer here?"

I didn't want to say it but part of me even hurt thinking that this last role play we did together was to further his cause of making me hate him. To tell me, right after we'd made love that he had been with another woman earlier the same day…hold it together, Bella, cry later, not now.

"I'm…just…" he began and then stopped.

"No, Edward, keep talking…I'm not doing all the talking here, I want you to say what's on your mind. Come on." I coached softly.

"I feel…when I'm with you…" he said, "Like I'm not…working. It's playing. It's nice…and fun and you're so…(he closed his eyes then opened them again)…sweet - and innocent. Your eyes look at me and I'm not at work. I'm with a beautiful friend…and I just felt sick today, not telling you where I was going and what I was going to do. I felt like I was…messing up what happened between us…last night. And I didn't want to ruin that."

"Edward…"

"I mean, I know I'm a hired toy." He began as I frowned and he cut me off, "And I know you hate hearing that but it's true. I am for your pleasure only, I'm not supposed to hurt your feelings and I am not supposed to like you as much as I do. And I can't stop working at these jobs because I need them, Bella. I can't lose my job."

"Alright, alright." I could see him getting tense and very upset and this one time, I wanted to calm him down, "No one is asking you to lose your job, Edward, okay? Take a breath. Good. Relax for a minute. Neither of us will talk, okay? Just close your eyes and breathe."

This seemed to calm him and I was glad.

"Good." I finally said, breaking the silence, "This…is a very confusing situation we have put ourselves into. I will not deny that. I really like you, too, and maybe I treat you differently than your other clients. They can hurt you, shove you around, treat you the rough way they do…and then I meet you and I'm not like them. I'm quiet and I try to be gentle…."

"You ARE gentle." He corrected me.

"Thanks." I tried not to smile too big, continuing on, "And I'm very gentle with you…and maybe that reminds you of your past…when someone like me…caressed you and slept with you, kissed you softly and played with you, ate dinner with you and loved you. And now, you are feeling all those things again and you are remembering…how wonderful that was.

I think that's really what you are missing and were missing today, when it was time to leave that and go to work. It's not so much about me…it's what I make you feel again, after so long."

"No." he looked like he was with me until I said it wasn't about ME.

"I truly do like you, Bella." He corrected, "It's nothing to do with my past. Don't put yourself down, Bella. You are a great girl!"

I feel relief but I know I am on to something here, even though my heart doesn't want to swallow it.

"Thanks Edward." I smiled, my leg shivering a little. I put my hand on it, steadying it under my notebook.

"But I think it's really your girlfriend you were afraid of betraying when you left this morning…not so much me. We've only known each other for almost 3 days. Anything I do or say wouldn't make you feel sick inside like that. Can I ask you some things…about her?"

"Who?" he became stone faced, looking at me.

"The girl…" I cleared my throat, "Maybe…you can tell me her name today?"

Eyes down, body tense. He's not going to tell me today.

"Alright, forget that." I dropped it, "How about…telling me how you met."

He only relaxed a tiny bit now and said, "In school. College."

"Tell me about when you fell in love." I said, almost like a suggestion.

"Do I have to?" he asked, clearly struggling internally again.

"Come on, Edward, be brave." I gave a baby push verbally, "I did the stool thing."

He smiled and then tensed…and exhaled and said, "I was studying medicine. She studied art and photography. We were worlds apart. We probably wouldn't have met at all, but I was accidentally put into one of her art classes, the real kid scheduled in the class was Edward Callen. I guess they just typed it wrong, but I was sitting in this painting class and would've just walked out…but then…I saw her. And I…couldn't move. I just couldn't…"

I smiled at him, loving him so much as he opened up to me some more. Amazing myself, I wasn't mad about his job today…or upset. What did I think, after knowing me for two days, he'd quit his life and sweep me into his arms and we'd live happily ever after or something? I needed to accept Edward for who he is…good, bad, and ugly. All of him. That's what a therapist does…that's what a FRIEND does…that's what someone who loves you…does.

I blinked the tears out of my eyes and was glad it was getting darker in here now, he avoided my eyes so I was safe that he wouldn't see how much he touched me, talking to me like this.

"I was trying to paint at my easel, surrounded by these Picassos around me, not having a clue how to even mix colors, let alone PAINT anything on my canvas. The teacher even asked me if I was doing an abstract. I said no and she said, just paint what you see, dear. And it was a bowl of fruit!"

I couldn't help it, I had to giggle at that. I could picture him doing that, all for a girl's attentions.

He laughed, looking at me.

"It was so fucking sad." He bit his bottom lip, really at ease now.

"Anyway, after class she was walking past me and I said hello and she said hello back and looked at my painting with this look of…horror on her face…and says, are your eyes alright? And we just both started to laugh and she offered me some help after school with my 'art', or she said she could recommend a great eye doctor. And that was it. I never left her side after that."

His face was so alive and full of light until he added, "Until I left college, that is."

I hated to do it but I had to ask about his pain again…and its source.

"So…all through college, you stayed close by her, and after college was over, after she graduated…what happened then?"

He looked around, struggling inside again…hesitating.

"Bella…" he looked at me, with wet eyes.

"Take your time…I'm not leaving." I assured, giving him a warm smile.

Finally, after a long of deep breaths and attempts, he said, "We…got married."

He bent his head, clutching at his hair and closing his eyes.

"That's good." I sounded positive, "Was it a nice wedding?"

"We got married at the fucking police station, a Justice of the Peace." He sneered, sounding very angry about that, "I couldn't even give her a beautiful wedding day!"

"But I'm sure that didn't matter." I said softly, seeing only his hair now and his fists clutching at it, "She loved you and I'm sure it didn't matter to her how or where you were married. Don't you think so, Edward?"

"You're a girl." He didn't look up but his voice was very tense, "Don't YOU want a nice wedding, a beautiful dress, flowers, family all around, music?! The truth, Bella!"

I couldn't lie to him now.

"Yes, I do." I admitted.

He let a little breath out, and it sounded almost like he was quietly crying.

"But if it meant marrying some rich man I didn't love…" I informed, "It wouldn't mean a thing. All that crap is just icing on the cake. The main thing is, having the man you love…and him wanting to spend the rest of his life with you. That would mean more to me than a wedding in a palace!"

"And after all you gave up for her, all you lost and went through for her while she went through school…" I said, "I am SURE she knew how lucky she was, Edward. To have true love. That is why she married you. And I'm sure, too, that she was very happy that day."

I would be.

A long pause sat between us for a long time.

Finally, Edward said, "Thank you, Bella. I never thought of it…that way."

I smiled, answering, "Sometimes we're too close to things to see the whole picture. You just have to stand back once in awhile, like looking at a painting."

He sniffed, his head still down and I pretended to look in my notebook while Edward put his soda can down on the table and quickly wiped his eyes, letting another deep breath out.

I hate seeing him cry. I want to hold him so badly. I want to kiss his tears and tell him that I love him and that he's not alone.

But he can't be all alone. That phone call. He had said I love you to someone.

I can't admit that I heard that, he'll kill me.

"So, let's move on a little…" I took a cleansing breath and pushed on, feeling like we're making real headway here, "After you got married, did you get a little place together? At least this means you weren't on the streets anymore, right?"

"No, no more streets." He grinned at me, the skin under his eyes still a little shiny, "We got a loft apartment – one huge room and a bathroom, even smaller than yours."

I grinned and he looked at me quickly.

"I don't mean that yours is too small, I meant that…" he was always so fast to apologize.

"It is small." I stated, "I'm not offended by the truth. Go on."

He made a mad face at himself for a second then said, "We were pretty happy there for a while. No honeymoon, though. No furniture. We had to save for that and the few things we did get were hand me downs from her parents. But a lot of couples start out that way. We had a bed, on the floor, but it was soft."

I see problems already before he even says the words. It may be cute at first to not have anything, but money problems can kill a marriage, especially a new one.

This is so sad, Edward wanted to be a doctor and now he can't afford to buy furniture for his first place with his wife. That had to be eating him alive.

"So her parents were good to you?" I injected.

"Yes, very." He said right away, "They were always kind to me and her father even offered me a job at his factory. They make hangers, the plastic ones."

"And…did you take that job?"

"No, Tan---" he stopped and closed his eyes, "She…(he looked at me sadly again, apologizing)…didn't want to leave New York. Her parents live in---very far away from here. She wanted to be an artist and a photographer and she said to do that, she had to be in New York.

So I politely said no to her father and we tried to make things work here. They even asked us to live with them in their house for awhile, but she didn't want to do that, either. Her parents aren't rich people, they're very….lower middle class. They saved all her life to send her to college and then they had very little else in their savings account. But they are nice people, caring, down to earth."

"And…how did that go?" I asked, not dwelling too much on the slip he almost made in telling me her name or where her parents lived.

"Not very well." He said, rubbing his hand along his arm, "I got a job as a…cashier. And she tried to find a job taking pictures, like, at weddings. But she had to start off as a photographer's assistant and that paid very little. I know as a man, it's my job to provide the bulk of the money for the house but I couldn't get anything even remotely well paying. Every day I would look for something else, something better. Every day there was nothing. I used to see those fucking ads for female escorts and all the money they would offer and I'd laugh and say to her…do you believe people do that shit for a living? And we'd laugh at those people."

Again, his head fell into his hands and his breathing grew choppy and rough.

"She would probably laugh at me now…seeing what I am." He said, almost to himself.

I waited a minute and then asked, "Did you start fighting…the two of you?"

I was going to ask if they got divorced, but that was skipping things and I didn't want to pry too soon here.

"We fought all the time." He said, his voice thick with emotion, "Always about money. Stupid shit. She bought a box of candy once and I shouted at her and threw it out the window. I was so fucking rotten to her…"

He cried a little more now…and I had to look away and wipe my own eyes, hoping he didn't see me. I hated seeing him so hurt. But it had to come out.

I hate to ask this next one.

"Did it ever…get…violent?" I dared and he looked at me, the tears really falling down his cheeks as I looked at him.

"No, Bella." He squinted as if I should know better, "I would never really strike a woman. Only lightly, in play, now….but…then…no, I would never hurt her that way, I mean. Joseph and Katherine always taught me…you're gonna laugh at this one…respect for women. I'm glad they can't see me now, either."

"No one is laughing, Edward." I said plainly as he looked at me, softer now, and let his head drop into his hands again.

"So, did you ever try to seek help?" I asked, "Like marriage counseling or…"

"I couldn't afford that." He snapped, as if this subject had come up before, "You know how much those quacks charge?!"

He looked at me as I chuckled and winced, "I'm sorry, Bella. I don't mean you. Maybe, if we had talked to someone like you, we would've been happier. But I could've never afforded YOU. Everything good is so fucking expensive."

Tell me about it, I wanted to say, $20,000. But then I hated myself for thinking it.

Suddenly, I didn't give a damn that I paid him to be here. He is here and he needs me and I love him. The rest meant shit to me at this point.

"Did she…want to go to marriage counseling?" I asked.

"Yes." He said, leaning back on the sofa, licking his lips as he looked away, thinking, "But I promised her I would try to be a better husband. I swore."

"And did you…try?" I asked.

"Yes." He glanced at me, "But it still wasn't good between us. We didn't fight or yell too much anymore…but we didn't talk much, either. We became strangers. We hardly ever…made love. And when we did, it was stale and flat. But neither of us said anything about it."

"And…what happened then?" I asked.

"Nothing." His eyes became guarded now and cold in one second.

"Nothing?" I repeated.

"Can we talk about something else now?" he asked.

"But Edward, I think—"

"Please, Bella?" his eyes were sparkling with tears and I couldn't push him to keep going when he said please like that to me. I am way too soft.

"Alright." I went to my questions in my notebook, "But I don't think you'll like my other questions, either."

"Try me." He challenged me.

"Okay." I chose a very harsh one because I wanted to keep talking about his marriage and its demise, knowing that was the beginning of the end for Edward.

"Tell me about the first time you sold yourself." I said coldly, as if reading it.

God, Edward, I am sorry. Don't answer that.

"Fine." Edward frowned and nearly sneered at me, not that I blamed him.

"I didn't mean to say it that way, Edward." I tried weakly to correct my harsh words but he shot me a look.

"Do you want to hear this or not?" his face was stone.

"I want to hear it." I made myself say and held my tears back hard.

But did I really want to hear this?

"Well, after I was…hired by Victoria." His voice was hard now, "I learned the art of dancing, playing my roles in the club. Emmett and Jasper were like my teachers. I learned very fast and discovered I was good at being Edward, exotic dancer. And that's all I did for awhile.

One night, Victoria calls me to her office and tells me she has a job for me. A job that will pay me an extra $5,000 dollars. I was told I was to dance privately for a very special client. She said it was easy money and to go with her back to her house and do what I was told. I knew what it was she was asking me to do and I told her so.

She said that she owned me and that I owed her my life and I knew she was right. So I went with the woman and made love to her while her husband watched from his chair in the corner, jacking himself off the whole time.

Then he was coming over to us and I stopped, thinking he was going to punch me or something. But no, he didn't want to beat me up, he bent me over his wife and tried to fuck me in the ass while I was still inside her.

It was only the wife who saved me from that. I ran out of there and walked 5 miles back to the club and told Victoria I was never doing anything with men and if that's what she wanted me to do, I'd rather die right now. She claimed not to know about the husband but from then on, she's never tried that again. I am for women only and since that day, it's only been women I've…worked for. Pretty story, isn't it?"

I didn't say anything and Edward said, "I told you my life was ugly. Why do you want me here, Bella? Someone like me doesn't belong here with someone like you. I'm so filthy I can never be scrubbed clean again."

"I told you, Edward, you're not going to push me away." I stated again, firm in this, "Stop trying. You're here for two weeks. I don't want you to go. I want to be your friend…if you'll let me. Please let me, Edward. I love---(I stopped myself and he looked at me, sharply)…having you here with me."

He didn't answer and I remembered my plans with Edward for tonight, before I was so rudely attacked.

"Hey!" I stood up and hit the stop button of my recorder, "I have a surprise for you, Edward. I hope you like it. It's what I had planned for us tonight."

His eyes followed me, silently and sadly and I thought for a second he thought I was going to ask for something sexual… and beautifully, they didn't look interested in anything like that right now. I was so glad.

I went to my backpack and took out a little rectangular box, wrapped in shiny blue foil wrap, a little white bow on it.

His face fell, then his brow creased in the center, unsure of what I was up to.

I sat next to him on the couch and dropped the box in his lap, "Happy…Edward Day." I just made that up on the spot.

"Happy Edward Day?" he asked, not buying it, looking down at it.

"Yep." I lied, "Today is Edward Day and all the Edwards of the world are being celebrated. So open it."

"Bella," he looked at me with fragile eyes, the tears still wet on his face, "You shouldn't be buying me gifts…"

"Just open it, you pain in the ass!" I yelled, laughing and smiling at him.

He grinned at me, "Pain in the ass, huh?"

"Yes, literally." I looked at the stool and shoved him a little with my arm, "Open."

"Silly little girl…" he muttered, taking the top lid off, and I smiled at his face as he moved the tissue wrap out of the way, seeing a nightshirt, size large, black with thin little red lines going across and down it.

He smiled and held it up, it was huge and way too big for him but he treated it like it was priceless.

"Oooh, a shirt…for bed, right? It's SO soft! " he acted so grateful for it but he didn't get it. And he wouldn't until I told him what it was, really.

I took it and threw the box away, saying, "Come here, sweet heart."

I said that with true deep feeling, not in a joking way or teasingly.

I gathered the shirt up along the big collar and placed it over his head, saying, "I know I made rule number one, about you never wearing a shirt in here…"

I let his hands slide through the sleeves as he looked down at it, then at me while I went on.

"But I'm changing my rule." I informed, both his hands in the sleeves now. Perfect. It covered every inch of his chest, and then some, even hiding his nice pelvis.

"I want you to wear this shirt because you mean more to me than a perfect set of pecks, a washboard stomach and big muscular shoulders. I want you to be warm and all covered up and I want to hold you all night tonight. Because you deserve that, Edward. I think you need it and crave it…you've been neglected, too…and have for a long, long time. And because…I…."

I love you…say it…I love you…three little words…no big deal. But it is.

"I truly care about you, Edward, very, very much." I chickened out.

But his eyes were so tender and sad and lonely.

"Is that alright?" I used his favorite line on him again, my arms around him as I leaned my forehead to his, closing my eyes, hoping I wasn't overstepping the boundaries now, praying he'd let me and not get scared again.

After a long pause, and some deep breaths, Edward said, "Yes, Bella."

I looked at him and asked, "Is this really what YOU want? Or are you just trying to appease me again?"

"No." he said without hesitation, a little sadness still lingering in his voice, "I want you to hold me, Bella. I think…that might even be…better than sex…a little."

I smiled, so happy as he smiled up at me and I planted a big kiss on his lips, all salty from his tears. Poor little sweetie.

I took his hand that was covered by the too long sleeve and said, "Come with me, angel."

He made a face at that word and followed me, "Don't say that, I feel like a girl!"

"You are…my girl." I informed with a giggle as he tried to tickle me for that comment.

"No, no." I squirmed away from him, turning off the lights and fluffing up the pillows so that I was propped up correctly for this.

I laid down, keeping my robe on as he looked at me for guidance.

"Come here." I said first, taking his face in my hands and kissing his eyes, and every tear underneath them.

"I hate making you cry, you know." I whispered, "But it's good, it's how you begin to heal, Edward. I'm glad you cried…but…it hurts me, too."

I kept kissing the damp salty places on his face as he just sat there, silent, not moving, his eyes closed.

"I'm not supposed to feel that, being a psychiatrist." I informed between my kisses, "But…I care for you so much that I'm too easy on you. That'll just be our little secret, okay?"

And I kissed his lips with my open mouth, lightly licking and closing my lips over his. I ended the kiss early because I didn't want him aroused or tempting me towards sweet, magnificent sex with him again tonight. I wanted this night to be pure and innocent and loving…only for him.

"I'll never tell." He whispered back, "Even if they torture me."

He snickered at his own joke and I laid back in bed with him, holding him close and letting him lay his cheek on my chest, my lips placing little baby kisses into his warm hair. I smiled as the little wild spikes of it tickled my neck and cheek and I heard Edward let out a breath…a happy, content little breath as we closed our eyes and let ourselves fall asleep this way…as one.

I heard a couple little sniffles from him but I ignored that, not wanting to embarrass him. The male ego is extremely fragile. I just kept stroking him and squeezing him a little tighter to me.

"Bella?" he whispered.

"Yes, Edward?"

"Tanya." He breathed, "Her name was…Tanya."

See next chapter soon!

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Love WinndSinger

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More details of Edward's life will be coming up!

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Sorry this one was so long – more coming tomorrow !!