11
Notes:
Hey, guys, I just wanted to thank you for over 1000 reviews! I am still so amazed everyone is liking this so much! Cool beans!
And there was a question about Edward using a hot wet cloth on Bella's privates after the stool sex – no, he did not slip, no Bella is not getting pregnant, he just did this to soothe her and make her feel good, as she took a particularly hard banging that time and she was still a bit new to the whole sex and tying up experience, so that was just Edward being sweet, thoughtful him and it did not have anything to do with semen or pregnancy, so, hope that answers your question.
And, the loan shark thing happened after the thing that happened in Edward's dream, after the marriage to Tanya, and more will be explained on that soon. Edward has worked for Victoria for a couple of years now, so any debt he owed her is paid off already, but once she got him into this lifestyle, he now finds he still needs the money and is trapped as her employee now.
Thanks again for reviewing and sticking with this story. Love you guys!
WinndSinger
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BPOVIt is 4pm now. Edward had made his private phone call outside and was now sitting in front of me, on the sofa, pleasantly smiling as I hit my record button and said, "Edward – session four."
"Hi, Edward." I began, trying to hide the slight attitude in my voice.
Trying to suppress a bigger smile, he responded, "Hi Dr. Bella."
I knew that was coming and I snorted. "Do you even know my last name?"
"Yes." He said without any change in his face, "Swan. Do you know mine?"
I sighed and tried to forget how humiliated I was at being left on a shelf, naked as he walked away from me.
Is he trying to make me angry at him? Is he trying to shove me away again? I hate this…I feel like I can't even be mad at him because he's my patient first, lover second.
I put a smile on my face and went to my list of questions for him, choosing a lighter one.
"Tell me about what it was like when you first joined Fire." I said with an icy voice.
"Wait." He squinted a bit, "What's wrong, Bella?"
"Nothing." I lied, my hands holding a pen so tight, I feared it might break in half.
"Bella…" he probed on, his eyes darkening a shade, "You're angry with me. If it's one thing I know, it's when a woman isn't happy. Have I not pleased you?"
He was leaning forward, very interested to know how he had hurt me. I hate when he talks like a slave. But it's not his fault, this is who he is, who Victoria and all those women have molded him into. Be patient with him. Don't show your anger. Be professional.
I was going to deny being angry again but I guessed he was right, he knew what I was feeling, like always. I should be honest with him, even if he doesn't like it.
Damn, why does he have to be so sweet and vulnerable now? He looks so sad and sullen, as if he'd done something horrible.
Just say what's on your mind, Bella. Stir him up a bit.
"Why did you just leave me there like that?!", I heard my own voice raise before I knew what I was saying, "Do you know how embarrassing it is to try and put your panties back on, in high heels, when your legs are so weak that you can hardly stand up, and at the same time, trying to pull your shirt over your naked breasts in a public place, praying to God no one finds you?"
"You're asking ME this question?" he smirked playfully, "In my world, that's a delightful little Sunday!"
"Well, in my world, it's unbelievably humiliating!" I heard my own voice and hated it, I sounded like a 3rd grader.
I made my eyes peek at him, seeing his bare chest, a soft, toned wall of muscle, and his snug blue shorts accenting his manhood very definitely. Why does he have to be this fucking beautiful? I can't even be mad at him. Damn him.
"I'm sorry, Bella." His eyes went down, in a submissive way, an ashamed way, and I hated it. I hated that I had done that to him.
"You can punish me." he said quietly, "It's your right and I won't fight it. As long as you forgive me afterwards."
"Edward, stop it." I frowned to myself, feeling sick inside, "I don't want to punish you. And please don't talk to me like you're my slave. I hate it."
"But you're angry with me." He looked up at me, his eyes hurt, "I am truly sorry. I left you there because it is part of the fantasy…I didn't want to leave you."
"Forget it," I tensed and grabbed my notebook, "Let's just go back to our session."
Edward's head dropped at that and I heard him exhale a sharp breath. His hands were clutching at his hair again and my heart broke.
Tossing my notebook down, I softened my voice, lost my anger and said, "Come here, Edward. Please."
And I couldn't believe it, but he crawled over the couple feet towards my chair. It was an instinct for him, as natural as a person would rise and walk across the room.
It would have been truly pitiful if it wasn't so incredibly erotic and arousing to see this toned, flawless being on his hands and knees, coming to me and kneeling before me, placed his face between the knees of my denim legs, as if ashamed to show his face, his hands curled around my knees too.
"You didn't have to crawl to me." I said very tenderly, my hand stroking his hair as little tears came to my eyes, "A simple apology would've been fine."
"I'm sorry, Bella." His voice was a little muffled by my legs and he looked up at me with real regret in his face, "I know I'm not what you would call normal in the way I make love. Or normal in the way I respond when you're angry. I know normal men would probably yell back at you and maybe storm out, but I can't do that. But I can try to be more normal, from now on, if that's what you want. I want so much to make you happy. You have been so good to me…please just…punish me now. And then we can start over again. I know it's not in your nature to be cruel, Bella, but I want you to. If you like, I can think something up myself."
"Edward…" I used both my hands to stroke down his cheeks, "What have they done to you?"
So much pain…so many scars…they really had broken this man. Over and over again.
He just looked at me and waited for my punishment – one that would never come.
"I would never hurt you, Edward. Don't you know that already?" I stated clearly and slowly, cuddling my head against his, "And I don't want you to try to be more normal. I want you…as you are…you do make me happy…more than you know. I love the way you make love to me…and I would never erase anything we've already done to start over again. And I loved you fucking me in that book store, Edward. Right or wrong, it was the best sex of my life, right up there with being tied to the stool. I am just new to all this and I over reacted. I am the one who should be sorry. I don't know why I got so mad. I should be thanking you. Your mind is so…creative and sensual. Who else in the world would've taken me in the middle of a store? Don't change, okay? Please? I love your ideas. And I want more. Got it ?"
"Yes, Bella." His voice sounded so relieved that it hurt me more.
I kissed him and tried to make it soft and deep and hard at the same time, wishing he could know how much I love him. I wanted to tell him so badly right then.
And I knew why I was so angry. Not at anything he did, or for leaving me there in the store, but for…leaving me. It made me think that someday he would really leave me, naked and thirsting for more of him, and that he wouldn't even look back. And I would be so desperately alone, broken, as he is right now.
But it wasn't his fault. This is all he knew. Fantasy, role play, orgasm, release, fear, anger, hatred, punishment, pain. There was no love for him to experience on a daily basis, besides this 3pm phone call he made everyday. I really wanted to know who it was. I wanted to know who Edward loved.
After our kiss, I held him again and he clung onto me, too and we didn't talk for a couple of minutes. Finally, I said, with a hint of kidding in my voice, "Now, stand and go over to the couch and sit down like a good little boy so we can have our therapy. Rule #2 – no crawling unless you're bleeding to death. Got it, Edward?"
He snickered and obeyed, saying, "Yes, Dr. Swan."
Oooh, improvement. Well, besides the him crawling to me bit.
He hopped up on the sofa and sat there, respectful as always as I went back to my notebook, adjusting my hair and trying to forget the raw heated feeling of his cock ramming me from behind as I was shoved into the shelf before me.
I cleared my throat and decided to change my first question.
"Edward…" I was speaking now as a friend and not "Dr.", "Why are you so afraid of anger? It seems like, every time I may act even a little angry, you get very afraid and automatically very…"
"Slave-like?" he finished, his face still looking calm and relaxed.
"Yes." I agreed.
"In my life, anger equals pain and punishment. It's my job to please everyone. And I do that very well. I can handle the pain when I must, I have a high tolerance to it. I can even endure it without screaming, if I'm told to. But most women love to hear me scream and beg. It's the rare individual wants me to bear it in silence."
"But you and Tanya went through a period where you said you were both very angry and frustrated with each other." I reminded.
"So?" he looked hard and flat now.
"And now you try very hard to please everyone and to hide your anger…at all costs." I said, onto something here.
"That's how I've been trained, Bella.", he said, looking down at a loose thread on his shorts, "I'm a machine now. "
"Did…something happen…to Tanya?" I made myself ask, getting his eyes to turn up to me suddenly, very guarded and squinting back at me.
"I mean, what happened, Edward?" I made it an open ended question, making my voice quiet and hushed, "Did she leave? Do you blame her leaving on your anger with her? Or is it worse than that?"
"I don't want to talk about her." He raised his voice a little bit, trying to control the fire in his eyes as I kept asking questions, "Not now, Bella, please?"
"You have to, Edward." I said then I stopped myself in mid sentence, making myself calm down, "Scratch that. You don't have to. But I wish you would tell me about it."
"Not yet.", his eyes looked absolutely lost, looking at mine, "Please."
"Alright." I flipped a page in my notebook, "This is something I've been wanting to do with you. This is called word association. What I do is, I say a word, and without thinking, you say the first thing that comes to mind. Alright? It's very easy."
"Nothing is easy." He said, his voice had a bit of an edge to it.
I smirked at him, "I guess you're right about that."
"Ready to play?" I smiled at him and he seemed to smile back, relaxing a little.
"Always with you.",he responded, his eyes smoldering.
"Stop that or I will punish you." I teased, "I'll tie you to a chair and make you watch educational TV all night."
"Ukkk!" he chuckled, shuddering.
"Okay, here we go." I went to my list of words, "Head."
"Suck." He said automatically then smiled at me wider, as if surprised by his own reply. A little boy snicker escaped his lips as I widened my eyes at him, "You said the first thing I think of!"
"Okay, okay." I moved on, "Green."
"Cash."
No mystery there. Cash is like his blood in this business.
"Water."
"Now!" he tensed and then looked at me fast, as if afraid of what he'd said.
"Now?" I asked, "What does that mean?"
"I don't know, it's the first thing I thought of." He looked away, leaning back on the couch, hiding something again.
"Sing." I moved on.
"Cook." He grinned and he looked at me, adding, "I like to sing when I cook…sometimes."
"Okay." I grinned back, "Death."
"Easy." He came back with.
"Long." I said, hoping he didn't make another penis reference.
"Life." He said.
"Long life, as in, having a nice, long life?" I asked.
"No." Edward's eyes went a bit cold, looking away, "Life is so fucking long."
I made a note, understanding him now. He isn't enjoying his life and it is a long, painful thing to endure. Death is easy, quiet, safe, with no more pain.
"Window." I said.
"Glass."
"Count." I said.
"Whip." He said right away and when I looked at him, he added, "When I am…whipped…I have to count them off. Count is what they say before they…begin. Something you need to work on, if you ever become a sub, my fair Bella."
"Okay." I gave him a warm smile, remembering my bad counting on the stool, hiding my sorrow for him again.
"Friendly."
"Smile." He said.
"Table."
"Serve." He answered and I think I got that one. Part of his job was to serve drinks…and himself…to those tables. I had seen that myself.
"Village."
"Idiot." He chuckled and I joined him.
"Cold."
"Ice.", his answer came back.
"Ice and snow…or ice cubes?" I asked, having a pretty good idea.
He smirked back at me, impressed that I read this one right.
"Very good, Bella." He purred his approval, "Cubes."
"Yes, I saw that the night I met you." I commented, "Those ladies love rubbing ice on you, don't they?"
"Only because I'm so red hot." He joked, laughing at my face as he said it.
"Okay, note to self, the ego is completely intact." I joked back.
"Dance.", I went on.
"Slow." He said.
"Slow dancing, with a girl?" I asked, unsure.
"No." he looked confused for a second, "We're taught to dance slow…at Fire. Victoria likes that. The clients like that. It's more…sensual."
His answers are definitely giving me some information on how he thinks, that's for sure.
"Sick."
"Me." , he said without hesitation.
"Edward, you are not sick." I looked at him and saw his eyes downcast, "Edward, look at me."
He did and it looked like it caused him physical pain to do so.
"You are not sick." I repeated, "I don't ever want to hear that again. Alright?"
He gave a little nod and played with the loose string of his shorts as I went onto the next word.
"Evil."
"Bitch.", that slipped out of his mouth, too, and he stiffened at his own word.
I had to giggle for a second, understanding that completely.
"Yes, I know you've known a lot of evil bitches." I informed, "I get that."
"Needle."
"Hurts.", he said.
I tensed and looked at him, he was looking at me as well and I carefully asked, "You're not talking about a doctor's needle, are you?"
He shook his head.
"Does that happen a lot?" I asked, squinting, "Women sticking you with needles?"
"Yes.", he admitted, "It doesn't leave that big a mark but it's pain play. A lot of women love that."
Who the fuck are these sick bitches? Jesus, listen to me, every time I hear of anyone hurting Edward I become a ten foot tall, snarling Mama Bear, raging.
"Okay." I took a breath, "Blue."
"Balls.", he said, snickering again. I smiled up at him like the school teacher, tolerant but warning with my gaze.
"Edward…" I sniffed, going to the next word, "Trip."
"Gone.", he said and then a second later, said, "My parents were always going on a trip. They never took me with them."
I made a note and Edward smiled, as if a thought dawning on him and he said, "But if I think of trip in another way, I guess I could say Bella as my answer. Remember when you tripped with your pants around your ankles when I was your rapist?"
"Hey, this isn't laugh at Bella association."
"Sorry.", he made his face go serious, trying to behave for me, "I'll be good."
"Lamp." I said.
"Wish.", he replied.
"Like Aladdin's lamp?" I smiled, Mr. Cartoon would think of a Disney fable here, I guess.
"Yea.", he admitted, "I love that movie. I would love to have three wishes, wouldn't you?"
"Yea." I smiled, looking at his face so happy looking now, "What would you wish for, Edward?"
"Hmmm…", he thought about it, looking up a bit, his mouth in that adorable little bow like when he slept, "Well, I don't know….isn't that between me and my Genie?"
"One wish, then." I bargained, "Tell me just one."
He hesitated then his eyes looked at me and glazed a bit.
"I wish I didn't have to be a whore.", he said firmly, his voice dripping with sadness and hurt…and shame.
I felt my stomach flip over from the ache that I felt inside me at this…my voice was horribly void and I wanted to say something comforting and helpful…but I couldn't. I realized, that would be one of my wishes, too. Along with, I wish to erase all Edward's past and pain, and I wish Edward a lifetime of happiness, even if it's not with me.
I wish I had a magic lamp.
But I don't…so therapy has to continue…as much as it hurts and sucks for Edward, this is the only real way to get there, to a happy life.
"You know that, don't you, Bella?" his voice finally spoke again, "I really do wish my life wasn't this way. I don't enjoy being…this. You know that, right?"
"Yea, I do." I answered, "I knew almost from the beginning that…you don't do these jobs for the thrill or the adventure of it, like some do. You really…seem to have no choice. You seem to do it for the money. Is that because you had no money when you were with Tanya and now you feel like…if you don't have enough money, you can't have love or happiness? Or is there something else I don't know about?"
My voice was calm and gentle as I spoke to him.
"Bella…Tanya is not in my life anymore, can't we please stop talking about her?" he asked a bit stiffly.
"Is Tanya sick or hurt?" I asked, another theory of mine, "Because that would explain why you do this, if you're taking care of her on your own. Is that it? "
"Bella, stop.", he warned, clenching his jaw, his eyes closing for a moment.
I wanted to keep pushing but that was not the way to have him open up to me. I cannot force him. But I also only have ten days left with him and I feared I would never hear the whole story in time. Then he would forever be a mystery I could never solve.
I gave a little growl and went to my list of words. I kept hitting into brick walls and my head was starting to throb. I feel boxed in, with no way out and no light to shine the way, trapped as surely as he was.
"Okay, let's do some more words…" I said, "Sin."
"Work.", he said, his eyes now softer and trusting again.
I noticed things were fine with him as long as I didn't touch his painful inner scars.
"Rich." I said.
"Mean.", he countered.
"Rich people are mean?" I asked.
"Every one I've ever met.", he said without blinking, a little half smile on his mouth.
"But…aren't you rich?" I asked.
"No, I'm not.", he looked sternly at me, insulted that I called him such a thing.
"But you make lots of money." I said, "Don't you?"
"Some goes to Victoria, the rest goes somewhere else." He informed, crossing his arms.
He's avoiding me again. I sighed, getting used to this. I can't help him if I don't know what all his secrets are. God, I am so impatient. I really need to work on that.
"Sympathy." I said the next word.
"Bella.", he said with a grin, seeing my eyes look up at him, "Bella feels a lot of sympathy for Edward. Doesn't she?"
I put my notebook down and looked at him, setting my jaw.
"Yes." I confessed, "I do feel very sorry for all you go through, the things you tell me…how you've been hurt all this time…and what it's doing to you. But it's not going to help you, Edward, my sympathy. It's useless. You talking to me, letting me see what's hurting inside, and us discussing it is what's going to make you feel better and begin to heal. I can be patient and I'm trying to be, but I can't keep on asking you questions that you keep refusing to answer. Can't you please tell me something? Anything? Be brave. Take a chance and trust me. I swear to God I will not betray you, Edward. I care about you…so much."
"I thought word association was supposed to be easy.", he replied, complaining as his eyes stared at the coffee table ledge.
I wanted to cry…I nearly did.
I went to my list of words and like a robot, said the next one on the list, "Pray."
"Waste.", he sneered coldly, clearly not liking that one.
"Praying is a waste? …of time ?" I asked.
"The biggest.", he seethed to himself, his eyes down as his arms crossed defensively.
"Why?" I asked, "What have you prayed for?"
"Does it matter?" he looked at me, frowning, "There is no God, there is no Santa Claus, and prayers don't get answered. Everything in my life is so because I made it so."
"What do you—"
"Next word.", he snapped curtly, pinching the bridge of his nose with his finger and thumb.
Obviously, I am striking some nerves with these words. Hmm…this is working.
"Money." I said.
"Life.", he said back.
"Expensive." I went on without comment.
"Everything..", he sounded a little bitter then.
"Unjust." I read.
"Life.", he said.
"Child." I chose next. And he looked like I slapped him in the face.
"Pass.", he spat out, frowning more.
"Pass?"
"Pass.", he fumed a little more.
I made a note of that. Possible child, maybe Tanya was pregnant at some point.
"Divorce." I said, looking right up into his eyes.
He hesitated. Things were raging behind his eyes and it scared me a little.
"Edward," I said gently, "You're supposed to answer right away, first thing that comes to mind."
No answer.
"Edward, are you and Tanya divorced?" I went out on a limb here.
His eyes looked at me then, and were so cruel looking I froze for a second.
"No." he stated with venom in his voice.
"Then you're still married." I assumed aloud.
Great, add adultery to my list of crimes I'll be serving my sentence in Hell for.
"No." he gritted his teeth, closing his eyes.
"Edward…" I asked very carefully, keeping my voice understanding and loving, "Did she pass away?"
"Bella.", his body jerked to attention and his voice pleaded, its tone tortured and pained, as if he'd cry at any moment again, "Please…can't we stop this? Please?"
"No, Edward." I stood my ground, "I want you to answer me…please."
"Why are you doing this to me? You can't fix me, Bella.", his voice was strained and his eyes were wet with tears now, "It's too late for me, can't you see that? Just…report things about my life now. I'll tell you every story I have about my job but please, please don't talk about her anymore. I beg you, Bella. Listen, I can tell you about Raven. There are some scary stories there."
"Why does it frighten you so much to talk about her…Tanya?" I asked.
"Bella…" Edward stood up and hit the stop button on the recorder, "Can't we talk about this tomorrow…please?"
And in seconds, he was kneeling down before me again, my legs parted as he leaned in closer, kissing my lips hard and his hands were taking my pen and notebook away, giving them a toss behind me.
"Please, Bella…" he kissed me again, his tongue curling in around mine, the taste of strawberry evident there, "I don't want to argue with you…please…can't we just…"
And he kissed me even harder and more passionately, cupping my face in his hands.
"Edward…" I mumbled against his mouth, "No…don't…"
"Didn't we have enough therapy today?" Edward asked sexily, and began to pull up my t-shirt, leaning my chair back a bit as he pulled the right cup of my bra down off my breast, licking wetly against my lonely little nipple.
I let out a high pitched moan and instantly I was wet between my legs.
"No, Edward…no…come on…" I began to breathe out my arguments, wanting to go back to what we were talking about but he was ignoring me, pulling the left cup of my bra off my breast, taking a thick bite.
"Edward…" I moaned as his tongue lapped at the hem of my jeans below my belly button. At this, I let out a strangled cry of lust.
"Enjoy my body, Bella, please…" he almost begged as he undid my jeans, unzipping them, "Leave my mind alone."
I was about to reply but then he drowned my words with his mouth, and in moments he was picking me up into his arms, and I felt myself laying on something hard.
Opening my eyes, I saw I was sprawled out over the kitchen counter, this time, my head hanging off and facing my yellow stove. My t-shirt was up around my throat and I felt my jeans down around my ankles again, the panties, too.
I couldn't even see him anymore but I felt him right away, his tongue moving expertly left and right over my clit, God, the heat and wetness of his DAMN tongue drove all thoughts of therapy out of my head.
"Edward…" I mumbled incoherently, "OHHhhh GOD!!"
"That's my Bella.", he spoke and his lips moved against my pussy lips and I almost screamed out loud again at that sensation, "Just let me please you…"
I soon came four times in a row before he even unzipped his pants, securing his condom, and taking me right there on the counter.
EPOVBella slept next to me in bed that night, and I held her, kissing her ear again as she began to drift off to sleep. I had tired her out with today's games and poor little Dr. Bella just couldn't think clearly enough to ask me one more question.
I felt like a piece of shit, doing that to her. But I didn't want her to know my past, my sad little stories. She would only pity me more and I didn't want any pity from anyone, especially her.
Bella paid a lot of money so that I could give her two weeks of pleasure. And the more she asks about my life, the more sorrow I see in her deep, dark eyes and the more I feel like some insect in a vial.
I wanted to enjoy my short time with the fair Bella, knowing once it's over we will never cross paths again. Is it too much to ask that I just have this time with her, uncomplicated with the horrors of my world, so I can remember it always?
Someone like Bella will never happen to me again in my lifetime. I don't want her to look back on us and feel sad for me. I want her to remember my smile, the laugh that I hadn't laughed in years, and the perfect way our bodies connect.
I want to keep feeling young…and free…and alive. I can actually feel that when I'm with her. Please, God, just for ten more days…but here I am praying again – to no one.
I wish that Bella could love me, that would be one wish I'd ask of the Genie. My first wish would be to erase all the pain and loss my baby had gone through. My money had restored her face and some of her internal organs but she was far from healed. Skin grafts, cosmetic surgery, constant surgeries as she grows older…medication for her pain…will cost dearly…for years and years to come.
I can never leave Fire. I can never have Bella for my own. I can never stop whoring. Wishes don't come true by rubbing on fucking lamps.
Hey guys!!
I want to know, is it too soon for me to reveal Edward's past?
I was going to do it in this chapter, but want your input!
Give me your opinion and thanks for reviewing!
Love you!
WinndSinger