Leaving seemed to be a good option. She and Chakotay promised to be back the following night to watch the last film, said goodnight and left. After a while, she chuckled. He searched her face. "What is ist?"

"I wonder..." He looked at her. She was smiling, but wouldn't say another word. They walked close together. Then, slowly, her arm crept up behind his back. It gave him goosebumps. She tentatively laid her arm around his waist and tuned her steps with his. He took a deep breath, reached up, laid his arm around her shoulders. They were in the corridors, any crewmember might see them. He almost wanted to meet someone to see her reaction. She didn't seem to bother, but he knew this was an enormous effort for her. Her biggest fear had always been the crew's reaction. She valued her privacy, but she knew as well as he did that any on-board relationship could never stay a secret for long. Any passing crewmember might still see this as normal behaviour – but this was in fact very off-duty, very private. He didn't think anyone could appreciate this more than he. This feels so right, and she finally admits it.

When they reached their quarters, neither of them wanted to let go.

"This is it," he managed. His voice betrayed him. She looked up and seemed to dive into his eyes, never to emerge again. For an eternity, he lost himself in her eyes, savouring every fiber of her being. Seeing all that was repressed fight an open battle. And he had to let her fight that one by herself.

Someone might see us.

And?

They might think...

What?

That we're close. A couple.

They already do.

It would be inappropriate.

Why, exactly?

There are rules.

There is no real rule against this, and you know it.

Kathryn felt his heartbeat. His warm hands on her partly bare arms. She sank into his eyes. Saw all the things she was longing for. All her happiness, she knew that now, lay in these eyes, these arms, that smile. It was her undoing and her salvation.

I'm the Captain. What will come of it? I can't, I mustn't.

And then it was all gone. She sank into his embrace, letting her head drop incredibly slowly against his chest. His heartbeat became her universe, his breathing her stars. She didn't stop and turn for one last look, she never took one last breath. She took the plunge. Nothing else mattered.

She never said a word, didn't let him in. And yet he felt her struggle. He was patient – the cards were on the table, now she needed to work this out for herself, inside. When she finally surrendered, falling, sighing, he knew. Kathryn gave up her longest, hardest battle – against herself. And made peace. He simply held her close, one hand stroking her hair, the other tenderly on her back. He couldn't draw her too close, he didn't want to send the wrong signals. Her head was lying against his chest, her eyes closed. Sure, they had hugged before. But this was certainly different. He was so aware of her now. Her smell so familiar. So close. Soft hair. She was no Captain, no Starfleet officer then, just a woman. His heart beat so loud that he bet they could still hear it two decks down.

Later, he was never quite sure what had happened next.

Chakotay felt like he was being steered by something he could not control, as he lowered his head, brushed his lips over her cheek. Her eyes slowly opened. They were only inches away from each other now. He longed for her. Ached inside. He saw that same longing, aching in her eyes, knew how she felt.

And then he kissed her. Gently, carefully, slowly, but with increasing determination. He felt his heart expand, his mind go blank. On the edge of consciousness he heard her moan quietly, surrendering. Shivers ran down his spine. She came completely undone now. Held onto him for dear life. He dimly noticed that she seemed to collapse in his arms, so he held her tightly. He felt no restraint, no doubts. Just her, giving in to love, fiercely claiming him, who had always been hers.

It seemed a lifetime before they emerged breathless. He gently continued to caress her face with small kisses and nudged her with his nose. Kathryn smiled, relieved, happy, her heart exploding in her chest. What took me so long..?

She heard him whisper in her ear, it tickled. "I'm so glad."

She grinned, tears showing in her eyes. "So am I," she whispered. "So am I."

Chakotay pulled her into a tight embrace once more, holding her, as if he couldn't quite believe it yet. It felt so good to be held, to be loved. His warmth spread through her. After a while, the situation seemed to sink in – What the hell happens now. I want him. But.. I'm scared. Not too fast.

He pulled away, cupping her face with one hand. His eyes searched hers, a somewhat incredulous smile still playing around his lips. "What happens now?"

She fought down the urge to either run away or pull him into her quarters.

"Well..." she managed. "You could tuck me in. That would be consistent with your new duties.."

He grinned. And took in her meaning. She tried to lighten the mood so they wouldn't get carried away... yet.

"New duties, I see." His dimples were killing her. "And apart from tucking in the Captain.. what would they be?"

She grinned mischievously just before she turned and put in her code. The door opened and they moved in quickly. She let out a breath. He chuckled. "You really were still scared stiff that someone might see us, right?" She flashed him a cheeky glare and held her head up high, which proved difficult since she was taking off her shoes. She is so adorable. He realised he was probably grinning like an idiot.

"I'll have you know.." - big tug on one boot - "..Starfleet Captains are not.." - tug on the other boot - "..scared stiff." With that, she chucked them into a corner and stepped toward him again, a bit smaller now. He stroked her cheek again and they simply looked at each other for a while, relaxed, loving smiles on their faces, simply appreciating the other's presence.

Then she seemed to have an idea. She took a step back and slowly reached up behind her. He heard a zipper noise, and seconds later, her dress dropped to the floor. From the look on her face, his jaw mus have dropped. Ok, she doesn't want to rush things, but this is not helping. Definitely not a regulation bra. Concentrate, Chakotay, concentrate. She turned away and slowly made her way to her bedroom. On the way she miraculously lost the rest of her clothes. How do women do that anyway? One would think they practise this every day like a battle drill.

He followed her slowly enough to respect her privacy. He stood in the bedroom door, watching her pick out a silky nightgown. With her back still to him, she unhooked her bra and dropped it. Her soft skin was only lit by stars from the viewscreen. She silently changed into her nightdress, then turned her head over her shoulder, speaking quietly. "So how about a goodnight kiss?"

Her voice was shaking. He had been right – she was scared stiff. She needed him so much, but she also still needed some time – a tough balance. She was afraid that she might not be able to back off. But Chakotay seemed to understand quite well. He sat down on the bed, holding up a piece of the blanket for her and she crawled in quickly. He took great care tucking her in, no doubt because every time he 'passed' her face, she earned a gentle kiss. She was giddy with happiness now. He finally deemed her snuggled up perfectly and wrapped her in one last loving embrace, kissing her on the forehead. He stroked away a strand of hair from her face and whispered: "Sleep tight Kathryn."

"You too."

He turned and made his way toward the door; she held him back one last time.

"Chakotay?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you..."

He smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow."