24
Notes: Yes, Edward still calls Katie everyday, even though I haven't shown that in the last couple chapters. And yes, his condoms are always working.
OH MY GOD!! I SAW THAT WONDERFUL DELETED SCENE WITH BELLA STICKING HER FINGER IN EDWARD'S MOUTH AND GIVING HIM A TASTE!! GOD, I WISH I WAS HERE, JUST FOR THE MAKING OF THAT MOVIE!! I'D HAVE DONE THAT SCENE FOR FREE!! MAMA!!
It's therapy time!!
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EPOV
"Edward…session…eight?", Bella looked at me, unsure.
"I think it's seven." I tried to recall but Bella shrugged and said, "Anyway…"
"Hi Edward.", she greeted me like this every time and it always made me smile. As if I hadn't seen her since the last recorded session.
"Hi Dr. Bella.", I grinned, sitting on the sofa as she had her usual chair across from me.
"So…", Bella took a little breath, looking towards the window to her right, "So much for my Dad not letting our problem upset him."
She gave a little grin so I let my face smile back at hers, hoping she wasn't hiding her hurt at her father's visit an hour ago. I hoped she knew she wouldn't have to hide it from me. I could be here for her, too.
"I know.", I remembered Charlie saying that he'd heard every story and how ours wouldn't make him yell or turn violent, "So much for your rules."
She was digging her pen into the notebook paper in her lap, and her jaw was a little tight for a second.
It looked now like she was upset…and she didn't talk. Her eyes were cemented on her notebook. Is she sorry we told her father? Does she feel I'm not really worth the huge rift that lied between her and Charlie now? They were so close when Charlie first came in…and now…
"Bella?", I began, "I am so sorry. I still can't believe you did that for me."
"Silly Edward.", she put on a brave face for me, "I did it for us…and I would do anything for you. I love you. I would die for you."
That statement was the equivalent of a knife piercing my chest. My mouth fell open and I felt sick for a second…thinking of Tanya…Victoria…the fucking danger of all this now.
"Don't ever say that again, Bella.", I heard myself say in a stern voice.
"I'm sorry.", she realized what I was feeling and it showed in her face, "I didn't think…I didn't mean…"
She sighed and changed the subject.
"So…how'd you like my Dad?", she asked, trying to smile more.
" I liked him.", I said without hesitation, "But he was way too kind to me. He should've hit me."
"You wanted him to, didn't you?", she asked, knowing me too well.
"Yes.", I was done trying to hide or lie to Bella at this point, "I know it was wrong of me…to take your money like that…to…make love to you for it. I've screwed over so many girls for money…when Charlie had me against the wall, it was like…finally one of their fathers got their hands on me…and now maybe I could pay for some of what I've done."
"I know how it made me feel…", Bella said, "When my father called you whore and…sleaze…but...how did it make you feel?"
I looked at my hand for a few seconds and almost lied and said I was used to that…but I admitted the truth.
"I hated it.", I confessed, looking at her briefly, "I wanted Charlie to like me. He was very cool during lunch and I felt like he was liking me a little bit. Then…when we told him…the way he looked at me…I felt so disgusting again...I usually feel that way, but, lately, with you…when we're alone…I don't feel so dirty. I'm clean. And I'm not doing anything wrong, somehow. I almost forget I'm a prostitute when I kiss you. And I didn't use the word whore, so you can't get mad at me."
She gave me a little smirk and I smiled back, glad I wouldn't get in trouble for speaking the truth, at least the way I see it.
"I'm not so sure I love the word prostitute, either.", she said.
"How about hooker?", I teased.
"My father is usually so calm.", Bella said, "He's seen a lot and he doesn't often get too…emotional."
"This is different.", I pointed out, "This is you now. You're his only daughter. I know exactly how he feels. If I were him, and you were Katie…I'd have beat my ass beyond recognition!"
Bella shook her head and let a little smile grow on her lips.
"Charlie is like you.", I went on, "He wants to help people. At first, when you wanted to get my shirt off, I hated that. Charlie would see. But then, when he did see…I could tell he cared. Like me or not, he is still a good cop. He wants to protect the weak…and rid the world of the bad. It's great that you're going to be a doctor, a psychiatrist. You can reach people and help them before they fill up your father's jails. You can prevent horrible crimes from happening at all."
"I never looked at it that way before.", Bella brightened a bit and I was happy I was the one to make that happen.
"And you're not weak.", Bella added, "And my father does like you, too. Even though he might not show it right away. He realized, as we told him more, you're both single fathers trying to do the best for your daughters. I bet my Dad would do the same for me if he were in your shoes."
"Yea, but you saw his first reaction to me.", I reminded, "This is what I told you before. He wanted to hurt me. He hated me. That's everyone's initial reaction to someone like me. That is why whores don't get help."
Bella sighed loudly and said, "He is helping you!"
"Because he loves YOU.", I stated, not wanting to start a fight with her.
"Are you sure about that?", she looked a little angry now.
"Bella…", I looked at her until she made eye contact with me again, "He loves you. He's just upset now. He'll forgive you. I promise."
She stared down at her notebook, not talking.
"The proof of that is, he's helping us.", I spoke softer now, "Frankly, it gives me hope to have two Swans on my side. Not that the first wasn't enough…I just feel…twice as protected now."
She smiled at that and I wanted to talk more about the thing that was gnawing at my mind and heart…always…it was almost crippling me, this never fading, inevitable Monday.
"But Bella…", I made my face turn serious now, "We both have to prepare ourselves for what may come. I very well may have to go back…your father even said so."
"No.", she again, didn't want to face it, "I'll make my Dad arrest you before I let you go back."
That thought almost made me laugh. Not a bad idea…
"On what charge?", I grinned, "Prostitutes who get arrested get out as soon as the bail can be posted. Cops don't even care enough about us to hold us for a whole day. And then Victoria punishes me for seven days instead of six."
"Jaywalking, then.", Bella huffed, "Excessive hotness…fucking on fire escapes, whatever!!"
"If fucking you on fire escapes is a crime, then let me be guilty.", I mocked the old Obsession commercials and I snickered, hoping she got the joke.
She half smiled and gave a little laugh.
"Your father would have to have something real on me to arrest me here.", I informed, "This isn't his town. Tell me you'll be brave if I have to go back. Just say it, at least."
"I will be brave if you have to go back.", she said blankly, staring at her book.
"Liar.", I smiled, shaking my head a couple times.
She threw her notebook down and her head fell in her hands, little whimpers were coming out of her.
In seconds, I was holding her, kneeling on the floor as she clung to me, crying into the crook of my neck while I stroked her hair.
"It may take a little longer than a couple days to get me out of there.", I said quietly, "Your father might need more time. I can hold on and wait. I'd wait forever for you."
"I can't…", she wept, "I can't let you go back to all that pain alone…"
"You're so strong, Bella.", I repeated, reminding her, "You've made me strong. I'll be alright. So will you."
Fate hates me, I wanted to tell her. She never lets me have what I love. She waves it around in front of me, dangling it over my nose as I try to leap up and catch it in my teeth, having no chance of capturing it. Maybe she, too, is a wicked dominatrix who enjoys toying with me.
Maybe Bella will be better off not being fate's carrot, tempting and teasing me.
"I wish you could just forget me once I'm gone.", I admitted, and as I said the words the thought of it made my blood freeze in my veins.
"Too late.", she said as I stroked the tears off her right cheek, "We're chained together now. If you bleed, I bleed."
"Bella…", I breathed, closing my eyes, "You are one crazy bitch."
This made both of us laugh and we held tight to each other. Things were getting way too depressing and sad these last couple of days. I wanted to forget all this for awhile…but my off switch wasn't working all that well lately. I used to be able to turn my sadness off and go to work. Bella had messed up my switches. And I was both glad and angry about it.
I am going to be a useless whore when I go back. How can I seduce a strange woman now? I don't even want to play student/teacher with Bella, how can I perform for strangers? I am so screwed when Victoria finds out about this.
I almost felt compelled to tell Bella now about Victoria. It's not right her father helping us without him at least knowing. I don't want to remember it. But I never forget it. Bella would probably not be scared away by my story, but I would be putting her in such a great danger…her father, too. And what if he suspects I'm involved in it somehow? It would be my word against Victoria's…if I go to jail now, Katie will be screwed. Not to mention, I would be raped maybe twice a day there.
I would call Bella's father if I could be sure the phones weren't being monitored by Victoria or one of her guys.
I'll have to sneak away soon and talk to Charlie. He needs to know. It could be the way out for me. But if something goes wrong, Victoria could still have someone get to Katie and hurt her – not to mention Ben and Angela. I had to think about this a little more. I trust Charlie, but even a good cop can be bound by the law – without a lot of proof, they'd have to release Victoria…and then she'd be coming back for me…and everyone I love.
"Let's get out of here.", I suggested, hitting the stop button on the recorder, "Let's have some fun. I'm supposed to entertain you, not have you crying all the time."
She didn't argue with me but smiled and looked up as I stood on my feet, scanning all the possibilities.
Finally, I decided on a great one. I haven't done it for a long time and I'm sure she would love it, too.
She was dressed perfectly for my idea tonight. Thin, short sleeved shirt, jeans, sneakers…she may need to bring a light jacket, though.
I snatched her away from her apartment and in no time, she was sitting on my lap on the train, asking me where I was taking her.
"Can't tell you.", I just said, driving her insane, loving it.
My hard on was poking her in the ass minutes into the train ride and I winced, wishing my dick would just take a vacation for once.
Without a word, or obvious movements, Bella's ass began to grind lightly against my raging, restrained cock.
I could only see the back of her head as she kept torturing me, getting her revenge for our first train ride, I was certain. The way I drove her into a frenzy and then just grabbed her hand and ran off the train at our stop.
So slowly she moved her hips, rubbing my cock back and forth as I tried to repress a groan I really wanted to voice.
I bet she's smiling right now, the little bitch! My evil side was fuming, suffering.
And this train ride would be long…at least 45 minutes. Shit.
After a couple more minutes of her subtle torture, I growled low in my chest, "Bella!"
She giggled, stopping. This didn't help either. Now I wanted her friction rubbing against the bulge in my jeans. I was aching without it.
Think of something else…yea, that's a good idea. Katherine came to my mind suddenly, teaching me how to knead dough for freshly baked bread.
"No, Edward, don't punch it like that.", she smiled, always patient with me, "Take your hands like this…and fold it over and press down gently…you don't have to hurt it."
I was an angry kid back then. It felt good to punch it…Katherine understood me…knowing my reasons for being so frustrated…and gave me some better things to do with my hands besides punch. God, I miss her. Maybe if things do get resolved with Carlisle and Esme, I can see her and Joseph again. That would be great.
I felt relaxed and smiled, looking out the window of the train, the sun still shining but beginning to lower in the city sky.
And Bella started rubbing her ass on my cock again. At first I laughed to myself and said, sorry, Bella, I killed Frankencock, you won't be playing with him during this trip…but then, like some horrible lab experiment gone wrong, Frankencock rose again…he would never truly die. DAMMIT!!
"Nooo…", I breathed, hearing Bella let out a small, throaty laugh.
She kept stopping and starting…needless to say, by the time we got to our stop I was hornier than a sailor at sea for the last seven years…but I couldn't make her get off my lap. It felt right having her there. I love how perfectly we fit together.
When we got off the train, for a minute I had to walk a little hunched over, feeling like an eighty year old man as Bella laughed with glee at my predicament.
Oh, Bella…laugh now…but revenge is a dish best served cold.
I was feeling less…engorged when we arrived at the dock, a bright yellow boat awaiting us, full of people, tourists mostly.
The words "New York Sunset Taxi" were written in royal blue against the school bus yellow paint and Bella looked at me, raising a brow.
"Have you ever done this before?", I asked, seeming I was always asking her this question.
"No, what is this?", she asked as I paid the man on deck for our tickets.
We were standing on deck when I filled her in.
"This is a sunset cruise, a three hour ride that shows us all over New York.", I informed, hoping she liked boats and wasn't prone to sea sickness.
"Cool!", she looked around on board and saw lots of white lawn type chairs.
"You like boats?", I asked as she went and grabbed us two seats near the side of the boat, so we could see everything.
"Did I not tell you about Charlie and me fishing every summer of my life?", she looked at me as if to say, "DUH".
"Oh, yea, sorry, I forgot about that for a second.", I felt bad for not remembering that myself.
"You're lucky you're so pretty.", she teased me, and I laughed with her on that one. I didn't often hear that compliment from women.
I remembered the first compliment she paid me, in the private room, Awaken, when she said, "Your eyes are so green. They're pretty."
I think I first loved her right then. Only Bella would notice my eyes at that moment in time.
I laid my head on her shoulder for a second before the boat started its engine and then kissed it, straightening back up and looking over the side, watching the water lapping at the side of the taxi.
Bella took my hand and laced my fingers into hers and in minutes, the boat began to fire up and we began to move, both of us smiling like giant nerds at each other, excited to begin our journey.
The sun was glorious and the breezes were cool and welcome as we left the dock and land behind us. I put on my sunglasses and I got a sexy smirk from Bella at that. She seemed not to prefer sunglasses so I didn't feel too bad that I had them and she didn't. She looked so cute squinting and holding her hands over her eyes so she could see better while our tour guide stepped up, standing on deck, near the back of the ship, microphone in hand, introducing himself.
He was a tall, burly African American man with a bald head and mustache. He wore a white visor, turned backwards on his head, shorts, and a white t-shirt that said, 'I love New York.' – the word love represented with a red heart.
I would not want to have to fight him but as soon as he spoke, I liked him. He was funny…and knew his stuff.
We saw Battery Park City, the Empire State building, Center for the Performing Arts…Mr. Lee was our guide's name and he was great. Every once in awhile, he'd try to interact with people and finally he was near us and yelled out, "Everybody okay, here? Is everybody understanding me?"
Hardly anyone spoke up, except me, not very shy.
"YEA!!", I half turned to him, smiling, making Bella turn bright pink as she curled her arms around mine.
"Come on, people, one guy answers!!", he yelled, "Not good, guys, come on, have some fun here!!"
Some people yelled out then, clapping and going "WOOOOO!!!!"
"Screw you guys, I'll talk to my bro, over here," he sat next to me in an empty chair beside me and smiled, "You're the only person who understands me, so, where you from, man?"
He put the microphone to me and I laughed for a second, saying, "I live here."
"Aww, cool, loving your city, that's beautiful!", he slapped me on the back, "And who is this fine little woman on your arm?"
"This is Bella, she's mine.", I joked, "Don't be trying to steal my girl away, Mr. Lee."
"No, man, no…it's not like that, I promise.", he smiled, and a few people laughed at our exchange, "You're a cool guy, what's your name?"
"Edward.", I answered.
He extended his hand to me and I almost went to shake it but then he made his hand into a fist and punched my fist in friendship.
"Nice to have you on board, Edward.", he said, standing up, "Thanks."
"Thank you.", I smiled, hearing Bella giggling into my arm as he left us, going to interrogate some other passengers now.
"See?", Bella smiled at me, "Mr. Lee loves you. You can't be all that bad."
"He has the hots for YOU.", I grinned back at her, "You fine little woman."
As Mr. Lee traveled around the boat, he found people from Texas, the Ukraine, Canada, Japan. I smiled, liking the thought that at least on vacations, people could all get together and have fun.
We passed the Staten Island Ferry and Mr. Lee told us that the one beautiful thing about it is, it's free. And, he said, "In life, you have to appreciate and take advantage of free things. The best things in life are free."
I'm glad my sunglasses were on. I'm sure my eyes would've conveyed my thoughts in response to that and I didn't want to bring Bella down anymore. The next couple of days would have to be spent laughing and kissing…and making love. It's all we have left. I'm greedy for more memories with her…happy ones, not sad or worried ones.
Finally, we were coming upon the Statue of Liberty and the sun was almost down. The most beautiful colors slashed across the skies behind the statue…golds, reds, purples, oranges…and blackness above it all, slowly taking over and descending upon the colors of the dieing day. Twilight.
For some reason this time of day always saddens me inside…another day without Katie…or Tanya…another night my daughter would go to bed without feeling my kiss goodnight. Another day I wasn't doing my job and being her father, just as Carlisle and Esme treated me. I hate myself.
Today I was nearly punched in the face and I smiled, recalling that. Charlie is a good father, he loves Bella so much, that's why he got so angry with me. I'm glad Bella has him. And he didn't abandon her, even with her terrible confessions today. She's blessed to have a father like that. I'm jealous. Today was good. I actually find myself hoping…dreaming like a fool that Charlie will perform some miracle in the next two days and I'll never have to look at Victoria's face or hear her voice again…let alone feeling her touch.
And even if I do have to go back, I still feel good that I made some wonderful, true friends during this brief time out of Fire. I feel like I could face anything now, with no reservations and no regrets.
I'm sad to see today end. It was a great day, for the most part. The only thorn in it was that Bella suffered in it. She's smiling now and watching the sky with me, standing up against the rails of the ship, in front of me, wrapped up in my arms, shielded from the oncoming night wind.
We didn't talk, we didn't need to. I just laid my face against her hair and squeezed my arms around her hips as she leaned her head back on my chest, completely relaxed.
The guide had finished his segment and now, all there was to do was watch as the beauty of the night was born before our eyes.
I thought of Katie…wondering what she was doing now. Wondering what she had for dinner tonight and what movie she was watching before bedtime. I thought of Katherine and Joseph, and pictured them doing the dishes together, as they sometimes did, just to hang out and talk to each other. She washed and he dried. I usually was doing my homework at the table nearby while they quietly spoke and tried not to disturb me. And if I ever had any questions, I got the benefit of both of their intelligent minds…and the dishes always waited until I was back on track again.
I even thought of my parents…and felt bad that I pictured them at their fancy Waldorf dinner table, eating in silence as usual. I wonder if they're talking about me now. I wonder what they're saying. And then I'm afraid to wonder.
Fire is already open now…and Emmett is working…Jasper, too. Is it wrong that I feel a little homesick for them? They have been my family for years now…and that place…I had never loved it there but I did have some happy times there…I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I felt like I belonged there a couple weeks ago…I was okay with being there…wasn't I? I didn't feel like a prisoner until Bella opened my eyes. Now that I've seen what I really am, I hate it. How can I ever return to it now? How can I keep fucking strange women for payment now?
The buildings all looked black now in the dark, the golden and orange lights sprinkled all over them. The water was dark and reflected the New York skyline like a mirror below it, the sky above a dark lavender array of clouds above it.
"New York looks so beautiful this way, doesn't it?", I thought aloud.
"Absolutely.", Bella looked as hypnotized by it as I was.
"Bella?", I kept my eyes on the buildings and the skies above them.
"What, Edward?"
"I'm tired of being afraid all the time.", I heard a strong voice rising up in me suddenly, not really aware of where it was coming from, but loving it nonetheless, "I'm tired of dreaming that someday I'll be locked in a cage and Victoria will stride up and casually tell me my daughter is dead because I didn't obey an order quite right. I'm tired of thinking about leaving you. I'm tired of being a whore. I'm not doing it anymore. I'm done with it…all of it."
Bella turned to me, as if she didn't believe I was the one speaking these words. Her eyes wore tears and she stared at me, stunned.
"Edward, what's come over you?", she asked in a breathy voice, "You're so…you seem so different…what are you saying?"
"I need to see your father as soon as we dock, Bella.", I said, my mind on a mission now, not willing to be deterred, "There's something else I need to tell him. Do you know where he's staying?"
"Yes.", she blinked, wondering why the sudden change in me. I wasn't quite sure myself, except, maybe, after all Bella's help and her father taking a chance and helping me…and after what he said about my daughter…I know he's right.
If I keep dancing with the devil, I will burn and so will Katie. And it will be my fault. If I truly want her safe, I must completely disconnect from these people…this life. I've cried sorry tears for myself for far too long now. Like Bella said, I'm a father. I have to get up and join Bella and Charlie in this fight if I want to be free…and I do want it, more than ever. I can't lie back and be carried up this mountain. I must scrape my nails and get dirty…and climb out. I'm done with telling people like Bella I can't be reached or saved.
It's been my own fault I'm in this god damned hole. I have to take my head out of my ass and get myself out. My daughter wants me. She needs me. And I need her. I've been without her for too fucking long. I want her back. I want my life back. And I'm going to get it back even if it kills me. I'd rather die than sit still any longer.
I think these thoughts are old ones, things I've known and told myself all along. But part of me…that hurting, sad part of me was too broken to hear it. So, over the years, my strength did get buried. But now, I really believe, thanks to Bella's belief in me and Charlie's words…I think I've scratched the surface of those feelings…I think I've found my power again…at last.
When we docked, I was hurrying to the train, Bella beaming at me and running along with me, holding my hand as I got the number of the Waldorf thru information.
"What're you doing now?", she asked, spellbound by me.
"Calling my parents.", I smiled at her, whispering, "Watch this. Watch what you've done to me."
When I got rung into my parents' room, I amazed myself, even as Carlisle answered the phone.
"Hello?", he said with a small voice.
I summoned up all my courage and made my voice hard.
"Carlisle, this is Edward Cullen.", I said, making myself sound as formal as their fucking note to me, "I cordially invite you and Mrs. Cullen back to Bella's house first thing in the morning - EARLY. Bring your account information. You owe my daughter a lot of money. I'll hear what you have to say but don't expect forgiveness or hugs or kisses, either. That's all going to take a lot of time. And if you're serious about caring for me, you'll do the time. I don't need you but my daughter might appreciate having her paternal grandparents visit from time to time. You owe her that, too."
Bella's mouth fell open as she watched me smile at her, winking.
Carlisle only stuttered and replied, "Yes. Alright, Edward. Anything you want. We'll be there. But why did you—"
"No questions.", I frowned for real as I cut him off, "That's all I wanted to say."
And I hung up the phone before he could utter another sound.
I felt a huge smile explode across my face as Bella's lips did the same. She was clinging to my shirt and blinked a few more tears.
"Edward!!", she looked at me with a whole new expression, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Did I do something wrong?", I raised a brow, waiting.
"God, NO!", she threw her arms around me, trembling as I held her, too, "That was fucking magnificent!! I didn't know you had it in you!! I should expose you to the sea air more often!"
"It's not the sea air, Bella.", I looked into her eyes, "It's you. You brought me to this place. You helped me find ME again. I'm done being the weak…and I'm done being the victim – poor, little, sad Edward. That wouldn't make Katie proud. That won't get me home to her again. I can't get mad at my parents for not being there when I'm doing the same thing to Katie now. I need to get home to her. And that means changing myself…changing my life. I have two more days. I can't waste them."
"God, Edward, I love you!", she kissed me hard and broke away, adding, "I LOVE YOU THIS WAY!!"
"I'm only just beginning.", I kissed her even harder as she squealed into my mouth, "You ain't seen nothing yet!"
The train finally opened and we were walking off, on our way to Charlie's hotel. I had something big to confess and I hoped he'd still want to help me out after I'd made it. I think he will. He is a cop. Cops don't shy away from something as ugly as murder. Even if he doesn't help me, I'll still execute my escape some other way. But no matter what happens, I am now devoting myself to getting back to Katie and repairing our relationship while there's still time. It's not too late. But soon, it may be. So this is me, Edward Cullen, preparing my resignation letter to Victoria Spears. I quit, bitch. You don't own me anymore. You never did.
And if you think you're gonna scare me into staying under your thumb, think again. I'm gonna fuck you for a change. I'm gonna bring you down if it takes me a year!
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See next chapter soon!
So, what did you think of Edward's strong side coming out finally? He had a bit of an epiphany there. A major breakthrough. Only now things will start to get very dangerous for him and his buds. Hold on everyone!! Pick out a buddy so none of us get lost now!! LOL!!
Let me know what you think!!
Love
WinndSinger