Chapter Ten - Difficult

"And you thought you had it rough!" I heard Jacob's husky voice coming from the livingroom. "You should see how they all act around her, the way that they look at her..... I could have killed that guy yesterday!"

"At least she's not in love with anyone else," my father answered him. Were they talking about me?

"Renesmee's awake," Dad said. Everything was quiet for a few moments, then Dad said, "What was that?" to someone.

"Bella!!!" he yelled, his voice becoming more distant by the end of the word.

I jumped up out of bed and ran to the livingroom. Jacob stared up at me with wide eyes.

"What's going on?" I asked him

"I'm so sorry, Ness. I was trying so hard not to think about yesterday, but it just kept creeping back into my head," he answered, his eyes full of apology.

"Yesterday?" What had happened yesterday that was such a big deal? I reviewed the previous day, and then the blood drained from my face. I had thought some pretty explicit things yesterday when I was with Jake, and I had put every thought straight into his head.

I turned around to see my parents approaching. They stopped right in front of me, and Mom took a long deep breath.

"Why don't you sit down, Renesmee?" she offered. I did as she asked.

"It seems we have something to discuss." She frowned and bit her lip. She looked as nervous as I was. Dad just stood by the door frowning as I swallowed the giant lump in my throat.

"What do you know about sex?" Mom asked, looking me dead in the eyes.

I felt my eyes start to bulge out of my head. I would have never thought she would blurt something like that out. Especially since she should already know that I know what I need to; she's the one that told me about it.

"She knows plenty," Dad answered for me, then after a moment he turned to Jacob and said, "Why don't you and I go have a little chat of our own?"

They disappeared out of the door together in silence.

"Don't worry about him," Mom said as she sat down next to me on the couch. I wasn't worried about him - I was actually glad they were gone. This felt like a conversation I should be having alone with my mother.

"Why don't you explain what happened yesterday?" She began.

"Jacob was kissing me, and I was letting him see it through my eyes."

"And?" she urged.

"And....it got very.....intense," I said slowly, using Jacob's description.

"I see..... so he was in your head the whole time?"

"Yes."

"What were you feeling?"

"I can't describe it," I said, placing my hand to her face. I showed her only the emotions that I had, and left out all the rest. Her eyes grew wide, but she quickly smoothed her expression.

"Renesmee," she began. "That feeling you had yesterday was desire...... I know I've explained the mechanics of things well enough, but I haven't told you about all of the emotional stuff."

"What do you mean?"

"The feeling you got yesterday was only the beginning. You'll probably be feeling it alot more, if your father doesn't kill Jacob."

I ignored her jab and thought over the rest. Suddenly, everything clicked into place.

"I wanted to have sex yesterday!!!" I yelled. Mom looked flabbergasted.

"Sorry - moment of realization," I said sheepishly. I really hope that Dad and Jacob didn't hear that.

"So what if we..... you know..... would you be angry?" There would be no real way to hide it, so I might as well know what the response would be.

Mom took another deep breath, "Your father and I had a long discussion about you a few days ago, Ness. He can see inside of your mind, so he knows how mature you are, and I don't need to see your mind to know for myself," She looked straight into my eyes again. "You are an adult now, and you are definitely smart enough to make your own decisions. All that we ask is that you finish school, and don't move out too quickly. The rest of what you do is up to you, but - to answer your last question - if you and Jacob do......that, you would probably need to keep him away from your father for awhile."

Huh? What? That was not quite the answer I had been expecting.

"So what, I could just go out there and have sex with him right now and you're not going to say anything?!"

"I never said I wouldn't say anything, Renesmee. But I know that I can't stop you from living your life how you want to. I probably wouldn't, even if I could. I understand better than anyone what you're going through - I was human when I fell in love with your father, and when you were born. The vampire part of you only intensifies all of your emotions. I just want you to do whatever will make you happy."

I threw my arms around her quickly and muttered "Thanks, Mom. So much."

I stood from the couch and tried to listen to the forest surrounding my home, seeing if I could pick up anything from Jake or Dad. I did, and much closer than I'd expected. They must be on their way back now.

"You shouldn't listen all the time then!" Jake was yelling.

"Just you remember that that's my baby girl in there!!" Dad said back.

I found this last bit of the conversation almost comical. I was no baby girl anymore, I was a full grown woman. And I was allowed to do womanly things now.

"Fine, go on then, you full grown woman," Dad yelled. He was still mad, but you could tell he found my thoughts funny. Jake walked in behind him, and I led him straight back out the door.

We ran in silence until we reached a point far away enough so that we would not be eavesdropped on.

"So what did Dad say to you?" I asked as I came to an abrupt stop. Jacob had stayed human the whole time, so there was no need to wait for him to phase before speaking.

"Alot of different things, but basically that if I ever disrespected you, he would tear me limb from limb. What did your mom say to you?"

"She told me that I was smart enough to make my own decisions, and to do whatever will make me happy."

"Really? So we could just make love right now, and nobody is going to do anything??" Jacob half yelled.

"They wouldn't like it, but we'd both survive unscathed, I think."

"Hmmmmm......" Jacob raised an eyebrow at me.

I laughed out loud. "We're not going to right now!"

He laughed with me. "Just tell me whenever you decide you want to."

"I promise that you'll be the first to know - unless, of course, my dad is within a three mile radius." We both laughed together.

"Can I ask you something, Ness?"

Anything," I promised.

"Well, yesterday you seemed pretty sure, even though you didn't quite understand it...... so why'd you change your mind?"

"I just want to figure something out first. And also, I really liked the way I felt yesterday. I think I should experience some more of that part."

He must have really liked that answer. He kissed me sweetly, placing my hand to his face again. One of his hands wound its fingers through the roots of my hair, and the other trailed up the skin of my back, underneath my shirt. His hand freed my hair, and then moved slowly down to the small of my back.

He lifted me up from the ground and stood straight. I wrapped my legs around his waist and gasped for air as I kissed him harder. I could feel myself getting carried away, but I didn't care. All that I cared about right now was Jacob, and the fire he was making burn hotter inside of me.

I could give in right now. I could lay down here and let Jacob fulfill every single desire that I had for him. I would surely enjoy it, and so would he, so why shouldn't I?

Jacob plucked me off of him, setting me softly back to my feet. I laid back on the ground to catch my breath.

"This is going to be difficult," he gasped as he laid down beside me.

"Can I ask you something now?"

"Anything," he mimicked me.

"Have you ever been with anyone before?" I asked him, peeking up through my lashes.

"Of course not," he answered as he sat up on his elbow. "Not even close."

"That's good." Very good....

"So what were you saying earlier, about there being something you wanted to figure out?"

"I'm not sure what could happen..... afterwards, I mean."

He stared at me, still confused.

"I'm not sure what I'm physically capable of."

"Ohh.... I hadn't considered that....."

"Yeah," was all I could answer.

We got up and started walking back towards the house, slowly for us. Dad was standing in the living room when we entered. He eyeballed us dramatically as he sifted through our brains.

Stop that, I told him. Nothing happened.

"Just checking," he said and then frowned up at Jacob. "Difficult, indeed," he muttered before walking quickly out of the door.

"What was that all about?" I finally asked when I could no longer hear my father's Volvo speeding away.

"I, um, have a very vivid memory," he coughed.

"Yeah, but you'd think you would be used to it by now," I said sternly.

He grinned down at me sheepishly, "I can't help it sometimes, especially when I'm excited."

I giggled at him. "Well..... the house is completely empty....."

He threw me over his shoulder and ran to my room, slamming the door behind him. He set me upright on the bed, then put his face to my neck and said, "Mmmmm...... you smell so good, Ness."

"So do you." I leaned back on the bad. Jacob laid down beside me, and I pulled myself into his chest. I slowly ran my fingers up and down along the side of his chest..... his beauty was unbearable.

I suddenly jerked myself upright, ripping off the sweater I had worn over my tank top today. Jacob sat up and stared at me in awe. I practically jumped on him then, straddling his legs, and pulled his shirt off over his head in one fluid motion. I threw it across the room where it crumpled to the floor.

My hands thoroughly examined the entire expanse of his chest, stomach, and back as our lips moved passionately against one another's.

After a few minutes, I could not breathe anymore, so I pushed Jacob back down on the bed and laid on top of him.

"So..... Very...... Difficult," he gasped.