Chapter 4…where Lily turns him down

"Oye Potter!" exclaimed Lily pushing herself forward through the crowd.

"Yup!" said James. He was walking with the Marauders through the corridor.

"Wait! Gotta talk to you about the HAWKs. We have a lot of planning to do. Its just three weeks away. Dumbledore needs the progress report after two days and we haven't done a thing." She said all of this in one breath.

"Relax Evans! Well I understand what you mean. So when do you wanna start with it?"

"Can we begin now itself? Let's go to the heads dorm. There won't be any disturbance there."

"Ok. Suits me."

"So what do you think the poster should be like?" asked Lily trying to think at the same time.

"Don't tell me we have to do Posters also. Why can't we give it to the Prefects?" Suggested James. Posters were not his thing, he thought.

"I think that's a good idea. Including the Prefects is a nice idea."

"Really! I mean yeah..." Amazed at his own stroke of brilliance.

"Let's have a meeting with the Prefects this evening."

"Ok. I'll announce it. Dungeons would be fine?"

"Yeah."

At the meeting

Lily was sitting in the front row and the Prefects were sitting three rows after Lily. James hadn't turned up yet. Lily was getting madder by every second. It was half past five, the meeting was supposed to start at five.

Finally Lily got up and said, "Well your Head Boy is-"

"Right Here! Sorry, kept you waiting love. Was caught up somewhere. So lets begin." Said James and sat very close to Lily much to her disgust but she didn't show it. She didn't want to create a scene in front of the juniors.

"As you all know of the HAWKs commencing soon," She began, "I want all you guys to contribute a little towards the different events that we can have and of course ideas for decoration. So suggest something."

A hand shot up.

"Yes, Ms. Heather you have to say something."

"Well we can have a Ball to mark the beginning of the whole HAWKs thingy. I mean a Ball for teachers and students alike. I mean everybody can come. But we can have an age limit here as well if you don't want it to be crowded." She finished.

"I think it's a great idea, Ms. Heather." It was James this time. He was eyeing that girl with some interest. She blushed. Lily glared at him for doing unruly stuff- as she put it later- in the meeting. James merely shrugged.

Then again a few hands rose. Eventually Lily had a list of 20 items in front of her. She put them to vote and selected just five.

James divided the decoration duties to the girls. He insisted on doing this part. And when Lily couldn't stand James flirting with every girl in the hall she dismissed the meeting.

"Hey, I wasn't finished yet. Ms. Lucas needs help in her thing." He looked mischievously at Lucas.

"I don't care. You get lost Potter. Now. The meeting is dismissed. And Ms. Lucas you come with me." She glared so hard at her that she gulped.

"And Potter after I am done with helping Lucas in her thing, meet me in the Head's dorm." She shouted.

"RIGHTO!!"

Lily let her anger subside and entered the Head's dorm. James was sitting on the couch.

"James I was thinking about the Ball."

James looked at her a little surprised. She had called him James. Though she didn't seem to realise it.

"What about it?"

"Well… somebody has to start it right…" she was looking confused, no not confused a little embarrassed. And then suddenly it dawned upon him. All the balls are started by the Heads. He was going to dance with Lily in front of everybody and she couldn't refuse it. He was delighted.

Studying his change of expression, Lily understood that he had understood. She did not expect any other reaction from him.

"So you don't want to dance with me it seems." he regained his composure sounding as casual as possible.

"Well actually, yes… I mean no… I mean Ralph doesn't like me talking to you and this dance can actually blow his top, if you know what I mean." she managed to say.

"Lily if your boyfriend is a ridiculously possessive jackass then I can't help it. You tell me, do you have any problems in sharing a dance with me, honestly. Leave that chipmunk aside for a moment." He held her arms and brought her close to him.

She protested a little but he didn't shake his grasp.

"Hmmm.. No…but I don't want to hurt him. I really love him you know… well how will you know, you have never loved." She looked straight in his eyes.

James wanted to retort at this comment but refrained from it. He didn't want to tell her about his feelings like this. Though he had proposed to her a zillion times till now but she always took that as a joke, a way to humiliate her. He wanted to make her like him first. To let her know the real James first. Only then she would understand what he actually felt. That he also could love somebody more than his life.

"Hello!!... James what are you thinking?"

"Nothing. If you don't want to dance with me then we can just start the ball and then you can go to him for the rest of the party." He said not looking enthusiastic about the ball anymore.

"I am really sorry James. I really am."

"Don't be. It's not your fault. But may I say something."

"Hmmm"

"You deserve someone better." And he left for his bedroom. Just a few moments earlier he was so happy that he would have Lily in his arms and now he didn't want to even think about it.

He went straight to his room and sat on the bed. A lot was going on in is mind. He was not angry at her, he could never be. But what she said hurt him. She had abused him a number of times on his face and most of the times she meant it but never had she remarked anything on his character. If she thought that some Ralph could love her more than he did then she didn't know him at all, not at all.

He would show her what she meant to him.

He would make her fall in love with him.

And with these thoughts he slept.

There Lily was feeling sorry for whatever she said to him. Even though it was true, she should not have said this. It was utterly cruel of her. She should have kept her mouth shut. After all he wasn't asking her out. In fact he looked a little hurt after she turned him down.

Hurt!! Is it possible? Did he look hurt? No.. can't be.. he can't possibly have any real feelings for her. He asks me out just to annoy me right. There can't be any real feelings underneath right. Its just not possible.

She started thinking about what he had said to her. Did she really deserve someone better? Wasn't Ralph the best thing to have happened to her in Hogwarts? Of course Ralph was the best for her. He was there when no one was. He really loved her.

James was just mad. How couldn't he see that?

But why am I getting anxious like this? I love Ralph... I do... I know I do…. Do I?

She slept off wondering all this.