So, it seems some people actually wanted me to continue this fic!! Honestly, I'm flattered…and quite happy to do so, as I really enjoy writing this fic and attempting to make it a bit different than the usual Mello/Near romance. Not sure I've quite accomplished that with this chapter (oh look, it's confidante!Matt. What a bloody surprise) but I swear it's going to get less typical as time goes on. Anyway, hope you like this lovely second chapter. Tell me if you like the continuation, of course! And you know how you tell me these things? Through a—wait for it---through a REVIEW. M'kay? Please give me reviews, they are orgasmatastic. (-- is not a word)
Oh, and Happy New Year's!
Disclaimurrrr: I do not accomplish the owning of the Death Note. Alalalala.
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"Uh, Near?"
At the sound of his name, the white-haired young man turned to face his visitor. He was, most unusually, watching television, with what appeared to be a notepad perched precariously on his raised knee.
Matt, standing in the doorway, noted this with fascination. He then remembered his purpose, and walked into the TV room. "Near, Roger says for you to come see him when you have the time. Something about socks, I think. Eh…what are you doing?"
Near widened his eyes at the other boy, turning back to his television program. As the characters onscreen shared a passionate kiss, he jotted down something on his notepad. "I am observing the romantic behavior of typical human beings," he informed Matt, squinting at the screen as the two characters fell to the floor, a tasteful camera angle hiding anything of interest. "I find it most engaging," he continued, ignoring Matt's incredulous expression.
"You know, Near," Matt said in a highly amused tone of voice, "Soap operas are probably not the best way to learn the art of romance."
"Well, my searches in the library were mostly unsuccessful, and it seems that this type of show is the only one that features such regular romantic activity. Is there any other source you might be able to suggest?"
Matt sighed, seating himself on the white carpeting next to the smaller boy. "In case you hadn't noticed, we're in a house full of teenagers. Just watch them if you want to know about romance and relationships." He turned his head, carefully examining Near's impassive face. "Why are you so desperate to know about that, anyway?" he asked, taking a covert glance at Near's notepad. It read so far:
Kissing: avoid teeth. Would seem to be faintly unpleasant, if not for firsthand experience. Stubble a potential hazard?
Biting lip, discussing evil twin apparently attractive. Employ as flirtation device as events warrant.
Note: it appears an integral part of romance is falling to the floor due to passion (or possibly lack of balance caused by said passion). Invest in kneepads?
Matt stifled a snort, wondering precisely whose stubble Near was concerned about.
Near shifted the notebook away from Matt's prying eyes, pulling sharply at a lock of his hair as he thought of a suitable response.
"Well, Matt, it is only natural for all adolescents to ponder upon the nature of romance at some time. I am just researching it more efficiently than you are perhaps accustomed to."
"Yes, but what brought this on? This is the first time you've done anything like this, Near." Matt frowned, trying to recall anything that might have prompted the boy's strange behavior.
Then, he grinned, realization dawning in his goggle-obscured eyes. "It was when Mello kissed you the other night, wasn't it?"
Near stiffened, glancing searchingly at the boy next to him. "I…can't imagine why you would reach that conclusion, Matt."
"I'm right! It's because of Mello, isn't it? Do you…like him?" Matt stared at Near, looking both amused and slightly delighted.
"Whom I like is none of your concern, Matt," Near mumbled, trying to hide the obvious twitching in his fingers.
Matt sighed, throwing a proprietary arm around Near's shoulders and ignoring the pale boy's look of utter confusion at the act. "Near, you're not going to get anywhere with Mello by watching soap operas. In fact, the chance of you getting anywhere with Mello is almost nil in any case."
Near frowned slightly, trying to shift away from Matt's friendly but surprisingly strong arm.
"When did you start liking him, anyway? No offense, but you've never showed obvious interest in another human being before."
"You have never showed interest in me, and I suggest you continue along this path," Near said coldly, giving up all attempts at escape as Matt's arm proved to be immovable.
"Well, I can't ignore the fact that you're in love with my best friend," Matt said, looking thoughtful.
"I wouldn't use the term 'in love.' It's simply a side effect of hormones, I assure you."
Matt grinned at him, seeming highly amused. "I doubt it, Near. What else could actually make you show emotion for once?"
Near made a mental note to not only hide his emotions, but throw them down a metaphorical well and toss away the key. This was beginning to be humiliating.
"Matt, is there something you'd particularly like to say about my situation? If not, I'd appreciate it if you ended this harassment."
"Yeah, there's something. See, what you need to do is work with this."
"Hm?" Near asked suspiciously.
Matt's face assumed an air of wisdom, only slightly marred by the large orange goggles concealing a good half of his face. "What I mean by that is that you have to use your considerably large brain in this situation. It's not enough to just have an unrequited attraction towards Mello; you want to get him to reciprocate your feelings, am I right?"
"I suppose so," Near admitted grudgingly, wondering if there was any chance of Matt being crushed to death by Decepticons whilst he slept.
"In that case, you must learn to seduce him. And not by watching crap television." Matt stood up, pulling the reluctant and dead-limbed Near with him. "Your first mission: stop making him hate you."
Near frowned. "Mello despises me because I score higher than him. I am not going to start failing my tests to earn his affection."
"That's not what I meant," Matt said, frowning in return. "Mello dislikes you because you're a cold little bastard."
Near stared at him.
"Well, it's true," Matt said unrepentantly. "you just need to be a bit more human around him."
"How, precisely, do I accomplish that?"
Matt smiled knowledgeably. "It's simple. Just acknowledge his existence in a positive manner for once. If there's one thing Mello loves, it's attention."
"You may be right," Near admitted, recalling the mistletoe game of the previous night. "Still, how do I give him positive attention?"
"Well, first off you mustn't just stand there like a dead thing while he talks to you. Respond. If you see him in the hallway, ask him when such-and-such is due, or how he got that massive bruise on his forehead."
"He has a massive bruise on his forehead?"
"No. That was an admittedly arbitrary example. But, do you understand now?"
"I believe so."
Matt sighed with relief. "Great. Well done. Now, our next point…"
Near stared at him. "I must confess, I've never heard you speak so much before."
"Er, that's because you don't actually spend time with me, Near."
"Point taken. You may proceed." Near repositioned himself on the green couch, Matt following suit. The other boy procured a DS from some unthinkable orifice about his person, and deftly started a new game as he spoke. "The next part's a bit simpler, I think. There has to be a physical attraction as well as an emotional one, you know?"
"I don't think I like what you are implying, Matt. And is that a fashion design game you are playing?"
Matt scowled at him, irritated at the lack of respect directed towards his wisdom. "The game is illustrating my point, Near. See, right now you look rather boring. Baggy shirt, same with the pants, messy hair…"
"I am aware of my own appearance, Matt."
"Anyway, you're going to have to be a bit more attractive if you want Mello to notice you in a good sort of way. Now, you don't have to wear a dress or anything—"
"I wasn't even considering that an option, actually."
"—but you could, I don't know…"
Matt stared blankly at Near, attempting to envision a world in which the sheeplike boy was actually attractive to other human beings.
"I suppose you could…wear tighter pants?"
Near gave him a flat look.
"Listen, Near, would you rather look like a baggy sheep, or like this?" He tilted the DS screen towards Near.
"Matt, that is a female."
"Yeah, they only let you design for women on this game. But she's wearing pants, see?"
"She is also wearing what appears to be a sparkly napkin. Is that what you envision for me?"
"No, that part we can skip….look, let's just move on."
"And she's wearing platform boots, and a hat shaped like—"
"I said we're moving on, Near. Do not look at the game."
"I am not the one who apparently derives enjoyment from it…"
Matt flipped the DS closed, stowing it away in its mysterious pocket once more. He looked very seriously at Near, seemingly unruffled by the previous insult.
Near stared back at him, wondering with no small degree of bemusement what horror would be next on Matt's list of seduction tips.
"Actually, this one's probably the easiest of all. Just give him chocolate."
"That's it?" Near asked, looking relieved.
"Yeah, that's what he loves most of all. How do you think we've stayed friends for so long?"
"I think that I can accomplish this task after all. Is there a type of chocolate he prefers?"
"Well, he likes Green & Black particularly, but he'll eat anything that looks obscenely delicious." Matt grinned, recalling all the instances upon which he had avoided near-death with the healing power of chocolate.
"I will take that into account," Near said, looking slightly cheered. "Is there anything else I must do to attract Mello?"
"That's pretty much it," Matt said, resuming his laconic air and standing up from the couch. "Good luck, Near."
"Thank you, I suppose. You won't—"
"I won't say anything to Mello."
Near allowed himself the luxury of a tiny smile. "That's very kind of you, Matt."
"Whatever," the ginger boy replied, shutting the door to the TV room and leaving Near alone with his thoughts once more.