Chapter Twenty Six - Answers
I woke up to Dax Riggs' velvet voice, making me feel almost happy. Then I looked around and realized where I was, and not even this glorious noise could take me away from it. Jerrick was still holding me, making the sickness in my stomach a million times worse.
I got up and went to the bathroom to vomit, locking the door behind me as I went. I laid down on the cold tile and begged for something to change, for rescue or death one. I intended to stay here on this floor today, for as long as I could, but the door quickly got ripped off of it's hinges and I knew he'd never leave me alone.
"Are you alright?" he said with concern. I did not acknowledge his existance. He picked me up off of the floor and took me back to the bed. The hotel room stunk of him, making me sick once again. I threw up on him, partially on purpose. He didn't seem to mind though.
There was a cart with pancakes stacked high on it. I did not want to eat, but I felt like I had to with all of this delicious food staring at me. I had another mouth to feed anyways, and it deserved nourishment even if I did not. I stuffed them down quickly before returning to my corpse state.
"Renesmee, I'd like to tell you about myself. That is, if you'd like to know," he said as he took my hand. Sure, why not. Might as well tell a Dead Girl a story.
"Alright, then. Well, I come from North Dakota, on a reservation called White Earth. Wolves have been in our tribe for generations, and I was supposed to be the alpha of my pack."
Go on, I thought. He wanted me to play along with this little information game.
"A few others turned before I did, and someone else was already considered the leader by the time my gene was triggered."
This sounded so similair to Jacob's story. My heart cracked and splintered apart once more at the thought of his name.
"They are the same as us? I wondered about that...... I wonder if they have Preservation like we do."
?? Preservation?
"It's only something we can do when we have no pack, like a lone wolf thing," he chuckled at his own pun. "We can go undetected if we feel in danger, so that no one can pick up our scent while we're in that area. Then, when we leave that area, that's when they can sense us."
That explained a lot. I had asked myself about this part many times, wondering how he always got away before he was noticed. Did that mean his trails were from him staying in one area for a long time?
"Yes, that's what it was."
"How come I caught your scent that first day then?" I decided to ask out loud.
"I had just come into the area and had no idea of what was around it. I hid at first to avoid you, but then I had no reason to. I knew I was in love with you and wanted you to see me."
"And yesterday?"
"I went to your house first and made sure to get as close as possible without being seen. Then I went to get you, knowing that your protectors would come to the place that my scent had just been picked up."
He was very smart..... and I felt very stupid. I should have listened to myself and known there was something more to what he could do.
"You said you can only hide yourself if you have no pack, right? So what happened to yours?" I asked, somewhat curious.
"I was excommunicated," he said simply.
"What for?" I didn't even know they could do that.
"For killing the one who stole my position," he said as if this was completely normal. "It is normal, Renesmee. It's what wild animals do."
"You don't have to act like a wild animal. You're still a person." Just a horrible person.
He sighed heavily and released my hand. "I'll be better for you. I'll do everything I can to make you happy when you are ready to love me. I'll give you a family, a home, and new friends. But you won't need any of it, because you'll be happy with just me."
I did not feel like arguing a point that he would never listen to. This man was one of the worse kind and he actually expected me to fall in love with him. He was a murderer, a kidnapper, and almost a rapist. I would hate myself for even the thought of loving him.
He stood up and walked over to my bag of belongings. He picked me out some clothes and handed them to me. "You should wear this today," he said as if I had any choice in the matter. I stayed frozen - I needed to take a shower, but I was afraid to with him here.
"Can I shower?"
"Of course you can." He bent towards me to pick me up again, but I dodged under his arms.
"I can walk myself," I said coldly. I went towards the bathroom and heard his footsteps right behind me. I spun around to look at him. "What are you doing?"
"Well, I can't just leave you alone in there. What if you try to escape?"
I looked at the floor. "I'd never do anything to put my family in danger. And there's not even a door on the bathroom."
He seemed to deliberate for a few moments. "I'll turn away from you while you're getting in and out," he decided. I started walking back to the bed - I was not taking a shower with him in the same room, even if he had already seen me naked.
"Where are you going?" he asked loudly.
"To bed. You have to sleep sometime, I'll just shower then."
"Don't be ridiculous," he said, but did not bother to remove me from my fetal position. He set down beside me and stroked my face and hair."I danced myself right out the womb...." I sang along with 'Cosmic Dancer' while I tried to lose myself within it.
"I love you, Renesmee," he said, his voice so painfully husky.
"I love you, Jacob," I said in return. Jacob was the only one who I would ever love, and that was never changing. I felt something hit my face hard with a loud smack, and then felt the burn of his handprint across my cheek. I rubbed the spot once and then decided to ignore it. It did not hurt - it was impossible to hurt this dead body. Only my soul ached in endless pain.
He gasped loudly. "I'm so sorry, Renesmee, so sorry," he whined. He touched his too-hot lips to the spot where he'd hit me, kissing all over the side of my face. He was the most selfish creature I'd ever had the displeasure of knowing, constantly only giving himself what he wanted. He knew I did not care for him, so he must know that this was only making it worse instead of better.
My shirt was ripped from my body so quickly even I did not catch the movement. His disgusting mouth moved to my breasts as he sucked and kissed all over them. He pushed his hand down my pajamas and touched me cruelly as my tears began again.
He stood up suddenly and began pacing back and forth as I covered myself in the blanket on the bed. I curled up and sobbed into it, wishing that it did not smell like him.
"What am I doing?!" he yelled at himself. "How could she love you when you keep trying to force yourself on her physically?!?!" He stopped and looked down at my trembling form. "Why are you so irresistable....?" he asked slowly. He handed me the shirt he had chosen for me earlier and I slid into it underneath the blanket.
"I am sorry....." he said again. I was sick of his apologies. If he was truly sorry, I would not be here right now.
I closed my eyes and tried to dream while awake, tried to smell Jacob instead of this thing, tried to see him and feel him again. It felt like such a distant memory, growing more clouded with each ticking of the clock.
"You can go shower now, if you would like. I will not bother you," he said as he stared at the ground. I gathered the broken peices of myself and stood up to go bathe myself.
I looked at the spot where I'd been hit in the mirror. His palm was visible, along with all of his fingers in a bright red streak across the left of my face. I hurried into the shower, waiting to remove the rest of my clothes until I was already behind the curtain.
I thought about the one time I'd taken a shower with Jacob and tried to feel him again during this one. It was not the same without him actually here, and it would never be the same again. All I had left was memory's and dreams, and the small baby growing inside of me.
I decided that I would have to have this child, and possibly give it up if I needed to. I could never let anything happen to him or her, not when Jacob and I had created it together. I loved our baby, just like he would if he had gotten to know about it. I tried to imagine what his reaction would have been to such news; he would have been ecstatic to become a father.
My shower was over much too soon, forcing me to go back to where he was waiting on me. He was sitting in a small chair a few feet from the bed, so I laid down far from him.
"Do you feel better?" he asked as I came in.
"Mmm," was all that would escape my mouth.
"You should go to sleep. We are leaving tomorrow," he told me excitedly. I wanted to ask him where he was taking me, but did not really want to know. It didn't matter where I was, my grave had already been dug.
He crossed the room to me and held me against his body forcefully. I hated his touch, his smell...... I just hated him. I closed my eyes and thought of Jacob, my dreams quickly taking over my head but repeating the thoughts I'd asked them to.
I saw Jacob coming through the sunlight, smiling his rays at me. His black eyes were excited to see me, just like they always were. He whispered I love you's into my ears as he held me like no one else ever could. He kissed me everywhere, on every single inch of my skin. I dreamed about the day before I'd been stolen away from him, the wonderful passion that we had for one another.
I felt something hard slam into my face, waking me up and ending my beautiful dreams. My eyes saw nothing but an extremely angry man that I hated, and I realized he had punched me very hard in the face. My cheek was all pins and needles over the next few minutes.
Jerrick paced back and forth again, cursing at himself for hitting me. It was ridiculous that he could not even control himself well enough to not punch or assault someone he was convinced he was in love with. I realized then that this was going to be my new life. He had held back himself in one sense so far, but it was only a matter of time before he did everything he wanted to do to me. I would spend the rest of my days broken and bloodied, praying for death every second.
"Get dressed," he said abruptly. "We're leaving now."