Chapter Twenty Eight - Home
"Mom, can I talk to in private please?" I asked excitedly when we arrived at my house. I had not realized how much I missed this place until just now, but there were more pressing matters at hand. Dad and Jacob left the room, both with large smiles on their faces. Dad's surprised me, considering that I was now his pregnant daughter. I wondered if he was happy about something else, like that I was still in one peice.
"What is it, sweetheart?" Mom asked with concern in her eyes.
"Well, I kind of have something important to tell you."
She waited patiently, searching my eyes with hers.
I took a very long, deep breath to ready myself. "Mom, I'm pregnant," I said in an even tone. I closed my eyes so as to not see her anger, if she had any. I was very pleasanlty surprised to feel her arms wrapping around me, but when I opened my eyes, the look on her face was bewilderment.
She released me and I looked down at the floor. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disappoint you....."
"You could never disappoint me, Renesmee," she said evenly.
"Huh?"
"It's just..... I only became a mother eight or so years ago, and now I'm going to be a grandmother. Plus, I remember my pregnancy with you...."
"I don't think this will be like that," I said reassuringly. My mother's pregnancy with me had literally killed her, after I had broken her insides almost completely. "I haven't had any pain like that, it feels like what I've heard it's supposed to."
She wound her arms around me again. "Are you alright with this?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm actually really happy. I didn't see it coming, but after everything else that's happened, this is a complete blessing." I gripped her body tightly, letting her comfort wash over me. She said nothing for a long moment, so I eventually released her. She had a very thoughtful look on her face.
"We need to speak with Carlisle," she decided. "He'll be able to give you an exam until we can take you to an office."
"I don't really feel like riding up to see them right now. I missed my home so much...."
She smiled hugely. "They are all here, Ness. They came as soon as you were taken, they're all at the house now."
My mouth dropped open in shock. "Why didn't they come with you guys??"
"They hadn't arrived yet, and we couldn't wait for them. We had to leave before they knew where we were going. And Carlisle had to make sure Leah was okay," she said in her soothing voice.
"Oh." I felt much better; I couldn't figure out why they would not come try to find me when I'd been kidnapped. "You don't think they'll be mad, do you?" I asked in a small voice.
"Probably not, for the most part anyways. If your father isn't mad, no one else should be." She was right about that, but why wasn't my father mad? He couldn't possibly be happy about this. He'd barely been able to look at me since that first time I was with Jacob in that way, it was torture to him to have to hear all of our thoughts. How could he be okay with this?
I sent the thoughts to my mom and asked her to figure out what was up with him. She nodded in agreement as Dad and Jacob came back in, both of them holding fat cigars.
"Don't smoke," I told Jacob as I went to him. "It's bad for you."
"Just celebrating the traditional way," he smiled. Dad pulled the cigar from his hand and tossed both of them out the door. What was up with him? He looked so happy..... Had I made him go crazy?
He chuckled and looked me in the eyes. "I'm not upset with you or Jacob, I promise. If you are happy about this, then I will be too." His smile turned to a frown. "We really should get you to Carlisle now. I can't stand waiting to know if you really are okay."
I could tell he was remembering the beginning of my life and how I had killed my mother. He had been able to save her, but in a way he would never be comfortable with. He and I had both taken her humanity away from her, and Dad would never forgive himself for that. It had turned out alright though, Mom was the best vampire ever heard of, and her and my father loved eachother as intensely as Jacob and I.
I was lost in my thoughts as two long warm arms wrapped around me.
"No!" I smacked the hands away. I had thought for a moment that it was Jerrick, but looked up to see Jacob's saddened face instead. "Oh, Jake, I'm so sorry. I guess I forgot where I was for a second." I hung my head low as he wrapped his arm around me again, very slowly and carefully.
"Are you really okay, Ness? After everything he did to you....." he trailed off as a tremor rolled down his spine.
"Yeah, I'm fine. He's dead, he can't hurt me anymore," I said more to myself than to him. I repeated the same words over and over in my head, trying harder than ever to convince myself that I had nothing to worry about. He was dead, I had seen it with my own eyes. But if I lingered on the thought of him, I could still feel his disgusting hands and mouth touching my body.
"I would kill him again, a million times for what he's done to you," Dad said angrily. I tried to push my Hell out of my head and concentrate on his words. Jacob's hot breath touched the skin of my neck, making me feel much more comfortable. I buried my face into him and inhaled deeply, relaxing into the familiar scent. Jerrick was gone, I had nothing to worry about.
"We could wait til morning, if you'd like," Dad said. I would rather go tonight and make sure my baby was healthy. "Alright, darling. Your mother and I will meet you there." They flew out of the door, shutting it silently behind them.
Jacob sat down in the floor and rubbed his temples. "I'm so sorry, Renesmee, I can't beleive I let this happen to you." Fat tears rolled down his cheeks, splashing upon the floor.
"Don't say that Jacob. Don't even think that. You did everything you could to protect me, he just had a way around it. None of this is your fault," I told him as I sat down beside him. I wiped away his tears and cuddled myself up to him as he pulled me into his lap.
"I'm so glad we found you.... I would have died if I never got to hold you in my arms again," he said sadly.
"How did you guys find me?" I asked as I realized they had not yet explained this part to me.
"When he came here that day, Edward heard little bits of what he was thinking, and he'd thought about Seattle. So we went there and searched around until Edward could hear you, and that's how we found you. If he had told me what he was considering doing to you, I would have killed him myself. I wouldn't have been able to step aside and let them handle it." He shook his head angrily.
"I wish I had killed him myself now. How could I let such a thing happen to you, Renesmee?!" he asked. His tears flowed again as his eyes filled with pain. "How could anyone in this world ever want to hurt you?"
"I don't know that he really wanted to hurt me, he just couldn't control himself at all. He really did beleive he was in love with me. He wanted me to have a family with him and the baby."
Jacob's body trembled as his sobs exploded from him. I could feel the pain radiating off of him as I rubbed his back to comfort him.
"Why did he hit you?" he asked after a few minutes.
"The first time, he had told me he loved me, and I said that I loved you and he got really mad. The second time, I was asleep and having dreams about you, and I woke up when he punched me in the face."
"Because of me...." he whispered between sobs.
"Don't say that Jacob. It's not your fault he was so crazy. I shouldn't have done things to provoke him, not that I can help what I dream about. He was the most vile creature on the Earth. If he'd actually loved me like he said, he wouldn't have been able to do those things to me."
"Why didn't you fight back when he....." He could not finish the question.
"I was a corpse without you. I thought I was never going to see you again, and I didn't have the strength to try and stop him. I'm lucky he stopped at all," I whispered, remembering the way I'd felt with no Jacob in my world. "It wouldn't have mattered anyways if that's what he was set on. He was much stronger than me."
"I'll kill anyone who ever touches you again. I'll snap their hands off and beat them to death with them," he responded, some anger fighting it's way through his sadness. He suddenly withdrew his arms from me, holding them far away. "Should I not....?"
I pulled his arms back around me tightly. "Jacob, you can still touch me. Don't be afraid of that - I'd be very unhappy if you never put these arms around me again. The whole time I was gone, all I could think about was you. I need you, I need things to be the same as before," I told him, a few of my own tears escaping at the thought of him never wanting to hold me again.
He put his hand around my head and pulled it into his chest. He stroked my hair and face lightly, rocking slightly to comfort us both.
"Just tell me if you get uncomfortable. I won't ever do anything to you that you don't want me to. I'll never ever hurt you like he did, Ness," he spoke each word softly. They reminded me again of the contrast between Jacob and Jerrick, how Jake would want to give me anything I could ever want, and Jerrick would only force upon me what he wanted.
"I could never be uncomfortable with you Jacob. I love you more than anything..... I wish I could make you feel better about everything. We have to try and put this behind us, we have a lot of important things to figure out now," I said as my hand went mechanically to my belly.
Jacob's expression turned to slight excitement as he pulled his hand out and reached towards my belly. He stopped halfway and looked at me intently. "Can I?" he asked hopefully. I took his hand and placed it on top of my stomach, holding it there so he would know that I was not afraid of his touch. I wanted him to touch me, to feel the way that I did a few days ago when every touch was passion filled, leaving me shivering in joy and breathless.
He closed his eyes as he felt me lightly, still worried of my reaction to this. I wanted to tell him that it was fine, that his hands on me would never ever bother me, but he would just have to learn over time. I could not make him forget the things he had seen happen to me, and it just proved how much he loved me that he was so worried.
"We should probably go now.... they're waiting for us," I said. He rubbed my stomach gently again before opening his eyes, his tears replaced with a look of serenity. I stood up and started to walk for the door, but he swept me up quickly into his arms. He looked at me hesitantly, not knowing if this made me uncomfortable. I threw my arms around his neck and giggled. Nothing in the world was better than Jacob's arms around me. He smiled at my reaction and carried me through the door.
"So you're going to tell everyone? Right now?" he asked as he walked slowly towards the big house.
"Yeah.... hopefully no one will try to kill you, under the circumstances," I joked.
"I don't think they'll say anything bad to me tonight. They won't want to upset you," he said. I hoped he was right - I did not need anymore stress for a long time. It was bad for the baby.
"I love you, Jacob. I don't ever want to be without you again."
"I love you too, Renesmee. I won't ever let anybody hurt you again for the rest of your life. I won't let you be away from me ever again, unless it's by your own choice," he said with conviction.
"I would never choose that, especially after seeing what it was like. We're going to be a family now. I'll want you forever."
He stopped and looked down, and I could tell he wanted very badly to kiss me. I pulled my body towards his face and brought my lips to his. He was so hesitant, so unsure of what I wanted. I placed my hand to his face so he would know that all I wanted was him, and that his kisses could bring nothing but happiness to me.
He made sure to be extra gentle anyways, but did not pull away from me. He lifted me up closer to him so I wouldn't have to stretch so far. I kissed him harder, trying more than ever to show him that this was what I wanted right now. He sighed heavily into my mouth before lowering me away from his face. This was so frustrating - I was the one that everything had happened to, and now I couldn't even get the love of my life to really kiss me. He was more upset about this than I was.
He carried me the rest of the way in silence, pausing for a moment on the porch before walking through the door. My whole vampire family was already standing there, staring as Jacob carried me inside. They all had this look on their face like we were ghosts and they were mortified.
"Oh, Renesmee!" Rosalie yelled as she flew to me. She wrapped her arms around me while I was still in Jacob's arms, something she would normally never do. I looked at Dad with an angry question.
"No, I didn't tell them that part yet. I will leave that to you," he said.
"There was more?" Rosalie asked, pulling away to look at me with an eternal sadness in her eyes. She turned around to look at my parents. "You said he didn't actually go through with it!!" she screamed at them.
"He didn't," I told her. She pulled me back into a hug, squeezing me just a bit too tightly.
"Let her go, Rose," Dad said from behind her. She jumped backwards, looking me over trying to figure out how she'd hurt me. She spun around to look at my father and ask him silent questions. "Let Renesmee tell you. She wants to tell you all herself."
Jacob carried me past the pairs of golden eyes staring at me and lowered both of us to the couch. Jasper came close, tasting the feelings around us. He seemed confused, not being able to figure out what this emotion could be. I shifted slightly, and Jacob pulled his arms away from me again.
"Jacob, please! I am fine!!! Stop treating me like every single move you make is going to traumatize me!!!!" I exploded angrily. He just looked at me cautiously, even more afraid to touch me now. I pulled myself out of his lap and stood up - this was getting horrible. I get to come home to a man whose afraid to put his hands on me.
I looked up at everyone in my family, still frustrated with Jake. "I'm pregnant, guys," I blurted out. "Carlisle, will you check me out here for now? I want to go home really bad," I asked looking over at him. I could not wait to go to bed tonight, to move through however many days it was going to take Jacob to treat me like he used to.
"Of course," Carlisle smiled. "Why don't you come with me to my office? We still have some of the equipment from when you were born."
I stormed up the stairs with him behind me. I wanted to be nice and happy to my family, but I could not stand the way Jacob seemed so afraid to touch me. I knew he was only trying to think of me and to do what he thought I would need him to, but he wouldn't listen to me. How many times would I have to tell him to not worry?
Carlisle opened up the door of his office and allowed me to go ahead of him inside. I sat down silently in his big desk chair as he went to a closet and began pulling things out.
"Are you alright, Renesmee?" Carlisle asked as his eyes ran over the bruises on my face.
"In what way? Physically? Probably," I answered quickly.
"And emotionally?" he asked softly.
"No, Grandpa, I'm not. I've been through hell these past few days, and now I come home and Jacob's too scared to even touch me. I could accept the rest of it if he would just stop acting that way," I said a little too loud. Tears burned hot down my cheeks.
"He doesn't mean to upset you, dear. He's trying to do just the opposite of that. He just has no idea how to go about it," Carlisle said soothingly.
"If he would just listen to me, it'd save us both the trouble!" I half yelled. "All I want is for things to be the same as they were, and it's never going to happen if he keeps treating me like this." He made me feel so unwanted, even though I knew the reason was not that. I should never have showed him what had been done to me. Regret filled my body and mind.
"Will you want an ultrasound tonight?" Carlisle asked, breaking through my anger. I had to try and control my emotions, for the little one. I did not want it to feel what I was feeling.
"I guess so. I'll go get Jake," I said as I moved out of the room sluggishly. I couldn't get to see the baby without him being there, even if I did not want to see him at this second.