Author's Notes: Once again, e-cookies and e-cakes to the wonderful and epic (as Potgenie and Sugarspiral might put it) reviewers: PrincessJaded, Lord Pata, Aster Selene, LoneWolfVampire13, emotionless-robot, Potgenie, BenignUser, SugarSpiral, and Catching Rain (double cookies for you, since you made the idea!)

And special thanks goes to the Fantastical Potgenie, who rescued me from my ignorance of sexy males by providing me with a suitable candidate for Kari to dream about; and to the equally magnificent PrincessJaded, who beta-ed this chapter as I was too tired to think straight.

It's a shame that I have to up the rating just because of one measly word (especially since I'm sure little kids say it all the time), but as of now, this fic will be rated T. Can you guess which word?

I still don't own Digimon in any way, shape or form. Except for that OC I created 4 fics ago, but I doubt you'd want to hear me talk about that…So without further ado, on with the show!

Oh, one last thing. Can you identify the Russell Peters quote?

Chapter 4: Of Mortifying Moments

Davis. Pine-Sol. Drinking. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Kari leapt and landed on top of Davis…

The silence was broken by Yolei's glasses shattering…

Davis giggled…


To Kari, it was like waking up from a bad dream…only to find herself in an even more hellish nightmare. For one, Davis had tried to – or maybe already did – drink the bottle of Pine-Sol. Two, said bottle was now making a cheery puddle in the middle of the living room – which just had to be carpet instead of wood flooring. Third, Gatomon had just stepped on Yolei's glasses, and there would be hell to pay for that (in addition to the carpet, groaned Kari). And fourth, almost everyone was (to some degree) intoxicated by her dad's ÜBER-strong brandy chocolates. Which, as Kari reflected, were priceless – and all finished. And if that weren't enough she happened to be lying on top of Davis (why him? Kari asked silently. Why not someone hot and sexy… like… Johnny Depp??), who was giggling like some insane kid.

Browsing through her considerable vocabulary (after all, she normally was a good girl who studied hard), Kari could only think of one word to describe the situation: fucked. Her mind swam with all the paths her near future could take: her parents were going to come home and…not be happy. Possibly quite pissed. In fact, possibly, somebody-gonna-get-a-hurt-real-bad sort of pissed. Yolei's parents wouldn't be too pleased either, nor would Davis'. She might get charged for killing Davis. Her parents are going to disown her, and after she gets out of jail, she'll be a poor old woman with no financial support. Her parents would disown her, as would Tai. Crap I'm screwed, Kari thought.

Dimly, she heard the phone ring. It sounded slightly louder than Davis' guffaws sounding in her ears. It didn't quite register in her overloaded mind to go over and pick up the phone. Instead, she just stayed prostrate on top of Davis.

After five or six rings, Wormon, being the least inebriated, finally vaulted over Spiderman-style and picked up the phone. "Hello," he said. "You have reached the Kamiya residence. No one is available to take your call, but if you could leave your phone number and a detailed message, we'll get back to you."

"What the hell – heck?" said an obnoxious voice from the other side. "That's not our answering machine tone. I should know; I made it myself." Wormon froze, then turned to his intoxicated compatriots, mouthing, "it's Tai."Silence reigned for a golden two and a half seconds, then the room burst into frenzied activity.

"TAIIIIIII!"

"WE'RE DOOOOOOOMEED!"

"SAVE MEEEE!"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"TEEHEEHEE!"

"Um… is everything all right over there?" asked Tai. "You guys sound as if you're dying… except for Davis, who sounds like a sadistic clown. Kari? Hello? Wei?"

"Um… everything is under control," tried Wormon.

"Oh, okay," Taisaid. "I'm just calling to let you know that I forgot something really important, so we're just coming back to get it. We'll be back in about an hour. We won't disturb you for long, I promise. See ya!" With that, Tai hung up, leaving Wormon staring at the receiver.

"Um…" began Wormon. "Tai says that he's going to be coming back for a little while…"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

"RUN FOR IT!!!"

"GOGOGOGOGO!!"

"Aw nuts," Wormon swore.

The green bug leapt off the table and waddled into Tai's empty room, thankfully finding the computer still on. Using his threads, Wormon manipulated the mouse into opening the Internet for him, where hopefully he could find a quick-cure for drunkenness. Let's see… peanut butter mixed with sleeping pills… Nah, I doubt they have sleeping pills here… Shredded paper mulch with garlic and ginger root… ugh, nasty… hm? "What's this?" asked Wormon. "Mix three tablespoonfuls of olive oil with half a teaspoon of sesame oil. Then stir in a tablespoon of dark soy sauce… and add two drops of Pine-Sol?" Wormon pondered for a second. Three of the ingredients were common kitchen ingredients, and the Pine-Sol… maybe I can salvage some of it…

With that, Wormon went to work. The fact that he had stubby legs and no fingers made it hard for him, but he knew how…screwed…his friends would be if he didn't finish before Tai and his parents got back. He pried open the kitchen shelves, and with moderate difficulty managed to locate where all the ingredients were. He then picked up the Pine-Sol, thankful that there were still a few drops left in it. Then came the hard part: opening all the bottles, something that required much concentration for Wormon – concentration that Wormon didn't have, seeing as how twelve hyperactive teenagers and Digimon were running around screaming their heads off.

"Sticky Net!" cried Wormon, pinning each of his friends down and gagging them with twelve precise shots. "Now then, to get some work done."

Wormon pried each of the bottle caps open and carefully measured out the ingredients into a bottle. Then he shook it just to make sure everything was thoroughly mixed. When he was satisfied with the concoction, he hopped over and administered the "medicine" one at a time. And he sat back to watch.

Hawkmon woke from his drunken stupor first, followed closely by Kari, who immediately started crying. Ken and Cody got up next, rubbing their heads. Patamon tried to budge from under TK's shoulder, but was rather unsuccessful until TK himself woke up, along with Yolei. Upamon, then Gatomon and Veemon got up, supporting each other.

That left Davis, who had ceased to giggle and was now snoring peacefully. Kari gasped. "Davis!" she shouted, and bounded over to him (though she was careful not to repeat the mistakes of her last leap), and shook his shoulders. "Davis! Wake up! Don't be dead, please!" The other digidestined and digimon crowded around the unconscious goggle-head, hoping he would wake up.

Davis' eyes popped open. "What happened?" Kari crushed him under a hug. At first, Davis was too shocked to respond, but then he grinned and shot a victory sign at TK from behind Kari's back. TK merely brandished a wicked-looking cleaver and said nothing.

Suddenly, the key hit home, and the doorknob turned to reveal Tai, flanked by Yuuko and Susumu Kamiya. The trio of newcomers took in the bottles on the kitchen floor, the ugly-looking stain on the carpet, and the surprised/embarrassed group of teenagers and Digimon gathered, with their daughter's (sister in Tai's case) arms wrapped around someone. Behind the Kamiyas, a large crowd of angry neighbours had gathered, sending death-glares at the small party. Susumu cleared his throat.

"Hikari Kamiya," he began. "I'm sure you're going to have an absolutely fascinating explanation for all this."

"And I'm sure that somebody gonna get a hurt real bad," added Tai, an evil grin on his face.

Author's Notes: Will Kari "get a hurt real bad?" Is Davis going to die from Pine-Sol intoxication? What will happen to the Kamiya's carpet? Review and tell me how you want this to end! (Granted, I won't do everything, since I do have something planned out, but we'll see...)