We dont own Twilight.
Chapter One
Over the course of the week, Bella ended up standing in front of the dreaded 3-way mirror and trying to defend herself. But Stacy and Clinton just did not approve of her khaki skirt, and ortho sandals. But they were even harder on poor Edward, who faced the 3-way mirror in his sleeveless open shirt, khaki pants and tan leather jacket.
As Stacy and Clinton filled trash cans with the Cullen wardrobe, Bella snapped.
"Sh-t! That's my skirt!" Bella screamed, clawing that the mass of khaki, now buried under layers of rain boots, sandals, and all things tan.
"Now it's time to review your secret footage." Clinton announced.
As the secret footage rolled, shot after shot of Edward in tan and khaki flashed over the screen. Each joke and sarcastic quip at his expense evoked a growl from Edward. His mood changed though when the footage eventually revealed that Jacob had been caught on tape too.
"And who the hell is this guy?" Stacy asked.
"What, are you two friends with the Hulk? Those sweats are disgusting!" Clinton added.
"Seriously, barefoot, shirtless, ripped up sweats…what's his excuse? Is he homeless?" Stacy continued.
This made Edward laugh. Finally the heat was off of him. Bella scowled at him.
The mood in the room tensed when the footage returned to Edward, now dressed in a skintight ivory turtleneck and his signature khakis.
Edward knew the sweater well; it was a gift from Alice, a lovely poly–spandex mix. It was Bella's favorite, and she often begged him to wear it. But the sweater pained Edward. It gave him an awful nipple rash, but he endured it because Bella loved it so…
The secret footage had captured Edward on the phone with Alice.
"That's it, Alice, no more picking out my clothes for me, this sweater is giving me a rash!" He shouted into the phone.
Then Bella entered the room. She pounced on Edward, pressing her body against his.
"For the love of God Bella, stop throwing yourself at me! I could seriously hurt you and well... this sweater chafes my nipples." Edward pleaded.
Bella ignored his requests and pushed on. The secret footage revealed scene after scene of the same thing – Edward begging for mercy for his nipples, and Bella continuing to jump him.
"Bella, stop please! My nipples! Noooooooo!!" Edward cried out.
Stacy and Clinton were no longer making jokes. They stopped rolling the secret footage, cut off the cameras, and turned Bella over to the authorities. It turns out they were legally obligated to contact the authorities after witnessing Bella assaulting Edward. Everything that "What Not to Wear" had caught on secret footage turned into evidence during a sexual harassment case against Bella.