We do not own Twilight
Chapter 6
Meanwhile Bella, already been on trial and convicted of obsessive itchy nipple abuse, is stuck in a lonely prison cell. She pulls something from her tan jumper pocket--a tan patch of Edward's itchy sweater.
"How could I do this to poor Edward? After trying this on my own nipple I am now aware that it was another ploy to try to get me to marry him..."
Then, she hears a nearby inmate "pssst...over here"
Who could it be??
Bella taken unaware, gasps. "Huh? What?"
"Psst... Bella, over here woman, Jesus are you blind?" the familiar voiced whispered again.
Bella peeks through the bars of her cell to see in the cell next to her was...
MIKE NEWTON?!?!?!?! WTF?!?!?!?!... SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!
"Mike, what the hell are you doing here?" Bella whispered
"Oh hells Bells it's a long ass story, you don't know do you? You've been inside so long now, after your show aired the sh-t hit the fan…"
Bella sat confused and straining to think.
"Mike WTF are you talking about? And why the hell are you in a woman's prison? What do you mean sh-t hit the fan?..."
Great this is all I need, Mike fanny face Newton in the cell next to me. Bella thought to herself.
Mike let out a long and hefty sigh.
"I suppose I better start at the beginning. After you refused to go out with me and I got together with Jessica, well it just wasn't the same. I longed for you Bella and I didn't know how to get you since you were with Cullen so I did the only thing I could think of to get you to notice me... I.. I.."
"For FCK SAKE Mike spit it out!" Bella chocked out barely a whisper.
"I started to dress like him.. like Cullen, all khaki'd up n sh-t. It was when I bought the fro, Jessica went mental and literally ripped me a new one. She knew what I was doing. She called the police and I ended here."
Bella leaned her head back and let out a sigh.
"I don't get it, why would you end up in woman's prison for dressing like Edward?"
Mike now crying from the trauma of it all continued. "Two days after you were sent to prison the country went wild! The demanded to see the show and once it aired... The controversy of it all kicked off and.. and...They've banned khaki Bella... BANNED IT! Anyone caught wearing it is punished! They thought it would safer for me in a woman's prison after the damage Jessica did to my nether region…"
Bella suppressed a giggle.
"But what does that have to do with me? Mike, what do you want me to do?"
"I heard you speaking to yourself earlier Bella, it wasn't Jacob..." Mike now crying hysterically... "It was ME...ME Bella...I planted the poly mix sweater in Alice's bag. I just thought it would irritate Cullen into breaking up with you. I didn't realize…I LOVE YOU BELLA!" Mike whaled and sank into a pitiful mess on his cell floor clutching his knees still crying hysterically.
Bella sat there dumbfounded...well this is just fcking peachy! She thought to herself.
Bella couldn't believe what a mess this had all turned into. Both Jacob and Mike were inside the prison with her. Edward wouldn't be able to see her again until the next visit day.
She was relieved to discover that it wasn't Jacob who planted the incriminating sweater, and that It was instead Mike. Poor Mike, now peeing into a bag... Oh the mess of it all...
Then Bella realized something - how is Edward still getting around wearing his khaki if it's banned?