A/N: Just to compensate for not posting for so long, I'll do the next instalment too. Hope you enjoy it!
It was nearing midnight when the still form of the Turk Commander stirred. Tseng opened an eye, and shut it immediately, wishing he hadn't woken up at all. Ye gods, why was his life so… so.. so… terrible? First insubordination from Reno, whom he privately suspected was permanently on a octane high, then stalking by a crazy woman, who coincidentally happened to be his colleague and thirdly….his mind faltered, then soldiered on bravely, AND THIRDLY THAT SAME WOMAN WAS ALSO IN THE HOSPITAL BED WITH HIM!!!
Wait. Wait. Same bed? SAME BED!?!?!?!? Tseng's eyes snapped open, both of them this time, and he fought back a scream. Elena's face was bare centimeters from his. And she was drooling. On his chest. Oh, hell. Wasn't this a gross invasion of personal space? Shouldn't there be a law against that at all? Wasn't there anyone that was going to save him?
Apparently not, from the way things were going. Tseng shrank back into the pillows as Elena - God forbid, no! - snuggled closer. Now they were almost kissing. Shit. I've got to get out of here – before she realizes I'm awake and tries to pounce on me again, and damn well before Rufus and company get here tomorrow morning and realize… and realize… Oh dear. He himself was trying not to think of the implications. Erm… and realize I'm not alone.
This was easier said than done, given that his arms were firmly pinioned to his sides by Elena's weight. She groaned and shifted in her sleep, and her elbow settled itself against Tseng's throat, pressing against his windpipe. Tseng choked. Great. Just great. Either Elena murdered him by mistake in her sleep, or he survived the indignity and the danger until tomorrow morning only to get laughed at by Rufus. It seemed there was no deity that he could rely on for help, or if there was one, it was most probably having a whale of a time laughing at him. Most probably, it had even engineered the situation that he was currently stuck in. He growled, irritatedly. When he got full use of his limbs back, he was going to climb up to the top of the SHINRA HQ and fire a flamethrower into the sky. Just to, you know, get his point across. No one messes with a Turk – especially the Boss – and gets away with it, quoted directly from How to be a Big, Bad Turk, page 208, Tip 1567, and one of Tseng's cardinal rules. It was certainly one very close to his heart.
The problem now was – how to get out of bed and escape back home without this psycho stalker realizing I've gone. He wriggled slightly, trying to ease his gun arm out from under Elena's stomach, but froze as she stirred. Holding his breath, he tried his best to mime sleep. Go back to sleep, woman, I'm in a coma. SLEEP. SLEEP. Or don't blame me if you don't happen to wake up the next day. I mean it. SLEEP. Brave thoughts, but rather futile when your rabid fan has the upper hand.
Moving as gently as possible, Tseng extricated himself from Elena's clinging embrace and hopped out of bed. It wasn't easy, not with his left leg in a cast and his windpipe in perpetual danger of being squashed by a leisurely movement of Elena's elbow. But he was a Turk, and Turks didn't give up. He had just hauled himself upright when something fell over his eyes, obscuring his vision completely. Tseng's heart nearly leaped out of his chest. Any moment now, he expected to hear Elena squeal some horribly sugar-coated, sappy version of his name and drag him back to bed. He flinched as his foot came into contact with something soft and feathery. Surely that wasn't Elena's nightdress…was it? The Turk commander had never recalled feeling so fearful before.
It wasn't. Something infinitely worse happened. Out from nowhere, a high-pitched voice started singing 'Oh I Love You So'. Tseng cringed and fairly leapt away from it in shock, colliding into the movable table stationed by the bed. There was a resounding crash, a fizzle and the voice went 'Ohhhhhhh…' weakly before fading out into unintelligible crackles which bore a close resemblance to Reno's snoring.
Damn it! Clutching his bruised toe, Tseng sank to the floor in pain. That hurt. It really really hurt. What on earth was that table made from? Lead? Whatever it was, it was bloody noisy and bloody dense, too.
"Tsengy-wengy? Don't be scared, I'm here – TSENG!! WHERE ARE YOU????" Elena's purr morphed into a full-out, enraged scream. A Bahamut would have run away, sobbing brokenly for its mother. Bahamuts ate their mothers, but anyway Tseng lost no more time in nursing his toe. He sprang up with astounding agility for a man who had narrowly escaped death in an explosion and took to his heels, taking advantage of the darkness to rip off the thing that had blinded him and find the door. Within bare second, he was out and running like the wind despite his injured foot. Elena's shouts echoed behind him as he sprinted as though all hell were after him. He had a feeling he was going to be an extremely unhappy man if he got caught tonight.
A wild-looking man with tousled hair, clad in only a pink nightshirt and dragging a broken foot suddenly appeared out of nowhere, startling a sleeping tramp on the pavement.
"Give me your clothes! NOW!" Tseng practically hauled the destitute off the ground.
The man had no weapons whatsoever, and was wounded. Normally, he'd be a sitting duck for the homeless vagabond. But the look in his eyes convinced the tramp otherwise. Inside the man lurked a beast with razor-sharp jaws, a beast which he'd rather not get close and personal with. Mutely, he handed over his clothes. Seconds later, the lunatic had gone, leaving him with a pink nightshirt and wondering, dazedly, if it had all been a nightmare. Sometimes it was safer to just pretend nothing had happened, and he guessed, wisely, that this was one of those times.
Elena zoomed along the streets astride a stolen Harley Davidson Night Rod, raging and pounding on the horn. "TSENG! STOP RIGHT THERE! WHO'S THAT HUSSY WHO TOOK YOU AWAY!!?!?!? I'M GOING TO MURDER HER!"
This only made Tseng run faster, which convinced Elena that there was someone indeed who was seeing Tseng, and in turn caused her to gun the motorbike harder. Tseng was hers. The Night Rod leapt forward, covering the distance between them.
Tseng hurled himself across the pavement, eyes screwed and preparing to meet his grisly fate. Please, just don't let it be too painful – Then there was the leathern flap of wings in his ears and suddenly the ground all but vanished from his feet. What the -? Elena's furious yells grew distant and he hesitantly opened his eyes. Over the course of the last few minutes, he'd grown to hate surprises. His eyes rolled back into his head and he succumbed to sweet unconsciousness again with a groan. He'd just fallen out of the frying pan and into the fire.
A/N: Hate to leave it a cliffie but don't worry, Tseng's not going to die. I think you can guess who saved him from Elena though. Look out for the next chapter yeah! Reviews are appreciated.