Loss of Faith

Chapter 12: Friends or Lovers?

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recognizable characters contained within.

That would be Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc….

Faith's POV –

Talk about crazy, right? An hour ago I was thinkin I was gonna die cause some vamps got lucky. Then I'm recued by the girl I thought I might never see again and now I'm laying in a crypt makin out with her. Damn, but she feels good. Yea, a little cool to the touch at first, but now I'm getting her all kinds of warmed up. The make out session combined with the sun comin up is startin to make it really hot in here. I roll over pullin B on top of me to free up my hands. I just wanna let them wander all over her tight little body, let them remember the way she feels, the way she makes me feel. I start to run them up under her top and she reaches down to stop them.

"Faith, wait, slow down," she says with a groan. "We have to stop now."

What? And again, what? I just got her back after months of thinkin she was gone forever and she expects me to stop? I tell her in a husky whisper, "No way, Blondie. I don't ever wanna stop." Then I go back to nuzzling her neck.

She lets out a small sigh of pleasure and shakes her head like she's comin outta a trance. "No Faith," she tells me while pushin away from me. "We need to stop. I really need to stop" B pulls back from me and gets up. She starts straightening out her top while walkin over to the doorway.

"Whadaya mean? Christ B, you're killin me here," I tell her. Then I ask in a quieter tone, "What's goin on? Are we………are we not alright?" I automatically start thinkin, 'Maybe she doesn't want me as much as I want her. Maybe she can't forgive me for what I did to her.'

She looks back at me with a sad expression and says, "We're going to be okay, just…..not here. Not like this. Let's go somewhere else to talk. You're staying at the mansion, right?"

"Yea, I moved in yesterday," I tell her. Then I give her a grin and say, "I gotta tell ya that place is the kick. You didn't need to set me up like that, ya know."

She gives me a little smile and says with a shrug, "I seem to remember telling you I wanted to take care of you and so I did."

Lettin out a long breath, cause what I really wanna do is taste every part of her, I tell her, "Alright, B, come on, let's go home." I get up and walk over to take her hand as we leave the crypt. I lead her over to where my bike is parked and I just can't get over how good she looks in the morning sunlight. Suddenly she stops a few steps away from the bike like she hit a wall.

"We're going to ride on that thing?" she asks pointing at my ride. She kinda looks like I just asked her to jump outta an airplane…... without a chute.

I give her a push and say, "Don't be such a wuss, B. It's not like it'll kill ya if I crash this thing ya know." I throw a leg over the bike and hold out my hand to her. She's still lookin a little nervous as she takes my hand and I laugh as I pull her closer.

She climbs on behind me and puts a hand on both sides of my waist. "Uh, uh," I say. "Like this," I grab her arms and pull them tight around me. "Wouldn't wantcha to fall off or nothin". I can feel her arms tighten and I'm thinking how good it feels to have her arms around me again.

I start the bike and over the engine she says, "Shouldn't we have helmets or something?"

"I look over my shoulder at her and give a big smile as I say, "Not with a head as hard as yours, babe." She smacks my shoulder and I pull away headed for home.

Once we get back home, she stops again as I go through the door. Turnin around I ask, "Whatcha waitin for? An engraved invite?"

"Well, not engraved, but an invite would be nice," she tells me. She's standing there looking at me with a little smile like I'm missin something.

I tilt my head and look at her a little confused.

"I can't come in unless you invite me. Vampire, Remember?" she says. "I gave you this place, so it's not mine anymore. You need to invite me in.…..unless you don't want to. I wouldn't blame you, with me going all evil queen vamp." She said it as a joke, but I can feel she might believe it's true.

The look she has on her face as she says that last part is enough to break my heart. She won't look me in the eyes and it's almost like she's afraid of what I might say. Walkin back over to her I lift her chin with my hand and tell her, "Wherever I am, you belong. And ya weren't exactly all 'evil queen vamp'. You were more of a 'turnin evil princess vamp'." She gives me a small smile and I say with all the feelin I have for her, "You are always invited with me." Then I lean in and give her a long slow kiss while pullin her through the doorway and into the house. When we break the kiss, I'm a little breathless and startin to get my engine revved again.

B's starin in my eyes and says, "How can you do that to me every time? When you kiss me, I feel like I'm alive."

"You know me B, just chock full of natural talent," I say and wiggle my eyebrows at her. She laughs and we move further into the livin room to flop on the couch. "So what was with the weirdness back there?" I ask. "I mean, yea, not the most romantic settin in the world, but come on B, ya gotta know how much I been missin ya."

"I missed you too, Faith," she tells me. "When I saw that I knocked you into the water and then you didn't come back up, I went a little nuts. Feeling the sun start to cook me didn't help with the going nuts part either. That's why I jumped in the water, to save you. I wasn't really thinking about getting away from the sun."

"About that," I say and now I can't look at her. "I didn't know about the ensouling spell. Buffy, I am so sorry. I just didn't know what else to do. You were changing and goin all evil and shit and…………."

She leans over and stops my rambling with a finger over my mouth. Anyone else tried that shit woulda been pullin back a nub, but for her I'll put up with anything. "Shhh," she says. "Let it go Faith. You did the right thing and I survived." She looks away from me and continues, "I'm still not sure I want to, but I did. God, how you must hate me after I made you go through all that. I can't imagine how much strength it took for you to set me free. After,…..after I tried to make you into a monster, into a monster like me, I couldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again."

"Don't talk shit like that B," I lean over and turn her to face me as I tell her with all the feelin I have, "When I thought you were gone, part of me died too. I spent the last coupla months not carin whether I died or not, just driftin around waitin for it to happen, ya know? I can't lose ya again, Buffy. I won't lose you again."

"I feel the same about you, Faith," she says softly. "That's what makes this so hard."

"What's so hard about it B?" I ask. "You, me, a big, wicked ass mansion that has a bed big enough for four people. Sounds pretty sweet to me. Not really seein the problem here," I finish.

She gets up and starts pacin in front of the couch, kinda wringin her hands together. "That's just it. This is almost too perfect, Faith. I think I could be really happy here." Then she stops and looks into my eyes. "With you, I could be perfectly happy here."

And that's when it hits me. I know what the problem is. The same problem that kept her and Angel from getting horizontal for a second time. The friggin 'lose your soul clause' in the goddamn ensoulin spell. "Son of a bitch," I breathe out as I hang my head. "Christ B, I forgot about that. How the hell can I be so stupid?"

Buffy comes over and kneels in front of me looking up into my face. "You're not stupid Faith. It's just something we both want so much that we got a little distracted, that's all. It doesn't mean we can't be together, it just means we have to be careful. Not go too far. We'll just have to show some restraint and control, that's all."

I look at her like she's outta her mind. "Yeah, right, restraint and control, huh," I say. "We all know how good I am with restraint and control, B. We are soooo screwed."

She gives me a little smile and tilts her head to the side in that way I love, then says, "Well, I can't have a moment of complete happiness, but that doesn't mean I can't give one to you." She starts wigglin her eyebrows at me and I bust out laughin.

I slide off the couch and into her arms, trying to make her feel how much I really care for her. I tell her in a teasin tone, "I dunno B, some people get a happy just watchin me dance. Think ya can resist all this slayerly goodness?"

"I think I'll take the chance," she says. She leans into me and we kiss. It feels like the first time, every time. Guess it must be true love, huh. Figures, I fall in love, she comes back from the dead, we find each other again and if we ever really get together, she's gonna turn into the next big bad. I shoulda known, every time I get close to havin everything I want something has to come along and stop it. I ever tell ya how much my life can suck?