I am so so so terribly sorry that it has yet again taken me forever to get the next chapter out. I had a serious case of writer's block, a ten page geography paper, and an economics exam cramping my style. I have three more days of classes and then a four day weekend *yay!* so I promise (and I mean it this time!) the next chapter won't take as long.
Perhaps if I get some more reviews this time, instead of just story alerts, I'll be even quicker ;)
Thanks again to Ellie for being a fantastic beta and to Michelle Branch for her song "Find Your Way Back," which is the title of this chapter comes from.
Chapter 7 – "Find Your Way Back"
"Grandma! It's so pretty!" Bella smiled as she twirled around the room with one of the new dresses Blair's mother had given her for Christmas.
Eleanor laughed as the tiny blonde jumped into her lap and leaned over to steal one of the sugar cookies Cyrus was happily munching on. I'd never seen Eleanor Waldorf, well, Eleanor Waldorf-Rose, smile and laugh like that in all the years that I'd known her. I imagined that the jolly little man beside her had a lot to do with it.
"Wow!" I turned towards my nephew, who was opening a gift in Lily's lap. Drew held in his hands a fairly large toy airplane, the Bass name in bright blue letters on the side. It was an exact replica of the Bass private jet.
I saw my stepmother's eyes glisten with tears. "Grandpa Bart had that made for you. He wanted to be here when you opened it," she explained to him. My father had told me a month ago about the toy plane he was having made for Drew, because the boy had begged to fly with him on his last business trip. Believe it or not, big bad Bart had been somewhat reformed over the last ten years. He was a shrewd businessman until the end, but transformed from the frigid father of my childhood to as close to a doting grandfather as Bart Bass could ever be.
"Thank you, Grandma," Drew replied as he hugged her. He then rushed over to his parents and Eric to show off his favorite new toy.
Bella moved across the living room floor that was scattered with ripped pieces of shiny wrapping paper, over to where her mother and Dorota were exchanging gifts. She surveyed the giant pile of toys, picking up and cradling the custom made doll that Harold and Roman had sent from France. But there was one gift, one that was not in that massive stack of lavish toys and clothes. I knew she wanted that gift more than all the others combined.
"Mommy, do you think Daddy will get me the kitty I want?" She asked her mother, while everyone in the room seemed to hold their breath. Nate was a topic that everyone had carefully avoided since his dirty laundry had been aired to the entire population of Manhattan.
"No, sweetie, Daddy's not going to get you a kitty for Christmas." Blair frowned as she tucked a stray curl behind Bella's ear.
"Bella," I called and she turned her disappointed blue eyes toward me. "There's one more gift behind the tree, all the way in the back," I explained. She looked at me with a curious gaze before setting her doll down and sprinting over to the tree, searching for the red and silver box with tiny air holes along the side. She found it quickly and brought it to the middle of the floor as Dorota hurried to her side.
"It says to Bella from Chuck," Dorota read from the tag before helping to lift the lid off the box. Bella squealed as she lifted the tiny orange fluff ball in her arms.
"Mommy! Look! Mr. Chuck got me my kitty!" The kitten began meowing quietly, as Bella rubbed its head gently.
"I see he did," Blair replied, not taking her eyes off of me. She smiled at me lightly, causing my heart to race rapidly. Then she got up, her satin cream dress hugging her curves in all the right places, and sat with her daughter. The pair laughed as they played with the kitten.
"Sweetie, aren't you going to thank Mr. Chuck for your gift?" Blair asked after a few minutes.
"Yes," Bella grinned, carefully handing the kitten to her mother. She ran over to me, startling me as she leaped into my lap.
"Thank you, Mr. Chuck, this is the best present ever!" She exclaimed, wrapping her tiny arms around my neck. Her blonde curls bounced as I awkwardly began patting her back gently.
She kissed my cheek before rushing back over to her kitten. Blair was still watching me, a full genuine smile across her lips.
"Mr. Chuck, come help me name her," Bella called.
"Bella, you can just call me Chuck," I told her as I sat down beside her. Mr. Chuck just sounded too formal, too impersonal for Blair's little girl to call me.
"Okay, Chuck," she giggled.
After a lengthy name debate everyone agreed that the kitten would be named Holly, a name both honoring Holly Golightly and the holiday season. Arthur brought up the rest of Holly's supplies that I had stored down in the limo. He, Dorota, and Lily were sipping hot chocolate in the kitchen. Eric and his boyfriend, Jacques, as well as Eleanor and Cyrus, had left for various holiday parties. Serena and Humphrey cuddled together on the couch, with their backs towards me. I stood at the edge of the hallway between the kitchen and living room, leaning against the wall as I watched Bella and Drew play. This Christmas was certainly different from my last. Last year I'd merely called my family and spent the day in various bars picking up women, their names long forgotten. This year felt better. This year felt right.
"You know, Bella's going to think she can get whatever she wants from you now. She knows she's got you wrapped around her little finger," Blair stated as she walked up beside me, handing me a glass of scotch.
"Well, she must get that from her mother." I grinned as I accepted the glass she held out for me. Our fingers brushed delicately and I could've sworn I saw her cheeks flush pink. I took a gulp of the amber liquid, letting its fiery taste scorch my throat.
Lily walked up behind us with two small cups of hot chocolate on a sterling silver tray, ready to serve to the children.
"It looks like you two have been caught under the mistletoe," Lily winked at me, before passing by and making her way into the living room.
Blair and I gazed up at the green leafy bundle tied together with a satin red ribbon hanging from the ceiling, our eyes meeting as we looked back down. I'd always thought mistletoe was such a stupid holiday tradition. It was nothing more than a poisonous plant that people hung obnoxiously around their homes during the holidays. Kissing a woman under the mistletoe was so corny, so cliché, so un-Chuck Bass like. But Blair Waldorf wasn't just any woman. Blair Waldorf would pretend to be unfazed by such a stupid tradition, but secretly adore it. Blair Waldorf was the only woman… and this was my chance to truly see if Blair could still feel the sparks between us that I felt. It was my chance to see if I'd invaded her dreams the same way she invaded mine.
I set my glass down on the dark mahogany of the small table to my right, and stepped closer to her. My hands trembled slightly as I brushed my fingers along her cheek, feeling her soft porcelain skin. She didn't recoil at my touch, she didn't call me a pervert or a Basstard or any other insult she'd hurled at me in the past. And it may have been ten years since I'd last touched her like this, but I recognized the desire in her eyes. So I slowly leaned in, bringing my lips to meet hers. She responded instantly, her lips melting together with mine as she ran her fingers through my hair.
If this was just another one of my Blair-infiltrated dreams, I never wanted to wake up, because any more time spent without touching this woman, holding this woman, would simply drive me mad.
I was so consumed by Blair that I didn't turn when I heard someone at the front door.
"What the hell is going on here?" I heard someone yell, but I was still too intoxicated by Blair's kiss to realize this comment was directed at me. Well, I was, until Blair was forced away from me and a fist connected with my face. Blair screamed as I fell to the floor, crimson blood pouring from my nose.
"What the hell are you doing with my wife?" I was forced to my feet as I came face to face with a red-faced, furious Nate. He clutched the collar of my shirt as he forced me against the wall of the hallway.
This had to be some sort of cruel, ironic joke that God was playing on me. What else could possibly explain Nate's ability to still interrupt my moments with Blair all these years later?
"Nate, stop it! You're hurting him!" I screamed.
I hadn't even heard him come in. I'd vaguely heard someone knocking at the door, but I was too wrapped up in Chuck to notice who it was or if anyone had answered. It was reckless really, Bella could've easily turned her head and seen us. How would I manage to explain mommy kissing her new friend, Chuck, a man who was not her daddy? Explaining the concept of divorce to a five year old had been difficult enough. But when it came to Chuck Bass, I was totally reckless. When it came to him, the rest of the world seemed to melt away. His scotch flavored lips were the only thing on my mind until I was shoved away from him to see Nate's fist meeting Chuck's face, knocking him to the ground. Chuck was totally stunned, a stream of blood rolling down his face and staining his perfectly pressed shirt.
"Get off of him!" I grabbed onto Nate's right arm, trying to pull him away. He didn't even turn his head to look at me; he just simply pushed me away with his hand. My legs were like jell-o due to the breathtaking kiss that had been so unfortunately interrupted, and I lost my balance. I gasped as I fell back onto the floor, landing on my butt with a thud.
It was then that Nate turned his head and realized what he'd done. Chuck's eyes met mine and I could practically see the waves of anger radiating off of him. Chuck raised his fist, hitting Nate in the jaw with a crack.
"You don't ever get to hurt her again!" He yelled before pushing him out of his way and kneeling down in front of me.
"What's going on in here?" I heard Dan exclaim as he dashed over to us, glaring at both Nate and Chuck. Perhaps all the time spent around me had worn off on him, because that glare was almost Waldorf worthy.
"Mommy!" I heard Bella cry out as she tried to run to me, but Dorota held her back. Lily and Serena peeked over the couch, trying to see what was going on. Drew hid behind Arthur, clutching his toy plane to his chest.
"Are you okay?" Chuck asked, worry clearly evident on his face.
"I'm fine, it was an accident," I told him, accepting his outstretched hand and getting back on my feet. This would definitely leave a bruise. Chuck's hand stayed intertwined with mine as Nate glowered at him, covering his bruised jaw with his hand. I noticed Chuck carefully position himself slightly in front of me in a very protective manner.
"What are you doing here, Nate?" Chuck growled.
"I came to pick up my daughter and speak with my wife," Nate snapped back at him.
"She's your wife only for the time being, the divorce papers have already been filed…" Chuck growled.
I placed my free hand on Chuck's chest to stop him from continuing the argument. "Nate, we agreed that Anne would pick Bella up later this afternoon."
"I know we did. But I wanted to see her now, and I wanted to talk to you," Nate replied, much more calmly than he did with Chuck.
"Fine, we do need to talk," I agreed. I felt Chuck's grip on my hand tighten as I stepped towards Nate.
I turned back towards him and assured him, "We just need to sort a few things out, for Bella's sake." He reluctantly released my hand and was left with everyone in the living room gaping at him. I could hear Lily fussing over him as she tried to treat his bloody nose, and Dan and Serena start to question him as Nate and I walked down the hallway to the guest bedroom.
Nate paced around the room, searching for something to say as I shut the door and sat down on the bed.
"Blair… what… what were you doing with him?" Nate finally asked, utterly bewildered.
"Nate, you're not blind… you saw exactly what we were doing," I answered, a little more venom that I had really intended laced in my words. I was still peeved that my reunion with Chuck had been so quickly ruined.
"Are you doing this to get back at me?" Nate sat down beside on the bed.
I shook my head. "What? No… no that's not what this is about."
"Then what? What is this all about?" He asked, confusion clouding his blue eyes.
"We were just… there… under the mistletoe and it just happened…" How could I explain to him what I was feeling? I didn't even fully understand what I was feeling! It's not like I even really owed him an explanation after learning about his infidelity.
"Blair, I know I hurt you, and I know Cyrus has begun filing the divorce papers, but I'd hoped that in time you and I would be able to work things out. We've been together for so long… and I ruined it, I know I did… but I'll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and to Bella…" He squeezed my hand gently and pleaded with me, a frown on that angel face of his.
After all these years we were still fighting the same battles. Something would happen and Nate would sit before me, begging me to forgive him yet again. It was all just too familiar. It was the same way he had pleaded with me after the truth about Serena and him had come out all those years ago. It was the same way he'd begged me to talk to him, to take him back, after I'd ignored him following cotillion. It was the same way he'd pleaded with me to be understanding that day on the sidewalk. It was no wonder he figured we'd end up getting back together, we'd been doing this dance back and forth, over and over again for years.
"Nate, I think if we're both really honest here, we can both admit that you and I just weren't meant to be." I looked up at him as he searched my face looking for a sign of hope that he wasn't going to find.
"But Blair…" He tried to interrupt.
"No, Nate, our relationship has been falling apart for years. We barely speak, you're rarely home… I fill my time at the office and with Bella, you're obsessed with your work," I tried to explain.
"I'll change," He begged, bringing my hand to his lips, and placing a delicate kiss there.
"No, Nate, it's just who you are. It's what I thought I wanted… but I've realized now that I want more, that I deserve more," I told him as I stood up before him.
"And you think Chuck can give you that?" Nate asked, no hint of animosity or spite in his voice, just pure honesty.
I laughed lightly, "I don't know… that's just something I'll have to find out. But you and I… we need to be amicable. We need this to be as smooth a transition as possible – for Bella."
"You're… right," Nate admitted running his fingers through his hair.
"That means no more showing up unannounced and no more punches flying," I scolded.
He nodded and winced as he rubbed his jaw. I looked down at my left hand where the Vanderbilt diamond, the one I'd admired since I was a little girl, glimmered on my ring finger.
"And I guess this means… that I should return this to you," I said, as I slipped the precious heirloom off my finger and handed it to him.
He shook his head, "No, Blair…"
"Yes," I insisted, placing it in his hand. "One day, when she's old enough, you can give this to Bella."
"Blair!" I heard Serena scream from the living room. Nate and I raced out of the room and back down the hallway where Dan and Chuck were struggling to help Serena off the couch.
"Owww!" She yelled, holding her stomach.
"S! What's wrong?" I ran to her, and held her hand.
"Contractions! Owww!" She squeezed my hand tightly as the pain intensified.
"Arthur's got the limo ready downstairs," Chuck told me as we all moved Serena towards the door.
"See, S, you and your little Park Avenue prince are going to the hospital in style!" I smiled at her reassuringly.
"Mommy!" Bella cried, running to me. I moved away from Serena as I picked Bella up in my arms.
"B! Don't leave me! What if Dan passes out in the delivery room again?" Serena protested.
"I did not pass out! I was just light-headed! That room was so damn hot!" Dan insisted. I couldn't help but chuckle because Serena was right. Dan had been so nervous when Drew was born that he'd passed out in the delivery room and I'd had to coach Serena through most of her delivery.
"Mommy, is Aunt Serena okay?" Bella asked.
"She's fine, honey, she just needs to go to the hospital because it's time for the baby to come. I'm going to go with her, so why don't you show Daddy your new kitty? Then he's going to take you to dinner at Grandma Anne's," I told her as I kissed her forehead and handed her to Nate.
"Blair! I need you!" Serena called as Chuck and Dan helped her into the elevator out in the hallway.
Drew was crying in Lily's arms as he heard his mother cry out in pain.
"Don't worry, Drew, your mommy's fine. And soon you'll have a new baby brother to play with," I rubbed his back gently before I ran to the elevator to join my best friend.
Between kittens, kisses, fistfights, and contractions, this was certainly turning out to be one hell of a Christmas.